fixmyheart90 Posted June 19, 2019 Share Posted June 19, 2019 Boyfriend and I went away. Got back to town 3:00 AM. Both standing by the train station waiting for our pre ordered cabs (going to our own apartments as we don’t live together), which were running late. Train station is pretty creepy and unsafe to be around at that time. He decided he couldn’t be bothered to wait for his taxi and got in to another taxi which was right infront Of him which you don’t have to pre book, leaving me to wait for mine. Honestly this really pissed me off and hurt me. I expected him to atleast make sure I got in to my taxi safely. He would have done this with his Mum sisters or any other females and it hurt me that he did not do this with me. I told him how I felt and we argued because I was really angry and hurt. Am I overreacting? Now I’m unsure! But my initial reaction was anger! Opinions appreciated! Link to post Share on other sites
frus69 Posted June 19, 2019 Share Posted June 19, 2019 With such a selfish man, im sure where are many other incidence too? Link to post Share on other sites
MajesticUnicorn Posted June 19, 2019 Share Posted June 19, 2019 I would be pissed. If this is the same guy from your previous thread, I would be concerned about his pattern of selfish tendencies. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted June 19, 2019 Share Posted June 19, 2019 How rude. Why are you with someone who doesn’t care about you? Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted June 19, 2019 Share Posted June 19, 2019 Is it possible he's that clueless? Not anymore since you told him off a bit. If he does it again then you KNOW he's obnoxious and might consider ending it with him... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gretchen12 Posted June 19, 2019 Share Posted June 19, 2019 You know, even a guy you barely know would have made sure you were safe. I am a woman and if I see another woman by herself like that I'd offer to stay with her. This guy is not even worthy of your anger. I would just write him off. What a horrible guy! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted June 19, 2019 Share Posted June 19, 2019 I was at a party the other night and I went outside to look after a woman I barely know, whom I had just met at the party, a woman I have no romantic interest in. We were in a borderline neighborhood ... it was dark out ... I stood outside with her ... and watched as the Lyft car arrived and watched until she climbed inside. Then I went inside--and I can't remember this woman's name. And it's not someone I'm interested in ... We'd just had great conversation at the party. So for your bf to ditch you ... Major Red flag. Definitely a sign of some major problems ... some real social gaps ... have you seen this before? Definitely consider dumping him. At a very minimum, you gotta go absolute, crazy-ballistic on him. Do not pretend things are normal. This is when a conflict is necessary, good. Make clear with some emotion that if that happens again, you're gone. But really ... consider dumping him. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author fixmyheart90 Posted June 19, 2019 Author Share Posted June 19, 2019 Hi everyone thanks for the responses. Majestic Unicorn, yes he is the same as my last post. I actually feel upset about this. I feel like he takes me majorly for granted because the other females around him, he ‘pretends’ to be this gentleman and he’s always so nice to everyone. Just feels like I’m being taken for granted. I got really pissed of. Majorly actually but he turned it all on me saying how badly I’m overreacting. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 19, 2019 Share Posted June 19, 2019 Have you told him how this action made you feel? I'm going to vote for clueless rather than obnoxious. Shortly after we were married, I drove 4+ hours to another state to visit my husband while he was away for 6 weeks doing training for work. While there we went bar hopping with a few colleagues of his from work. 4 women from our group wanted to leave to go back to the hotel. DH left me alone -- not alone with other work colleagues who had gone to a different bar-- but all alone in a bar while he escorted these women back to the hotel. I was furious. His explanation was that he knew I could take care of myself but he wasn't sure they could. I reminded him that they were 4 Veterans who were all trained in hand to hand combat while I was 1 woman with no such skills. We got passed that but I feel like I had to proverbially hit DH upside the head with a 2x4 to get him to understand why he made the wrong choice. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author fixmyheart90 Posted June 19, 2019 Author Share Posted June 19, 2019 I’ve spoken to him today, I was so angry. I told him exactly how I felt He told me that he wasn’t thinking straight because he was in a lot of pain, he just had an operation and is still in pain from that. He also said that he was feeling very anxious (he was showing signs of anxiety through out the day). He said all he wanted to do was to get home which is why he didn’t want to wait. And also he thought that the taxi that was approaching the train station was the one booked for me. His excuse made me less angry. I do think it’s somewhat valid however waiting for another 5 minutes wouldn’t have made much of a difference in how he was feeling? That’s what I think anyway but I don’t know if I’m being harsh cause I’m really angry right now. To be honest I feel majorly taken for granted cause I know he wouldn’t have done that to any other female for example is that was his friend or sister etc. Any opinions from you all? Also thanks you all for your replies and sharing your story d0nnivain. Always good to hear about other people’s experiences. I’m still young so still learning! Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted June 19, 2019 Share Posted June 19, 2019 (edited) At the very least he should have put you in the waiting taxi and he should have waited for the other cab... This should be a window into what kind of person he is, he should not have left before you, it wasn't like it was 4pm.. it was 3am... Guy is just a selfish dick and that won't change... time to move on from him. Edited June 20, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted June 19, 2019 Share Posted June 19, 2019 He told me that he wasn’t thinking straight because he was in a lot of pain, he just had an operation and is still in pain from that. ... don't let him fool you, you don't all of a sudden just drop who you are... He showed you who is is.. it's up to you at this point 2 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted June 19, 2019 Share Posted June 19, 2019 Yea I’m with A_C on this. He’s mentioning the pain and anxiety as a way to make what he was/is feeling more important than your own feelings. He sounds like a jerk. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 19, 2019 Share Posted June 19, 2019 If he was in pain, try to see things from his perspective. It's hard to be chivalrous when you are hurting. This happened once. You explained why it upset you. Hopefully he will never do it again. If he does do it again, that is your cue to end things. But everybody is entitled to 1 mistake, aren't they? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted June 19, 2019 Share Posted June 19, 2019 He told me that he wasn’t thinking straight because he was in a lot of pain, he just had an operation and is still in pain from that. hhmmm really, but he felt good enough to travel with you didn't he! Feels good enough to travel but don't feel good enough to wait a few minutes to secure his gf. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted June 19, 2019 Share Posted June 19, 2019 If he was in such pain, it's his job to announce to you that he was in great pain ... Had he done that, you likely would have insisted that he go home first ... or you could have gotten in the cab with him to help him get home and get comfortable ... and then you could take a cab back to your place. So at minimum, this guy has got to get a voice. Make sure he knows he needs to tell you how he's feeling. Some people grow up in families where you just grit your teeth and quietly endure pain and it takes these folks time to make a switch to telling partners, "Look, I'm not feeling well." Sounds like as well you need to face that this guy has some serious issues going on ... not an excuse ... in fact, with his issues, he needs to get real about when he'll be a weak partner and discuss that up front. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted June 19, 2019 Share Posted June 19, 2019 My neighbours are a little shifty sometimes. When they are outside, my boyfriend usually walks me to the door. If they are not around, I still get a text 10 seconds after I get inside - asking if I got at inside safely. I would have been pretty upset by this decision too. It’s unsafe, it’s inconsiderate, it’s just not a good decision on his part. If it’s a one-off, I would give him another chance. If you see this kind of selfish and inconsiderate behavior in other ways, I would be reconsidering the relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Veronica73 Posted June 19, 2019 Share Posted June 19, 2019 How long before this turns into a thread about the double standards of feminists? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted June 19, 2019 Share Posted June 19, 2019 How long before this turns into a thread about the double standards of feminists? Double standard? If I am left alone at 3 am. at a bus station my chances of being attacked and raped are much higher than my bf staying at the station. It's not a double standard, it's reality, women are more in danger, period. . 3 Link to post Share on other sites
lurker74 Posted June 19, 2019 Share Posted June 19, 2019 If he was in pain, try to see things from his perspective. It's hard to be chivalrous when you are hurting. This happened once. You explained why it upset you. Hopefully he will never do it again. If he does do it again, that is your cue to end things. But everybody is entitled to 1 mistake, aren't they? Everyone is entitled to lots of mistakes, d0nni, but this guy is a walking reject factory. I tend not to be black and white, OP, but this is a guy you should drop. You're eventually going to break up anyway, so at this point, and I know this is hard to read, you're just wasting opportunities to meet the right guy (or the right 5 guys). A man that does not wait for his GF or even a stranger to get safely into a vehicle or home is self-centered. And lots of people are self-centered, but when combined with the BJ thing from your other post, it's clear that he's just selfish. I don't know your age but I'm guessing young. He may mature. But he won't mature if there's no need to and if he's dating you and can call you stiff and lacking passion and use his own pain as an excuse, then he's not just self-centered, he's selfISH. Seriously, I am rarely so black and white here but please...you can do better. I once waited with a girl I knew I would not see again while I was in the throes of a kidney stone (dear god, please don't ever give me another!). Pain and anxiety can be subjugated to will. He felt fine enough to go out with you but not fine enough to make sure you're safe. Screw it...leave him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Juha Posted June 19, 2019 Share Posted June 19, 2019 His excuses are lame and pathetic! It still shows he is a selfish, uncaring man who puts himself above you. Shows you how special he thinks you are. Is this the type of person you want to have a serious relationship or be married to? He is showing you who he is as a person. Don't know why you would want to be with someone like that but I wish you luck... Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 19, 2019 Share Posted June 19, 2019 When very old couples who have stayed together are spoken to, it becomes obvious that both look out for each other, they protect each other, they would not do anything that would put the other in danger. Women need men who recognise the need to help and protect weaker individuals, They do not need men who jump into cabs at 3am and leave their "beloved" in some creepy, unsafe railway station to make her own way home... Men like this do not improve, they just get worse. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyLove Posted June 19, 2019 Share Posted June 19, 2019 Did you have a good time on vacation or were you bickering some? I'm just asking bc many times when couples who don't live together spend a long period of time together one partner sometimes feels a little smothered or bothered and just wants their space. Even if this was the case he could have waited an extra 5 minutes to make sure you were safe at 3AM!! Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted June 19, 2019 Share Posted June 19, 2019 Did he ask you to text him when you got home that night? Link to post Share on other sites
The Outlaw Posted June 19, 2019 Share Posted June 19, 2019 Speak to him some more about it, but just don't push it too much. He should have stuck with you, but at that hour, he may have not have been thinking properly and in a rush to get home. Link to post Share on other sites
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