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Oh no - I guess I did it again...!!!!


shizzle_84

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Ok - I connected with this cute girl through Tinder. Chatted via text - she petered out from meeting with me at one time, and somehow I managed to get her to come out for a date with me like 3 days after she didn't reply my text.

 

We went out - and I was surprised that, despite her being a single mom (divorced) we had quite a bit in common. I enjoyed her company. She got a bit down however when I asked if she wanted to come back to my house. Anyways, I tried to cheer her up a bit - and when I drove her back to her apartment we got to talking, but she then gave me a bit of a cold shoulder on parting.

 

I messaged her the next day... Asked if she wanted to go to the movies. Mentioned the kind of movie she liked - and she was enthusiastic. I on the other hand might have ended the text a little bit aloof - cause when she said, "next time we'll watch the kind of movie you like" - I said "cool, cool"... and ended the conversation there.

 

I thought it'd be a good idea to leave the conversation hanging a bit for me to pick up later...

 

Anyways, I got a bit worried almost 48 hours later that I might have waited too long to text her back. And now I just messaged her... she received my first text. But when I sent a second text - it's like notified on my end that she didn't receive it.

 

I'm told that weekends is her time with her child. So that could be why she might have blocked my text or silenced it. Anyways, I'm feeling down now... I don't know what tot think but I know I made the wrong move here...

 

I just hope she'll be willing to give me another chance...

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Probably should not have invited her to your place on the first date.

 

And if you really like her, why would you downplay your interest?

 

My guess is she will text you back after the weekend. Have a beautiful day my friend!

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She got back to me... told me she had to go see her sick mother and will be back in town on Monday. I don’t know if my reply was appropriate though, I asked her “is everything ok?” and she replied “today yea” as in her mom is recovering well.

 

I probably can with a lame reply - “are you ok?”

 

But she didn’t reply... at least not yet. It’s kind of hard for me to vouch anything more right? At least in this situation and at this point in our relationship?

 

Some part of me tells me I should call her... but... I don’t know...

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Probably should not have invited her to your place on the first date.

 

And if you really like her, why would you downplay your interest?

 

My guess is she will text you back after the weekend. Have a beautiful day my friend!

 

On the “downplaying” my interest that was a wrong move I admit...

 

But I was wondering - I need to work a bit now to build rapport with her again fast over the phone...

 

She just got back to me today about bad news about her mom and am a bit thrown off in what to say except “is she ok? Are you ok?”

 

What do I do here?

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Have you got a date set for the movies?

 

I didn’t set a date yet... idiot me I left it hanging

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She's not interested....move on. We all know if a woman really digs ya, she's going to make time for you...her lack of response and being busy is her telling you to go away. Remember actions speak louder than words. You had to drag her out to see you, she gave you the cold shoulder, didn't text much...learn the cues of disinterest.

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You would be one of her first priorities if she were interested. And sure, she could be busy. But it sounds more like a slow fade since it's taking her longer than it should to someone that would be interested in you. Call her if you want. Leave a voicemail and leave it at that. Put the ball in her court. If she responds, that's great. If not, move on.

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rightondude

I don't think your texts were that bad. But she could definitely be uninterested or flat out lying based on the replies.

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Inviting her back to your place was definitely risky. Stop texting her and just call her. Don't try to feel it out, just call and be supportive to her. Find an opportunity to ask her if she was still up for the movies and you'll find out what the answer is. If she puts you off without definitive day then she isn't interested.

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You didnt do anything wrong. If someone is interested, you will have to **** up a huge lot before he/she writes you off.

If you think someone lost interest because of these tiny little things, you sounded to aloof over text, you made the wrong move etc. etc, it means she is not that into you to begin with.

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You didnt do anything wrong. If someone is interested, you will have to **** up a huge lot before he/she writes you off.

If you think someone lost interest because of these tiny little things, you sounded to aloof over text, you made the wrong move etc. etc, it means she is not that into you to begin with.

 

This is so spot on and true. It took me a really long to time to learn and accept this fact but this 100% honest right here. When a girl is really into you, there’s really not a whole lot of guessing involved at all. It’s very clear.

 

You can pursue women who are “on the fence” about you, but it’s usually a lot of work, and proves to be a waste of time. There are a lot of people in the world, and Many that really are excited to be with you, who won’t leave you wondering all the time.

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This is so spot on and true. It took me a really long to time to learn and accept this fact but this 100% honest right here. When a girl is really into you, there’s really not a whole lot of guessing involved at all. It’s very clear.

 

You can pursue women who are “on the fence” about you, but it’s usually a lot of work, and proves to be a waste of time. There are a lot of people in the world, and Many that really are excited to be with you, who won’t leave you wondering all the time.

 

I was going to write down here thanking everyone for making me sufficiently depressed (although I know it's not you'guys' fault) ... But thank you Grey40... I feel sufficiently better now. I feel better than my second glass of wine.

 

I like the chase though but 2nd opinions bring me back down to earth...

 

Although I'm a bit depressed I want to thank everyone here... Your input is much appreciated and Grey40... Thanks for your kind words too.

 

Now I'm just going to finish my 3rd glass of wine and make it a total of 15 ounces for the day...

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By the way - she did reply to me yesterday saying she was "quite tired" from the whole thing of seeing her mom (?)... so I said the usual things like "sorry for you" and that to "feel free to contact me if she ever feels like it". She replied saying yeah she most likely "will get back to me" and added to that a "KISS ICON"

 

So what about that? What can I make of it - guys / gals?

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healing light

Just call her and ask her out on a specific day/time with a fun place or activity in mind. If she declines without offering another day that would work for her, then you'll know where you stand. If she accepts, great. Try not to overthink it.

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Just call her and ask her out on a specific day/time with a fun place or activity in mind. If she declines without offering another day that would work for her, then you'll know where you stand. If she accepts, great. Try not to overthink it.

 

So - I called her and she said okay to a second date... I shouldn't think too much. I have to say though I was pretty nervous over the phone. I was stumbling quite a bit but I appreciate that she made an effort on her end to make it smoother for me.

 

Spot on advice Healing Light... Thank you for healing me with you light... (lame joke I know)

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CautiouslyOptimistic

Shizzle....

 

You are extremely negative and pessimistic about yourself. You have said so many negative things about yourself in this thread!

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Stop trying to sleep with her too soon. You almost lost her asking her to your place the first date! That's disrespectful!

 

This other texting about the movie means nothing. She just didn't like it that she knows you are wanting her to have sex without even knowing you already. Yes, she may silence her phone. Parents are super busy. I wouldn't push it or overtext her. Wait until she answers, IF she answers. Take no for an answer if she decides you're not the one. Don't get in such a hurry.

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Okay - so the anatomy of the 2nd date...

 

It was bad feeling from the start. Her tone - I could feel she was kind of laughing at me.

 

Anyways, after the movie we went out for drinks again and she was kind of being a bit bitchy. And I even cordially asked her why did she choose to go out tonight? And she in her own way avoided the question.

 

I wasn't confrontational or angry, but I did put that question out there...

 

On my part though I just couldn't shut my mouth - I realised that I basically revealed everything to her. My goal, how my life - a bit too much. I was sitting next to her and drinking and she was laughing at me a couple of times.

 

I know I'm not that great at THE GAME but man... This was a real put down... The drive back to her place was like a long 20 minutes of silence.

 

In the end she made this kind of snide sort of smile, and shook my hand instead of a hug.

 

In a way she was saying - "Wont be seeing you again"

 

I am blind to the cue from the start.... Was that the problem? Should I have pursued as I did? Or was it my pursuit succeeded bu my GAME just was OFF. And that was what put her off?

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CautiouslyOptimistic

 

On my part though I just couldn't shut my mouth - I realised that I basically revealed everything to her. My goal, how my life - a bit too much. I was sitting next to her and drinking and she was laughing at me a couple of times.

 

 

What do you mean by this? What were you talking about specifically? Were you complaining? Being negative/pessimistic?

 

Were you drunk?

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What do you mean by this? What were you talking about specifically? Were you complaining? Being negative/pessimistic?

 

Were you drunk?

 

I mean I have revealed too much about myself to someone who had no interest. I wasn’t any of those things you listed by the way... just didn’t leave much room for mystery I guess.

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You came on to her too soon. I guess she maybe was thinking, Why is this guy going on about himself or something. To me it just sounds like she sees right through whatever you were trying to do and didn't feel the pace was at all right.

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CautiouslyOptimistic
I mean I have revealed too much about myself to someone who had no interest. I wasn’t any of those things you listed by the way... just didn’t leave much room for mystery I guess.

 

Do you think she maybe had no interest because of what you revealed about yourself?

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Do you think she maybe had no interest because of what you revealed about yourself?

 

Yeah - but hear me out though, its more that I didn't leave any mystery and the other part is that I had no game... When I think back - like I put in the call instead of texting her - which was the right thing, but I for example didn't have anything to say about my day etc.

 

I don't know if I can say it here - but I revealed too much. Like how long I haven't had a girlfriend. And how empty my life is. If you aint got much of a life - which girl would want you right?

 

I got to obviously pull my sock up in that department.

 

I feel like doing a full run down on what happened... Cause when I think about it - I probably did succeed at some things with my date, but fell short in other parts that could have pushed it over the fence.

Edited by shizzle_84
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Lotsgoingon

You sound really nervous ... so of course, you were out of sorts during the date ... and when the real date unfolded (not the fantasy one you had hoped for) you lost your balance, spoke too much, revealed too much.

 

That happens when you're young and nervous. Now get back out there and ask out a new person ... this time when you go out ... you want to think more ... like ping-pong ...

 

You share a joke. She shares a joke.

 

You share a bit about your story (if you want!).

 

She expresses interest in hearing more. You continue. She seems uninterested, you stop .

 

Keep asking people out until you're with a woman who makes you quite comfortable at the date. That is a successful date! You won't have to work so hard ... you won't be awkward because the person will calm your nerves.

 

And you do know Tinder has shifted ... it's not simply a hookup site (if it ever was) ... Lots of people come there to find people to meet and date. So no asking someone so soon to your house.

Edited by Lotsgoingon
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