Could he be interested or simply seeking more business?

[ShiningMoon]

Hi all,

 

Back in January, I was contacted by a recruiter for 2 different positions with different companies. About two weeks after our initial exchange of LinkedIn, we had a meeting to discuss these positions and my expectations. We chatted for about an hour or so. I have to say I found him very attractive and interesting, but it was a obviously just a business meeting. At the end of the meeting, he advised me he would follow up with my applications, but that he'd be traveling for a while afterwards, so one of his colleagues would take over.

 

Late February, his boss reached out to me as one of the companies wanted to interview me. We agreed to meet up for an interview preparation. During the course of this meeting, his boss advised me that the recruiter I had initially dealt with had left the company. I was a bit taken aback, but didn't think much of it.

 

I went to the interview and ended up with an offer in March. His boss was delighted with the offer and so was I, obviously.

 

Two days after I received my offer, the initial recruiter I dealt with (who left the company) sent me a connection request on LinkedIn, which I accepted, but we didn't chat or anything. Not sure if he knew I got the job or if it was just a coincidence.

 

A few days ago, he sent me a message on LinkedIn asking me how I'm doing, how things ended up with the company he submitted my application for, how my job search is going and that he hopes his former colleagues followed up properly. I responded and explained him that I ended up getting an offer. He said he was delighted and that "we should meet up for coffee" after I've settled in the new company.

 

I don't know if he still works in recruitment as his LinkedIn doesn't display his new position, only his last one through which we met.

 

Thus, my question is: Is he seeking new business/prospective clients for his new job & thus reached out to me? Or is he actually interested in me personally and thus asked me to meet up for coffee?

 

Thanks!

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Really impossible to say at this point. He may have ventured out on his own and is trying to build up his own clientele? Or he may be interested.

 

Are you single?

[ShiningMoon]

Really impossible to say at this point. He may have ventured out on his own and is trying to build up his own clientele? Or he may be interested.

 

Are you single?

 

Yes, I am single. Otherwise, I wouldn't even entertain the possibility of him being interested.

 

Initially, I thought he wanted to build up his own clientele and would have stopped the conversation after I had told him I got offered the job he submitted my application for (I haven't started yet).

 

Then, he mentioned the coffee piece afterwards, so that may have changed my interpretation.

[Versacehottie]

I also think it's too early to tell at this point. However, I would guess it's a little of both, though I lean toward the fact that he is keeping the business connection first and foremost. Basically as a recruiter his value is to constantly network and check in with people he has found on both the employee and employer end to see if anyone is looking... keep the connection going as they say. I think it lends to the type of personality that would do a recruiting job as well so safe to say he is comfortable keeping a conversation going with you. And good recruiters, I think, tend to go a touch deeper into your life so they can place people the best and find out what makes them tick and have you loyal and indebted to him in a way. That's basically their business. They are nothing without good recruits who land jobs.

 

I think he probably got a commission which is why he reached out to you on linkedin, i.e. the commission he would have received (though still no longer with the company) would trigger him to stay in touch with you, including the questions he asked of you at that point.

 

If I sound skeptical don't worry, I think if you felt chemistry that's possible too. But don't forget you don't know his personal situation and first and foremost you are cash to him. I think just keep the conversation going via email or however and try to drop little things that are less business related to see if he picks up on them or turns the conversation back to business/jobs. If he likes you, he should welcome the chance to talk about things that are non-job related as it's an easier opening for him to get that part started. Good luck

[ShiningMoon]

I also think it's too early to tell at this point. However, I would guess it's a little of both, though I lean toward the fact that he is keeping the business connection first and foremost. Basically as a recruiter his value is to constantly network and check in with people he has found on both the employee and employer end to see if anyone is looking... keep the connection going as they say. I think it lends to the type of personality that would do a recruiting job as well so safe to say he is comfortable keeping a conversation going with you. And good recruiters, I think, tend to go a touch deeper into your life so they can place people the best and find out what makes them tick and have you loyal and indebted to him in a way. That's basically their business. They are nothing without good recruits who land jobs.

 

I think he probably got a commission which is why he reached out to you on linkedin, i.e. the commission he would have received (though still no longer with the company) would trigger him to stay in touch with you, including the questions he asked of you at that point.

 

If I sound skeptical don't worry, I think if you felt chemistry that's possible too. But don't forget you don't know his personal situation and first and foremost you are cash to him. I think just keep the conversation going via email or however and try to drop little things that are less business related to see if he picks up on them or turns the conversation back to business/jobs. If he likes you, he should welcome the chance to talk about things that are non-job related as it's an easier opening for him to get that part started. Good luck

 

Yeah, I understand.

 

I think it's indeed first and foremost the business connection he is trying to keep alive. Perhaps I'm deluding myself (as per usual).

 

Truthfully, I asked him about how things are going for him, whether or not he's still in the same industry and he didn't exactly answer. He just said: "Things are going great, thanks" (whatever this means).

 

Then again, the logic would be that if I just got a job (which I haven't started yet), I might not start job haunting again right away.

 

Anyway, I gave him my number and told him to text/call me to schedule.

 

We'll see what happens, I presume.

[Versacehottie]

Yeah, I understand.

 

I think it's indeed first and foremost the business connection he is trying to keep alive. Perhaps I'm deluding myself (as per usual).

 

Truthfully, I asked him about how things are going for him, whether or not he's still in the same industry and he didn't exactly answer. He just said: "Things are going great, thanks" (whatever this means).

 

Then again, the logic would be that if I just got a job (which I haven't started yet), I might not start job haunting again right away.

 

Anyway, I gave him my number and told him to text/call me to schedule.

 

We'll see what happens, I presume.

 

Yeah well first and foremost it sounds like he is chasing his commission. I think all of these recruiters get paid quite a lot when you land a job--and if he found you initially he'd be entitled to all or some of it--even after he left the company. That's usually how high-commissioned sales function. Perhaps he is in between jobs which may be why he didn't answer your question directly but rather vaguely instead. I think you will be able to tell what his real intentions are when or if he calls to schedule the coffee meet up. He could just be planting a seed where it would be ok to check in with you in the future, like you are his and hoping for some loyalty the next time you are looking.

 

Though it would seem logically that it's much to soon to contact you if you haven't even started your new job yet and wouldn't be looking for a new one, in his mind he could be poking around for info (like if he noticed that job opening didn't exist anymore and that he had sent several of his clients and they were strong candidates) and thus trying to determine if he should have a commission coming his way--especially if his old company wouldn't be forthcoming in paying him out something he was eligible for. Very typical in these high-commission sales jobs where placement happens after the salesperson, i.e. your recruiter has left. Also my sibling gets recruited all the time, his timing of contacting you is actually not at all unusual--it's very normal. As you are the valuable one here, he is trying to connect your new good fortune with his role in it, thus hoping to incite some loyalty for future placement.

 

This all doesn't mean he ISN"T interested. Life isn't all black and white. For all we know, he can see you as both a great candidate work-wise that he'd like to keep in touch with and be attracted to you as a happy coincidence. What i would find kind of gross (or whatever the right word is), is a guy who would recognize your attraction to him and vaguely play the attraction card with you, to keep you as a future potential client/keep your "business". Not cool if that's what he is doing. I hope not. Don't be down on yourself with your comment about being delusional. He might be playing on something he does often with others.

 

What you should do is let him follow up. It's the right thing to do as a client AND as a potential date for him. The ball is in his court. if he can play the charming card on the coffee date, so should you. But don't over the top flirt with him. You can relax a bit since there is no job need on the horizon but keep it professional and vague like he does. Friendly, charming and professional. All the while you should try to figure out his real intentions. The very best way to do that is by being vague about yours and let him make the move or show his hand. Good luck

[JuneL]

“What i would find kind of gross (or whatever the right word is), is a guy who would recognize your attraction to him and vaguely play the attraction card with you, to keep you as a future potential client/keep your "business". Not cool if that's what he is doing.”

 

If he is as attractive as the OP described, then he probably knows how much he can get away with. This is true for people in service/marketing professions.

[ShiningMoon]

Well, to be honest, I don't think I come across as the type of person who is easily influenced by charm or attractiveness. I'm fairly secure within myself, so I think he already figured out he can't talk me into a business venture with his charm. The jobs I applied to through him, I did so before even meeting him in person. I had no clue what he looked like then.

 

Additionally, I already got the new job he submitted my application for and I'm due to start fairly soon, so unless he is completely unreasonable, he can't assume I'll already be seeking his services. At this stage, he doesn't have much to sell me.

Edited April 20, 2019 by ShiningMoon

[JuneL]

Well, to be honest, I don't think I come across as the type of person who is easily influenced by charm or attractiveness. I'm fairly secure within myself, so I think he already figured out he can't talk me into a business venture with his charm. The jobs I applied to through him, I did so before even meeting him in person. I had no clue what he looked like then.

 

Additionally, I already got the new job he submitted my application for and I'm due to start fairly soon, so unless he is completely unreasonable, he can't assume I'll already be seeking his services. At this stage, he doesn't have much to sell me.

 

But you probably know people (e.g., past co-workers) who may look for jobs in related fields in future. Things are not black and white. He probably networks with a lot of his clients, instead of targeting you in particular. But knowing that he’s a “very attractive” guy, he probably knows his charm may help a bit. Hell, even my former eye doctor was like that. He would be flirting innocently during my visits.

[elaine567]

Additionally, I already got the new job he submitted my application for and I'm due to start fairly soon, so unless he is completely unreasonable, he can't assume I'll already be seeking his services. At this stage, he doesn't have much to sell me.

 

You are an asset to have on his books, a person who is actually capable of getting a job...

[introverted1]

He's a recruiter. To be effective, he needs to build a network of people who have jobs to offer, people who are potential candidates, and people who can refer him to potential employers and candidates.

[smackie9]

He asked you for coffee...I myself would look at that as a personal reach out. Run with it and see what happens. If you were still looking for an offer, then I would think it was just business.

[ShiningMoon]

He asked you for coffee...I myself would look at that as a personal reach out. Run with it and see what happens. If you were still looking for an offer, then I would think it was just business.

 

Yeah, that's why I saw it as a personal interaction. He asked me for coffee after I had told him I accepted a new job and I'm due to start soon, not before.

 

In my eyes, if it was simply professional, he would have responded something along the lines of: "That's great, best of luck! Feel free to reach out if you need any further assistance in the future".

 

If he was seeking to have me refer some colleagues, he would have expressed this in his email. I've had plenty of recruiters tell me that if I'm not interested in whatever vacancy, I can also refer a colleague or a friend. We don't need to go for coffee for this.

 

Additionally, when I asked him about his current situation, he remained vague. I don't know if he still works in recruitment.

 

I could however be wrong, of course. You never know with these things.

Edited April 20, 2019 by ShiningMoon

[ShiningMoon]

He's a recruiter. To be effective, he needs to build a network of people who have jobs to offer, people who are potential candidates, and people who can refer him to potential employers and candidates.

 

I don't know if he's still a recruiter to be honest.

 

He supposedly quit his last job to travel, but when I asked about his current situation, he remained vague. He also hasn't updated his LinkedIn profile with his new job.

 

Only the future will tell.

[smackie9]

It's possible he got let go and he's simply out of work, but told others he quit to travel. That's possibly why he's being vague.

[Wallysbears]

Us recruiters are social by nature. We have to be to do this career. Coffee and having coffee, dinner, drinks, lunch, etc is normal.

 

It’s all about networking. And if he is any good, integrity. A good recruiter is honest to a fault. Reputations are our “trade”.

 

Enjoy the coffee. It can never hurt to know a good headhunter

[JuneL]

Have you already made arrangement to have coffee?

 

I remember that when I left one of my former jobs, the CEO replied to my goodbye email saying how they will miss me and how we should meet up for lunch. But neither of us followed up

 

If you end up meeting for coffee or lunch or a drink, just enjoy your time chatting with a “very attractive and interesting” guy, like how I used to enjoy getting care and light bantering from a good looking and flirty eye doctor

[ShiningMoon]

It's possible he got let go and he's simply out of work, but told others he quit to travel. That's possibly why he's being vague.

 

Indeed. This crossed my mind too because the whole thing seemed a bit fishy.

 

When we initially met in February, he advised me he'd be "away for a few months" to travel and that someone would handle his clients in his absence. A few weeks later, I find out through his boss that he left the company to travel. That was at the end of February.

 

Surely, you don't leave your job to travel for a month or two.

 

I suspect he indeed got let go and the traveling story was made up. It just didn't add up.

[ShiningMoon]

Have you already made arrangement to have coffee?

 

I remember that when I left one of my former jobs, the CEO replied to my goodbye email saying how they will miss me and how we should meet up for lunch. But neither of us followed up

 

If you end up meeting for coffee or lunch or a drink, just enjoy your time chatting with a “very attractive and interesting” guy, like how I used to enjoy getting care and light bantering from a good looking and flirty eye doctor

 

Not yet because he said we should meet up after I've settled in my new job.

 

I just gave him my number and told him to text/ring me whenever he's available. He said he would, so we'll see.

 

If he follows up, I'll just be happy to hang out with a new person for coffee regardless of the actual purpose of this meeting. Meeting up for coffee is always fun whether it'd be a recruiter, former colleague or a new acquaintance. Plus, it's the season to be out and about!

[JuneL]

I saw that you are already overthinking way too much. Well I used to be like this too. Just enjoy the moment!

[ShiningMoon]

I saw that you are already overthinking way too much. Well I used to be like this too. Just enjoy the moment!

 

Haha, yes! This is something I'm trying really hard not to do.

 

I used to be way worse in my early 20s. I promised myself I would not do this, especially after many years of complete break from the dating scene. I haven't been on a date in 2 years, so I told myself I wouldn't fall back into this overthinking habit.

 

Here I am, posting a thread about an invitation for coffee..I need to relax, indeed

[preraph]

Most likely he's just trying to take customers with him to his new position, but you an go and find out easily enough. I wouldn't assume it's more until after the coffee.

[ShiningMoon]

Most likely he's just trying to take customers with him to his new position, but you an go and find out easily enough. I wouldn't assume it's more until after the coffee.

 

Yeah, perhaps, but I've already advised him I'm starting a new job soon.

 

He may count me as part of his network, but I wouldn't classify myself as a customer at this stage.

[Versacehottie]

Not yet because he said we should meet up after I've settled in my new job.

 

I just gave him my number and told him to text/ring me whenever he's available. He said he would, so we'll see.

 

If he follows up, I'll just be happy to hang out with a new person for coffee regardless of the actual purpose of this meeting. Meeting up for coffee is always fun whether it'd be a recruiter, former colleague or a new acquaintance. Plus, it's the season to be out and about!

 

Well there are so many sides of the coin here. I agree with smackie that it's an opportunity for personal and thus of course you should take it. I agree with many of the others too that he prime motivation seems to be to network. See how he wants to meet up after you "get settled". Sounds like he will be mining you for info about whether you like it, how soon you'd be up to move from it and intel on what other positions are open there so he could fill those potentially. Unless you sounded hesitant and busy with many things before you switch jobs, now would have been the ideal time to meet up since you current job is winding down and someone who was trying to date you wouldn't hesitate too much. Likely he would say let's go for a drink or coffee to celebrate.

 

I don't mean to sound discouraging everything is an opportunity to network for other jobs in the future and future boyfriends, let's be real

 

For the record, i don't think you'd be particularly swayed if he was good looking and charming--who's to say that you aren't yourself? Which is really how you should go into this. Sounds like life is totally going your way so meet up as your most confident self. I doubt the chemistry you felt was one-sided. I just think it's the secondary angle that is being worked not the primary one. If you want it to be the primary one try to shift things in that direction, subtly. Good luck

[Versacehottie]

Yeah, perhaps, but I've already advised him I'm starting a new job soon.

 

He may count me as part of his network, but I wouldn't classify myself as a customer at this stage.

 

Yeah i think several people including myself have said this but you are thinking too literally about the timing, i.e. i have a new job so am not going to be looking for a new one. It's a total fact that these transitional moments are totally when headhunters will stay in touch for a variety of reasons--not only the obvious one which is the only one you are thinking of. You are a customer, present and future. Classic and good sales move to be following up at this stage.