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I'm not happy anymore


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Hi,

 

 

My girlfriend and i have been together for a year now (since may). I have started feeling kind of unhappy around at the end of the year, so almost 6 months ago. I have been on the verge of breaking up with her a few times, but always swept it under the rug.

 

 

The worst thing about it is that she's a really good person. Loves me, really cares about me, she's someone that you can really count on, on the long run, but i just don't feel it anymore. She's pretty, but i kind of lost interest in her physically because she's religious and doesn't want to have sex till marriage. She's my 2nd girlfriend, but my first serious one and i have never had sex and definitely don't want to wait years for it.

 

 

 

We also have different lifestyles, because i have a good paying job and she's still studying, so it's very hard to life our life normally, like traveling and stuff, unless i pay for it (which i do, but it bothers her and i also don't have unlimited money to pay for more expensive trips for the both of us).

 

 

 

I don't feel like talking to her anymore, i'm not really interested in the things she's saying and annoyed by her sometimes. Also i'm not really "there" when we go to a restaurant and wants to cancel our dates.

 

 

 

I feel like i'm missing out on life. I kind of fantasize about breaking up and going on dates, but i'm also scared of being alone, which is a big reason that i'm still with her. We go to the same community and share a lot of friends, so i'm not sure how it would end. I also don't have a lot of really close friends.

 

 

 

I have tried to talk to her about sex, but i don't want to force it if she wants to wait. I also feel like the sex would not help anymore and the lack of sex is not the problem anymore. For a long time i though it was, but if i imagine now that we would start doing it, i feel like i wouldn't really be happier. I have a problem of saying "i love you" to her for months now.

 

 

I would really appreciate your advice. Is it really that obvious that we should break up and i'm just scared of being alone? I'm honestly worried about missing out on a good thing, which can be either her or someone else and i don't want to regret my decision. I feel like i have unrealistic expectations, because this is my first serious relationship and i'm scared that i would always feel like this, no matter who i am with.

 

 

I have though about this a lot and honestly can't figure out why i feel like this, i'm just not feeling it anymore. Do you have any advice on how i should weight the pros and cons and decide based on it, or how do you decide on a situation like this? Thanks very much.

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Unfortunately it happens, feelings fade or disappear completely. Your loss of interest isn't just about sex, it's about general interest in her.

 

I assume you've already weighed the pros and cons, there is no real trick to that. I think you're probably just not comfortable with your conclusion.

 

You should let her go so that both of you can move on to find someone better suited.

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On the face of it the spark seems to be gone and that points towards ending it,

 

 

however I would caution, she sounds a really decent girl in lots of ways and it is not always easy to find a loving loyal partner, I would not throw this away without being very sure about it,

 

 

you need to develop a few more interests yourself also, find out what floats your boat as such, develop new activities and new friends

 

 

It may be that in time that the two of you will drift apart, go in different directions,

 

 

perhaps you should start looking for that direction first though before you end it,

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You've outgrown her. It happens.

 

Make the break up talk sooner than later.

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Sounds like you've lost that lovin feelin. Also sounds like maybe not the best match to do with life stages.

 

You ARE wasting your life. Go have sex. It won't change your life or anything, but go have it and then see what you want to do.

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d0nnivain

You can't stay with somebody just because you would prefer not to hurt their feelings. She will get over you.

 

Break up with her sooner rather than later. It's more cruel to be kind by leading her on.

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mortensorchid

I think you know the answer here unfortunately which is that the sparks are gone, you are too different, you have outgrown one another. And it's best that you do it sooner rather than later. You'll be sad but life goes on.

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But what if these struggles are normal in a long-term relationship and i'm just letting it go too easily? What i will feel the same way on my next one? As i said, this is my first serious relationship, so the problem is that i have no idea what to expect.

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But what if these struggles are normal in a long-term relationship and i'm just letting it go too easily? What i will feel the same way on my next one? As i said, this is my first serious relationship, so the problem is that i have no idea what to expect.

 

These struggles aren't normal in a long term relationship. A relationship is only worth keeping if it improves your life and makes you happy. Besides, its unfair you stay with her just because you don't want to be alone, not only are you wasting your time, you're wasting hers.

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But what if these struggles are normal in a long-term relationship and i'm just letting it go too easily? What i will feel the same way on my next one? As i said, this is my first serious relationship, so the problem is that i have no idea what to expect.

 

 

I'm going to disagree with some of these commenters and tell you that part of what you are experiencing IS normal. All relationships lose that "spark" after the honeymoon period. However, I'll go further and say that you haven't even fully experienced an intimate relationship because you two have never had sex. That's what "consummates" it.

 

Be very careful in your decision, because good women are difficult to come by these days.

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TheFinalWord

OP, what is yours and hers age?

 

Does she suspect you are not happy?

 

Have you given her any indication that you're unhappy?

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These struggles aren't normal in a long term relationship. A relationship is only worth keeping if it improves your life and makes you happy. Besides, its unfair you stay with her just because you don't want to be alone, not only are you wasting your time, you're wasting hers.

 

I'm not just with her because i don't want to be alone. I honestly can't decide if i have a real reason to break up or just that the honeymoon phase is over.

 

OP, what is yours and hers age?

 

Does she suspect you are not happy?

 

Have you given her any indication that you're unhappy?

 

Yes, we have talked about this about a week ago when i almost broke up with her. She's 23 and i'm 28.

 

She also noticed a while ago that i'm that eager on our dates anymore. We have talked about it but didn't really come to a conclusion. She wants to be with me, and i have to decide. She asked about what i don't like about her and i mostly said that i don't feel the physical attraction anymore, which is i think because of the lack of sex.

Edited by chris014
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elaine567

You have only been together for a year and since 6 months in you have been unhappy and want to split up with her. You can hardly bear to even talk to her she annoys you so much...

This is madness.

End it now.

This is not going to improve, that is not how it works.

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d0nnivain
But what if these struggles are normal in a long-term relationship and i'm just letting it go too easily? What i will feel the same way on my next one? As i said, this is my first serious relationship, so the problem is that i have no idea what to expect.

 

The hot & steamy can't keep our hands off each other does fade over time but that spark stays in a good relationship. When I woke up this morning & rolled over to see my bare-chested husband of 10+ years with a sheet draped over his lower half . . . let's just say it reignited my lust for him all over again. The spark itself does not go away. No I don't spend hours daydreaming about him any more but I still want him & am very grateful that he's mine.

 

As for the other issues in your relationship: lifestyle & religion are almost always deal breakers. She has a certain set of values you don't share, particularly her desire to wait until marriage for sex. While you don't have embrace that you absolutely cannot demand she abandon that for you. Since you are done waiting & don't want to marry her, let her go.

 

You are young. It is perfectly normal for you to feel a sense of wonder about the world & want to experience as much of it as you can while you are young. Staying & denying yourself that will only cause you to resent your partner at middle age. There will come a time when the world can't compare to how much you love your partner. Then you will know you have something.

 

Now, you have spent 1/2 of this relationship wanting out. Stop living a lie & go sow some wild oats before it's too late.

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GeorgiaPeach1

You need to sit her down ASAP and break the news to her that it's over. Leading her on that you're into the relationship so that you can buy time to adjust to the coming split is cold-blooded.

 

Thank goodness she didn't sleep with you, because you'd be gone along with her virginity. I hope she saves it for a man who will love and cherish her for a lifetime.

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OP, you not wanting to continue in a relationship out of which you're not getting enough of what it is you need is reason enough to end it. It doesn't make you less of anything when you don't want to contort yourself into a position in order to make someone else happy while you be miserable. That's just stupid and unnecessary.

 

Her being a virgin and all that is her issue--you don't have to be a part of a no sex relationship, especially when you're not married to her, if you want to have sex with your girlfriend. She ain't that one and perhaps you both needed to stay in your lanes and choose partners whose life style and outlook are the same.

 

You and she are incompatible on a lot of levels and that's why she's bugging the eff out of you these days--because you know deep down it's not going to get any better than what you've already experienced with her.

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I don't doubt that she is a great person, but if you are bored and unhappy then leave before it's too late. You don't have kids, so it should be fairly easy to get out. Yes, it will be lonely for a while, but both you and she will be all right.

 

That is fine if she wants to be a virgin, and it's fine that you don't want to wait for years to have sex. Neither of you are wrong, but you are definitely incompatible.

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Gretchen12

It's very possible that you got into this relationship for the wrong reasons in the first place, and that it's not so much that you lost feelings but you never had feelings for her. You overlooked incompatibility in the beginning, and got into a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship.

 

This is quite common and with experience, you will not only know yourself better, but you'll also learn to spot the people who don't really like you but want you just because they think they should or because the attention feels good.

 

It's nothing to beat yourself up for. We learn about ourselves by going through this. You need to have been dumped and have dumped someone before you know what you're doing.

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bathtub-row

She’s religious, you’re not. Big problem right away. You’re feeling what you feel for a good reason and this is hardly that long term of a relationship. If you’re feeling this way this soon, that’s a big red flag. Go live your life, free yourself of someone that you’re already pulling away from.

 

I married someone like that years ago. I broke up with him shortly before the wedding but we got back together. 6 years later, we were divorced. I should’ve listened to my instincts way back then. Don’t do this to yourself.

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This isn't morally right BUT, the answer to your issue is that you go find some prospective GF before you dump her. IMO your GF is emotionally stepping out, just like you. You both sound unhappy/don't care, so go out there and meet someone new. Even if it's just talking to someone, that might be the push you need to bring yourself to breakup. It's a coward's way out, but hey...no one is perfect.

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