h0000 Posted May 20, 2019 Share Posted May 20, 2019 I dont mean I want to "accidentally "leave my stuff at his place. But when he is always careful and makes sure that I dont forget my stuff, is it normal? For example if I take my ring off, he'd remember a trivial thing like that and remind me "did you take your ring" when I leave. I mean what's the big deal if I honestly left something behind by mistake? Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted May 20, 2019 Share Posted May 20, 2019 I don't see anything wrong with it, he's just being sensitive. I sense you have bigger issues. When we start nagging at little things like this it's usually because we refuse to address the bigger issues. . 3 Link to post Share on other sites
planb1973 Posted May 20, 2019 Share Posted May 20, 2019 Gaeta is very smart. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted May 20, 2019 Share Posted May 20, 2019 Is he very fastidious? Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted May 20, 2019 Share Posted May 20, 2019 I think if you put it into the context of your current other thread it'd make more sense--though to be honest, your head would probably reel from the variety of answers you would get. Based on what you have said before AND what this behavior is in general it's probably one of 3 things: 1) You are being a bit paranoid, looking for signs and clues (hyper-sensitive to the negative ones, thus creating or imagining problems where there are none. 2) He is dating others as well so he doesn't want you to leave traces of you behind so that other women won't see it. Similarly, he could feel the two of you are on shaky ground so that each time you see each other, might be the last. 3) He is trying to be helpful to you or doesn't like other/extra stuff at his place. I can't remember exactly what I've said on your other thread however I do think there is a big difference between acting passive and driving yourself crazy (like this ^^^) and not asking where you stand but taking another person's actions and CHOOSING your course of action. I think you need to take an active role in what happens in your relationship. Wanting it to be more or defined or being generally anxious or in need of reassurance doesn't sit well with a passive stance--and more than likely will sabotage whatever you are trying to lock down. I also don't agree with pushing a person for an answer to sooth anxious person's anxiety. I do agree with seeing what a guy is offering you/showing you while at the same time doing your own thing, keeping your life moving forward. Know you will be ok. Right now there is a lot of fear surrounding your interactions. That's usually not a good thing. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author h0000 Posted May 20, 2019 Author Share Posted May 20, 2019 Just to clarify a bit, Im not anxious or paranoid over it. I dont think there is bigger issues. I'm not going to push him for an answer for this, and I am continuing with my things. It is something small I noticed and I'm keeping it on the back of my mind. Also interested to see other peoples opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted May 20, 2019 Share Posted May 20, 2019 i would say thank you for noticing the little things....because that might be what his remembering you took your ring off is.....i love it when guys show attention like this...noticing little things...it means their focus...is on me ...and they care....and with me the thing is...they dont realize...that i notice...them noticing the little things.... i file it away for future reference when they piss me off....so when something like an argument happens.....that could turn into something big.....i remember the little things and the care that they have shown towards me...and in that argument....i soften my resolve and listen more carefully....and return the favor of noticing little things...... you know op..where you choose to see good.....there cant be bad...its all in trust.....deb 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 20, 2019 Share Posted May 20, 2019 My boyfriend does this often, because... I tend to forget things at his house. My glasses, my phone... then I have to go back and get them. He is being kind when he asks me if I have everything. He is trying to save me the hassle of returning to retrieve what I have forgotten. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Shining One Posted May 20, 2019 Share Posted May 20, 2019 I did this often with my ex. She would forget things and would beg me to bring them to her. Thus, I did it to save one of us the trip. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author h0000 Posted May 20, 2019 Author Share Posted May 20, 2019 (edited) I actually never forget my things behind. But maybe his ex did or something lol Because once I teased him that I'd accidentally leave my stuff at his, his reaction was like "oh noooo please dont do that :lmao:" Edited May 20, 2019 by h0000 Link to post Share on other sites
Curiousroxy86 Posted May 20, 2019 Share Posted May 20, 2019 (edited) If he is not your exclusive boyfriend or if he haven’t expressed desire to be your exclusive boyfriend then I wouldn’t think this is abnormal at all. If he was my exclusive boyfriend then I would be like hmmmmm. I wouldnt call him out buT I would definitely keep my eyes open. Most of my previous boyfriends would try to get me to leave things at their place and made me feel welcomed and was very comfortable with me leaving things (at their request). Edited May 20, 2019 by Curiousroxy86 Link to post Share on other sites
LoverOfDance Posted May 20, 2019 Share Posted May 20, 2019 Op, if you were dating the right person, you wouldn't be on here asking these questions. You clearly don't trust your gut. Dating is not complicated and if you were dating the right guy, you'd be able to see how uncomplicated and simple it is. I think that this guy is right for you, right now. Hopefully dating him might teach you to trust yourself more. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted May 20, 2019 Share Posted May 20, 2019 If I may offer a different take on this... I'm always careful that none of my girlfriends (past or present) ever leave anything at my house. No toothbrush, no deodorant, no clothing, nothing, what they pack in... they pack out. And my rule is based on previous experiences... first a woman leaves a toothbrush, then a few garments, then she wants a drawer, then part of a closet, then she starts hinting at wanting to move in. Then you are the bad guy when you say "NO". So if nothing is left behind, I am sending a clear message that I don't want your stuff here and I don't want to live with you. You have your place and I have mine. Also, if there is a breakup I've noticed that they want to come back to get their stuff and it turns into a fight or an awkward situation. So if nothing is stored at my house, then I don't have to worry about returning items or letting her pick the stuff up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author h0000 Posted May 20, 2019 Author Share Posted May 20, 2019 If I may offer a different take on this... I'm always careful that none of my girlfriends (past or present) ever leave anything at my house. No toothbrush, no deodorant, no clothing, nothing, what they pack in... they pack out. And my rule is based on previous experiences... first a woman leaves a toothbrush, then a few garments, then she wants a drawer, then part of a closet, then she starts hinting at wanting to move in. Then you are the bad guy when you say "NO". So if nothing is left behind, I am sending a clear message that I don't want your stuff here and I don't want to live with you. You have your place and I have mine. Does that mean you dont really love your GF (past or present) when you never wanted to live with them? Also, if there is a breakup I've noticed that they want to come back to get their stuff and it turns into a fight or an awkward situation. So if nothing is stored at my house, then I don't have to worry about returning items or letting her pick the stuff up. But why are you worrying about how to have a clean break up when you are still with them Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted May 20, 2019 Share Posted May 20, 2019 My woman leaves her stuff everywhere, l'm pretty sure she's pissing on her territory , which really turns me on to hell anyway haha so all is well. l know where to look though so l just do a quick run about when my other gf's coming and throw it all in a cupboard , just kidding , couldn't resist. Nah l only have the one. So yeah , that is odd. l feel some snooping could be in order here, 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gretchen12 Posted May 20, 2019 Share Posted May 20, 2019 If he won't allow you to leave anything at his place then you'd better not make yourself too comfortable. Don't touch anything, stay only in the livingroom, clothes stay on and don't stay past bedtime because that'd be overstaying your welcome. Even my neighbor doesn't mind if I left something at her place. Her kids toys are sometimes left in my yard. No problem! This guy of yours doesn't really want visitors. Some men are used to being alone and they really guard their palace. It need not be an issue because you can still go out on dates! Link to post Share on other sites
LauraXX Posted May 20, 2019 Share Posted May 20, 2019 My ex was the same and it irritated me. I was always hoping he'd forget his t-shirt or other things because we didn't see each other that often and I somehow enjoyed having at least some of his stuff around (and I loved the smell of his t-shirts ). But he always made sure that I didn't forget anything at his place. I remember when I decided to leave my toothbrush in his bathroom and found it in my bag when I unpacked it at home Well, the relationship didn't last and he never really wanted to commit to anything serious. So my gut feeling wasn't off.... The guy I'm currently seeing is completely different. He left his toothbrush & spare socks and underwear at my place after the third date (I'm not even kidding). He also doesn't mind if I leave stuff at his place (but I don't, since we're usually at my place anyway). I still don't think this is going to turn into a long term relationship (for various reasons), but it's somehow comforting to have some of his belongings at my place and to know that he feels comfortable here. Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted May 20, 2019 Share Posted May 20, 2019 Yeah, she left her best computer too last week, she has two. l'm thinking hmm, seems as her place is two hours flight away, l kinda like she that left it. Sometimes ya feel a bit weird that you'll be 2 hours flight apart again and in the back of your mind you know things could happen at her end or at my end. Not that l don't trust her buttt yaknow, shyt happens. lt's just sort of nice that she left something like that here with all the rest of her junk , l dunno. Link to post Share on other sites
Author h0000 Posted May 20, 2019 Author Share Posted May 20, 2019 (edited) I feel like I need to reiterate that I do not want to leave my stuff at his. I never want to secretly leave something and mark my territory. I always check my belongings before I leave. But if a guy reallly pays attention that I didnt forget anything, it makes me think " hmm, what's the big deal if I did?" But I wont snoop because of this. Because I didnt sense anything that would suggest hes seeing someone else. Also he let me stay(over) at his place comfortably, and I feel safe to visit whenever I want. I dont really have any gut feeling what it may mean. I guess the worst case scenario would be that he plans to ghost anytime so its easier I dont forget things behind. But I wont drive myself crazy over this notion since I dont have any evidence to back up this assumption Edited May 20, 2019 by h0000 Link to post Share on other sites
Andy_K Posted May 20, 2019 Share Posted May 20, 2019 It could be that he's just being attentive On the other hand.... a lot of dating advice sources cite a women 'forgetting' things as a territorial move or a test, with the objective being that if he seems cool with it he's more likely to be into you and less likely to be seeing others. With that in mind, if he's packing you up with all your stuff before you go, it could well be he's sending a clear message that you don't have any exclusive claim on his time or space. In which case, don't get too comfortable. He might not be seeing anyone else, but he's not looking for things to go to the next step yet. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted May 20, 2019 Share Posted May 20, 2019 The last thing a guy who is seeing other women wants, is for the last one to leave traces of her presence and complicate his life. Women tend to not like to see evidence of other women sleeping over. By making sure you leave nothing at his, he doesn't have to worry... Don't get too comfy here. Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted May 20, 2019 Share Posted May 20, 2019 It could be that he's just being attentive On the other hand.... a lot of dating advice sources cite a women 'forgetting' things as a territorial move or a test, with the objective being that if he seems cool with it he's more likely to be into you and less likely to be seeing others. With that in mind, if he's packing you up with all your stuff before you go, it could well be he's sending a clear message that you don't have any exclusive claim on his time or space. In which case, don't get too comfortable. He might not be seeing anyone else, but he's not looking for things to go to the next step yet. Yeah , this was the first thing crossed my mind. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted May 20, 2019 Share Posted May 20, 2019 Is this the same guy that, back on May 16th (last post), you thought was losing interest because he didn't text you first for a couple of days and stressing over that when you actually had a date scheduled already? That was four days ago. Now you're saying that "your boyfriend . . . every time I visit"??????? So, we should assume you had that date and now have been staying with him on a regular basis since then? If that's the case and you're calling him your boyfriend already, something's not right here. Houston, we have a problem 3 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 20, 2019 Share Posted May 20, 2019 Is this the same guy that you have only been seeing for a month, that you wonder if he's losing interest because he no longer texts you on a daily basis? Somebody being hypervigilant about you not leaving anything behind is not yet in a sharing mindset. It's one thing to assure you don't leave something important like glasses or a phone which would require an immediate return but something that could wait like a sweater or ring, it's a bit of a boundary. However since you have only known him a very short time, relax. If he's still drawing these lines to keep you out in 6 months revisit how open he is about sharing his life with you in other ways. Link to post Share on other sites
Author h0000 Posted May 20, 2019 Author Share Posted May 20, 2019 Is this the same guy that, back on May 16th (last post), you thought was losing interest because he didn't text you first for a couple of days and stressing over that when you actually had a date scheduled already? That was four days ago. Now you're saying that "your boyfriend . . . every time I visit"??????? So, we should assume you had that date and now have been staying with him on a regular basis since then? If that's the case and you're calling him your boyfriend already, something's not right here. Houston, we have a problem Did I call him my bf? I don't think so? Hes not a bf. Same guy yes but we arent in a relationship yet. Just exclusive dating stage. And he wanted exclusivity btw. We always see each other on a regular basis though, from the very beginning Link to post Share on other sites
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