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Am I just too torn to commit?

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Old 17th April 2019, 11:19 AM   #1
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Am I just too torn to commit?

Been dating same man for several years and we love each other. We don't live together because of me - in particular, at first I wasn't ready to make that commitment emotionally (for the first 3 or 4 years) and the last year is because he was in a bad place (lost his job and only source of income). Since then, he's employed and seems to be back on his feet - BUT, he has only a very modest amount saved for when he (can) retire(s) and I am very comfortable financially and can retire in a few years.

He is very good to me and my adult kids and is a very good "relationship" person, which is hard to find as we get older.

I had resolved in my mind that we won't live together until and unless I am fully comfortable with the idea.

Last year, during a time we were not seeing each other for a short time (I needed a break from his drama), I met someone else. We only had one date but it was incredible - we spent the entire day together. He and I have a lot in common as well including the fact that he is a professional (like me) and has his own practice (like me). He is very stable financially from what I can gather and he seems like a really nice and thoughtful man. He's been divorced a while and has 2 grown daughters with families of their own and he is close with them. However, after the first date, I told him I couldn't see him at that time because I was getting over another relationship (the truth). The other issue is distance - he lives about 80 miles away (a 2 hour or little less drive). I know LDR are tough but he only works 4 days/week and my schedule is a bit flexible as well.

A few weeks ago, something made me reach out to him. He was very happy I did so I assume he is still not in a relationship. He wants to see me again and I'm tempted to do so even though I'm still in my "old" relationship.
I feel so guilty but don't I owe it to myself? Does anyone have advice for this type of situation?
melvinmaryland is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 17th April 2019, 12:27 PM   #2
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Of course you shouldn't see him without first ending your other relationship.
bachdude is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 17th April 2019, 12:39 PM   #3
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I never read where you and the unemployed guy got back together but if you are back together, end it since you don't seem all in and then date the professional guy you desire. Good that you both have flexible schedules.
stillafool is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 17th April 2019, 1:40 PM   #4
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Choose one guy and leave the other one alone. There is no other way, is there? Which guy to choose? Very personally choice, I can't tell you. Just make up your mind.
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Old 17th April 2019, 2:28 PM   #5
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Look, you've written over and over that you don't want to move in or marry this guy you're dating -- so don't. Break up with him. Date someone else.
"I care not much for a man's religion whose dog and cat are not better for it." -- Abraham Lincoln
"The greatness of a nation & its moral progress can be judged by the way in its animals are treated." -Gandhi
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