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Girlfriend has only dated black men


eclipse123

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This is a wierd awkward issue here. My girlfriend and I are both white. I'm not racist let me get that out of the way. Anways I've been going out with her for 3 months. I love her everything is great. I knew her ex was black and that didn't bother me, however today I found out that she's pretty much exclusively dated black guys. She was talking to me and she said all the guys she's dated have been black and her family will love me cause I'm white. I have to admit I was kinda taken aback by this. I am in general against interracial relationships and I feel a little wierd. Everyone knows the stereotype that black men are bigger and better in bed, however she swears I'm the best she's ever had and I"m a 5'8'' white guy. I mean I totally believe her. She wants to marry me. . In the back of my mind I just keep wondering why she only dated black guys. Should I question her about this or just try and let it go. I can't really talk to anyone I know about this cause they would probobly say bad stuff about her.

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LucreziaBorgia
In the back of my mind I just keep wondering why she only dated black guys.

 

It won't hurt to ask. Just ask in a non-confrontational purely curious way. You will have to keep it objective, so that she is answering to your curiosity and not defending against your prejudices.

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Originally posted by eclipse123

This is a wierd awkward issue here. My girlfriend and I are both white. I'm not racist let me get that out of the way. Anways I've been going out with her for 3 months. I love her everything is great. I knew her ex was black and that didn't bother me, however today I found out that she's pretty much exclusively dated black guys. She was talking to me and she said all the guys she's dated have been black and her family will love me cause I'm white. I have to admit I was kinda taken aback by this. I am in general against interracial relationships and I feel a little wierd. Everyone knows the stereotype that black men are bigger and better in bed, however she swears I'm the best she's ever had and I"m a 5'8'' white guy. I mean I totally believe her. She wants to marry me. . In the back of my mind I just keep wondering why she only dated black guys. Should I question her about this or just try and let it go. I can't really talk to anyone I know about this cause they would probobly say bad stuff about her.

 

 

You got some issues dude...seriously.

 

Being a black man myself AND being in an interracial relationship as well ( :p ) I'm just gonna say two things:

 

 

#1) Who she's been with in the past is none of your goddamn business

 

#2) The fact that she's been with brothas tells me that she's a lot more open-minded and yes...intelligent than you are. It's quite frankly, a shame that she's settling for you and not waiting to be with a man who is much more on her intellectual level.

 

 

 

This girl is a sweet, open-minded and non-bigoted girl. Don't corrupt her with your prejudice views and find someone else who has similar views to your own.

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White women who date black men only are in love with the sterotype not the man. They are the first to cry rape when things don't go their way. Look at what happened to Koby Bryant.

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Originally posted by Proto

This girl is a sweet, open-minded and non-bigoted girl. Don't corrupt her with your prejudice views and find someone else who has similar views to your own.

 

That is a rather large assumption to make there Proto. I have talked to a number of black women that don't agree with the idea of interracial dating. Does that make them bigoted and close minded, and mean?

 

I have seen situations similar to what the OP is talking about. Where the family does have issues with racism and prejudice. And in alot of these situations they date black men not to be open minded, but to spite their families and to cause drama and get attention. Or just to prove they are not racist like other family members.

 

If she had dated a mix of peole of different races, black, asian, hispanic, eskimo, caucasian, that would be open-minded. She has dated black men predominantley, almost to the point of exclusivity. That looks like she is seeking black men out to prove a point.

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I have nothing against interracial relationships. I have dated black women but when a person dates a race exclusivly they are usually dating them because of some preconceived notion of what that people of that race are like. That in and of itself is racist. I bet if you look at this girl's exes they are all black men who fit a certain stereotype.

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When I first read your post eclipse123 I was a little taken aback that you were so concerned about the race of the men your girlfriend has dated.

 

I put myself in your shoes however, and I (as a Black woman) would also want to know why my Black boyfriend had only dated White women.

 

I don't blame you for being curious, but I think your reasons for being curious ("size") is a bit much. I don't really believe that she dated Black men b/c of that (and believe me, not all Black men are well endowed); maybe she's just attracted to their features, their mannerisms, etc.

 

She's with you for a reason and who she dated in the past doesn't really matter now (especially if she wants to marry you).

 

Don't let something as petty as color ruin what you have.

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Originally posted by eclipse123

I'm not racist let me get that out of the way. Anways I've been going out with her for 3 months. .... today I found out that she's pretty much exclusively dated black guys. .... I have to admit I was kinda taken aback by this. I am in general against interracial relationships and I feel a little wierd.

 

Everyone knows the stereotype that black men are bigger and better in bed, however she swears I'm the best she's ever had and I"m a 5'8'' white guy. I mean I totally believe her. She wants to marry me. . In the back of my mind I just keep wondering why she only dated black guys. Should I question her about this or just try and let it go. I can't really talk to anyone I know about this cause they would probobly say bad stuff about her.

 

no... you're not racist ROFLAO

 

 

as for the marriage thing? you're trusting some chick who after 3 months wants to marry you?

 

1) grow up- get over her past and your insecurities.

 

2) EVERY guy she has ever been with "was the best shes ever had." You wanna hear you're inferior? shes not gonna tell you that!

 

3) yes you are are most likely smaller in size than one of those guys.

 

4) grow up- get over her past and your insecurities.

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RecordProducer

Some nice friends you have - they would say bad stuff about your girl.

How can you be against interracial relationships and call yourself a non-racists? I personally am not really attracted to other races, but I full-heartedly support inter-racial relationships. Only because I am sexually not so attracted to other races doesn't mean i wouldn't associate or work with them. It's just about physical attraction; in everything else we're fully equal.

I also see that you feel threatened by the size of the black guys' penises. I don't think your GF has dated them because of that particular reason. Given that her parents were against her choice, I think she dated exclusively black guys as a part of her rebellion behavior.

If I knew that my BF had dated only black girls, I would think that he prefers them, but if I know he loves me, then I wouldn't make any problem out of it. Matter of fact, my BF likes blondes and when I was a brunette I didn't think he wasn't attracted to me. i knew he was. I went to blond highlights, just because I change my hair once every couple years.

The point is, I don't think this is about physical preference; I think you're bothered by the fact that she dated black guys. You think they're low class or second-class citizens...But they are people like all others. And what if they were Asians or mixed race? What if they were wealthy and educated? Is it really about race or your prejudice about race? If you have a problem with that, discuss it with her now and bury that subject once forever.

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Originally posted by Proto

You got some issues dude...seriously.

 

I don't see that, but go ahead and continue.

 

Being a black man myself AND being in an interracial relationship as well ( :p ) I'm just gonna say two things:

 

 

#1) Who she's been with in the past is none of your goddamn business

 

This assumption may, and may not, be true. To at least some degree, the history of this man's partner is very much part of his business.

 

#2) The fact that she's been with brothas tells me that she's a lot more open-minded and yes...intelligent than you are.

 

How do you come to such a conclusion? It seems that this man is simply wondering why this woman used to date only members of one race. I would wonder this, as well. Would you not feel the same way? Being curious about such a thing does not show that a person is close-minded, or unintelligent. Coming to hasty conclusions, however, may indicate such things.

 

It's quite frankly, a shame that she's settling for you and not waiting to be with a man who is much more on her intellectual level.

 

I think it would be best to refrain from such irrational assumptions. If you would care to point out how this man appears to be unintelligent, go right ahead. To me, it simply sounds as though his confusion over her preference for black males was misinterpreted by you as being racist.

 

This girl is a sweet, open-minded and non-bigoted girl. Don't corrupt her with your prejudice views and find someone else who has similar views to your own.

 

A person who disagrees with interracial relationships is not necessarily a person who harbors prejudiced views. There are members of other races who also oppose interracial relationships.

 

Originally posted by RecordProducer

How can you be against interracial relationships and call yourself a non-racists?

 

I want you to explain to me how disagreeing with the idea of interracial relationships is being racist.

 

The point is, I don't think this is about physical preference; I think you're bothered by the fact that she dated black guys. You think they're low class or second-class citizens...

 

Show me where he said this; I don't see it anywhere. People love to jump to some wild conclusions here.

 

But they are people like all others. And what if they were Asians or mixed race? What if they were wealthy and educated? Is it really about race or your prejudice about race? If you have a problem with that, discuss it with her now and bury that subject once forever.

 

I really do not see any indication that this man has a problem with race. It is rather difficult to phrase these types of questions. "Before our relationship started, my girlfriend had only dated men of one particular racial group. I wonder why she was so picky in the past, and why she would now decide to change her routine by dating me." may have been a better way to draw attention to this subject, but it would still most likely have elicited the same type of responses.

 

I think it does make sense to wonder about this. If a woman dated only members of one racial group for many years, and then suddenly changed course, it makes sense to want to know why she chose to do so. Perhaps there is something very special about this man. In any case, if this man is curious to know something about the woman he loves, he has every right to ask without being accused of bigotry.

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Originally posted by Woggle

White women who date black men only are in love with the sterotype not the man. They are the first to cry rape when things don't go their way. Look at what happened to Koby Bryant.

 

Ok, I'm going to ignore the Kobe Bryant part of that statement because I find it completely inappropriate. Instead I would like to comment as a White woman who has only dated Latino or Latino-mixed men in her lifetime.

 

Probably the biggest one is pure physical preference. Brown skin and brown eyes make me melt. Mostly EVERYONE

has a physical type that they tend find themselves attracted to. We all do physical screening every day and are drawn to certain characteristics over others. I've never dated a white man. I've also never dated an obese man or a man who a physical disability, but no one would think to question it. It's only because my preference is outside of the "norm" that people take notice to it.

 

Others reasons of mine are lifestyle/interest based. I grew up in a small east coast city whose public school system was 10% white. There simply weren't that many guys of my ethnicity to pick from. I have also spent a good amount of time in Latin America, so the men were picked for me. Back in the States, I like a man who speaks Spanish because I busted my ass to become fluent and would like my future children to grow up bilingual. I like a man who can dance Latin music because dancing salsa, merengue, and bachata is a big time hobby of mine and I like to be able to include my signigicant other in it.

 

I want you to explain to me how disagreeing with the idea of interracial relationships is being racist.

 

It is seen as racist because "disagreeing" implies that that it is wrong for people of two different 'races' to be physically and emotionally intimate. And for it to be 'wrong' implies that there is some type of qualitative difference between them that makes it wrong. It also devalues the millions of interracial relationships that exist in the world.

 

My inherent problem with those who disagree with interracial relationships is that the concept of race is just that, a concept. There exists no such thing as a pure biological race. Its just a mesh of genetic physical differences that we've decided to mash together and label for our purposes. There are millions of people in the world that do not fit them. It's like saying a "valley girl" can't fall in love with a "red neck". They are categories we have made up. Does "race" have physical manifestations and consequences in real life? Hell yeah, and many of them are serious and can't be ignored. But the bottom line is that we as humans invented them, and should be able to reinvent them as well.

 

Please, could you give me your argument as to why you disagree with the idea of interracial relationships?

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SimoneHollywood

I've dated black men in the past and I had a similar problem with a boyfriend of mine (no longer with him). The past is the past, you meet all kinds of people and their race should have nothing to do with it. Maybe these happened to be the guys she liked and wanted to go out with until you came along, now she loves you and wants you. Be happy, and forget the silly stuff.

 

Simone

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I think you need to get over it. She is with you now, and that is all that should matter. Perhaps her tastes are changing? Perhaps her bebelling (as one poster suggested) is waning.

 

She has said she is into you and gives you no reason to doubt it. Go with it man.

 

I agree that you may want to unconfrontationally ask why she thinks she only dated black guys. I mean she is comfy enough to admit it I imagine she would diascuss it.

 

On the interracial dating thing..here is my take. I am not racist and have many friends of many ethnicities, religions, etc. However, race, religion, and sex are always huge topics, and usually the starting points of major disagreements that would kill a marraige. I would not marry or become with another race simply because of the issues that society (and I totally disagree with society on this) has placed. Right off the back, you are judged as black and white, oriental and white, black and oriental, etc. People will question it and so forth and it will be an awkward situation. The recent movie Look Whos Coming comes to mind. Now when kids come along (assuming a marraige) what is it going to do to them? I watched a program on Derek Jeter (black dad, white mom) and there was a LOT of animosity for him and his suster growing up. Wrong, but a fact. I believe that a relationship should be fun, and when you put in an already defined prejudice, you are definately beginning behind the 8-ball.

 

On the sex angle, I have heard that size does not matter (but I secretly tthinkn it does) but that is not necessarily all that matters. I imagine someone with a big dick can have crappy sex if it is not used right--maybe good for pictures but thats about it. I have also heard that the majority of black men in the US do not enjoy going down on a woman...so that could be a major thing if you are good at it. Most black americans are descended from the Caribbean nations and there is someting in the religion that is tied in with menstruation and the blood and the evil spirits (old time teachings) so naturally no one wants to drink from that fountain! But again it is the old time stereotypes that perpetuate this.....well my dad and grandfather never did so it must be...

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Another thought - don't presume that a white woman who dates black men is necessarily open-minded. Where I live (non-US), plenty of women (white) want to get to the US, and the easiest way is to marry a US soldier.

 

Last year I expressed surprise to a friend of mine that her employee, who's expressed extreme prejudice against other races, would be marrying a black man. My friend said that local 'common knowledge' has it that the black soldiers are easier to get, and her employee's relationship was not an expression of new open-mindedness at all.

 

It's also possible that the OP's girlfriend had been using her black bfs just to get at her parents. The "they'll love you 'cause you're white" could be a tip-off here. One of my sisters did this as a way of asserting her independence, and she is one of the most conservative people I know.

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Aside from the issues of comparison, basically what the OP is pointing out is that white women who date or have dated ONLY black men or any other race exclusively are slightly more in the minority than woman who do not date ONLY black men. Since this characteristic is somewhat unusual (though there may be nothing wrong with it and it may be a morally superior position) the OP wants to know if there is anything that it might say about her.

 

My gut is that, depending on the age of these relationships and how well she gets on with her family, she may have been a little rebellious in her youth since he points out that she remarked about how her family WILL like him because he is white. Perhaps she was implying that they did not like the men in the past because they were not white. She MAY (or may not) have been acting in a rebellious way historically and her comment implies to me a risk that she doesn't have a good relationship with her parents -- only time will tell. On the other hand, she may have a fine relationship with them but not care what they think of b/fs -- also ok.

 

So long as you're not talking about her sleeping around, or that she was on the skanky side back in the day, basically who cares? Everyone's had a couple b/fs.

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for the last 10 years or so its been quite fashionable and "trendy" for white girls to date black men. Especially in the younger crowd. It's hip :)

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I think that he has every right to be curious about his now girlfriends past. If the guy I was dating had only dated black chicks then I would question that too.

 

And wait just a minute, I have never slept with a black man, nor will I ever..But just because someone is bigger DOES NOT mean they are better..Sorry like the saying goes, "its not the size that counts, its the motion in the ocean." heh..But thats true.

 

The only reason I wouldnt not date a black man, let alone sleep with one OR ANY OTHER RACE FOR THAT MATTER...is because what happens if I have a kid with a black, hispanic, asian..etc? Its not me that goes through the crap, its the kid..

 

Yes I am very aware that it doesnt matter if you are white and too skinny you will still get made fun of, but adding something like race on to it, just makes it even worse.

 

I am not racist at all, but I dont beleive in interratial dating either.

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whichwayisup
Originally posted by lvgrly

I am not racist at all, but I dont beleive in interratial dating either.

 

May I ask why you don't believe in it? I'm honestly just curious.

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so what yis the problem? what if she only dated guys with red hair before, and you have blonde or brown or blue?

 

it sounds like you respect her less because she dated only black guys, and no one can help you get over that but you.

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I dont know, maybe I just feel as if white people are here on this earth for white people, and black for black, asian for asian..etc..

 

I am not saying that my opinion is right, obviously thats why its called an opinion...

 

But I remember being younger and this black guy had a crush on me, he was kind of a friend to the family I guess you would say..And my dad knew about it, and I remember him telling me that as long as I lived under his roof that I was not to date anyone other than someone who was white..

 

I dont think it really set in until I moved out on my own and seen the "real world" for myself..White women who date black men are given a trashy type of name. And thats wrong. Just because a woman dates a black man does not make her trashy, just makes it her taste in men..

 

But I will have to admit, that this is just from what I have noticed..Girls who grow up in a more diverse enviroment, are more likely to date another race, as to girls who were raised in a pretty much all white community or a community/enviroment that is more close minded are more open to dating other races..

 

And I was the girl who grew up in the close minded community in a 15,000 population town in Arkansas..

 

And let me tell ya, my sr year class had 4,000 kids in it, and there were 2 black people...Like I said, its all about your enviroment..

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Originally posted by lvgrly

I dont know, maybe I just feel as if white people are here on this earth for white people, and black for black, asian for asian..etc..

if that is the case why can the "races" inter-breed? a cat cannot get pregnant by an iguana and a horse cannot be impregnated by a snake. but humans, regardless of "race", can procreate with each other...

 

And I was the girl who grew up in the close minded community in a 15,000 population town in Arkansas..

open mindedness and intelligence usually go hand-in-hand :)

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Originally posted by alphamale

if that is the case why can the "races" inter-breed? a cat cannot get pregnant by an iguana and a horse cannot be impregnated by a snake. but humans, regardless of "race", can procreate with each other...

 

 

open mindedness and intelligence usually go hand-in-hand :)

 

And just because I said that I grew up somewhere that was close-minded does not mean that I am.. I am not close minded to the fact that you cant help who you love. Who knows, in 5 years I may fall in love with a black man because thats how its supposed to be for my life, and then everything I have ever said about not dating someone from another race will be down the drain..

 

And thats fine...I am not saying that people are wrong for having sex with another race and the end result in that is procreating, thats fine. But In my opinion I myself would not procreate with someone from another race.

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Originally posted by lvgrly

The only reason I wouldnt not date a black man, let alone sleep with one OR ANY OTHER RACE FOR THAT MATTER...is because what happens if I have a kid with a black, hispanic, asian..etc? Its not me that goes through the crap, its the kid..

 

Whoa Nelly! Interacial kids?

 

Hiya! I am an interacial kid. I love it. I have a Scottish mother and an Indian (Native American) biological father. I grew up with great skin that tanned easily, thick auburn hair, and the richness of two amazing (strong) cultures. I have the best of both worlds & I wouldn't trade it for anything.

 

I also have 2 interracial children. Not that there's much choice in the matter, unless I found another indian/scottish mix, and I've got to say, I don't have that kind of time or inclination. The man that fathered them is 1/4 indian and 3/4 black. I didn't date him for his race, I dated him because he made me laugh and we had great conversations and sex. We later divorced because he was having great sex elsewhere as well. That wasn't a race thing, that was a butthole thing.

 

After him, I dated some black men, some hispanic men, and yes, some white men. My current husband is white, and he's easily the love of my life.

 

But never once have I dated someone, or not dated someone because of their race. I do have preferences. I've never been particulary attracted to light-skinned fair haired people. I've dated some because they had nice personalities, but it's not my thing at first glance.

 

I've had guys that had issues with the fact that I'd dated black men. Not unlike the issue of the OP. If they couldn't get over it - well, their loss. I'm an entire person, not a screwing resume.

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pearlsasinger

Just for the record, I have to say I think interraccial kids are so beautiful. It sad to think that in 2005 these children could still be ostracized for the color of their skin....children or anyone for that matter.

 

Anyway, a good friend of mine is white and she has also dated almost all black men.

 

In her words: She said she finds white and black men equally attractive, it's just that she's pretty shy and the black men have always been more likely to approach her. This is true....I have seen a lot more black guys approach her than white guys or other races.

 

Her best friend is the opposite case...she is black and she has dated almost white guys exclusively. But again, it's just how it's kind of worked out. She's into all races...her only stipulation is that you are male. :p

 

Do they do it subconciously? I really don't think so but who knows.

 

Looking back I've dated an asian man, a black man, and a couple white men. But I never stopped much to think about it. You know what they say....variety is the spice of life!

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