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Girl I'm dating made a comment about my hair, now I don't want to talk to her again


HumanMachine

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HumanMachine

I recently got my hair cut from longish to shortish, not a massive change but a change nonetheless. Nothing crazy just a short clean style.

 

Today I met the girl that I'm dating, just to say hi, she was with two friends. As soon as she saw me she said "that's a weird haircut - did you ask for that?". I was shocked and I just replied that I wanted it short because the longer hair was annoying me. I left quite promptly.

 

She messaged me just after I left "you look so hot in your suit", I replied "thanks, you look great today too". I think she could tell that I was upset as she then messaged again saying "you're genuinely the most handsome guy I've ever met".

 

I haven't replied, I don't want to. I feel like she was disrespectful, I would never say that about someone's appearance.

 

Am I overreacting? I don't see any point in spending time with someone who feels comments like that are acceptable.

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CautiouslyOptimistic

That was really rude and I don't blame you for being hurt. How long have you been seeing each other?

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She was likely trying to be funny and witty and it fell flat. I suspect she does think you are hot. But no, you are not overeating because if the joke upset you, she is likely to upset you with a similar lack of sensitivity in the future. Better to save time and move on.

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people make comments about other peoples hair all the time...

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I recently got my hair cut from longish to shortish, not a massive change but a change nonetheless. Nothing crazy just a short clean style.

 

Today I met the girl that I'm dating, just to say hi, she was with two friends. As soon as she saw me she said "that's a weird haircut - did you ask for that?". I was shocked and I just replied that I wanted it short because the longer hair was annoying me. I left quite promptly.

 

She messaged me just after I left "you look so hot in your suit", I replied "thanks, you look great today too". I think she could tell that I was upset as she then messaged again saying "you're genuinely the most handsome guy I've ever met".

 

I haven't replied, I don't want to. I feel like she was disrespectful, I would never say that about someone's appearance.

 

Am I overreacting? I don't see any point in spending time with someone who feels comments like that are acceptable.

 

 

Stop being passive-aggressive. Calmly tell her that her comment hurt your feelings. Give her the opportunity to apologize formally and acknowledge that she hurt your feelings. Maybe she was just joking around.

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She might have been nervous introducing you to her friends and made a bad joke.

 

I think the comment was rude and I completely understand why it would make you feel bad about her. Wanting to end your relationship over the comment seems extreme to me, however. But it really doesn't matter what I think - you're the one who has to deal with her.

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Veronica73

I agree that it was rude and I don’t blame you for letting it bother you a little. As far as if you are overreacting...I think it depends on how long you have been seeing her. Did you ask her what was weird about it?

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Gosh, Dude, you need to learn to take a little ribbing from your gal! You get your feelings hurt WAY too easily. When women rib or tease me a little I actually take it as a compliment. Just smile and say "Thank you, that's exactly what I was going for! Weird's my thing".

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You "surprised" your gf and I guess not in a good way.

I guess, she doesn't like your new haircut but had you told her about it in advance she would have been prepared and thus more tactful.

 

Changing haircuts can be a big deal.

You go from looking like one type of person to another pretty quick and for some their perception of you and their attraction level for you can change.

She is now trying to make it up to you.

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She is now trying to make it up to you.

 

a BJ would be in order

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HumanMachine
Gosh, Dude, you need to learn to take a little ribbing from your gal! You get your feelings hurt WAY too easily. When women rib or tease me a little I actually take it as a compliment. Just smile and say "Thank you, that's exactly what I was going for! Weird's my thing".

 

Oh I can take a joke, but it wasn't said in a jokey way, and it was in front of her friends. Maybe she was trying to show off to them - who knows. My abusive ex used to make similar 'jokes', none of which had any substance but eventually they made me feel very self conscious. I could be just having flashbacks of that.

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even handsome men look bad in that pre-summer short haircut - was that it? - all cut off? don't let it come between you, just grow it back

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CautiouslyOptimistic
even handsome men look bad in that springtime short haircut - was that it? - all cut off? don't let it come between you, just grow it back

 

I have no clue what a "springtime short haircut" means.....how can you possible know what his hair looks like if you have never seen him?

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just asking, maybe I am a hair-type, and in the UK, around now, you can see sudden changes from long to short, but as I said, I am a hair-type, not everybody is, of course

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It was rude & hurtful of her but for heaven's sake your chosen response to never speak to her again is seriously over the top. Reply back, thank for the compliment but it rings hollow in light of the insult about my hair. You really hurt my feelings & made me look foolish in front of your friends.

 

You need to communicate with this woman. Explain to her & give her a chance to apologize & make it up to you.

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Oh I can take a joke, but it wasn't said in a jokey way, and it was in front of her friends. Maybe she was trying to show off to them - who knows. My abusive ex used to make similar 'jokes', none of which had any substance but eventually they made me feel very self conscious. I could be just having flashbacks of that.

 

Do you really think she meant to put you down in front of her friends and whittle away at your self esteem? It could have been a motherly type of comment too.

 

I guess I've never been touchy about my hair (or lack of it haha), even when I wasn't developing a chrome dome on top.

 

I think you need to relax. If these types of comments continue, then evaluate.

 

Otherwise, chill.

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She had a little foot in mouth disease is all. She didn't mean to hurt you, just her comment was a little too honest. She simply doesn't like your hair cut, but it came out too fast before she realized she shouldn't have said anything. She knows you are upset, and tried to smooth it over with compliments to save face. Now as the situation the way it was, ya it was out of line because it was in front of others. Talk to her about, and let her redeem herself....truly this was just a mistake.

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Gretchen12

It was rude and socially awkward but not necessarily intended to hurt you. Best thing to do was to retort as soon as she said it, rather than internalize it. Now it's gonna be weird to reopen the topic. Don't stop seeing her out of spite. But I totally understand if you don't wan to date awkward women. Who knows what rude things she'll say to your family. Nobody wants to date an embarrassment.

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In my opinion this is a huge red flag. Sure, it could be a one-off, but I'm willing to bet that's how she is.

 

I wouldn't go and tell her how hurt your feelings are, etc., that seems a little excessive and wimpy in my opinion, but I would draw the line and say I don't appreciate rude comments and don't put up with that behavior, especially in front of other people.

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I would also consider it a red flag. But it is true that a new haircut to short for someone who likes long can be a dealbreaker pretty much. It was tactless and it seemed on purpose to me, so I'm kind of with you. If you weren't already involved, I'd tell you how I'd handle it, which would be I'd friendzone them and feel free to insult them every time I saw them in the future.

 

I wouldn't even talk to her about it. I think if that's the way she is, it will only make you look weak. Plus you want to know if this was a one-off or she's like that and if you confront her, she'll cover it up but could still be bad like that.

 

The fact she then bent over backwards to flatter you only tells me she's done this before, honestly, and this is how she gets away with it.

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ExpatInItaly

I agree with the others who felt it was rude of her. It was.

 

However, I also don't think it's a deal-breaker if she's an otherwise kind and mindful person. She seems to know she hurt you and is indirectly trying to make amends. I think it's clear she does find you attractive even if it's not her favourite hairstyle on you. My guess she will employ a better filter next time.

 

If she mentions it again, be honest that it stung. And, if you notice it becomes a pattern for her, exit stage left. I would give her the benefit of the doubt this time but keep you ears open in the future.

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even handsome men look bad in that pre-summer short haircut - was that it? - all cut off? don't let it come between you, just grow it back

 

what's a "pre-summer short haircut?". never heard of it

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CautiouslyOptimistic

I wonder if she'd been telling her friends about your long luscious locks before you arrived and that's why she had that inappropriate reaction.....she was taken off guard and didn't want her friends to think she was a liar?

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I'm going with yes you're overreacting.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
rude
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where do i begin
Oh I can take a joke, but it wasn't said in a jokey way, and it was in front of her friends. Maybe she was trying to show off to them - who knows. My abusive ex used to make similar 'jokes', none of which had any substance but eventually they made me feel very self conscious. I could be just having flashbacks of that.
yes, I’m going to say this was probably a trigger for you. Although I agree it was rude, but I. D.o.n.t think she meant it the way you are taking it. Give it a little time. I would respond with a witty comment.
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