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Always cancelling and not taking accountability *Updated*


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Old 15th April 2019, 12:54 PM   #1
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Always cancelling and not taking accountability *Updated*

My boyfriend said he was coming over today to spend time with me. I was really looking forward to it so I cleaned my whole house and bought groceries so I could make us lunch. I then asked if he was still coming over and he said no. I replied with a and said I had cleaned the house and was going to make lunch because I thought he said he was coming.


He then says "Oh sorry I didn't realize that is why you were cleaning all day"


I understand he may be busy but I am annoyed because he has done this so many times before, and does not apologize for initially agreeing to do something then later bailing. I always feel this constant disappointment and like I am last on his priorities list.



We went through a rough patch so I don't know if I want to address this at all. I was thinking of asking him if he could try not to agree to things and later not follow through with them because it hurts my feelings. But I feel like that may push him away even more. I know this doesn't bother him at all but I spent the whole night being really upset over it.
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Old 15th April 2019, 1:04 PM   #2
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So he still bails on you. Which means he hears you and doesn't care how his actions makes you feel. As long as no consequences are applied to that behavior and you still stick around while he keeps doing this, then this is what he's going to keep doing. He doesn't fear the consequences of doing that.
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Old 15th April 2019, 1:20 PM   #3
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You went through a rough patch and he still does this to you? If he is like this when you are dating, I don't think you have much of a future with him. Unless he changes, you're in for a lot of disappointment.

Why not find someone who treats you like you deserve to be treated?
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Old 15th April 2019, 1:20 PM   #4
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This is a chronic issue apparently. I don't think it's a mystery to him how it would make you feel . . . he simply doesn't care. It's one thing if his happens a time or two and he makes sincere amends and changes, but when it happens over and over again, he's not going to change.

Tell him you are moving on. You deserve so much better. You feel like a low priority because you are a low priority for him. By continuing to tolerate this and make plans again, etc., you're just showing him you are a doormat. Pick up the mat and close the door.
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Old 16th April 2019, 1:24 AM   #5
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Sorry to say but l think your wasting your time with him.
lf us guys giva damn we usually feel guilty as hell and are as disappointed as she is if we can't make it.And of course we would do her the respect of letting her know before she went to any trouble.
And we'd be apologizing.
Sure if l was you l'd give him a good serving over that bs , and slam the door on the way out.
lf he doesn't like it so be it , tough.
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Old 16th April 2019, 1:50 AM   #6
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You could talk about it with him, but Redhead is right - he simply doesn't care. Is this the kind of relationship you want for yourself?
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Old 16th April 2019, 1:31 PM   #7
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Your disappointment is justifiable. He made a promise to see you and yet he doesn't care about cancelling. What does that tell you? He's a poor excuse of a BF. There's better out there hun, kick him to the curb before you waste anymore of your time.
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Old 16th April 2019, 2:15 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Viviannn View Post
We went through a rough patch so I don't know if I want to address this at all. I was thinking of asking him if he could try not to agree to things and later not follow through with them because it hurts my feelings. But I feel like that may push him away even more. I know this doesn't bother him at all but I spent the whole night being really upset over it.

Letting him walk all over you isn't going to bring him closer. He does this because you let him. When you let him get away with treating you so cavalierly it reinforces in his mind that it's OK to treat you this way so he keeps doing it.

When you become more assertive & set proper boundaries you will have healthier better relationships.
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Old 16th April 2019, 2:20 PM   #9
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Time for you to cancel your future date with them, permanently.
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Old 16th April 2019, 2:44 PM   #10
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Originally Posted by Viviannn View Post
I always feel this constant disappointment and like I am last on his priorities list.
You feel like that because you ARE last on his priorities list...

You need a bf like that, like you need a hole in the head.

Clean your house and cook lovely lunches for a guy who will appreciate your efforts, not this loser.
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Old 16th April 2019, 2:59 PM   #11
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He's taking you for granted and you aren't a priority to him. Most guys would rush over when you mentioned cooking "lunch".
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Old 16th April 2019, 3:26 PM   #12
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Dating is a time of discovery. If he does things that you feel are inconsiderate and disrespectful, there is nothing saying that you have to date him.

The fact that you worry that you can’t discuss this with him for fear of pushing him away says it all...
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Old 16th April 2019, 3:43 PM   #13
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Well, you definitely don't want to marry and have a kid with someone who does stuff like that. He is irrresponsible. Even dating him, I mean, you can't even count on him showing up. You cleaned house and made dinner and poof. I stopped seeing one of my oldest girlfriends for that stunt.
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Old 17th April 2019, 5:29 PM   #14
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Of course you spent the whole night upset over it. He is treating you like dirt.

Time for him to circle the drain, OP. I'd do it tonight, if it were me.
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Old 17th April 2019, 6:20 PM   #15
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You're acting like the worst thing in the world is to tell him you don't like those cancellations and then what? ... he gets upset with you? ... breaks up with you?

Those are not the worst options in the world. You want to get your mind around being single in a healthy way is far better than pretending to be happy ... and suppressing basic feelings ... in a couple.

You hiding your hurt. Uh ... that means he has NO reason to change. NONE. This kind of behavior requires you to confront him ... preferably now ... but in the moment if you have to.
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