Clingy ??

[Alwayscats]

I’m really confused I don’t know if guys I meet on pof for a potential relationship are saying I’m clingy and mental to other women just so they can make me look bad to make cheating look ok but I always seem to get called clingy even if I do not message the guy a lot or only message every few days and even if I don’t hardly touch the guy even if at all. I was in an abusive relationship so I distance myself in new relationships at first so not sure why these men are calling me clingy to me or to other women. I feel really down on myself about it :,(. In this new relationship that I left as he kept asking about why I was not in a relationship with my male best friend and I couldn’t be with somebody who kept questioning my other relationships. I distanced myself in this new relationship a lot because it was new and didn’t want to rush. When I went round to his flat I sat at the other end of the room and watched tv and he asked for a cuddle so I cuddled him for like 5 mins if that then I returned to the other end of the room. I then found out he’s been calling me mental and clingy behind my back... I don’t understand how I can be either of those things...

[Foxhall]

Set your own terms on how you want a relationship to develop, do not feel the need to have to just go along with whatever the guy wants,

 

 

take the lead yourself and develop some independence,

 

 

do not be afraid of saying No.

 

 

Perhaps it might be no harm to forget about relationships for a while and take time to find yourself and start doing things that you like and enjoy,

when you have developed more of a sense of self worth, you could try the relationship scene again at that point.

[Alwayscats]

Set your own terms on how you want a relationship to develop, do not feel the need to have to just go along with whatever the guy wants,

 

 

take the lead yourself and develop some independence,

 

 

do not be afraid of saying No.

 

 

Perhaps it might be no harm to forget about relationships for a while and take time to find yourself and start doing things that you like and enjoy,

when you have developed more of a sense of self worth, you could try the relationship scene again at that point.

 

Thank you and I think for once I actually agree

[d0nnivain]

How did you find out what some stranger you met on a dating website was saying about you to other people?

 

Clingy is more then the # of times you reach out to a new potential partner. It's about how you carry yourself in the world. The people calling you clingy may be mischaracterizing your vulnerability. The past abusive relationship you had colored your view of people & probably caused you to be distrustful, yet left you longing to be loved. I suspect that longing is what these people are seeing when they call you clingy.

 

Since this is happening more then once, you have to consider that there is something you are subconsciously projecting that these various men are picking up on. It would probably be beneficial to work on your self esteem & your self confidence. Learning to set proper boundaries will also help.

 

Best wishes

[smackie9]

The only thing I can think of is they feel rejected/busted ego, by your cautious behavior. They say you were clingy, to make it like you couldn't keep your hand off them and it got too much so they had to ditch you before you get too cray cray. So in turn it makes them look more desirable saying a woman was obsessing over them.