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Dating up?!


FallingInLove

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FallingInLove

I start dating someone new at the beginning of May.

A lot of people told me that it was in improvement from my ex, that I was « dating up ». And honestly it kinda pisses me of.

The reason is, because people base their opinion on one thing only: the money they make.

Mu ex is a truck driver and the guy I’m dating is a doctor. So since he’s making more money and has a « higher society ranked job » apparently, he’s a better prospect. But... seriously?! I’m financially independent, so how much the other person makes is not really important for me. The job they do isn’t a reflection of their personality. Honestly, personality wise, I’d say they are pretty similar, they’re both great people with good values and kind intentions. So to me, it doesn’t feel like I’m dating « up » or « down », just that I’m dating someone who makes more money. It doesn’t mean that my ex is less of a valuable person because of his job.

 

Sorry... I need to vent!

 

P.S. Clean break up with the ex, don’t still have feelings for him, but I still value him as a person.

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Since you understand the motives behind these people's opinion -- based upon perceived status & money -- just ignore the comments as inconsequential. You carrying on evaluating the new guy on his merit not his wallet.

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Ruby Slippers

In my experience it's not really true. Being with a man with more money is dating "up" in some ways (nicer material things, more financial security), "down" in others (less romance and attention to the softer side).

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In my experience it's not really true. Being with a man with more money is dating "up" in some ways (nicer material things, more financial security), "down" in others (less romance and attention to the softer side).

 

life is a trade off RS

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FallingInLove
In my experience it's not really true. Being with a man with more money is dating "up" in some ways (nicer material things, more financial security), "down" in others (less romance and attention to the softer side).

 

We’ll see what the future holds, but I don’t care about having nice things... I can buy them myself. I’d rather have someone who’s there for me emotionally and his attentive.

I guess I just hate when people estimate someone’s personal worth based on their salaries. I don’t want a wallet, I want a human being.

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No different than dudes saying to a dude who is dating a model vs the average looking ex gf. They are going to say something about it. Just the way people respond. We are human beings, .....do we really ever know better? Not always. Let it roll off yer back.

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People, especially parents it seems, base their assessment on such shallow things. My first experience with this is when I was in my last year of high school, in the summer, and my parents banned me from this long haired guy who was in a successful local band. We were really just friends. I was a virgin for a couple years yet to come. He never tried anything and was nice. And had my dream car, a purple 69 Charger RT. Dammit, Mom.

 

So then I somehow met this cleaner cut looking dude and briefly dated. My mom thought he looked so "right" that she didn't care how long he kept me out. Like one time we went to a concert and his 57 Chevy broke down and we were out all night with him trying to fix it on a lonely road. No problem! Later, I found out he not only had a girlfriend (I saw a hickey on him) but was also married. Good choice, Mom. Glad I was still a virgin then. Oh, and one morning, maybe that same morning, we found him sleeping on the porch. Hahahahaha. Mom didn't care. Alrighty. I cared.

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We’ll see what the future holds, but I don’t care about having nice things... I can buy them myself. I’d rather have someone who’s there for me emotionally and his attentive.

I guess I just hate when people estimate someone’s personal worth based on their salaries. I don’t want a wallet, I want a human being.

 

unfortunately FIL, emotions and attentiveness don't pay the mortgage

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I'd rather be with a man who treats me well, is attentive, loving, supportive, helps with problem solving, etc. If a poor man can give me that, great. I'd rather date a poor man who is all that, than a man who has money but ignores me and throws money at problems.

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mark clemson

Sounds like people are failing to take into account your financial independence from your man. Maybe they are not doing as well? At any rate, it's on them. Agree you should just ignore it.

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FallingInLove
I'd rather be with a man who treats me well, is attentive, loving, supportive, helps with problem solving, etc. If a poor man can give me that, great. I'd rather date a poor man who is all that, than a man who has money but ignores me and throws money at problems.

 

That’s exactly how I think! So that’s why the comment doesn’t make sense to me. The guy could make a lot of money and be a total a**hole, they don’t know him from Pete. If they knew him personally, it wouldn’t make me react that way I guess... Maybe I just don’t like shallow people :laugh:

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Ruby Slippers
unfortunately FIL, emotions and attentiveness don't pay the mortgage

Amen to that. They also won't get you very far if you get married, have babies, and want to take some time off work to take care of them. Or if you divorce and your ex is taking half your life savings because you've worked hard while he's been a slacker :o

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Ruby Slippers

Also, who's making these comments? If it's your parents and family, they're probably relieved at the idea that if you're with a guy who makes a decent living, you won't be struggling in life and old age.

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FallingInLove

Ruby, Where I’m from, you have a year off work when you have a baby, with almost full salary so that wouldn’t be a problem. I never really planned on getting married, and I’m capable of paying for a mortgage by myself.

In life, I don’t want a provider but a life partner... no matter what my partner salary would be, I’m adamant on paying 50/50.

Those comments were made by friends or coworkers. My parents would never say that, they value someone on how they treat me, and that’s how I was raised.

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Ruby Slippers

Sounds like Scandinavia, where you have a far stronger government safety net than anywhere else in the world. Here in the U.S., there's talk of Social Security (government retirement program) becoming insolvent within 15 years, most people spend decades paying off huge student loans, and the #1 cause of bankruptcy is medical debt for necessary care, so it's quite different.

 

The fact is, most people are going to view a woman dating a doctor versus a truck driver more favorably - the same way most people treat well-dressed people better. It's sad. Just ignore them.

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