Guy who approach but don’t ask for a number?

[greenlights0000]

I know guys on here have said if they met a girl within the first 5 minutes and were interested they would ask a girl her number and ask her out. However there are guys that have approached me, friendly chatted only NOT to ask my number? For example one guy I met at a mixer spent the whole entire night with me by my side, was touchy feely with me, only for him not to ever hint on asking my number and seeing me again???? Wtf? I dropped hints. I felt my night was wasted, but only that but he pretty much c-blocked me from talking to other guys.

 

What? Are these guys bored and want to talk to someone? I’m out on the prowl not looking for a buddy to talk to.

 

Should I wait 30 minutes when talking to a guy and if he doesn’t ask for my number take off?

Edited May 23, 2019 by greenlights0000

[TooBad]

And what is it that is stopping you from just giving him your number? Does he have to ask? Really? Really ???

[salparadise]

I felt my night was wasted, but only that but he pretty much c-blocked me from talking to other guys.

 

Yea, you're being completely passive and then getting angry. Guys aren't robots programmed to do what you expect, and the gender role expectations are so last century. There would be nothing wrong with you taking initiative –– hand him your number and say, call me. Or work the room and make several new connections. Who knows why he didn't ask –– perhaps he deserves a Darwin award, but the solution is for you to be more assertive and self directed.

[greenlights0000]

Yea, you're being completely passive and then getting angry. Guys aren't robots programmed to do what you expect, and the gender role expectations are so last century. There would be nothing wrong with you taking initiative –– hand him your number and say, call me. Or work the room and make several new connections. Who knows why he didn't ask –– perhaps he deserves a Darwin award, but the solution is for you to be more assertive and self directed.

 

Right, that’s what I “would” do, give the guy my number, however on this forum I’ve read posts like, “well the guy didn’t ask for your number so he’s not interested.” What’s with the conflicting advice?

[stillafool]

Right, that’s what I “would” do, give the guy my number, however on this forum I’ve read posts like, “well the guy didn’t ask for your number so he’s not interested.” What’s with the conflicting advice?

 

I guess to keep giving your number to guys until one responds. If they aren't approaching you what else can you do?

[alphamale]

some of these clowns are afraid to risk rejection so they are waiting for you to hand them your number

[greenlights0000]

some of these clowns are afraid to risk rejection so they are waiting for you to hand them your number

 

I see..so they want the tables turned on me women then? Like I hand them MY number so that they can think if they want to take it a step further and reject a woman because it makes them feel good? I don’t understand the mind thinking. That tells me a guy has no confidence, I honestly wouldn’t want a man where I have to give them my number anyway. How about I tell them that I’m horny first and see if they ask for my number?

[preraph]

I would think he was only interested in you if you went home that night with him and had sex and was not wanting a girlfriend or he'd have gotten your info. He wasn't shy and he was on you, so no reason to think you need to offer it. He just wanted to find sex that night.

[alphamale]

How about I tell them that I’m horny first and see if they ask for my number?

[d0nnivain]

If you want this person to have your #, then give it to him.

 

Otherwise, try being in the moment a bit more, appreciating the interaction for what it is -- a fun experience at that moment. Stop pressing so hard for a date.

 

Some men need to get to know a woman a bit more, maybe through a few meetups because they have been so brow beaten by things like the #MeToo movement which attack them for practically being rapists simply because they spoke to a woman.

 

If you truly want a relationship you have to take your foot off the accelerator & be more patient.

[PRW]

however on this forum I’ve read posts like, “well the guy didn’t ask for your number so he’s not interested.” What’s with the conflicting advice?

 

Not all advice here is good. We are not professionals. We are "peers" and amateurs, and sometimes we are just the blind leading the blind. Depends on the day, and what the question was, and what mood we are in.

 

But in any case that was bad advice. Too many people are ready in a split second to declare another to be "not interested", and they are wrong. People are not predictable robots as another poster put it.

 

Alphamale gave what I think is the most common situation. But it is not every situation. I have spent all evening with a woman and by the end of the evening I decided that she was "ok", was "kinda fun", but I didn't want to date her,...so I didn't ask for her number because I didn't want her to expect me to call her. Most women I meet I see over and over at different events over and over, so if I change my mind I can get it another time.

[PRW]

How about I tell them that I’m horny first and see if they ask for my number?

The "One Night Standers" would love that. The rest would run. I guess the incels and needy guys desperate to get laid would love that too.

 

If you focused on confident guys you wouldn't have this problem in the first place. But if you are focusing on guys who are insecure, are betas, are "orbiters", or guys that have been feminized, then what you are complaining about is what you will always get.

[preraph]

When I was young and dating, often the transition from talking to someone at a bar or party was getting a handful of people together to go to breakfast. It's an easy ask for either a man or a woman who's been talking to each other: Hey, we're going to Ihop, you should come (to her and her friend). That becomes a more personal and safe get-together because there are a couple of other friends there and it is much more natural to exchange numbers then.

[stillafool]

I see..so they want the tables turned on me women then? Like I hand them MY number so that they can think if they want to take it a step further and reject a woman because it makes them feel good? I don’t understand the mind thinking. That tells me a guy has no confidence, I honestly wouldn’t want a man where I have to give them my number anyway. How about I tell them that I’m horny first and see if they ask for my number?

 

What approach do your friends use to give guys their numbers? Do you ask them?

[stillafool]

When I was young and dating, often the transition from talking to someone at a bar or party was getting a handful of people together to go to breakfast. It's an easy ask for either a man or a woman who's been talking to each other: Hey, we're going to Ihop, you should come (to her and her friend). That becomes a more personal and safe get-together because there are a couple of other friends there and it is much more natural to exchange numbers then.

 

Oh I remember those days when a bunch of us would go out to breakfast after the club. You are right it was a great way to casually get to know someone without the pressure, see if the chemistry is still there out of the club and prolong the night.

[stillafool]

Alphamale gave what I think is the most common situation. But it is not every situation. I have spent all evening with a woman and by the end of the evening I decided that she was "ok", was "kinda fun", but I didn't want to date her,...so I didn't ask for her number because I didn't want her to expect me to call her. Most women I meet I see over and over at different events over and over, so if I change my mind I can get it another time.

 

This is pretty much the answer to your question OP.

[smackie9]

we can guess all day long why or why not......it could be a matter of, they are intimidated by your beauty or you are not attractive enough for them to bother or in those conversations, they realize they are not interested because you seem closed off not being flirty and fun or they have no confidence...which would be ok because you don't want that right? Keep looking.

[Redhead14]

So talking to you obligates them to ask for your number????? I don't understand the attitude here. If you feel that the guy is "monopolizing" your time, brush him off, if you aren't interested in him. And, you can give your number out if you want. But, seriously, you think guys are just going to walk up to you and ask for your number just because you're there? I'd imagine they'd want to talk some at least to know if they even want your number. I think you need to chalk the situation you described up above to the "cost of doing business". You gotta invest a little to reap rewards.

[Curiousroxy86]

Otherwise, try being in the moment a bit more, appreciating the interaction for what it is -- a fun experience at that moment. Stop pressing so hard for a date.

 

this...

 

and yes if he want you bad enough he will ask. the end.

 

let go of the outcome

[alphamale]

When I was young and dating, often the transition from talking to someone at a bar or party was getting a handful of people together to go to breakfast. It's an easy ask for either a man or a woman who's been talking to each other: Hey, we're going to Ihop, you should come (to her and her friend). That becomes a more personal and safe get-together because there are a couple of other friends there and it is much more natural to exchange numbers then.

 

we used to do that in high school during senior year. we would go to the party and drink 10 beers each and then drive drunk to Denny's for breakfast...ahh the old days

[preraph]

Good times!

[Shining One]

let go of the outcome

Would it not be better to take steps to influence the outcome in her favor?

[Gretchen12]

Women need to stop giving out their numbers. First, you allowed him to monopolize your time. And if the conversation went well and you have common interests to take it further, you can make the move in the most natural way. DO NOT offer him your number. Instead, ask him for his number! If you offer him your number you'll agonize over the wait and come back here asking why he hasn't called. Either don't pursue this, or if you initiate, make sure you have control.

[Curiousroxy86]

Would it not be better to take steps to influence the outcome in her favor?

 

I almost said a flat out no....

 

However...

 

It is advantageous for a woman to show interest yes

 

Men want to win. Men do not want to get shot down. Men do not want to get friend zoned. So in terms of influencing the outcome I would say when a man flirts you damn sure better flirt back. Don’t be a stuck up biatch. Don’t be insecure. Be receptive, have fun, be feminine, laugh, flirt, be in the moment, have a good time....but I do believe it is much better and much much much more effective if you let him ask for your number/ask you out.

 

What’s the big deal you may ask? It’s simply this. I say this all the time but it’s true. Men do what they want. If a man really wanted to date this girl and the conditions were so right (she is open to him and flirting back) he will ask IF AND ONLY IF HE WANTS TO. If a man really wants to get to know a girl and nothing is holding him back and she is giving all the right vibes??? I do not believe for one f*cking second that he thinks “man she is beautiful and seems so cool to be around and I’m having such a great time with her and she seems into me too and hell right now I’m not involved with anybody and she doesn’t seem to be taken and I am open to dating her locally but naaaah I’m not going take this any further” lol who thinks that under all those circumstances? No f*cking man. You might can argue shy if there were obstacles that would prove unsuccessful for him like her resting bitch face looking at anybody and everybody stank if he dares approach lol or she seems to be on the arm of another guy or she surrounded by catty friends or the music is so loud you can’t really hear your own self talk for example. But if the conditions are so right AND he really is interested in getting to know her then he is going to ask...again...if he wants to. It’s that f*cking simple.

 

 

Now That’s not to say that she can’t ask. She can do what she wants. Again if he wanted to anyway then her asking before he got to ask her won’t hurt her in that circumstance. Why? Because deep down he wanted to in the first place anyway. But again if he wants to then he will ask so there is just no need for her to do so.

 

if he really didn’t want to or didn’t intend to take her number for whatever reason (he got a girl at home and just wanted to see if he still got it while he out aka ego boost, like prw stated he decided after talking to her that he wasn’t interested, he doesn’t live there locally and is passing by, he just wanted to make someone jealous, he don’t really want a relationship or attachment or not looking to date in general) then he simply just not going to ask for her number or ask her out. And unfortunately when a woman offers herself on a platter by giving the number without him having to ask making it oh so easy alot of men are not going to say no to her face or be like “oh I am sorry I’m not really interested I just wanted to kill time and feel like the man by talking to a woman instead of being lonely up in this club” lol. They didnt really want the connection to go any further or they just didn’t care but hey she is there, she is willing, he don’t have to do any effort, it’s free, it passes the time, and boost the ego, and why the hell not. It’s sad because he may not want that connection but he still not going to turn her down smh. Another reason why I feel it is futile to have to ask the man for his number/ask him out. When a woman asks she put her self in the position of being the woman that will do instead of the woman he wants. Men ask the women they want.

 

Also any actions of chasing after a man when you really don’t have to does run the high risk that he lose the attraction on a sub conscious level. One instance of asking a guy for his number more than likely won’t kill it all together I will admit and maaaaaaybe (big maybe) a few more instances of initiation won’t all together kill an attraction but I do believe it can and does add up to doing just that or inches closer to becoming that way because when you do that you take away his choice to choose you and I truly believe him choosing you and continuing to choose you (not just at the beginning with asking for the number but every time he initiates by calling, asking you out, making time to see you, etc) is linked to the desire of you. Not the only thing. There are other factors when it comes to desire and attraction so please don’t misunderstand me. But it is a big part If that makes any sense.

 

So this is where I part ways with the idea of trying to “influence outcome”. Again if men do what they WANT to do and if they want you (or want to get to know you in this case) there doesn’t need to be much “influencing” if you really think about it outside of flirting and showing interest. If you keep beating him to the punch of pursuit instead of allowing him that choice THAT HE WILL MAKE IF HE REALLY WANT YOU ANYWAY then to me it runs a greater risk of having the opposite intended effect of “influencing the outcome” in the way that most women try so hard to do. Also Too many women just don’t seem to stop there. “Oh it’s 2019 modern day society I can ask him out, oh I can call him, oh I can ask for a relationship” and wonder why he don’t seem as keen as she obviously is or lose interest if he did seem okay with it all in the beginning. A lot of it is subconscious and he ain’t going to tell you why and a lot of time he don’t know why himself lol. Modern day doesn’t change men’s desires on a subconscious level know what I mean?

 

As always just my 2 cents take it or leave it

[alphamale]

Instead, ask him for his number! ....

 

how lame, if a woman says that to me I just blow her off or tell her I don't give out my number. i'd rather not date women that play games