Feelinghurt900 Posted May 11, 2019 Share Posted May 11, 2019 My friends daughter who is very close with our family is suffering from brain cancer. She had a setback this past week and then an emergency operation and has been hospitalized ever since. Needless to say me and my children are very worried about her condition. Since this Sunday is Mother’s Day me, my boyfriend and my son are invited to his daughters for brunch. We’ve gone there many times for holidays with a smile on my face. My other child is a daughter who lives out of state and since our family friend is so ill she decided to come in this weekend to see her and me for mother’s day. However, because there’s not a lot of time we would never be unable to go to my boyfriends daughters house and hospital. . She’s only flying in for 24 hours. I told him we can have dinner together after I drop her off at the airport mid afternoon. I explained this to him he got really pissed and said do you “do you mean your daughter will not go to my daughters house?”. First I said to him are you more concerned about your daughter than our sick family friend? I know how he doesn’t wanna be alone but the truth is it’s his entire family are going to be there. My daughter doesn’t care for him to begin with so I understand why he is sensitive but still you think that he would be understanding and say to me something like I’m sorry to hear that she so sick and yes if that’s the only time you can go to the hospital don’t worry about my daughters brunch and we can catch up later in the day. It’s my Mother’s Day as well but he seems to forget. Am I being overly sensitive or is he just not sensitive or narcissistic? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 11, 2019 Share Posted May 11, 2019 I am so sorry about your family friend. I get the sense that your BF is not that close to the woman so her illness is not "real" to him. He is focused on family harmony & is concerned that his daughter will see all of this as a slight. Give him a pass (but don't completely forget this happened). Send a nice hostess type gift to his daughter from you & your family. If you are close enough with his daughter to call her, do that. She may be more understanding then her dad. Your BF may be concerned that his daughter spent a lot of money buying food for everyone & that she's feel upset that she wasted her money & time. Stick to your plan to have dinner with BF after you drop your daughter at the AP. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 11, 2019 Share Posted May 11, 2019 I think Donnivain hit the nail on the head in terms of why he may have responded in the way he did... the simple truth remains, his response was insensitive. To expect you to go to his daughters house with all that is going on is rather selfish and I would politely decline, as you have done. I personally hate the word narcissism. It seems to be a convenient table used to describe any kind of bad behaviour. It’s thrown around so much these days, it’s pretty much lost it’s meaning to me... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted May 11, 2019 Share Posted May 11, 2019 If that is the extent of his behavior that makes you think that he is a narcissist, you don't understand narcissism. It is insensitive but not necessarily narcissistic. There would be a whole bunch of other indicators on top of something like this that would warrant labeling him with that. Let's just say we told you that he is for sure a narcissist. Will you dump him? If he were truly narcissistic, you'd be wanting to. But, everyone has some narcissistic traits by nature. It is what protects us and allows us to love ourselves so that we take care of ourselves. If this man were a disordered narcissist, you would be worrying about a lot of other behaviors and attitudes and over a period of time, not just this isolated situation and you'd likely be on the verge of breaking up with him but scared as hell to do it and trying to figure out how to get away from him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted May 11, 2019 Share Posted May 11, 2019 I could not explain it better than d0nnivain did. I would like to add you find him insensitive but I don't see you trying to understand his position or his daughter's disappointment. Sometimes only acknowledging other people's disappointment helps. I would call his daughter and apologize for not being present. Also, why label your boyfriend narcissistic so quickly? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted May 11, 2019 Share Posted May 11, 2019 It is about loyalty. From your bf's POV, you are choosing your family friend's sick daughter, someone he doesn't really know and your daughter, a woman who doesn't like him, over the present "family unit", ie you, him, your son and his daughter. You are also allowing/enabling your daughter to snub him and his daughter, and he doesn't like it. Link to post Share on other sites
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