Grey40 Posted May 20, 2019 Share Posted May 20, 2019 Went on two dates with a girl recently, first one went really well (got drinks and ended up making out at the end). Second date we walked around town got coffee and checked out some stores, also got drinks too, seemed like she wasn’t feeling it as much second time around, but we still made out a bit and got intimate towards the end. A couple days pass, I ask her out again for a 3 led date and get this text back: “That does sound really fun, but at the same time I don’t know if it’s the best idea right now only because I’m just not as near where I want to be or thought I was mentally/emotionally and it wouldn’t be fair to put you through any more of my indecisiveness than I already have. Please don’t hate me, I feel so awful and you didn’t do anything wrong whatsoever like I did have an awesome time together with you but I guess I just need more clarity to figure things out with myself before I get truly invested with another person”. I appreciate the honesty, but, any way to remedy this? Or just a lost cause? How would you reply back to this? Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted May 20, 2019 Share Posted May 20, 2019 Went on two dates with a girl recently, first one went really well (got drinks and ended up making out at the end). Second date we walked around town got coffee and checked out some stores, also got drinks too, seemed like she wasn’t feeling it as much second time around, but we still made out a bit and got intimate towards the end. A couple days pass, I ask her out again for a 3 led date and get this text back: “That does sound really fun, but at the same time I don’t know if it’s the best idea right now only because I’m just not as near where I want to be or thought I was mentally/emotionally and it wouldn’t be fair to put you through any more of my indecisiveness than I already have. Please don’t hate me, I feel so awful and you didn’t do anything wrong whatsoever like I did have an awesome time together with you but I guess I just need more clarity to figure things out with myself before I get truly invested with another person”. I appreciate the honesty, but, any way to remedy this? Or just a lost cause? How would you reply back to this? No reply is necessary. No means no . . . 1 Link to post Share on other sites
I'veseenbetterlol Posted May 20, 2019 Share Posted May 20, 2019 Tell her thank you and wish her good luck. Whatever her reasons are for not dating you are irrelevant. At least she was honest early on. Rejecting someone isn't easy, but she respected you enough not to ghost you or lead you on. Link to post Share on other sites
Foxhall Posted May 20, 2019 Share Posted May 20, 2019 lol, (I am laughing only because have been there as I am sure many have) I would not have accepted that answer and continued to chase with no success tbh ........... , although there is one girl I actually am still good friends with who sent a very similar text at one point, No you sensed yourself "she wasn't feeling it as much on second date" and unfortunately your fears were confirmed with the text, In fairness it is a nice enough text and the best thing is to respect her wishes and move on. as a wildcard maybe a text to her out of the blue in 6 months time might be no harm, but you will probably have another girl by then. Link to post Share on other sites
CLS63AMG Posted May 21, 2019 Share Posted May 21, 2019 lol, (I am laughing only because have been there as I am sure many have) I would not have accepted that answer and continued to chase with no success tbh ........... No, you wouldn't have, she's a rebounder who was pretending for the first couple dates that she was over her ex but came to the realization that she wasn't nor will be anytime soon. If that's the case, and it usually is, he'll never change her mind because she doesn't care about him, all she's worried about is her ex, hence why they usually just ghost instead. He should be happy he got the text that basically admitted what was going on without coming right out and saying it. Rebounders litter dating sites/apps and they need to be avoided like the plague for this very reason - they move fast, which you think is great on the surface but its only because they're trying to slot you into the hole left by their ex, hence the make out sessions on date #1 which a normal girl typically doesn't do. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted May 21, 2019 Share Posted May 21, 2019 She's done with you. Move on. Don't spend too much time picking it apart, just move on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted May 21, 2019 Share Posted May 21, 2019 You can send her a note wishing her well. She was politely saying she just wasn't feeling it for you. Nothing horrible about you, but she didn't feel the chemistry to keep going ... But ... a tip for you ... Dude, you KNEW this already ... you knew she wasn't feeling it strongly for you ... Second date we walked around town got coffee and checked out some stores, also got drinks too, seemed like she wasn’t feeling it as much second time around ..." THIS was your answer brother ... if someone is into you, unless they become suddenly, gravely ill, they will up the energy and affection and interest and curiosity on the second date. You'll feel closer on the second date. The fact that you noticed her drop in energy/interest (despite the fact that your brain did NOT want to notice this) ... was a huge sign. Doesn't matter that you made out later. That was just going through the motions. Pay attention to the way the person behaves. :Pay attention to the way being with someone makes you feel. Anytime you sense someone "isn't feeling it as much" ... chill ...Chill right then and there ... don't pursue any harder. Just hang back ...So no, you cannot change her mind. She has given you thorough consideration ... that's what the note meant. She has decided that you're not her type. Link to post Share on other sites
lingcanada Posted May 21, 2019 Share Posted May 21, 2019 move on folks OhMy Link to post Share on other sites
GeorgiaPeach1 Posted May 21, 2019 Share Posted May 21, 2019 This sounds like a made up reason. My guess is that something happened or didn't happen and it turned her off. You'll never get the true reason, so I wouldn't bother to reply. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ChatroomHero Posted May 21, 2019 Share Posted May 21, 2019 I have gotten a text or two like that before. It's not really honest in my opinion, the honest truth is really "I'm not feeling it, I can do better" or "You're not the one". I don't feel a strong need to reply to those as there is not much to gain but when I have responded, I simply said something like, "No worries. take care". It's acknowledging and makes it clear I get it. It's not mean or petty, just a final acknowledgement. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Grey40 Posted May 21, 2019 Author Share Posted May 21, 2019 Thanks for the responses. I’ll also add that the first time I asked her out she bailed on the first date (before even meeting) for a similar reason stating she wasn’t ready yet. I waited like 4 months and asked her out, this time got to two dates before she said it again. I ended up responding saying that “we don’t need complicate stuff don’t weoeey about investing or dating let’s just continue to enjoy going out and having fun, no pressure” to which she replied “That sounds great in theory, but I don’t want to lead you on because it’s been done to be before and it really sucks. I won’t do that to you because You’re a great person and don’t deserve that.” Link to post Share on other sites
The Outlaw Posted May 21, 2019 Share Posted May 21, 2019 No response. That says it all. But she's certainly more thoughtful than most people are that flake after a few dates. Link to post Share on other sites
bachdude Posted May 21, 2019 Share Posted May 21, 2019 Thanks for the responses. I’ll also add that the first time I asked her out she bailed on the first date (before even meeting) for a similar reason stating she wasn’t ready yet. I waited like 4 months and asked her out, this time got to two dates before she said it again. I ended up responding saying that “we don’t need complicate stuff don’t weoeey about investing or dating let’s just continue to enjoy going out and having fun, no pressure” to which she replied “That sounds great in theory, but I don’t want to lead you on because it’s been done to be before and it really sucks. I won’t do that to you because You’re a great person and don’t deserve that.” Dude, don't make her keep saying it over and over - she's not interested. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 21, 2019 Share Posted May 21, 2019 move on G40 (with no reply) Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted May 22, 2019 Share Posted May 22, 2019 “That does sound really fun, but at the same time I don’t know if it’s the best idea right now only because I’m just not as near where I want to be or thought I was mentally/emotionally and it wouldn’t be fair to put you through any more of my indecisiveness than I already have. Please don’t hate me, I feel so awful and you didn’t do anything wrong whatsoever like I did have an awesome time together with you but I guess I just need more clarity to figure things out with myself before I get truly invested with another person”. I appreciate the honesty, but, any way to remedy this? Or just a lost cause? How would you reply back to this? I wouldn't. She'd go on block. She knew she wasn't ready for anything new when she swiped right. "Please don't hate me"... weak. You don't even know her to get to that emotion---that's just her selfishness at not wanting to be held accountable for yanking you around. Link to post Share on other sites
olivetree Posted May 22, 2019 Share Posted May 22, 2019 Thanks for the responses. I’ll also add that the first time I asked her out she bailed on the first date (before even meeting) for a similar reason stating she wasn’t ready yet. I waited like 4 months and asked her out, this time got to two dates before she said it again. I ended up responding saying that “we don’t need complicate stuff don’t weoeey about investing or dating let’s just continue to enjoy going out and having fun, no pressure” to which she replied “That sounds great in theory, but I don’t want to lead you on because it’s been done to be before and it really sucks. I won’t do that to you because You’re a great person and don’t deserve that.” Just for future, don't try to convince someone to keep trying when they don't want to. You say "no pressure" but it feels like the opposite - it feels like pressure. If she is going to change her mind, she will do it on her own. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted May 22, 2019 Share Posted May 22, 2019 She's means no not interested in a 3rd date.....she feels no chemistry. She tried tho, by kissing and all that...even gave it another shot on the second date to make sure because you are a great guy....but chemistry is chemistry. None of that was happening for her. Link to post Share on other sites
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