A guy who fast forwards things...

[toomanyquestions123]

A guy i matched with on Bumble is too energetic, enthusiastic, plans a lot and talks to me 24/7.

 

So this guy who is from my country but works in a nearby country, is very cute.We matched the night he was travelling to his duty station. He talks to me a lot, didnt call yet, but we chat a lot. He sent me flowers to my office after 3 days of chatting. Planning to come to my city after two weeks to see me. But the problem is, he plans a lot of stuff to do together. He asked me to go on a vacation with him already ? and when i told him how about to go on a first date first ? he was like you are so slow and abides by the rules, we will go on a first date but i wanna do vacations and trips also. I told him, of course we will, if it worked out between us....

 

He told me a lot of things about himself, the way he likes to be in a relationship, and how he likes to do everything with his partner.

 

Is this a little bit shady ? I understand his enthusiasm, i guess he has ADHD but inviting me to a vacation is suspicious no ?

[chillii]

Hard to say if it's anything shady or if he's just a super keen high energy type , not much experience, who knows. l actually know a guy sounds a lot like him. He's innocent enough just crazy high energy and will talk a brick out of a wall too.

 

l'd def' talk to him phone or skype a few times before meeting him first of all, that'll tell you a lot.

[Cersei]

It most likely is genuine interest on his part but he does not know how to dial it back a notch to reality. You seem level headed about it which is good though.

 

Don't be afraid to say things like "slow down", "we will see where this goes first" because he likely does not realize he is being this way.

 

I have been with someone like this and initially I was tickled that someone had this much interest and long term plans with me. But then I felt crowded, smothered and annoyed.

 

Deal with it now, sooner rather than later.

[toomanyquestions123]

Hard to say if it's anything shady or if he's just a super keen high energy type , not much experience, who knows. l actually know a guy sounds a lot like him. He's innocent enough just crazy high energy and will talk a brick out of a wall too.

 

l'd def' talk to him phone or skype a few times before meeting him first of all, that'll tell you a lot.

 

Maybe he is, but he asks a lot of questions too, for instance; What do you like about urself? what do u like in a man? Do you think I am a bad guy? Do you think you have an attitude ?... and many many many more.

[LauraXX]

Hard to say without knowing the guy, but yes... it seems a bit shady. I just had a similar experience. Matched with a guy on Tinder and it turned out that he was in town to visit his family but actually lives in a different country because of work. We didn't manage to go on a date while he was here because we were both very busy in that week. But he kept on texting and calling me for weeks after that. I didn't really mind because he seemed nice and he has the most fascinating job of anybody I ever met (and could tell the best stories about it).

 

He also tried to talk me into visiting him there. I told him that I'd NEVER travel that far to see a guy that I haven't even met before and he couldn't understand (or pretended not to understand). I got one or two messages from him after that, but then he stopped texting me. Which is fine really. I mean, not looking for a pen pal....

 

My theory for this guy (my guy): He's European (like me) but he lives in a Muslim country. Not sure if they even have Tinder there but I bet that the options are limited. And even if he meets somebody, it's probably a lot less likely that he'll get some action in the foreseeable future. So he probably just tries to make the most of the matches he gets when he's home to visit family. I get that, but I still wouldn't agree to it. Btw - he did contact me again a few weeks ago. Said that he'd be in town soon and if I still wanted to get a drink with him. I replied that I'd be up for it... so I guess I'll get to know him after all. We'll see how that goes

 

Sorry, that doesn't really help you. But I definitely think you should be careful as well. Get to know him better first, meet at least a few times and THEN you can think about visiting him.

[toomanyquestions123]

Hard to say without knowing the guy, but yes... it seems a bit shady. I just had a similar experience. Matched with a guy on Tinder and it turned out that he was in town to visit his family but actually lives in a different country because of work. We didn't manage to go on a date while he was here because we were both very busy in that week. But he kept on texting and calling me for weeks after that. I didn't really mind because he seemed nice and he has the most fascinating job of anybody I ever met (and could tell the best stories about it).

 

He also tried to talk me into visiting him there. I told him that I'd NEVER travel that far to see a guy that I haven't even met before and he couldn't understand (or pretended not to understand). I got one or two messages from him after that, but then he stopped texting me. Which is fine really. I mean, not looking for a pen pal....

 

My theory for this guy (my guy): He's European (like me) but he lives in a Muslim country. Not sure if they even have Tinder there but I bet that the options are limited. And even if he meets somebody, it's probably a lot less likely that he'll get some action in the foreseeable future. So he probably just tries to make the most of the matches he gets when he's home to visit family. I get that, but I still wouldn't agree to it. Btw - he did contact me again a few weeks ago. Said that he'd be in town soon and if I still wanted to get a drink with him. I replied that I'd be up for it... so I guess I'll get to know him after all. We'll see how that goes

 

Sorry, that doesn't really help you. But I definitely think you should be careful as well. Get to know him better first, meet at least a few times and THEN you can think about visiting him.

 

Is your guy in Dubai ? Mine is in Dubai so Tinder and OLD is very common there. But as for me, i will keep talking to him, i ask him to slow down and to chill. He is coming end of April, so i am sure we will spend a lot of time together.And then, we will decide what will happen.

 

I am just concerned because a guy i dated from October to December, was very very enthusiastic and sent me flowers and food to my work place, made a lot of plans with me to travel and roadtrips and getaways, met his family and dined everyday outside until he broke up with me because he can't commit ? Thats why I am a little bit concerned about this behavior...

[chillii]

hmmm, strange questions. l was wondering about his nationality too.

l mean it might be nothing just his way but yeah as toomany said , def meet him a few times first in a nice safe public place. And l'd talk to him before that too actually, not creeping you out but it's just a natural caution you should use.

[Wallysbears]

He would be WAY too needy for me considering you haven't even met him yet.

[chillii]

Sorry btw , that was meant to be as Laura said.

But anyway yeah speaking of needy , that describes that friend l mentioned he's a good friend but just too full on.

[smackie9]

Too much too soon....RUN!

[kendahke]

He might one of those who lives too much in the future and not enough in the now.

 

You be the one who applies brakes to things. IME, people who rush relationships are running from something in their past that they haven't resolved and using you as their human and emotional shield from whatever it is that's got them scared.

 

Adopt a wait and see attitude with him. You have yet to lay eyes on him, so he could very well be a scammer--this is their MO--to rush intimacy and give you a false sense of connection when all they're after is your money.

[MaleIntuition]

So... what’s the deal with men in your country and sending flowers to offices..? Is that really a thing?

[preraph]

I'd probably blow him off, but that's me. He sounds needy and this stuff about wanting to do everything together and he hasn't even met you is just getting way ahead of himself. It's not flattering when you know a stranger is falling for you without even knowing who you are inside. It just means that person has issues. I'm going with that he has needy issues and is projecting his "ideal woman in his head" onto whoever he meets and then he'll take off like a rocket and then one day it will hit the wall when he realizes that you are not that person he is projecting onto you, and then he'll be dense about it and say, She changed, when all that changed is he got to know you and found out you didn't fit his script in his head.

[toomanyquestions123]

So... what’s the deal with men in your country and sending flowers to offices..? Is that really a thing?

 

haha it's not btw ! This is the third bouquet i receive in 5 months and my colleagues are suspecting I am sending the flowers to myself

[LauraXX]

Is your guy in Dubai ?

 

 

No, he's not in Dubai.

[bathtub-row]

The guy is trouble. He’s either needy, controlling or abusive. And I wouldn’t let anyone I hardly knew occupy that much of my time. A mature man wouldn’t act this way.

[Mrs._December]

So this whole thing has been conducted over TEXT?

 

Seriously? You've been in contact with him for months and you still haven't even talked to the guy???

 

We used to call this being pen pals.

 

I'd be calling Nev Schulman from the Catfish Show to come out and investigate who you're really 'talking' to. I'm willing to bet good money NO ONE is coming to visit you at the end of April. Well, I mean no one who looks like the picture of the guy you think you're 'talking' to over text will be coming to visit. God only knows what he'll look like. If it IS a 'he.'

 

Don't be surprised if the mystery man suddenly goes radio silent on you toward the end of April and you're left wondering what in hell happened. It's real easy to send flowers or give you lip service via text about the future and coming to visit you and blah blah blah - and quite another to actually stand behind those words. So don't be surprised when 'he' suddenly disappears and/or gives you some lame excuse about why he can't come see you.

 

This won't end well.

[spiderowl]

You need to be cautious here. Firstly, he appears to have your work address and yet you haven't met him. What if he turns out to be a stalkery type?

 

Also, he is pushing you to want to do things too fast. He may be eager or he may have an agenda you are not aware of yet - maybe to get married so he can immigrate into your country?

 

Guys who are very pushy can be keen or controlling. At the moment, you do not know which. He has said what he likes, now you need to say what pace you are happy to take it. Slow him down until you are comfortable with how things are progressing. There are two people in a relationship and it is not just his needs that matter.

 

Please be careful about what personal details you give out to strangers. It is not wise to give out more than a first name and maybe rough location (like, e.g. Austin city). You can give the type of work but not the place. Do not give out your home address and be cautious about who you give your mobile number to. It is best not to give details of where you hang out alone or with your usual friends - crazy stalkers can turn up in such places uninvited.

 

There is a fine line between being eager and controlling. If you feel pressured, think twice. Slow him down and guide him as to your pace.

[toomanyquestions123]

Just to make things clearer:

 

1.He is from my same nationality.

2. He doesn't know my work address, the florist called me and took my address to send the flowers.

3. We have not been talking for months, it's only been 1 week.

4. He is coming by the end of April because originally he is from my country so usually he visits once per month.

5. I am only concerned of how excited and how much future faking he does. He does it to the extent that he said if it did work out between us he doesnt mind converting to my religion so we can get married ( he is from a different religion ). Oh and another redflag i noticed is, his age on bumble was 33, then he told me yesterday he is 30. I asked him why his age on Bumble is 33, he said its because his Facebook age was 3 years older long time ago and they synchronized together ????

 

All in all, i am not liking OLD at all. Men over there are not as normal as i thought they could be... I am thinking of giving it up and trying the traditional ways....

[bathtub-row]

One week and he’s acting like this and talking about converting his religion? Too many red flags, if you ask me. Aside from that, LDR’s are very difficult to maintain and too easy for a guy to lie and fake his life. If you do see him, please don’t let him find out where you live or work. There’s something wrong with this picture.

[toomanyquestions123]

One week and he’s acting like this and talking about converting his religion? Too many red flags, if you ask me. Aside from that, LDR’s are very difficult to maintain and too easy for a guy to lie and fake his life. If you do see him, please don’t let him find out where you live or work. There’s something wrong with this picture.

 

I don't feel comfortable to men who fake it as well. And he said i have insecurities and i dont believe anyone because i was with dickheads. oh god....

[elaine567]

Stop communicating with guys who are in different countries or who have complicated travel stories and over the top personalities..

Find guys who live not far from you, who you can easily meet up with regularly and who do "normal" things.

[toomanyquestions123]

Stop communicating with guys who are in different countries or who have complicated travel stories and over the top personalities..

Find guys who live not far from you, who you can easily meet up with regularly and who do "normal" things.

 

Most of the guys in my country work in nearby countries like UAE because our unemployment rate is very high. My sister is married to someone who works there, it is very common for women here to be in a relationship with men who work abroad. The men who are here are either business owners or work in very basic, low salary jobs.

[bathtub-row]

Stop communicating with guys who are in different countries or who have complicated travel stories and over the top personalities..

Find guys who live not far from you, who you can easily meet up with regularly and who do "normal" things.

 

I totally agree with this. I call these people ‘geographically undesirable’. It’s an immediate no-go. Keep life simple.

[Curiousroxy86]

A guy who move too quick MIGHT be a red flag

 

But a guy who doesn't respect your boundaries is a NO SIR

 

Anytime a guy get all speedy Gonzales on you and your not comfortable don't be afraid to say "sounds great hun but I would like to get to know you on a simple date first and then if things progress well I would love to get away with you *kissy face*". If he gives push back and keep up with criticisms about you being "slow" and having "rules" to the point he doesn't agree to your boundary then cut this punk loose. Guys that's genuinely like you and is not bat sh*t crazy will respect your sensible boundary to slow it down a bit. Guy who push back your boundaries and try to rush intimacy and are so selfish that they don't care about making you feel comfortable are usually not capable of long term. They tend to love bomb then either disappear or reveal something so off that you have to cut them loose anyway.