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I'm not sure how to word this properly and precisely but I will do the best I can so people can understand.

 

 

 

I've been seeing/dating a lady, relationship is only 2-3 months old and things aren't looking blue(I say blue because it's a color for peace). We started off well, getting to know each other and along the way she shared a few painful timelines of her childhood( I can't confirm this) such as being emotionally abused by her father, being told she wouldn't amount to anything in life and I think this has wounded her deeply even to the point of affecting her at work and daily life that she has to take anti-depressant medication to be stable. We're both in our early 30s and at the moment I am hoping something good will come off this but I am not sure at present.

 

 

 

Firstly she's agreed to go back to school (after much encouragement/my deal if she'd like more than a relationship to come out of this) but I feel she's only doing this because I asked her to and not because she wants to. Last night she had a bit of a quarrel with her Mum over if she's taking her studies seriously and she got upset with that(By the way I've met her Mum and she says she's advised my girlfriend to go back to school after not making it as a SFX makeup artist but she refused to listen). Currently her goals this year is to lose some weight and study but she gets overwhelmed easily even with the smallest things or maybe I'm assuming this because I'm a guy and it's probably easy for us to shed things and get it on with life.

 

 

 

My other issue is the blatant disrespect, sometimes I might be teasing her and she'd call me some rude word but then retract it and say "I still love you", I told my best friend and he says that's emotional abuse but again I shrugged it off ( I guess that's what you do when you love someone) plus the constant nagging of wanting to get married quickly, I know time ticks off for a woman but with all I'm seeing right now I don't think I'm in the right mind for this and if I sit her down to talk with her, she starts to cry. Another one maybe if I refuse to hold her hands in public or give her a kiss before we get into the car, she'll literally grab me by the shirt to get it. At first I saw it as her being playful but it's really getting out of hand.

 

 

 

Has anyone guy genuinely been in this situation? If so how did you handle it? My best friend thinks I'm taking on too much with this lady. I like her a lot and I'm generally a quiet person but I feel my mind/common sense is starting to speak up.

Edited by dwizy
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I'veseenbetterlol

Her behavior is unacceptable and that is abuse. She cannot treat you that way. Doesn't matter what kind of crappy life she had. The crying is manipulation. I would leave, you aren't obligated to be her savior nor are you her punching bag.

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On her side, pestering for marriage is too much, too soon.

 

On your side, if she's calling you names when you tease her, it's likely because your words cut. So if you don't like the names, stop teasing.

 

And yes, when you made a deal involving her returning to education, you made it about you. So she's doing it for you. If you want her to do something because it's her own choice, don't hold the relationship hostage to get her to agree.

 

Why would you refuse to hold her hand in public? And are you also refusing to kiss her before getting in the car?

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Versacehottie

That is a sh*tload of baggage to have dumped in the first couple of months. I would ask you OP why in the world would you want to be with someone who approaches life in such a heavy way?

 

I vote move on. Good luck

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She's not the one for you and you are not the one for her. I do understand a person like her has certain expectation of the level of attention she requires to feel comfortable among other things. She's 30+ she isn't going to change much now and there isn't anything that you can do to help. Your friend is right, this is too much for you to handle.

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She had her bad parents for role models, and seems like she's following in their footsteps. Sounds like she's acting like them still. Might take years for her to find out that isn't working for her and understand where it came from. Meanwhile, if she has kids, it will be continuing the cycle of abuse, most likely.

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She wants to marry you right away because she doesn't want to get out there and work and support herself. She's hoping you will want to spend the rest of your natural life working your butt off so she can stay at home and be taken care of like her mom's doing with her right now.

 

I'd stop seeing her as soon as I could. She's got so much she needs to be working out with a therapist. That's what she needs right now, not a boyfriend.

 

You need to get away.

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