New girl is pretty but insecure. Should I move on?

[dateme]

So I've been seeing a girls who is a formal model. She's super hot!! But she's really insecure. I thought because she was so pretty she would have the big head but she doesn't. But she constantly needs reassurance. It's annoying. The plus is she doesn't ever argue. Anybody deal with super pretty women before? Is this normal.

[smackie9]

No she's an insecure person that happens to be very attractive. Anyone can be really insecure..... pretty, average or unattractive.

[preraph]

It's not normal, but think about it. She's insecure to begin with and all her eggs are in her one basket of being pretty. She may fall apart as looks fade unless she finds some self-esteem through something productive like work.

[smackie9]

I've met super hot...the min they open their mouth they become super unattractive.

[spiderowl]

I would guess that when someone is very pretty, people will tell them that a lot, like it really matters, and they will soon realise that looks are important. They may fear not being perfect enough, especially if they are shy and lacking confidence anyway.

 

It might be annoying to you but what would you do if she was not pretty? What would you say to her then when she was insecure? You seem to be assuming that because she is attractive, she should be confident. Love her and support her like any decent guy would do for his girlfriend.

[Versacehottie]

I know a few girls like this. Basically for some that get attention primarily for their looks, compounded by it being her work, they don't develop or place much value on what else they have to offer. It doesn't mean they don't have other things to offer but they will rely and look for validation in what areas they are most likely to get it. Also if she is a former model she may even be more desperate to hang onto that validation and a little unsure of how to figure out what to do next (meaningful job and validation-wise).

 

What if you give her a good deal of attention when she is being funny or sweet or having a good conversation with you? And DON'T give her reassurance when she is looking for it about looks. Right now she is probably getting some reassurance about her looks from you which is why she keeps playing that card. Also you could tell her a "fictional" story (or a real one if you have one) about a friend who became disinterested when someone was only about looks--hopefully you get the picture on that--and that she gets the hint there.

 

I think you should give it a bit of a chance but if it doesn't turn around pretty soon, you probably want to pass this one up. Good luck

[Hopeful30]

Looks have nothing to do with it. If a person is insecure, it is their *perception* that needs changing, not their physical form.

 

I'm curious why you are asking if you should continue dating her when you already stated that it's "annoying" that she's so insecure.

[preraph]

When a woman is super hot like a model, sometimes she has had no reason to expand and achieve things for herself as much. She has what she needs to get a man, to cherry pick pretty much any job or work field she wants. But having it given to you for your looks doesn't build your self-esteem.

 

Achievement is what builds self-esteem. Yes, parents can help with self-esteem, but these days they make the mistake of thinking constant reward and compliment will create self-esteem. It doesn't. Being loved creates security and achievement creates self-esteem, so parents need to support their kids' efforts to achieve things for themselves.

[BaileyB]

Whether you continue to date this woman or not will depend on what you value in a relationship and what is most important to you in a partner...

[JuneL]

I know a few girls like this. Basically for some that get attention primarily for their looks, compounded by it being her work, they don't develop or place much value on what else they have to offer. It doesn't mean they don't have other things to offer but they will rely and look for validation in what areas they are most likely to get it. Also if she is a former model she may even be more desperate to hang onto that validation and a little unsure of how to figure out what to do next (meaningful job and validation-wise).

 

What if you give her a good deal of attention when she is being funny or sweet or having a good conversation with you? And DON'T give her reassurance when she is looking for it about looks. Right now she is probably getting some reassurance about her looks from you which is why she keeps playing that card. Also you could tell her a "fictional" story (or a real one if you have one) about a friend who became disinterested when someone was only about looks--hopefully you get the picture on that--and that she gets the hint there.

 

I think you should give it a bit of a chance but if it doesn't turn around pretty soon, you probably want to pass this one up. Good luck

 

I thought he wrote the girl is a formal model...apparently, I’m not the only one who needs a new pair of glasses

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I thought he wrote the girl is a formal model...apparently, I’m not the only one who needs a new pair of glasses

 

He did write that lol! I think he probably met "former" though. I don't know what a "formal" model is unless she only models evening gowns.

[JuneL]

He did write that lol! I think he probably met "former" though. I don't know what a "formal" model is unless she only models evening gowns.

 

My bad, if that’s the case I thought it meant she’s a professional model, not someone who models informally.

[alphamale]

I've met super hot...the min they open their mouth they become super unattractive.

 

mostly, but not always

[malaiyas]

You're the only one who can decide if it's something you can accept.

 

It's worth your while to consider just how deep the insecurity runs and what else it may transcend into. Otherwise, I agree with the post above that stated that it's her perception that needs changing. That takes a lot of personal hard work, and she's the only one who can work on it. No amount of reassurance is going to aid this if she doesn't already believe it and know it from within.

[amaysngrace]

Maybe she was brought up thinking that her looks are all she has going for her so without modeling she’s worthless.

 

Whose idea was it to start her into modeling? Her parents’ or her own?

 

It must be hard being a model. You always see younger ones coming along who are more valuable simply because they’re younger than you are.

 

If I were you I’d give less compliments on her outer appearance and more compliments on her inner beauty, whatever that may be.

[chillii]

Extra good looks can leave some sorta under developed mentally because of the way they've been treated and noticed all their life , for basically doing nothing but looking great.

like the dumb blonde thing.

 

So yeah , doesn't surprise me one bit. And unfortunately someone too insecure yeah , can be totally draining after awhile.

Edited May 8, 2019 by chillii

[Hopeful30]

Extra good looks can leave some sorta under developed mentally because of the way they've been treated and noticed all their life , for basically doing nothing but looking great.

like the dumb blonde thing.

 

So yeah , doesn't surprise me one bit. And unfortunately someone too insecure yeah , can be totally draining after awhile.

 

It also works the other way. People who are attractive or beautiful often get overlooked for their talents or personality. The world assumes that beauty should be a central focus when you have it instead of, oh I don't know, becoming a doctor to make a difference in the world.

[Gretchen12]

Just because she's pretty doesn't mean she must be dumb.

 

The insecurity comes from a deeper place, that's why it's difficult to change. When a child is abused or neglected at a young age, something goes wrong in the mental development. She can be very talented and be very accomplished in her career, and still have something broken deep within her. It's a childhood wound. This type of person can appear confident and outgoing, appearing to be smart and successful. No one suspects. The insecurity only comes out in the relationship.

 

Should you move on? Find out how severe it is. Her past relationships may give you an idea of patterns. Also pay attention to any mention of childhood trauma.

[snowcones]

No way you're going to MOVE ON, meaning dump her, without fully exploring something with her. Why are you even asking this?

 

It also works the other way. People who are attractive or beautiful often get overlooked for their talents or personality. The world assumes that beauty should be a central focus when you have it instead of, oh I don't know, becoming a doctor to make a difference in the world.

 

This is so true. And maybe that's the case with this girl. All she's ever been acknowledged for by others is her beauty, no matter how hard she tries for the opposite, it always comes back to her looks, so she has come to feel insecure about it because she knows it's so superficial.

Edited May 8, 2019 by snowcones

[Lorenza]

I've met so many beautiful, kind and charismatic women. They looked great and had great personalities and talents.

Insecurity is an individual trait and so is ignorance/shallowness. People have their own reasons to doubt themselves - someone is insecure due to their lack of attractiveness, fading attractiveness, people only focusing on their looks, people never commenting their looks etc etc. The common thing among them is they probably had either incompetent parents (giving empty praise/putting down/not paying attention) or traumatic experiences (bullying/personal talents being overlooked/being used or abused).

I don't think that having insecurities about your looks is an automatic dealbreaker - we're all flawed and slightly broken. It depends on how much it affects our lives and our relationships. Going out of your way to give a little validation every now and then isn't such a huge sacrifice if you really like the person. Feeling like nothing you say ever reaches them is another thing.

OP you're already calling this girl annoying, too submissive etc. which doesn't seem very promising. Another guy might find her insecurities sufferable. In any case, it seems like she needs to work with herself a lot and if you don't want to get involved into supporting that, leave now

[Foxhall]

So I've been seeing a girls who is a formal model. She's super hot!! But she's really insecure. I thought because she was so pretty she would have the big head but she doesn't. But she constantly needs reassurance. It's annoying. The plus is she doesn't ever argue. Anybody deal with super pretty women before? Is this normal.

 

 

this sounds like a pretty good combination to me!

 

 

build rapport with this girl buddy,if you put in the bit of effort now to help her grow and build her confidence, you will develop an emotional connection with her and you could have her as a "super hot girlfriend"

 

 

to answer your other question-

Yes I have a very good Mexican friend who is "super pretty"- I would not call her insecure but she is certainly not big headed- more on the quiet vulnerable side.(lol I like her so much that I do not care if we ever have a physical relationship- make sense of that one!!)

 

 

I also know a lovely Hungarian girl- not insecure-very pretty and very confident socially-but not big headed either, a bit of a wild streak but a lovely person too!

 

 

anyway no way would I be moving on- why would you want a "big headed opinionated demanding girl"

Edited May 8, 2019 by Foxhall

[The Outlaw]

If you think she's a keeper, no. If it were me, it would have to be a major issue to make me want to move on.

[truf]

So I've been seeing a girls who is a formal model. She's super hot!! But she's really insecure. I thought because she was so pretty she would have the big head but she doesn't. But she constantly needs reassurance. It's annoying. The plus is she doesn't ever argue. Anybody deal with super pretty women before? Is this normal.

 

My current ex is a (parttime) model. She grew up normal (even feeling ugly) until 16. I met her when she was 23 and her confidence was pretty normal on the outside. However, she does like male attention and that need for attention increased during our 3.5 years together.

 

I also have an ex from when I was 18 who did modeling. She was really insecure however and we lasted just 2 months. I haven't seen or spoken her in 10 years so I have no idea how she is now. When we were dating however she was incredibly insecure about everything. It pushed me away even though I was incredibly physically attracted to her. While she was unsure about us she also felt the need to get attention from other men.

 

So that's my experience with 2 girls who did/do modeling. One rather secure about herself after growing up a bit more, one who wasn't. Both were sensitive for male attention.

[smackie9]

mostly, but not always

I didn't mean EVERY hot person.

[NuevoYorko]

All we know about her is that she's really hot and she's insecure. Do you like her?