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Guy I'm dating never texts me


Spring1234

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I've been dating this guy since November. We have a great time on our dates and he's so sweet and nice on our dates. He seems so interested in me when we're together. We try to go out once a week, however do to our schedules sometimes we don't see each other for 2 to 3 weeks.

 

He lives over an hour from me, so I understand we can't always see each other.

 

However, ever since we started dating last Nov. he barely texts me. The first few months of dating he would go 10-11 days without texting me. In the beginning I just thought he wasn't interested anymore and I would always be surprised he eventually texted me to go out. However he still goes 10+ days without texting me.

 

I have texted him and it takes him hours to a day to respond.

 

He only texts me a few days before we go out to plan our dates. He couldn't even go on one of our dates a few weeks ago and didn't even text me to cancel, I heard from him a week after he blew me off and I asked him where he has been and then he said he was sick. I told him that was unacceptable and he needs to be more considerate of my time. He apologized and said I was right and I told him I would like him to text me more, however he hasn't.

 

I really like him and we have a good time together on the dates and seems like we're in a relationship when we're together, however then I don't hear from him.

 

I just don't understand why he never texts me?

 

I have a lot of trouble finding people to date and don't have many friends, so going out once a week with him is fun and really enjoy it.

 

My family have just told me to keep going out with him because we have fun and I don't have anybody else to go out with. I won't sleep with him, I'm not giving up other people to date, still trying to find other guys and I do like him.

 

We only kiss a little. It took him months to even ask to kiss me.

 

We live with our families, so we just kiss a little when we're out, he doesn't really kiss me in his car, which I also think is odd.

 

I also am trying to find other guys to date because obviously this guy isn't really interested in a relationship.

 

I think he thinks we're in a relationship though because he asked me to go to his brother's out of town wedding, he thought he should ask me because we've been dating 6 months.

 

I just don't understand why he doesnt text me, it feels like I'm in this great relationship once a week then single the rest. I've asked him to text more during week. However, I don't want to seem pathetic or annoying.

 

Any advice appreciated, thanks!!

Edited by Spring1234
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it doesn't sound like he's all that interested, going by what you've written.

 

 

 

I think you should keep with dating other men because this guy isn't one of them.

 

 

He doesn't text you because he doesn't want to. If that is unacceptable to you, bounce. He doesn't need to know--his behavior is already telling you that.

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bathtub-row

I'd hardly say that the two of you are dating. Sounds like he has another life that he's not telling you about. I think you should value yourself more and stop prodding him about how you want him to behave. If he couldn't even cancel before a date, or even bother to explain later until you asked, that should've been the end of the line for you. Stop accepting this low-level behavior and stop being Miss Understanding.

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I really like him though, and it's just frustrating I finally found someone and this is happening.

 

Why do you think he doesn't text me though? He drives over an hour to see me almost every week, takes me out to nice places, dinner, events etc. Texting is so easy, I'm not even saying he needs to text me everyday or all day, but going so long without hearing from him is annoying.

 

Would you still go out, be annoyed?

 

What's with him?

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bathtub-row
I really like him though, and it's just frustrating I finally found someone and this is happening.

 

Why do you think he doesn't text me though? He drives over an hour to see me almost every week, takes me out to nice places, dinner, events etc. Texting is so easy, I'm not even saying he needs to text me everyday or all day, but going so long without hearing from him is annoying.

 

Would you still go out, be annoyed?

 

What's with him?

 

Well, if you REALLY like him, then that changes everything...not. This is the same reason people use who get into abusive relationships. "But I love him!"

 

No, I still wouldn't go out with him and I wouldn't care about the 'why'. His behavior is strange, arrogant, and uncaring. You're just playing a mind game with yourself.

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Well, if you REALLY like him, then that changes everything...not. This is the same reason people use who get into abusive relationships. "But I love him!"

 

No, I still wouldn't go out with him and I wouldn't care about the 'why'. His behavior is strange, arrogant, and uncaring. You're just playing a mind game with yourself.

 

Why do you think he doesn't want to text me, but acts so nice and interested on the date? Things are great when we're together.

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bathtub-row
Why do you think he doesn't want to text me, but acts so nice and interested on the date? Things are great when we're together.

 

I have no idea, and neither do you. There could be a number of reasons and most of them aren't encouraging - he has another life, he's only loosely interested, he has other girlfriends or a wife. Whatever his reason, his behavior bothers you, yet you continue to tolerate it. If you intend to stay with him, then learn to be ok with it. If you hate it that much, then walk away. It's really that simple. Don't waste your time trying to second-guess other people.

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I have no idea, and neither do you. There could be a number of reasons and most of them aren't encouraging - he has another life, he's only loosely interested, he has other girlfriends or a wife. Whatever his reason, his behavior bothers you, yet you continue to tolerate it. If you intend to stay with him, then learn to be ok with it. If you hate it that much, then walk away. It's really that simple. Don't waste your time trying to second-guess other people.

 

 

 

I just always thought that when a guy likes you he would want to text you.

 

I just don't get him. Such nice dates then silence.

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Yes, when a guy likes you, he will want to stay in contact. So apparently this guy like you enough to have you as a dinner companion, but not enough to stay in contact outside of that.

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mark clemson

Possibly you could simply state what you want - directly tell him that you'd like him to text with you frequently to keep things warm between you. It would at least be interesting and possibly telling to see what his reaction is.

 

Agree that it's possible you're actually a side-piece or similar. It's also possible that he just has a very different attachment style from you.

 

Agree that if it's not what you want and you can't get him to do what you want or move closer or do something that makes this easier on you, then you should keep your options open.

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10 days to reply is not cool everyone uses there phones daily a day or 2 i wouldnt worry but 10 days damn does this guy even bother to call you inbetween?

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Does he stay in touch other ways -- calls, social media, smoke signals? He may not be a texter. I don't text a lot. I've learned to do it because so many other people prefer it but it's my least favorite way to communicate.

 

Do ask him about it. All mention you'd like more contact. It's OK to ask for something like that without being needy.

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Mrs._December

I'll assume you're youngin's.

 

What would this guy have DONE if it were 1997 when we didn't have cell phones or texting capability???? He would have had to man up and pick up the phone and call you - like human beings actually DID 20 years ago back in the dark days. :rolleyes:

 

I can't believe this guy has no contact with you at all and worse, when you do hear from him, it's a lame text asking you out a couple days before the date. Be still my beating heart. :rolleyes::rolleyes:

 

What I don't understand is why you're willing to settle for so precious LITTLE.

 

I also am trying to find other guys to date because obviously this guy isn't really interested in a relationship.
I'd spend my time doing this too, if I were you.
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Here we go again....date those who treat you the way you want to be treated...it's that simple.

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I hate to tell you this but the reason he isn't texting you is because he has low interest in you. When a guy is crazy about his girl he wants contact. Why don't you have friends to hang out with? You sound young.

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I really think he isn't ready for a relationship, and he could just be caught with stuff, you need to have a conversation about it, and if he keeps on you probably should look for someone more comitted, communication is crucial.

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Youngestdaughter

Of everything you've said, I think the lack of texting is the least disconcerting. Some people just don't like to text just like some don't like to talk on the phone. You barely kiss and never in his car? Is he considering the priesthood? Keep going out with him because you have a good time and no one else to go out with? You can have a good time with a cousin. And no one else to go out with is not a reason to date someone. The right guy could be out there but you haven't met him cuz you were our with Mr. Robot. The only justification I can think of for his behavior is just coming off a painful breakup. He may or may not be interested in you or going out with you for the same cuz he has no one else to go out with either. But he's clearly not an affectionate man. And the lack of it is leaving you unsatisfied and insecure. Don't waist anymore time tring to figure him out. Put yourself out there and meet other guys. You deserve affection! You deserve passion! Don't settle for less!

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manfrombelow2

He knows the "game" pretty well, which is good.

 

Trust me, he is doing you two a favour by not initiating texts with you because I'm sure this guy KNOWS the moment he "loses" it, which means throwing himself into a texting frenzy, that's when you, ironically, get bored and dump his sorry a**.

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Thanks so much for the replies.

 

 

I understand everything you all are saying. I just don't understand because we have a good time on our dates. I just find this to be so interesting and ridiculous. We're in our late 20's, not sure why he doesn't want a relationship.

 

Would any of you still go out if you have a good time on the dates, I am definitely keeping my options open though and looking for new guys. It is just really hard for me to find someone to date.

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I have no idea, and neither do you. There could be a number of reasons and most of them aren't encouraging - he has another life, he's only loosely interested, he has other girlfriends or a wife. Whatever his reason, his behavior bothers you, yet you continue to tolerate it. If you intend to stay with him, then learn to be ok with it. If you hate it that much, then walk away. It's really that simple. Don't waste your time trying to second-guess other people.

 

You could talk to him about it, rather than either put up with it or walk away.

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Listen, he's having a good time in the moment when he's on a date with you PERIOD. He's at least content to go out with you here and there but he's not so crazy over you as to feel like he wants to keep in contact in between. A guy who is really into a woman will call or text at least a little bit anyway in between seeing you.

 

I'm a little suspect about a guy who travels over an hour to see a woman and disappears in between. That suggests to me that he is married or has a girlfriend and has women on the side in different areas so as not to risk getting caught locally by them and/or being seen by friends, etc.

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Thanks so much for the replies.

 

 

I understand everything you all are saying. I just don't understand because we have a good time on our dates. I just find this to be so interesting and ridiculous. We're in our late 20's, not sure why he doesn't want a relationship.

 

 

More than likely because he has a lot of options and isn't ready to make a choice yet. He's having fun playing the field. He has time before he settles down.

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I just don't understand because we have a good time on our dates.

 

those two things are not mutually exclusive. He can have a good time on your dates and not feel the need to be in contact with you until the next time he takes you out.

 

 

I just find this to be so interesting and ridiculous. We're in our late 20's, not sure why he doesn't want a relationship.

 

Because he's in his late 20's and doesn't need to settle down or be in a relationship on yours or anyone else's terms other than his own.

 

More than likely, the reason why is because there is someone else higher up on his priority list who gets those texts who can jack his life up worse than you can, being a hour away and basically held at bay until he feels like getting around to you.

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Not everyone likes to do the "maintenance" texting, which is dead boring. He probably doesn't like doing it and doesn't want to get the cutsie "I miss you" stuff started. It's true he also may be dating other people or still involved with his ex.

 

If I were you, I wouldn't put any priority on texting but I would definitely keep dating other guys when you can because there's no exclusivity agreement here. So enjoy seeing him when you see him and keep dating other guys.

 

The biggest red flag I see is how long it took him to kiss you. That's not normal when you're dating. It might be normal if you were just friends running into one another, but not if you're dating. So something is off with him. Just enjoy seeing him when you can, forget about him trying to keep up with you, dump him if he doesn't cancel on you when sick next time, and keep dating other guys as usual.

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Iris The Butterfly

Personally I would quickly lose interest in someone I go out with once a week or two and barely text with or call, etc. in between. He may enjoy the time on the dates with you, but like another poster said, the fact that it took him so long to kiss you, and his lack of regular contact... shows he's not excited about you. He is giving the bare minimum to keep you on rotation. Sorry.

 

The distance creates a barrier of separation where he can (and is, no doubt) doing the same thing with other women. Many men, and women, no matter their age and how much you would 'think' that they would or should want a relationship, are not. They're happy to casually date and offer no level of exclusivity, connection, or commitment.

 

If you're dating other guys or are open to it as you say, I would drop this one in a heartbeat because it seems like such a massive waste of time.

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