am I in love with him in such a short time?

[Hineybee30]

Hey everyone,

 

I'm needing some help with how I'm feeling. I'm hoping someone can help me understand.

I'm very confused at the moment.

 

I met a beautiful, strong, funny, intelligent, good valued man only 7 weeks ago.

 

He moved very fast in the beginning but i put the breaks on as I was waiting to see if it was a red flag, if he was genuinely excited or in the rush of infatuation.

He wanted to see me so much in the beginning and messaged/called everyday and I reciprocated as much as I could.

I have 2 children and I don't have a strong support network around me so I found it difficult to meet him a lot of the time.

He understood this.

 

I then realise I have most likely been making up excuses because of my own fears and pride.

I know this because he asked to come to mine one night, I said no due to me being house proud (which is true and I'm having work done at home) but I felt so guilty because i had broke my own moral. I broke my moral of love before pride and I felt so guilty.

I tried to talk to him about it and I said that I felt so guilty that I didn't let him come over. He told me not to be daft and that I shouldn't think like that but did'nt ask why I felt guilty. I learned before this he just accepted things.

 

We spoke the next day and briefly the next. communication had lacked over these days. I message him saying I really missed him and wanted to see him and that I was starting to think he was'nt interested. He didn't respond and blocked me on his Facebook account.

 

Since this I realise I feel guilt for a lot of things. I feel guilty because I was a bit scared and it stopped me from doing the things Id normally do. The things I thought about doing when I was with him and I stopped myself.

 

What I'm stuck with now is everytime I think about our time shared together I was so happy. I was happy the whole god damn time. Everytime I think of him I cry and I miss him so much. I don't even miss the attention he give me. I so wanna show him how much I value him as a person. I wanna give him my love, my time and attention. I'm so appreciative of him. I haven't felt like this in a long time. Ive been on my own for 6 years.

 

I'm really confused because I've only known him a short time and I really wanna say that I'm caught in a ball of infatuation because of that reason but it doesn't feel like that.

 

could you guys give me some of your feedback please?

[FMW]

I think you are just strongly infatuated. Your misplaced guilt (I see no reason for you to have felt guilty)and then his sudden exit out of your life without explanation has just made everything seem more intense and meaningful.

 

You tried reaching out, don't do anything further unless and until you hear from him.

 

I truly believe when people are meant to be in our lives they will be - what is meant to be won't pass us by, even if we take a few missteps. On the flip side, what is NOT meant to be ours can't be held by us, no matter how hard we try.

[chillii]

lf it's any consolation l've had a lot of that too since my marriage , 6yrs too, still messes with me,getting on top of it, l realize for me it's a trust thing now no matter how good things are with us.

Your feelings l'd actually say were real for this guy unfortunately , but only you will ever really know, one day.

No idea why he blocked you like that, don;t do all the fb and media bs neither does gf, but it seems to be the thing with many these days,

Get the feeling though he was as dubious as you actually, sounds like he's been through stuff and still in and out emotionally, might've been more about fear than rejection of your thing.

And not asking those why things, he might've known already didn't want you feeling more uncomfortable, women are much more transparent than they realize.

Edited May 19, 2019 by chillii

[preraph]

He may have fled because he could tell you were emotional and maybe more invested than he was.

[gaius]

I think that after being alone for that long, to be suddenly flooded with attention and affection like that, it can really reawaken your desire for intimacy.

 

If he was honorable and the right one for you he'd still be around though. Not blocking you on Facebook. Thank him for what he reawakend in you and use that to find the right guy.

[OnlyHonesty]

This is not love, it's infatuation. The desire for love can mean a person convinces themselves it is something more. This then allows them to enjoy the fantasy as if it were real. However, there is another way. Be honest with yourself, admit that it is not love, and then still you can enjoy the feelings without fooling yourself in the process.

[mortensorchid]

You are/were in infatuation. This will wear off when the endorphins wear off, and it sounds like it did for him and now he's saying next. As should you. Move on.

[d0nnivain]

At this point how you feel no longer matters. He has blocked you & there is no getting around that. I'm sorry.

[smackie9]

You putting on the brakes, not being available all the time, wouldn't let him over at yours, saying you felt guilty without explanation.......now what does that look like if he was doing that to you? I think he got the impression you were seeing someone else and he just jumped ship.

[Gretchen12]

When you said you feel guilty not letting him come over, maybe he thought you had someone else over. But even if there was a misunderstanding, that's not the issue here.

 

His behavior reminds me of certain disorders where he'd put you on a pedastal and pursue fervantly, then when something throws his switch (possibly the misunderstanding), he suddenly devalues you (the block) as if you are nothing.

 

You are in distress, not in love. The distress is to be expected when you deal with his kind of behavior. He built you up then discarded you. That's not mentally healthy behavior.

 

You say you want to show him how much you value him, to show him your love. That's typical bargaining behavior after being discarded. Why do you think scammers are able to get (otherwise not stupid) people to send money? I'm not saying he's a scammer. Just that you need to understand human attachment behavior.

[elaine567]

He moved fast, then pressed to come over to yours for sex, he then quickly lost interest when you said no and then blocked you.

My guess he was just looking for sex.

[Gaeta]

He moved very fast in the beginning

 

He wanted to see me so much in the beginning and messaged/called everyday

 

He told me not to be daft and that I shouldn't think like that but did'nt ask why I felt guilty.

 

communication had lacked over these days.

 

He didn't respond aCd blocked me on his Facebook account.

 

 

 

All this is typical behavior of a man wanting to sweep you off of your feet to get you to bed asap.

 

 

You were-are infatuated, and you'll have to work your way out of this feeling. It will go away soon. Love has nothing to do with this rush of oxytocin we're experiencing at the beginning of a relatioship.

 

This man had no respect for your feelings or your time. He monopolized your time without regards to your responsibilities at home, he invited himself to your home and when you said no he again disregarded your feelings and only thought of what he was missing. There is nothing special about this man. He's a user and a manipulator. A genuine man will be concerned with not bothering you, he'll respect your time and won't impose himself on you at every moment of the day, he will also NEVER invite himself to your home and he'll wait for an official invite, a genuine man will care about your feelings. You need to take this man off the pedestal you've put him on.

 

 

.

[olivetree]

All that matters is that he blocked you with no explanation.

That shows how little he values you or cares.

It sucks but at least he showed you who he really is so early on.