He is purposely ignoring me

[gloom]

My ex and I were together for around 8 months, but have been on and off for the last 15 months. Things moved fast and we were quickly falling for one another. He traveled for work and it put some strain on our relationship, and he became paranoid and controlling while he was gone. He would constantly talk about his fear of losing me. He always told me I scared him and that he would be devastated if I went anywhere. I had no intentions of doing so, but it almost became this self fulfilling prophecy, and eventually I was so tired of the arguing and I just couldn’t do it anymore. I felt very scared and alone.

 

I ended up trying to end things with him, and he immediately left his job across the country and came home to be with me and try to work on things. I had no idea he was even on his way home. He just surprised me one evening. We tried to work on things, but by then I had sort of emotionally checked out. I broke up with him and he was absolutely devastated. I talked to one of his friends recently and heard about how bad it really was. I guess my ex went on a drinking binge for about three months and was an absolute wreck since we split. His friend said he promises that he really did love me, and he had never seen him act the way he did towards any other woman.

 

He and I tried to reconcile again after those three months, but he was asking things from me right away that I did not feel ready for. Like moving into his house or starting a family. I felt that we needed to work on our relationship before we brought another life into the mix, and this simply was not the right answer for him. We ended things mutually and he ended up getting into another relationship almost right away. This hurt me but there was nothing I could do about it. It only lasted a few months.

 

We have a few mutual friends and have ran into each other a couple of times over the last couple months. This last time was two saturdays ago, and we were at the local watering hole with friends. I turned around and saw him and my heart almost stopped beating. He smiled at me and tried to talk to me a couple times, but I just smiled and kind of avoided any real conversation. When my girlfriend and I left, she told me I would be hearing from him. She was right. He texted me that morning around 330 and asked me to come over because he wanted to see me and talk. I decided to do it, and we talked about random things, nothing too serious. We ended up sleeping together, and it was as if we picked up right where we left off. It was passionate and intimate and didn’t just feel like a warm bam thank you ma’am if that makes any sense. He asked me if I was still living in the same house and I told him yes. By then it was around 7am and he said he had to try to sleep for a few hours and then get up and take his mother somewhere for mother’s day. He mentioned to me more than once that I could come back over if I wanted. I kissed him on his forehead and when I went to leave, things seemed good.

 

But now I haven’t heard from him. Not a word. I finally reached out to him and got no response. We both have iPhones, so I can see that my texts are being delivered. I know that it does no good to sit and berate someone with messages, and I don’t want to look crazy. I’m very confused as to what is going on and I been replaying things over and over in my mind. I don’t know if he is experiencing inner turmoil right now, or if he hates me or what. I feel like he wouldn’t have asked me to come over if he had ill feelings toward me, and I feel like he could block me if he didn’t want me to be able to text him. I sent him a very long, apologetic text message just letting him know that I am sorry for the way things ended up between us and that I wish it could be different. I told him that I hope he will come around and decide to talk to me when he is ready and I left it at that. The ball is in his court. I feel sad, confused, embarrassed and a little angry. Being ignored is worse than being told to go to hell.

[preraph]

They always come back around for sex if you'll let them. I mean, he very well may be dating someone now and got caught being out all night and be having to lay low. Anyway, you already know it wasn't working, so why are you trying to get back together. He's a textbook case of how people with insecurity they haven't dealt with in therapy will manifest their worst fears.

[Redhead14]

You got pumped and dumped by an ex. Sorry to be so blunt, but this has been a train wreck of a relationship being on an off for 15 months. This isn't/wasn't a relationship and so I don't understand why you're surprised that it's off again. History is repeating itself. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results. You may be feeling sad, confused, used and embarrassed, but at this point, you are not a victim, you are complicit in the situation.

 

Do yourself and giant favor -- block and delete this guy on everything F-O-R-E-V-E-R.

[The Outlaw]

Paranoia, drinking and being controlling just don't mix. If he's blowing you off, he's done you a favor. Forget him and move on. People will say and do anything to anyone to get what they want. It's a sad truth and he's just another example. And he totally isn't worth it.

[d0nnivain]

At 3:30 you had to know this was a booty call. He may finally be in an OK place. The sex was good but he won't risk his heart again. It sounds like you two aren't on the same page anyway. This was your swan song. Leave it be at that.

[lurker74]

Push-pull. It is a common type of dysfunctional relationship. And after he worked himself up thinking that he was devastated without you, he got you back...but once he had you back, he didn't need you anymore. Do some reading on push-pull so you can identify when it's happening to you and stop it before it starts.

 

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/love-matters/2018/08/7-ways-to-overcome-a-push-pull-dynamic-in-your-relationship/

[ExpatInItaly]

He texted me that morning around 330 and asked me to come over because he wanted to see me and talk. I decided to do it, and we talked about random things, nothing too serious. We ended up sleeping together, and it was as if we picked up right where we left off. It was passionate and intimate and didn’t just feel like a warm bam thank you ma’am if that makes any sense.

 

Unfortunately, that's exactly what it was.

[gloom]

Thank you all for your input! I realized today that I am important and by giving him so much headspace and texting him, I am putting him on a pedestal and giving him power and fuel. I shouldn’t waste my emotions on someone who won’t even reply to me. I should use them on someone who actually gives a ****. I’m going no contact and will live my best life and move forward.