LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Romantic > Dating

I was too tired to give him a BJ, now hes mad?


Dating Dating, courting, or going steady? Things not working out the way you had hoped? Stand up on your soap box and let us know what's going on!

Like Tree114Likes
 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 13th April 2019, 4:23 PM   #16
Established Member
 
Mrs._December's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 558
Quote:
Originally Posted by fixmyheart90 View Post
He wanted me to give him another BI, to which I said no cause I was too tired. And I explained this to him. He fell asleep and was annoyed with me the next day and said ‘you’ve become really stiff. You said no to giving me a BJ. I like a woman who’s more passionate’
I'm sorry you're dating a selfish, childish, self-entitled jerk. I guess it's his world and you just live in it in order to service him.

You can do better than him

Much, MUCH better.

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 14th April 2019 at 6:50 PM..
Mrs._December is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 13th April 2019, 4:44 PM   #17
Established Member
 
CautiouslyOptimistic's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: Mid-Atlantic USA
Posts: 6,501
Quote:
Originally Posted by alphamale View Post
soon as you are feeling energetic give him a nice massage with a happy ending (bj)
That is the last thing she should do to reward his childish, selfish behavior.
CautiouslyOptimistic is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 13th April 2019, 4:56 PM   #18
Established Member
 
elaine567's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 17,814
Trouble is coming out of an abusive relationship, can make you more tolerant of bad behaviour.
Rationalising and minimising can occur and there can be a tendency to concentrate on the good bits and dismiss the bad bits, in an attempt to normalise.

The problem with the next relationship is that the abused person can be very compliant and willing to please.
For any guy who is the least bit selfish or entitled or self absorbed then they can start to take advantage. They push boundaries and the abused person can often give in, as that is what they are used to. Keeping the peace to prevent a slap or a shouting match comes naturally.
The new relationship may all seem to be better than living with the overt "abuser", but many of the dysfunctional patterns tend to reappear if the abused person is not too aware.
I guess here this guy is pushing his luck in more ways than just demanding BJs in the dead of night. He expected the OP to do his bidding and got nasty when he didn't get his own way...
Be careful, I guess in another year if you continue with this relationship , you may be in exactly the same spot you were in with your abusive ex... It is no coincidence abused people run straight into other abusive situations, some guys are out there looking for women to abuse and bully...

When someone shows you who they are, believe them; the first time. Maya Angelou
elaine567 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 13th April 2019, 5:29 PM   #19
Established Member
 
TheFinalWord's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: † Calvary †
Posts: 6,775
Quote:
Originally Posted by fixmyheart90 View Post
My thoughts process is still pretty messed up from a really bad previous relationship.
What did you do after the emotionally abusive relationship to work on and improve yourself?

How long did you wait after the abusive relationship to begin dating again?

This is critical information. At first read I suspect it's more than just the BJ. That's normally just the final straw for a guy...when his sexual needs aren't also being met. That's just a symptom of larger problem. We need more info.
__________________
If I have seen further than others, it is by standing upon the shoulders of giants. - Newton
TheFinalWord is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 13th April 2019, 5:31 PM   #20
Established Member
 
preraph's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 25,396
She'd just given him one the day before and a lot of pampering. He's a child.
__________________
"I care not much for a man's religion whose dog and cat are not better for it." -- Abraham Lincoln
"The greatness of a nation & its moral progress can be judged by the way in its animals are treated." -Gandhi
preraph is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 13th April 2019, 5:32 PM   #21
Established Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 284
The dude is a selfish tool. If he was really dying for another ejaculation (assuming he did the first time) he should have just jerked off or waited until the morning and tried to re-engage you in something mutually satisfying.
emeraldgreen is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 13th April 2019, 5:36 PM   #22
Established Member
 
TheFinalWord's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: † Calvary †
Posts: 6,775
Yeah, we've gotten that answer about 12 posts in a row. But there is more here. That's just symptom. If she doesn't care, then I guess dump him. But if she wants to try to work things out we need more info. After a year of dating, I know his response is based on more than him just being denied a blow job.
TheFinalWord is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 13th April 2019, 5:57 PM   #23
Established Member
 
Elswyth's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 27,317
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheFinalWord View Post
Yeah, we've gotten that answer about 12 posts in a row. But there is more here. That's just symptom. If she doesn't care, then I guess dump him. But if she wants to try to work things out we need more info. After a year of dating, I know his response is based on more than him just being denied a blow job.
And how exactly do you KNOW this? Are you the OP's boyfriend by any chance?

Some people are genuinely selfish idiots. Sure there's always the possibility that there is more to it than meets the eye or that the poster is leaving something out, but that's the case with literally every thread in this forum. If someone says his wife pulled a gun on him, we're not going to say "Oh, are you sure she's not actually schizophrenic and was hallucinating about an intruder in the house?", we're going to tell him to get the hell out. Not sure why this should be the exception.

Btw, you can't be "denied" one-sided oral any more than you can be "denied" a three course meal or a gift. You are not entitled to any of it in the first place. The only time "denied" and "blowjob" can reasonably be used together is if he'd already gone down on her and given her orgasms and she'd left him with the blue balls and went to sleep (which, ahem, is exactly what happened in reverse...), and even then it's somewhat iffy.
__________________
~Perfection is about accepting that we cannot control everything and letting go of some of our preconceived notions.~ -Spiritofnow-

Last edited by Elswyth; 13th April 2019 at 6:00 PM..
Elswyth is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 13th April 2019, 6:24 PM   #24
Established Member
 
CautiouslyOptimistic's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: Mid-Atlantic USA
Posts: 6,501
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheFinalWord View Post
After a year of dating, I know his response is based on more than him just being denied a blow job.
Not necessarily. I think it is a lot more likely this isn't the first time he's exhibited such selfish behavior. My exH was very much like this when it came to sex (I've relayed a similar incident a few times here on LS I believe so I won't rehash it). The thing is, this disregard for my feelings, a lack of respect for me as a person, my opinion about things, etc. carried over into many areas outside the bedroom. It is who he is as a person.
CautiouslyOptimistic is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 13th April 2019, 8:27 PM   #25
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 1,203
My bet is this is the first time you ever denied him anything sexual. It not about saying no, it is about rejecting him.
Simple Logic is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 13th April 2019, 8:32 PM   #26
Established Member
 
CautiouslyOptimistic's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: Mid-Atlantic USA
Posts: 6,501
Quote:
Originally Posted by Simple Logic View Post
My bet is this is the first time you ever denied him anything sexual. It not about saying no, it is about rejecting him.
But if she can't say no without him perceiving it as a personal rejection, it's going to be a big problem. She can't be responsible for validating him.
CautiouslyOptimistic is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 13th April 2019, 9:58 PM   #27
Established Member
 
Noproblem's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 2,249
You did it once, been in an abusive relationship.
You know the drill, the more you forgive and delude yourself that things will get better, the more they get worse.

Get out get out get out. Life is too short to deal with selfish entitled abusive children.

and no he does not want a passionate gf, he wants a totally submissive gf that say yes to his every whim and request!
Noproblem is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 13th April 2019, 10:34 PM   #28
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 1,724
OP, coming here and posting ... is a great step towards your new life of avoiding abusive relationships. Your alarms were going off about bf's treatment ... and you paid attention to those alarms!

So you have a functioning abuse-alarm system ... and paid attention to the alarm ... Now you're going to continue and develop more ability to respond quicker and more in your own defense--in the moment .... in real time ... But that's the hardest step and you can stay out of bad relationships without having that skill.

Posting here is a great forward step. Congratulations.
Lotsgoingon is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 13th April 2019, 10:58 PM   #29
Established Member
 
TheFinalWord's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: † Calvary †
Posts: 6,775
Quote:
Originally Posted by Elswyth View Post
And how exactly do you KNOW this? Are you the OP's boyfriend by any chance?
.
And how do you? Are you the OP's boyfriend? Surely, you're more rational than to use red herring fallacies.

Like everyone on these forums, we can only go by the extremely limited, one-sided information we are given. You can't reduce a 1-year relationship into a "yes/no" and remove all context.

Like I said, if OP wants to provide more information, we can better tell if this is salvageable. But if she just wants an echo chamber, then by all means, confirmation bias will work just fine.
TheFinalWord is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 13th April 2019, 11:33 PM   #30
Established Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 580
Yeah, this guy would get the boot from me.

He's being very selfish.
healing light is offline   Reply With Quote
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
I'm so mad I could scream! Should I give him a taste of his own medicine? OR DUMP HIM Cranberri Dating 19 5th October 2017 5:54 PM
Really Mad Mad Mad! mad mad mad! Dating 22 10th April 2003 3:24 AM
TL: IS SHE TIRED OR TIRED OF ME Totally Confused Archive 0 25th January 2000 12:08 PM
Is she tired or tired of me? TL Archive 11 24th January 2000 10:42 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 10:59 PM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2018 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.