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is she manipulating me or is she justified to be mad this long?

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Old 14th April 2019, 12:24 PM   #1
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is she manipulating me or is she justified to be mad this long?

My girlfriend and I were out to dinner on friday evening with some friends i had visiting and then went home to her place afterwards. when we went to her place (just her and I) I was admittedly a little drunk (not crazy or anything but just a little bit (I normally dont drink so this was different and out of character for me). I was just being a little difficult and challenging in an overall sense. Nothing crazy, but just being frustrated and annoying probably. so, she pointed this out to me. I actally apologized on the spot. I think I was very reasonable actaully. Then, we got into this argument about a topic we had discussed before. The topic is that of whose last name a future hypothetical baby would take. we discuss getting married and when we do she says she defintily would not take my last name and also says that if we have a baby that the baby will take her last name, not mine. We had a little argument about this and then i gave in and said ok. i submitted to her.

now, sunday, shes still acting angry with me and when i ask her whats wrong she just says that shes still "recovering" from the "trauma" of our discussion and argument friday night. I gave in to her will, and I apologized for having a couple of drinks with my friends visiting. I dont know what else to do....

is she manipulating me? (
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Old 14th April 2019, 12:49 PM   #2
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I don't sense any manipulation. Do you have a difficult last name? What's her reason for not taking that name? If you marry, that would be unusual, but if you have a really difficult last name, there is justification for it because the kid has to live with that forever, as you'd well know. It is unconventional for her to not want to take your name if it's a regular name IF you marry. I probably wouldn't do it either unless you married.
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Old 14th April 2019, 12:58 PM   #3
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OP, this is the same woman who wanted you to commit to paying $10-20K for her IVF and also often brings up her sexual adventures with another man? The same one you've only been dating, like, 6 months?

I am not sure why're so surprised she would react like this to an argument. You know very well that she has a history of dramatic antics and insensitive behaviour, and you're still there. Why is that?
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Old 14th April 2019, 2:06 PM   #4
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IMO you're acting like a doormat. All that does is get you walked on.

IMO I'd tell her we are incompatible and move on from this.
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Old 14th April 2019, 3:25 PM   #5
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Originally Posted by Marc878 View Post
IMO you're acting like a doormat. All that does is get you walked on.

IMO I'd tell her we are incompatible and move on from this.

I don't see manipulation. BUT I see a very selfish, inconsiderate, self centered drama queen. You drank a little with your friends that you were visiting.. so what? You can't even drink a little? How controlling can she be? Plus you apologized even when you didn't have to. Stop doing that, you did nothing wrong.

The last name "argument" is just stupid. First of all, the way I was brought up.. it's very degrading to the father if the baby takes the mother's last name. Is there any reason why she won't take your last name? OR why she insists the baby has to have her last name? Anyhow, you complied.. so why is she still mad? Seriously this woman has PROBLEMS. Do you really want a woman like this who just steps all over you???
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Old 14th April 2019, 3:28 PM   #6
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She wants the baby to have her surname so that she doesn't have to change it after she leaves you. She sounds like a mental case. Between that argument and being the fun police, she doesn't sound like she wants you to enjoy anything about your own life.
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Old 14th April 2019, 6:31 PM   #7
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Hah she's one of thooooose. Dude if I were you I would be right pissed. She found opportunity to pick on you when you were intoxicated. She was riled up from you being drunk/difficult, so she took it out on you by bringing up this stupid topic at an inappropriate time ON PURPOSE. She's a jerk and treated you unfairly. She should have stuffed you into bed, and said that you would talk about it in the morning...when you are sober.

The silent treatment is childish/immature. This drama queen should be kicked to the curb.

You are a fool if you believe that having each others passwords = trust.
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Old 15th April 2019, 8:35 AM   #8
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Ummmmmm......... Yep, what they said. break it off now before you really get hurt. (deep heartache and fanatical issues) I had a buddy that was in situation very close to this. They were married, and together for a long time. The "Kid" wasn't his, but treated him as he was his own son. After being with her for almost 10 years, he decided to legally adopt the boy. His friends all told him it was a bad idea because she already had strange ideas, and a wondering eye. But within a few days of the adoption... she filed for divorce. Now he's stuck paying for everything.

I just see that same situation. She's looking for someone to pay for the IVF, and doesn't want to take your name.... gold digger.
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Old 15th April 2019, 9:53 AM   #9
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Hell yeah, you're being manipulated! This chick sounds like a manipulative, narcissistic control freak. But then, it could be just a once off. Is she like this with everything? Also, stop apologizing. You're just asking to be walked all over.
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Old 15th April 2019, 9:55 AM   #10
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The "trauma" of the discussion???? She's a giant drama queen and based on other info you've provided in other threads, it's time to let her deal with the trauma of a break up . . .
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Old 15th April 2019, 10:13 AM   #11
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It is time for you to run, not walk, away from this chick.

She is way too dramatic and a control freak.
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Old 15th April 2019, 10:50 AM   #12
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Hmm, I feel like you might not be telling the whole truth here, OP. Downsizing the whole thing... Just a bit drunk, just a bit annoying... Maybe her experience of the argument was different from what you're telling, but I cannot know for sure, of course.
Other than that, I think it's ok for spouses to keep their own last names (we're living in 2019 after longer the times where a woman first belonged to her father, and then to her husband) and then give the baby both last names, like a double last name. Problem solved.
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