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He doesn't want me there on his Bday


MindYourBusiness

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MindYourBusiness

Hi,

 

I really need you guys advice. I had a surprise party planned for the guy I have been dating. Things went wrong, his roommate who was supposed to make sure theres nothing else planned didn't do his job and I got upset because they ended up having a guys night.

 

The fight escalated because I was really hurt as I felt unappreciated and now he says he needs space and acts very unkind and mean towards me. Today his is other birthday party and he said there is no room for me in the Uber.. what should I do?

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Get a new BF. A good guy would simply get a 2nd Uber for you & him. It's really a simple solution. The fact that he's not willing to do that very little thing says it all.

 

Going forward don't make these elaborate plans for the 1st birthday you celebrate with a new SO. The planner always ends up getting crushed when it doesn't work out. Any celebrations -- holidays birthdays etc require a great deal of advanced planning & a lot of joint communications.

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MindYourBusiness
Get a new BF. A good guy would simply get a 2nd Uber for you & him. It's really a simple solution. The fact that he's not willing to do that very little thing says it all.

 

Going forward don't make these elaborate plans for the 1st birthday you celebrate with a new SO. The planner always ends up getting crushed when it doesn't work out. Any celebrations -- holidays birthdays etc require a great deal of advanced planning & a lot of joint communications.

 

 

I really like this guy though. I feel so heartbroken now

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Well, you shouldn't like him anymore now that you know all this about him. He isn't at all serious about you and you're not his girlfriend, and you are last on his priority list, so I really think you should just leave and not take any calls or communication from him. He probably just wanted convenient sex with no strings. He's behaved abominably. This is a dealbreaker.

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emeraldgreen

If the guy were here on the forum, his post might go something like this.

 

Hey guys, so I've been dating this girl but we haven't gone exclusive. My birthday was coming up and she didn't mention anything, so I organised a boys' night.

 

Next thing I know, she's flipping out at me because she had some secret thing planned and one of my friends was supposed to make sure I was free.

 

She seemed to expect that I'd know what she was thinking and after the way our fight came out of nowhere, I'm thinking of not having her to my other birthday event. Should I just tell her there's no room? I've already told her I need some space now. This whole thing has me thinking. I just want to enjoy my birthday without the drama.

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Versacehottie
I really like this guy though. I feel so heartbroken now

 

The first bolded sentence is often, if not always, the reason for the second sentence in your quote.

 

Don't be a person who allows a guy to mistreat you just because you "really like him" or it's a given that you will end up heartbroken. You have to judge a guy (or a person) and allow them into your life BASED on how they treat you. And let that be the reason for how much you "like" someone.

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You like the person you hoped he was, but he isn't that person. You were giving him too much benefit of the doubt and hoping he fit the nice guy in your head. I don't agree with the poster who made this your fault, because no matter what he was going to do on his birthday if you're his girlfriend you would need to be included.

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emeraldgreen
I don't agree with the poster who made this your fault

 

My point was about perspective, not fault.

 

if you're his girlfriend you

 

Assumed but not verified. She said she's been dating him.

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bathtub-row

Mean and unkind. It’s not relevant how much you like this guy. His treatment toward you in this situation should be a complete dealbreaker - no questions asked. I can’t tell you how many weak, low self-esteem women stay in destructive relationships “because I love him”. I hope you can see how ridiculous that statement is.

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Him treating you unkind that way is certainly enough to understand you shouldn’t love him anymore!

 

He’s a total jerk!

 

Block him and make sure you don’t have to see his sorry excuse for a man again!

 

Do NOT take his calls anymore!

 

Get some professional help - you need to boost yourself/esteem- self worth!

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some_username1

I’m a bit surprised at the responses here because it looks to me like you have made his birthday all about you. That’s the problem with a surprise party, you are injecting yourself into the centre of his birthday and if you haven’t known him long that long it’s a recipe for disaster because you haven’t yet earnt the right to tell him how his birthday is going to be. By all means arrange something but if it falls through chalk it up to one of those things and accept the actual outcome with good grace. I dare say his friends he went out with were there long before you arrived on the scene and will be there for him long after you are gone. That’s life and I speak from the POV of a single male who would be seriously pissed off if a girl I had been dating for less than 3 years tried to organise my birthday without me getting a say in it.

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what should I do?

 

Hi Lenila1992, you should not plan time sensitive surprises anymore, for anyone. There is risk that these surprises can fail, and this can lead to anger.

 

If your relationship is important, I suggest that when you are both calm, you talk with him about it. Find out why this didn't work, and how this can be avoided in the future.

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I'veseenbetterlol
I really like this guy though. I feel so heartbroken now

 

It happens, but he is not worth wrecking your emotions. Believe me been there and ended up regretting chasing this kind of guy. He doesn't want you, don't be there for him. Don't do anything for him and ignore his. Do not let him use you for a booty call or anything else. Start dating other guys.

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Stay away from guys whose idea of a birthday celebration is to go on a guy's night out chasing tail, without the woman they are dating.

He is not bf material and that is the most important thing to consider.

You liking him, as you have found out, has no bearing on his behaviour towards you.

He threw the "nice" thing you arranged for him in your face.

Kindness is a very important trait in a bf, this guy is NOT kind, go look for one who is.

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doyathinkso
I really like this guy though. I feel so heartbroken now

 

 

 

 

WHY??!!! He sounds like a total jerk!

 

 

You can't possibly be this desperate. Have some self respect.

 

 

Please, please do not waste one more minute, one more thought on this fool.

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I really like this guy though. I feel so heartbroken now

 

Well then you can try saying, what if we get a 2nd Uber for the 2 of us & I pay? That will negate his claim that there is no room & enable you to tag along. Remember that is all you will be because he is going out of his way to not include you.

 

Unfortunately I think you like him more then he likes you & this whole birthday thing is making him think that you are far too serious about him.

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"Once you feel you are avoided by someone, never disturb them again. Especially when they shun you as if your worth is nothing."

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MindYourBusiness

So I ended up going to his birthday party.. After I got there he did not say hi for over an hour until I walked over. He said thank you for coming and gave me a hug but thats it.. At night after I left he texted me what I am doing and thanked me for giving him space and said lets talk tomorrow.

 

Well I didn't hear from him all day... I am very confused. We have friends in common that told me he really cares about me and keeps telling them how much he likes me. What should I do with this entire situation?

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What should I do with this entire situation?

He thanked you for giving him space. People who process problems slowly need time to think things through. He may be one of those people. I think the text is good. Ask him when he would like to talk about it.

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Don’t make him a priority... since he’s not making you his priority.

 

And please... don’t beg him to spend time with you. He’s acting not interested.

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MindYourBusiness
Don’t make him a priority... since he’s not making you his priority.

 

And please... don’t beg him to spend time with you. He’s acting not interested.

 

our fight friday was really intense which is why he asked for space.. I just wonder how much space is too much if that makes sense? He knows I am hurting and I am willing to put his needs above mine for a certain period of time but for my understanding the fight was not so severe that he should disappear on me for more than 3 days..

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Stop listening to his words & listen to his actions. He's screaming at you non-verbally. How many more things does this guy have to do to get it through to you that you want more from him then he's willing to give. You are going out of your way chasing him & he's just running farther & faster away from you.

 

Preserve what small amount of dignity you have left & leave this guy alone.

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I really like this guy though. I feel so heartbroken now

 

 

It sounds like it's a one-sided relationship. You can't force a relationship. He clearly doesn't like you as much as you like him. Sorry to say, but you need to walk away from this one. If he calls you at all after this, don't answer. This is one time I say ghost his rear end. You don't owe this guy a thing.

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Is 1992 a random set of numbers or your birth date?

If you are indeed 27, then you need to stop messing around and wasting time chasing guys who obviously don't want or rate you.

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ChatroomHero

Well if you really like him, that means you like being treated like garbage and ignored. You like the fact that apparently despite what other people say he says about you, he clearly indicates you are not important to him and as a partner, he is willfully trying to hurt you.

 

 

My guess is what you think of as, "I really like him" is actually, "I really like the ideal him in my own mind and I am attracted enough to give him a free pass on garbage behavior". I think you like the idea more than the reality of him.

 

 

I expect the issue is you don't respect yourself or think you can do better than him. Going along like that will be a never ending train of misery. Sounds fun! If you respect yourself, you'd move on.

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