Surprising

[mortensorchid]

This afternoon I went to a friend's surprise 50th B Day party and something happened which was unexpected. Other than having a good time at the party, I strolled past the DJ who was setting up. I was watching him set up, he said hello. When I saw his face I realized we had met at some point, he said we had met at one of the birthday boy's parties in the past. I said "Oh yes, I remember." We shook hands, then he turned on his equipment and a piercing loud crackle came out of a speaker that I was standing right next to. I backed off because of the noise. We did not speak for the remainder of the party, I stayed for 2 hours or so then came home.

 

When I got home I went on Facebook and just for the heck of it found him and added him. He accepted the request. Then I got a phone call from a number I didn't recognize and answered, it was him. My phone number is linked on my page, he said it was him and he wondered if I was still at the party. I said no I had left I was at home. He said "Oh alright, chat soon."

 

Then ... He sent me an IM through Facebook and said he didn't mean to freak me out, I said he didn't I got a call from a number I didn't recognize so it was a bit odd. Then he asked me on the IM "Is it too late for me to ask if you want to go out and see a movie tonight?" I said it was I had plans (I had a lot of work to do for teaching next week), but maybe another time. He said alright, we'll chat soon.

 

Crazy ... I will not bellyache, I will approach this positively. It was nice to feel this way.

[TheFinalWord]

Did you tell him some other dates you could meet? TBH I would not contact again if a woman said "maybe another time" and offered no alternative dates. But good luck, maybe he will try, or you could write him.

[Blind-Sided]

Sometimes that's how it happens. When you least expect it. BUT... since his job is to party... I would take it a little slow at first.

[basil67]

Good for you. I wouldn't be as cautious as Blind-Sided - I would have offered him a date when I'm free. But either way, glad you've got some interest happening.

[MaleIntuition]

I’m confused. So you didn’t want to go on a date with him?

 

What you said is what most men will interpret as a “soft” rejection.

[Gaeta]

So, do you want a date with him or not? *some other time* is a rejection usually.

[FMW]

Obviously not willing to be available to him that same night was understandable, but saying something like "are you free some time next week instead?" would have been a good response. I agree that "some other time" could very easily be taken as a thanks but no thanks, as in never. It might make him reticent to initiate anything further, so you might have to reach out to him if you're interested in seeing where it goes.

[preraph]

Since you turned him down, you should be the one to reach out and suggest doing something, and soon.

[Happy Lemming]

"Is it too late for me to ask if you want to go out and see a movie tonight?" I said it was I had plans (I had a lot of work to do for teaching next week), but maybe another time. He said alright, we'll chat soon.

 

Why would you say "No"... Work (lesson plan for next week) could have waited until Sunday.

 

Grab a shower, drink some coffee and go out to the movie. "Strike while the iron is hot".

 

You've documented your dating "down falls" and lack of interest from some gentleman callers, so here is one guy being proactive, you didn't meet him from some "on-line" dating service, you know what he looks like in "real life" and not a photo-shopped picture. Why would you say "no"??

 

If you want to salvage this, put on a smile, call him and offer up a date activity, TODAY!! I would suggest local arts show, festival, show him you are interested in seeing him.

[Art_Critic]

If you want to salvage this, put on a smile, call him and offer up a date activity, TODAY!! I would suggest local arts show, festival, show him you are interested in seeing him.

 

 

I second this..

[smackie9]

This was served on a silver platter too you! and you told him, some other time? yikes.

 

Sister you are so negative it's no wonder.....

I would have said "Oh I left, I'm at home, so what's up? You missed me? lol"

 

See that? Open, friendly, and welcoming. That would have him ask you for a date right there, instead of him figuring out if he should take a shot or not later through IM.

 

I would have responded with "well I was going to start doing some work but...oh what the hell it can wait, I would love too!" "I think I can be a little irresponsible just this one time ;)" funny, cheeky, making him a priority to flatter him. Boom putty in your hands.

[nospam99]

I agree with preraph, HL, AC, and smackie. 'Not today' is what we say to the god of Death. If you'd have responded to me that way, I'd 'next' you. If you have any possible interest in this guy at all, play either HL's card or, if you don't want to take dating advise from a guy, preraph's or smackie's.

[Flame Aura]

These surprising ways of meeting people when you least expect it I find are the best, as opposed to searching for them, or finding them online etc.

 

 

As soon as you stop looking that's when you find what you were looking for.

 

 

If you are interested in him then reach out and suggest a day soon. He made the first move now it's your turn.

[Curiousroxy86]

Morten I highly disagree with anybody who says you should have went on the date that same night. Eff all that.

 

HOWEVER I would have said “I would love to go out with you. I’m free Saturday night (or whatever night your free to see him).

 

Because not offering a date when your free does sound like rejection. Giving him alternative date shows you are interested....

 

I mean this could be saved if you even want to date him. Send him a text letting him know when your free and now the ball would be back in his court to respond.

 

If you even want to date him of course. Good luck!

[mortensorchid]

To update: he contacted me today and we are doing dinner and a movie (Endgame).

[JuneL]

To update: he contacted me today and we are doing dinner and a movie (Endgame).

 

That’s a great update! Take a nap this afternoon, as it’s a long movie

[Cersei]

'Not today' is what we say to the god of Death.

 

Oh my God that is a great response!

Are you Counting down the hours to tonight's episode like I am?

[Gaeta]

To update: he contacted me today and we are doing dinner and a movie (Endgame).

 

 

This guy must like you *a lot* to work through this rejection and contact you again. I hope you see where your faux-pas was.

 

 

 

Good luck and keep us updated.

[nospam99]

Are you Counting down the hours to tonight's episode like I am?

 

Nope. I stopped watching when the showrunners killed my favorite character, Barristan. The show is suffering badly from 'let's finish this before Maisie turns 30' syndrome.

 

On topic, GOOD FOR YOU, MO! I hope you enjoy your date. And if a relationship 'grows', double good for you.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

To update: he contacted me today and we are doing dinner and a movie (Endgame).

 

Yay!! Have a great time.

[preraph]

Do not sleep with him on the first date, but do give him touches and the best kiss ever.

[smackie9]

I suggest you play some air hockey or nibble on yer snacks for the first 45 mins before going in to yer seats....that's how long the opening credits are.

 

 

I remember the opening credits for the 9th gate with Johnny Depp was over 15 mins long..I was ready to gouge my eye out. Worst movie ever.

 

 

This movie is 3 1/2 hours long...you are going to have leg cramps for sure. lol the place is going to be lit up with cel phones!

Edited May 5, 2019 by smackie9

[Highndry]

A 3 1/2 hour movie on a 1st date? UGGH. I don't like to go to movies on a 1st date period. I like to do something where there's talking, etc. In fact, I prefer movies after I am already dating a woman. Otherwise, I'm just sitting there thinking about her and I'm not even into the movie at all. I'll admit I am sort of ADD anyway, but still...

[mortensorchid]

To update everyone still ...

 

We went to see Endgame and I made sure not to have anything to drink as it's a 3 hour movie. Then we ate Mexican food afterward. I called it a night because I have to be up early for work tomorrow, we were out of there by 9 pm.

 

How'd it go? I think it went well. I had asked how we had met before the other day, he said we had met at a party at a mutual friend's house months before. I said I had recognized him when I saw him yesterday and that must have been from it. We didn't chat during the outing yesterday because he was DJing the party and I was going to leave him to set that up. We chatted about things, he said he's age 55, divorced 5 years, has two kids (girls ages 13 and 9) who don't live with him, works as a DJ as well as in a machine shop. He knew the mutual friends from the days when others were going to this certain club kid place called 9 of Clubs (before my time coming into the scene). He seemed to like me, and I was happy about that.

 

Even if I never hear from him again it's nice to be with someone who's not a d bag. At least superficially.

[Kamille]

I don’t know what planet posters live on where someone who asks last minute for a date that night would feel rejected by “I have other plans. Some other time.” If he had been that sensitive to rejection, the ask out would have been different (the classic “do you want to do something sometime/ when are you free?”) This guy is confident, has common sense , doesn’t feel entitled to her time.

 

I seem to be dating these men who expect me to drop everything to spend time with them and it’s like, yeah oh hell no. Last one: I was interested until he started pulling that kind of ****. Now I’m running in the other direction. I have a life and yes it involves being ready for work.

 

So I’m glad he asked you out again and that you had a nice time.

Edited May 6, 2019 by Kamille