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I was too tired to give him a BJ, now he’s mad?

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Old 13th April 2019, 8:46 AM   #1
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I was too tired to give him a BJ, now he’s mad?

Hi everyone. I have been dating a guy for a little over a year now, officially in a relationship since months ago.

Yesterday we decided to go for dinner in a city quite far away, was a totally random trip. Instead of driving back late we then got a hotel room. We did a facemask together lol, and I also gave him a massage and vice versa (non sexual), and then I gave him a BJ, (sorry if this is TMI). Anyway after this he fell asleep cause that day he had woken up really early so he was really tired. He after about 30 min woke up, we watched a movie and about 25 min later we both fell asleep. (Just to mention, he didn’t do anything on me because I wasn’t comfortable with it due to certain womanly issues)

So we both fell asleep at around 22:30 and randomly woke up at 01:45. At this point I was extremely tired, outright exhausted. He wanted me to give him another BI, to which I said no cause I was too tired. And I explained this to him. He fell asleep and was annoyed with me the next day and said ‘you’ve become really stiff. You said no to giving me a BJ. I like a woman who’s more passionate’

Our sex life is in general very passionate and active, so just cause I said no one time cause of me generally being tired, I mean.. was that wrong? I’m quite annoyed cause he made me almost feel very boring! What’s everyone’s thoughts about this? Male and female opinions please
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Old 13th April 2019, 8:50 AM   #2
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Female here

You did nothing wrong. He was being selfish and needy at the time. It was late and you already had done it. He should grow up.
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Old 13th April 2019, 8:56 AM   #3
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Do you want to be with someone who would get mad at you for not giving him a BJ? That's so inconsiderate, selfish, and immature. Certainly he doesn't care about you.

It's just such a HUGE red flag. I would dump this guy if I were you..
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Old 13th April 2019, 9:00 AM   #4
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Originally Posted by Kelliousme View Post
Do you want to be with someone who would get mad at you for not giving him a BJ? .
This is the question. The fact that he feels “entitled” to a BJ, anywhere and anytime HE wants is a problem. You should never feel pressured into having sex, and what he is doing now is a form of emotional manipulation.
If they love you, you will know. If they don't, you will wonder all the time if they do...
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Old 13th April 2019, 9:10 AM   #5
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Hi everyone
Thanks for your replies.

I agree with everyone’s opinions, I was in a very emotionally abusive relationship before and my head is still quite messed up. So when he said for me
‘You’ve become very stiff’ I didn’t know if:

a, I’m actually being boring, and I should have just given him a BJ
b, I was right to say no because I was tired.

I felt like ‘being tired’ wasn’t a good reason enough to say no.
My thoughts process is still pretty messed up from a really bad previous relationship. But when he got annoyed with me, I instantly thought ‘what a douche’

Thank you all for confirming what I first thought. I agree, I don’t have to do anything I don’t want regardless of what anyone says. My reason was good enough!
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Old 13th April 2019, 9:50 AM   #6
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Ya he's just manipulating guilt onto you so you won't reject him again. Should have told him, that he knows what it's like to be so tired, it is what it is. There's a time for passion, and there's a time for rest.

You are a fool if you believe that having each others passwords = trust.
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Old 13th April 2019, 9:57 AM   #7
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Huge red flag. Think twice (and then twice again) before having children with this man. If he's like this before kids he will be ten times worse when you have other responsibilities other than keeping him sexually satisfied.
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Old 13th April 2019, 10:05 AM   #8
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Sweetie, you are in the evaluation stage for determining if this guy is someone you want for the long-term. You're seeing a new side to him -- demanding, pouting, selfish apparently. It's ok if he was a little disappointed at the time but to be carrying on the next day is over the top. I'd kick him to the curb right now. That's a big red flag for me. I like dating men, not 12 year olds.

That being said, if you have been in the habit of turning him away and not interested in sex much lately, he may be feeling hurt and rejected and this was just a "straw" that's poking him. If you are otherwise enjoying sex with him and wanting to please him the majority of the time, I'd be done with him. Sorry to say. But I wouldn't put up with this kind of thing from someone I'm not even engaged to and even then I'd be pushing back at this and telling him he needs to get over it without blinking. If this is a habit for him, I'd leave.
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Old 13th April 2019, 10:59 AM   #9
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This would qualify as a deal-breaker for me. It's a red flag, OP.
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Old 13th April 2019, 11:17 AM   #10
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I think everyone is entitled to a "bump in the road" now and then. If this is the first instance of this type of behavior in the year that you two have been dating, then I'd give him a pass and chalk it up to being overly tired and irritable.

Perhaps, he had too much "day" or the trip or the drive or being in a strange bed. Anyway, he couldn't sleep and probably thought another "release" might help him go back to sleep.

I'm not a great sleeper and often "toss & turn". I do remember (in my youth) dating one woman who would throw me a "quickie" when I'd wake up in the middle of the night. She was a light sleeper and my "tossing and turning" would wake her up. This "release" would allow me to go back to sleep, she soon followed back to a peaceful slumber. I know that wasn't "in the cards" for your boyfriend because of your "woman issues", but thought it was worth mentioning.
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Old 13th April 2019, 1:21 PM   #11
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Wow, what a catch. I can't even wrap my head around what an arse this guy is, lol. So, you give him unreciprocated head, which he immediately falls asleep to... and then he asks for another one the same night, and whines at you because you didn't do it the second time?

Yes, I know you had "woman issues" and therefore didn't want him to go down on you. Still doesn't change the fact that it was already a nice thing for you to do it once, and there are other things that he can do to reciprocate that don't involve your private parts. Yet his response was to fall asleep immediately, then demand a second one afterwards (before he'd even done anything nice for you in return) and throw a tantrum when you said no. Wow.

Has he really displayed no other incidents of selfishness during your time together? It's hard to believe that someone this entitled is a good partner at other times.
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Old 13th April 2019, 1:49 PM   #12
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Put it like this: you owe him a bj? ... and owe him one even though you're tired? ... and he doesn't owe you understanding that you are tired? ...

That's like me getting mad at you ... because you won't give me $10,000 when you don't have $10,000 to give. And then when you say you don't have that kinda money to give, I call you "stiff" and "inflexible."


This is a great opportunity for you to become a free person. You actually gave him a BJ earlier ... and because you didn't give him a second at a random hour early in the morning ... he complains ... and he got into your head ... you're questioning yourself.

I'm a guy ... and I can tell you as a guy ... that a relationship where a woman feels like she has to become a machine and be sexual when she doesn't feel it ... is not a good relationship. You owe him honesty and integrity ... having sex in any form when you really don't feel it ... is not being honest and will only breed resentment and anger.

Major major major red flag. He likes a woman who is more passionate. The first words out of your mouth in response should have been .... I like a guy who is not a totally selfish X@###$ (fill in the blank) who thinks I'm a call girl.

You really can't let that kinda statement he made go unanswered. What happens if you don't answer is what happened here: he's got you ridiculously questioning yourself. He is the one who should be on the defensive.

Time to be clear with yourself and with him ... if he thinks you should respond to him whenever he wants ... (and for a second time) ... then that's not going to work for you. That's polite speak for I will dump your behind if you do that again.
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Old 13th April 2019, 3:43 PM   #13
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He doesn't love you. He loves sex. And he's a spoiled child about it. If he cared about you, he would be sympathetic to not just his needs, but yours as well, and he's not.
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Old 13th April 2019, 3:50 PM   #14
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soon as you are feeling energetic give him a nice massage with a happy ending (bj)
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Old 13th April 2019, 3:56 PM   #15
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He does not sound like an intelligent guy, and this statement, "I like a woman who’s more passionate" is completely disrespectful to you in so many ways. You can't see that?

I could never be with a guy like that. Yuck. You deserve better.
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