Curious-One Posted May 12, 2019 Share Posted May 12, 2019 Just trying to get girls perspective here...i know a few average girls that have been single for some time now and i always wonder why dont they just get on tinder and find a bf. I know i am missing something but from my understanding any girl that signs up for online dating gets 1000's of options/matches a day. Now i know some of those guys are going to be only looking for sex or be sleezy but there has to be atleast 5-10 guys out of those 1000's that are genuine nice guys who are just shy and scared to talk to girls in real life. I am just imagining that if i had 1000 options on tinder i would definitely be able to find a few girls on there that are gf/wife material but that doesnt seem to be the case for girls and i always wonder how come. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 12, 2019 Share Posted May 12, 2019 (edited) I always wonder why dont they just get on tinder and find a bf. Because... It’s not that easy and it’s not safe. There are a lot of very creepy men online. They message every woman online hoping that someone will respond. In my very short time online, I was sexually propositioned and called a stuck up $%#£* because I told someone that I was “not interested in meeting him but I wished him well with his search.” Gosh, if all the men online were like my current boyfriend - sincere, nice guys who could be trusted and were in it for the right reasons... online dating would be wonderful. The reality is far from it though... Edited May 12, 2019 by BaileyB 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Curious-One Posted May 12, 2019 Author Share Posted May 12, 2019 (edited) Because... It’s not safe. Yah i figured that would be the case but at same time its very hard for me to believe there is not few guys on there that act normal and genuenly msg you wanting to get to know you rather then asking for sex immediately. I may be wrong though which is why i made this thread. . Edited May 12, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 12, 2019 Share Posted May 12, 2019 I'm a grown woman but years ago during the very brief time I did OLD it was horrible. I have never had problem meeting new men. Even in my late 30s, I could still catch a guy's eye in real life. That did not translate at all on OLD. I got rejection after rejection but never understood why. I consoled myself with flattering explanations I crafted in the face of silence. I was thin, reasonably attractive, tall, well dressed, well educated, financially stable, socially appropriate etc. The fact that I couldn't get a man to so much as write back to me when I sent a message though the app made no sense to me. Unlike the lament that women have full in-boxes all the time that was not my experience. Of the men I did communicate with, all were unsuitable. They were good on paper: quality educations, good jobs & genuinely nice guys, but they had no social skills & were just terribly awkward. I had never met so many people who couldn't carry a conversation in my life. I tried to be more open minded & accepted dates with 3 men, even though I wasn't attracted to any of them. All 3 dates were disasters -- awkward, painful. These guys were so stiff, looked like deer in headlights, gave me one word answers or talked about the most inappropriate things. One guy actually bragged to me that he'd been on over 300 1st dates, like that was a good thing. When my 90 day paid subscription ran out, I closed my computer & never looked back. I created a plan to meet new men in real life. I got a date on my 1st outing. He wasn't the guy for me; on our date I learned he was still hung up on his recent EX. Even though she was his favorite topic of conversation during the date, he was still charming. She wasn't the only thing we talked about & he realized he was doing it. He promised to stop & we had a 2nd date. At the end of that evening I said I thought he wasn't ready to date. He agreed. We parted amicably. Between my personal experience, the stories I heard from my husband about his experiences with nutty gold digging women on line when he was single & the stuff I have read here on LS, you couldn't pay me to post another profile if I ever found myself single again. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 12, 2019 Share Posted May 12, 2019 Yah i figured that would be the case but at same time its very hard for me to believe there is not few guys on there that act normal and genuenly msg you wanting to get to know you rather then asking for sex immediately. I may be wrong though which is why i made this thread. . But, women have to weed through the messages to try and find the men who are sincere. It’s not fun and it’s not easy. You message with someone a few times, maybe even talk on the phone or meet them, only to learn that you got it wrong and he is just like all the others... Trust me, some will show themselves early but not all. It’s exhausting - to get your hopes up only to be disappointed. It takes a tremendous amount of trust to do online dating. It wasn’t for me, at all... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 12, 2019 Share Posted May 12, 2019 Donnivain, my boyfriend says the same... there are equally strange women online - flakey, gold digging, sexually aggressive... he has little good to say too. And I agree about the social skills. Many of the men I “dated” had abysmally poor social skills. I was trying to make it work with men that I would not date in real life. And then, feeling badly about myself when they didn’t respond or when it didn’t work out. It was crushing. I was much happier when I decided never to do it again... I decided, I would rather be single... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 12, 2019 Share Posted May 12, 2019 BaileyB Exactly! Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted May 12, 2019 Share Posted May 12, 2019 I had tons of attention when I was online and booked 2-3 dates a week. I still had to meet over 200 men over a period of 3 years to finally meet my boyfriend. Most men I met on there pretended to be searching for a serious relationship, many men on there were mostly trying to get over their recent break up, a lot of them were in relationships, I met very few genuine single men ready to date seriously. When I logged online I could have 10-15 messages, I was lucky if 1 was worth a reply. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted May 12, 2019 Share Posted May 12, 2019 Quantity never equals quality. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ericw899 Posted May 12, 2019 Share Posted May 12, 2019 Quantity never equals quality. Yeah but you got to be in it to win it. As a guy I get maybe one match a week if lucky & it’s usually some random girl that I’m convinced I never even swiped on who lives 50 miles away. I rather have 50 matches where 45 of them suck & 5 are good, than 1-2 matches all together. For women who thinks online dating sucks, try being an average or even above average looking guy. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted May 12, 2019 Share Posted May 12, 2019 Just trying to get girls perspective here...i know a few average girls that have been single for some time now and i always wonder why dont they just get on tinder and find a bf. Perhaps because they don't want to? Perhaps they'd rather build their construct on face to face interaction and not live in their heads for weeks/months building and investing in a false construct of who the guy is? Really, it all depends upon why the person is on a dating app to begin with. but there has to be atleast 5-10 guys out of those 1000's that are genuine nice guys who are just shy and scared to talk to girls in real life. but it's not the girl's problem that you don't have the balls to step up and ask for what you want. Are you a child or a man? Figure that out and act accordingly. I am just imagining that if i had 1000 options on tinder i would definitely be able to find a few girls on there that are gf/wife material but that doesnt seem to be the case for girls and i always wonder how come. You are operating on a fantasy of what you want to believe is going on and not the reality. What these girls are entitled to is their preferences in a romantic partner--and if you don't do it for them, you'll get passed on. Doesn't matter the reason why---just like you don't owe a girl you're not attracted to any attention or affection just because she fancies you--neither do the girls you seek. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
2much4 Posted May 12, 2019 Share Posted May 12, 2019 I'd like to add: Even if you are lucky and you do find a few decent guys (which there are), there is no guarantee you will click in real life. It's impossible to know from a picture whether you'll be attracted to someone. Maybe they smell weird, only talk about themselves or there just isn't any chemistry. I've had many first dates with perfectly normal men, who just didn't do it for me. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted May 12, 2019 Share Posted May 12, 2019 I've never done OLD. The stories I hear from my friends who do (as well as the posts here on LS) convince me I've made the right decision. If someone just wants to go on dates and doesn't live in an area where they are able to meet available people IRL, then I see why someone might be tempted to try OLD. But otherwise, if you're looking for a real connection and not just a way to fill your calendar, I don't see the appeal. Link to post Share on other sites
Curiousroxy86 Posted May 12, 2019 Share Posted May 12, 2019 If I was looking for a body that came my way that was alive and have a penis and I had no preferences, standards, or expectations then finding a boyfriend online would be very easy for me or any woman lol There are a few factors atleast for me that can make finding a boyfriend from online a bit of a challenge 1. I have to be attracted. He don’t have to be gorgeous but he can’t be ugly to me. If I can’t imagine kissing him then it’s not going to go down. I don’t think I’m that picky in this area. I find a good number of guys attractive enough in the face. However I have found I can easily get turned off by a guys voice lol. There have been three guys that there profile pic was handsome but there voice really threw me off and I genuinely did not want to meet them because of the phone call. Honestly I feel so bad about that but don’t know how to change how turned off I get when that happens lol. Another thing imma tall girl. I wish I was short i really would give cute short guys a chance. I roll my eyes at girls who are 5’5 but won’t date a guy that’s the same height. So me being 5’11 I only date guys 5’9 and above and call myself trying to be non-picky going two inches below. But nothing lower than that sadly. And nothing against the shorter guy it’s just I would feel so unattractive if I have to lean down and kiss my guy. So as you can see I lower my own dating pool because of my own preferences. Another thing is sometimes (doesn’t happen all the time) I agree to go on the actual date and unfortunately just not attracted in person. If he seemed like a decent guy I sometimes try to go to a max of three dates to see if this could grow but if not I let it go. I really hate it when I experience that because sometimes we seem to get along great on the dates and I might have been attracted enough to the profile picture and conversation over the phone but all because I am not attracted enough in person I have to let go of possibly a great match. It sucks but if I’m going to be in a romantic relationship I need a little bit of romantic attraction. Don’t need a whole lot but it’s does have to be something there. 2. I refuse to do long distance. I won’t date a guy that lives more than 45 minutes away. I live in a medium sized town that’s not considered small but not a major popular city either. I get a lot of guys online who message me but is too far. And their profiles look so great too but I ignore them. Sometimes I wish I live in one of the larger popular cities but that desire is not big enough for me to want to relocate atleast not at this time. 3. A lot of guys that pursue online is not compatible in areas I deem very important and looks for in a boyfriend. I eventually will ignore guys who don’t call consistently, don’t ask me out consistently, flaky, not follow through, or reveal some deal breaking red flag like you tell me your separated though your profile said divorced, you live with a female who you use to date/fwb though your profile says single, you hav e a prison record, your 420 friendly (some recent sh*t I’ve been seeing), your car in the shop, you have more than two baby mamas, you have two kids that are the same age and they are not twins (lmao two newer ones I discovered in one month), you live long distance but your profile says your in my city (another recent wtf). How it normally goes for me when it comes to online dating alone that a lot of guys do message me, only a select few I end up responding to and maybe conversing because they are attractive enough and local, and only one would stand out from the rest of the horde by calling consistently, asking out consistently, and not show any deal breaking red flags that ends up either becoming potential boyfriend or actually my boyfriend (assuming one from offline isn’t doing that already). Just the way the cookie crumbles 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Curiousroxy86 Posted May 12, 2019 Share Posted May 12, 2019 I do want to say I don’t have anything against online. Two of my most toxic relationships came from offline. And despite that I don’t have anything against offline either. So imo and experience which shapes the way I see things is I can meet wrong guys anywhere. I can have dry spells anywhere. And on a more positive note I can meet a great guy anywhere. Only takes one. I tend to look at dating in general on a more simplistic macro view and not get hung up on the specifics. At the end of the day whether offline or online there are only few guys I will encounter that I am attracted to, out of those guys a few will pursue or show interest, and out of those guys it’s my job to eliminate the ones that’s not compatible and/or doesn’t treat me right until I find one that is compatible and treats me well for a lifetime. It is what it is and it’s simple as that. Link to post Share on other sites
TheFinalWord Posted May 12, 2019 Share Posted May 12, 2019 (edited) At the end of the day whether offline or online there are only few guys I will encounter that I am attracted to, out of those guys a few will pursue or show interest, and out of those guys it’s my job to eliminate the ones that’s not compatible and/or doesn’t treat me right until I find one that is compatible and treats me well for a lifetime. It is what it is and it’s simple as that. Curious, you're basically looking for the male version of a "ride or die." I've yet to find such a woman. It's like finding a needle in a haystack. Maybe I need to get a prison record. You see these women that will put their freedom on the line to smuggle drugs to their imprisoned boyfriend serving two life sentences. Speaking of curiosity, how challenging is the height parameter if you don't mind me asking? With only 14.5% of US males being 6'+, I imagine this parameter eliminates a lot of potentials. I know you said you'd go down to 5'9", but I'm curious if some of those men you give three dates but still don't feel a connection, is because they're shorter than you? What is the reason for not feeling attraction, despite having good looks, fun dates, and a good profile, after three dates? Just curious because you seem to be one of the more introspective women around here and I know you put a lot of thought into what you are looking for in a partner. Edited May 12, 2019 by TheFinalWord 2 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted May 12, 2019 Share Posted May 12, 2019 Yeah but you got to be in it to win it. As a guy I get maybe one match a week if lucky & it’s usually some random girl that I’m convinced I never even swiped on who lives 50 miles away. I rather have 50 matches where 45 of them suck & 5 are good, than 1-2 matches all together. For women who thinks online dating sucks, try being an average or even above average looking guy. By the sounds of it, none are ever good. Link to post Share on other sites
Curiousroxy86 Posted May 12, 2019 Share Posted May 12, 2019 (edited) Curious, you're basically looking for the male version of a "ride or die." I've yet to find such a woman. It's like finding a needle in a haystack. Maybe I need to get a prison record. You see these women that will put their freedom on the line to smuggle drugs to their imprisoned boyfriend serving two life sentences. Lmao It’s funny you say that cause I’m sooooo not ride or die. I’m loyal only if your good to me or not a major liability. Like if my guy gets himself landed in prison it’s so over. I don’t know I feel like it should be easy to keep your a** out of jail The height thing alone hasn’t been too bad of a challenge. Luckily I have attracted guys tall as or taller and I have dated a bit shorter but the reason it didn’t work out was due to things other then height. Some were deal breaking red flags. Now the guys I mentioned where I wasn’t attracted in person I couldn’t put my finger on why I didn’t feel any romantic attraction really. They were not butt ugly or anything. I would say decent looking enough. We had a great time on the date. Respectful and one was so funny. But man I just didn’t want to kiss them or interact in a romantic way. And that bothered me to my core and still does honestly. I don’t know if it was chemistry. I really can’t figure out why I wasn’t attracted. And those few instances really does kind of worry me because I can easily point to great reasons to eliminate a potential without second thought such as don’t find them physically appealing at all, he doesn’t believe in marriage, he is unkind....but when the reason just doesn’t seem like a clear good reason it’s a bit unsettling for me and can’t help but think I could be letting go of someone who is perfect for me *shrugs*. Edited May 12, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted May 12, 2019 Share Posted May 12, 2019 ...But man I just didn’t want to kiss them or interact in a romantic way. That is the bottom line. It is often the first filter applied in real life. In OLD it is not quite so easy to spot who will pass this test, hence the first meet, the first date then "Oh sorry, no..." 2 Link to post Share on other sites
OatsAndHall Posted May 12, 2019 Share Posted May 12, 2019 I have a female friend that I actually met via OLD but she's stopped using the sites completely. She went out in a date with a guy that ended up stalking her for six solid months. She blocked him from the site, on her phone and on all social media but the sick weirdo actually started using burner cell phones to call her. That doesn't even include the number of fake Facebook and Twitter accounts he opened to get send her messages. He violated a no-contact order repeatedly and it took him spending some time in the local jail to get rid of him. And, this goes both ways. I picked up a stalker via Match after using the site for two months. I had to call the cops on her twice and get a restraining order as she tried to get into my place after I called it off with her. She called me 30+ times in two hours one night and sent just as many texts. Some of the voice messages and texts she was sending me were scary.. She was boiling bunnies, through and through. There's quality people on those sites but when things go south, they go south in a hurry. Meeting people in RL isn't just easier; it's safer. I shot pool with a woman one night at a local bar and we swapped numbers and planned a date. My buddies that shoot pool know her and warned me that she was married with two kids. Had I met her via OLD, there's a good chance I would've been in a bad, bad situation. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 12, 2019 Share Posted May 12, 2019 only the attractive women online get that many responses/day Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted May 13, 2019 Share Posted May 13, 2019 A guy I know once described dating sites as "the used car lot of love" In my experience, 99% of the men fall into two categories: 1. "good on paper" guys looking for hookups 2. "bad on paper" guys looking for relationships (probably because it's the only way they can get sex) Link to post Share on other sites
Highndry Posted May 13, 2019 Share Posted May 13, 2019 I don't think there's a lot of high quality people on dating sites, period. Speaking of curiosity, how challenging is the height parameter if you don't mind me asking? With only 14.5% of US males being 6'+, I imagine this parameter eliminates a lot of potentials. Are you sure about that number? Wow, I guess I'm luckier than I thought with my height. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BreakOnThrough Posted May 13, 2019 Share Posted May 13, 2019 OLD is filled with crazy people, 90% at least, on both sides. Link to post Share on other sites
divegrl Posted May 13, 2019 Share Posted May 13, 2019 That one time I was on OLD.... Men would constantly lie to me They told me they wanted a relationship, when all they wanted was sex Men told me they really cared for me and then disappeared I could never discern the good guys from the bad guys. Even though I only met a couple a guys per week in real life, it was a much better experience. Link to post Share on other sites
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