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jeremyjacobs

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jeremyjacobs

A while back, around christmas time, I ended up sleeping with a long time family friend. We both got kinda drunk at a dinner party and she ended up back at my apartment afterwards. She wanted to stay over in my bed, and one thing led to another, but mostly led by her. We hung out a little the next morning and she left saying 'see you next time!' (we get together once every six months or so).

 

A few weeks later I was in her neighbourhood with some friends, I asked if she wanted to come out for a few. She said she was taking a break from boozing after things got a bit wild over the holidays (adding 'as you know!) but said 'thanks for the offer though, another time'.

 

I didn't know at the time whether to interpret this as a brush off 'lets just stay friends' kinda thing, or if she'd be keen to link outside of the family context, and simply wanted me to wait a bit longer/try a bit harder. She was the one that initiated all the flirting/sex in the first place - something I found very unexpected, so maybe its down to me now to show my intentions.

 

A few months have passed since then and I'm considering hitting her up again. I'd like another perspective on how that might be received. I wouldn't want to look thirsty but I also don't want to let an opportunity pass me by. tricky one.

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I'd say it's totally fine to hit her up again. She initiated back then so you know that she is/was attracted to you on some level. And you didn't speak to her in months, so I don't think she'd consider you *thirsty*. So yeah, go for it.

 

 

(I still think that you shouldn't get your hopes up though. Her saying no when you asked her out the last time is not a very good sign....).

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jeremyjacobs

yeah that's what i keep thinking, then again it was a legit excuse not to go out (loads of people don't in January), and she did say 'another time'. so hard to tell whether to take it at face value or as a subtle discouragement

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I would leave it. If she hasnt been in touch since Christmas. It doesnt mean shes interested.

 

 

Let it make it clear to you it wasnt her who initiated it and it was the alcohol.

 

 

When some says "Another time", its an avoidance tactic because if she was interested she would make a counter offer.

 

 

If you want to loose your friend for good then keep asking, keep annoying her and she will disappear and avoid you for good.

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jeremyjacobs

yeah that's what my gut tells me. She's a pretty gregarious person anyway, not the type to be shy about getting in touch if she wanted to.

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SunShineAngels
A while back, around christmas time, I ended up sleeping with a long time family friend. We both got kinda drunk at a dinner party and she ended up back at my apartment afterwards. She wanted to stay over in my bed, and one thing led to another, but mostly led by her. We hung out a little the next morning and she left saying 'see you next time!' (we get together once every six months or so).

 

A few weeks later I was in her neighbourhood with some friends, I asked if she wanted to come out for a few. She said she was taking a break from boozing after things got a bit wild over the holidays (adding 'as you know!) but said 'thanks for the offer though, another time'.

 

I didn't know at the time whether to interpret this as a brush off 'lets just stay friends' kinda thing, or if she'd be keen to link outside of the family context, and simply wanted me to wait a bit longer/try a bit harder. She was the one that initiated all the flirting/sex in the first place - something I found very unexpected, so maybe its down to me now to show my intentions.

 

A few months have passed since then and I'm considering hitting her up again. I'd like another perspective on how that might be received. I wouldn't want to look thirsty but I also don't want to let an opportunity pass me by. tricky one.

 

I think just pursue her if you are interested.

If you are interested, just this simple.

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jeremyjacobs

I have always got on very well with her and always considered there might be a little mutual attraction, but we've always been in relationships etc. so never had the opportunity to explore it. The first one that comes up she was very keen, though. I would like to spend some more time with her one on one and see what happens.

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I say try. It can't hurt. She likely feels a little silly over what happened before but it does not sound like she has closed that door for good. You were Friends before so do it.

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There is a phrase "strike while the iron is hot"...

Here you basically did a pump and dump, left it for months, and now that she has likely lost interest and blew you off when you did happen to see her, suddenly you have woken up to her charms.

 

Had you made your move when she did show interest then the outcome may have been different...

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when did she show interest?

When she ended up sleeping with you...

"See you next time" may have been a hint she was looking for you make a move...

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It sounds like it was a one-time thing. It's been months, she's obviously not interested in anything else otherwise she would have contacted you.

 

I would say just keep things as they are. Who knows, maybe in the future you guys can hook up again, but sounds to me like she just wanted to get laid lol don't read too much into it

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jeremyjacobs
It sounds like it was a one-time thing. It's been months, she's obviously not interested in anything else otherwise she would have contacted you.

 

I would say just keep things as they are. Who knows, maybe in the future you guys can hook up again, but sounds to me like she just wanted to get laid lol don't read too much into it

 

ah well this is it, I flit back and forth between this point of view and a feeling that when I see her next, she could be like 'how come you never called?' - often women do want to be pursued. Strange to want to get laid by someone you've known your whole life - its going to make it weird, just for the sake of a bang. I do think I'll just leave it til i see her next. After all, I inevitibly will, unlike most one night stands ;)

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Mrs._December
When she ended up sleeping with you...

"See you next time" may have been a hint she was looking for you make a move...

I always agree with Elaine but I have to admit, I don't this time.

 

"See you next time" means a whole lot of nuthin'. People say it all the time as a parting thing to say. It just means that she knows there will be a time sometime in the future when she sees the OP again only because they're old family friends and sometimes travel in the same circles, is all. I didn't see ANY interest on her part at all after their drunken one-night stand. I think she wanted to stay over that night because she was drunk, tired, and simply didn't feel like getting dressed afterward, so she stayed at the OPs place. It seems like it was more out of convenience for her than a desire to cuddle close with him all night.

 

OP, the kiss of death was when you were in town again and asked her to come out and meet you and your friends for a couple of drinks - and she turned you down. Her excuses were nonsense and you keep trying to legitimize them by saying "her excuses were legit...no one goes out in January anyway," and all that. But the truth is, her excuses were nonsense. I've gone out to bars and had a cup of coffee or a soda when I didn't want to drink because I wanted to spend some time with a guy I was dating or interested in, so her excuse about avoiding alcohol and all that is just nonsense. If she wanted to see you, she would have made it a point to do so.

 

And lastly, you're trying very hard to read signs that simply aren't there. Surmising that she possibly wanted you to 'try harder' or 'wait a bit longer' for her when she brushed off your last invitation to come out is really a stretch. There was no hidden meaning in her telling you she didn't want to come out and she'd see you 'another time.' That was just something people say.

 

I think that the one-night-stand happened, she's not interested in it happening again (unless she gets drunk again at another dinner party and loses her senses again), and she's not interested in a romantic relationship or getting together with you when you're in town.

 

I wouldn't ask her out again.

Edited by Mrs._December
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"See you next time" means a whole lot of nuthin'.

 

I wouldn't ask her out again.

 

I agree completely but my point being that was his "only" window of opportunity. It may have still slammed shut in his face, who knows? but waiting for weeks then expecting her to pick up where they left off was I guess a bit optimistic.

Even if she was down for NSA sex or FWB of just being friends, then ignoring her after they slept together was a bit rude really, especially as he already knew her. I am not surprised she didn't want to go out a few weeks later.

 

I wouldn't advise asking her out again either, I guess the iron is now freezing cold...

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jeremyjacobs
I always agree with Elaine but I have to admit, I don't this time.

 

"See you next time" means a whole lot of nuthin'. People say it all the time as a parting thing to say. It just means that she knows there will be a time sometime in the future when she sees the OP again only because they're old family friends and sometimes travel in the same circles, is all. I didn't see ANY interest on her part at all after their drunken one-night stand. I think she wanted to stay over that night because she was drunk, tired, and simply didn't feel like getting dressed afterward, so she stayed at the OPs place. It seems like it was more out of convenience for her than a desire to cuddle close with him all night.

 

 

OP, the kiss of death was when you were in town again and asked her to come out and meet you and your friends for a couple of drinks - and she turned you down. Her excuses were nonsense and you keep trying to legitimize them by saying "her excuses were legit...no one goes out in January anyway," and all that. But the truth is, her excuses were nonsense. I've gone out to bars and had a cup of coffee or a soda when I didn't want to drink because I wanted to spend some time with a guy I was dating or interested in, so her excuse about avoiding alcohol and all that is just nonsense. If she wanted to see you, she would have made it a point to do so.

 

 

And lastly, you're trying very hard to read signs that simply aren't there. Surmising that she possibly wanted you to 'try harder' or 'wait a bit longer' for her when she brushed off your last invitation to come out is really a stretch. There was no hidden meaning in her telling you she didn't want to come out and she'd see you 'another time.' That was just something people say.

 

 

I think that the one-night-stand happened, she's not interested in it happening again (unless she gets drunk again at another dinner party and loses her senses again), and she's not interested in a romantic relationship or getting together with you when you're in town.

 

I wouldn't ask her out again.

 

Hmmm, I see what you're trying to say but none of that is really true. She insisted on staying over, and insisted that I share the bed with her (despite me being adamant that I'd stay in my housemate's vacant room. I got in the bed with her and she initiated everything, and it took me a while to go along with it. Definitely didn't have sex with me 'out of convenience'. You make it sound like an illicit transaction.

 

 

I've acknowledged quite a few times in this thread already that this was most likely a bit of a brush-off, but can you really fully discount taking it at face value? The thing I find weird is that if you're just up for getting your end away, getting your oats from someone you've known for a very long time seems a little strange if there isn't at least a little more to it than just a quick bang. Also, she wasn't absolutely hammered that she couldn't string a sentence together, I would definitely not have had sex with her if that had been the case.

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Also, she wasn't absolutely hammered that she couldn't string a sentence together, I would definitely not have had sex with her if that had been the case.

 

So here is my question, what is her drinking past like, that you've seen from previous functions including alcohol? I ask because I get SUPER drunk, really quickly and the most common thing I hear from people I have drank with is "Woah, you were that drunk? You seemed completely normal. Like truly normal. I would have never known, that's scary."

 

Now, is that your responsibility to know what her limits are or if she can hide being drunk well? No, it's not. I say this because I now don't drink due to that issue. It's no one else's responsibility to know if I am capable of making sound decisions or not.

 

For reference, I have slept with a long time family friend when I was blacked out drunk. He didn't know that I was. We stayed really good friends but we never slept together again. Though there was never chemistry there. It seems like you've felt some vibes before. Trust that instinct.

 

All that being said, just go with your gut. It doesn't hurt to invite her out again. Maybe even to coffee? Just have a chat with her and see where that goes :)

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Dude mrs. December is 100% correct here. I know you don’t want to hear the truth but she doesn’t like you man haha. She got wrapped up and drunk in the moment and had sex with you, she regretted it afterwards and admitted that to you basically by saying “I’m not drinking things got too wild” aka “that’s never going to happen again”.

 

You want there to be hope and signs and signals but this is dead as can be man. All the little details that you’re analyzing mean nothing. “See you next tim”, “initiating the sex” etc. mean 0. She turned you down to your face and hasn’t contacted you or reached out to you in months. Yes girls like being pursued but you would be 100% certain she wants you to pursue if that was the case. When girls like you, they make it a lot more clear. If they don’t, then the interest isn’t as high as you think.

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  • 4 weeks later...

So I followed everyone's sage and unequivocal advice on here that this girl was most likely not into me and was probably just up for a bit of christmas nookie, for which I was just in the right place at the right time. Probably the case.

 

However, My brother invited our group of family friends out to visit him in Denmark, over the next 5 weeks. I said I could only go on one particular weekend, so booked a flight regardless of whether anyone else could do those same dates. This girl then very quickly asked me to book her the same flights and paid me back for them, so now we're booked to go out to copenhagen together to visit my bro. since then we've texted a bit, but mostly re: trip admin.

 

Am I still supposed to believe this girl isn't into me? surely if that were the case she wouldn't have gone the same weekend as me, given the choice to go any other time. I think enough time has passed now and I kept my distance long enough that she's coming back round.

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Jesus Christ are you a man? Do you like her? Then go get her!!

 

Why waste your time asking a bunch of strangers to read signs for you? So what she may not be into you right now? She may be into you after you make a move!

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Grey40 beat me to it - I’m also in the camp that when she said she’s not drinking “because things got wild last time, as you know,” that was a direct statement that she didn’t want it to happen again.

 

Nonetheless, from your posts, you seem to really have it for her now. I don’t think she’s interested and I think you may be reading too much into gestures borne from friendship. BUT, you have an upcoming opportunity to spend a weekend with her (and others, I know). Play it by ear - talk to her, try to really connect and see what happens. This opportunity laid itself out right before you, and I certainly think you should use that to your advantage.

 

See how that goes. See what kind of vibe you get, you never know where conversation might lead. If after the weekend you think the signs are clearer, make a move… but do it quickly this time!

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