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Relationship with 16 Years older man


ekaterina

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I've met a man during my trip in Europe. I am 22 and he is 38. We met in a very unusual situation and spent 2 days together. I know it doesnt sound much but It was quite enough to feel the great connection between us. He is exactly the perfect men I always dreamed - with appearance, mindset, attitude. On the day i had to leave, he asked me to stay few more days, offered me to change tickets to next flight but I could not stay because of my job. But we decided to go on the Cyprus together (while we were talking before, i said i wanted my next trip to be relaxing and he told me to go together).

He has 2kids 14and 12. And is divorced already for 5 years. When I came back I realised he is very successful person - managing director of very big company.

 

From the minute I left, we start texting but next day he send me voice message where he was explaiming that he was very confused with the situation and wanted to find sollution. He offered me to move to his town for some months to work(my company has possibility to move in another country for a period to work) I offered to come here for few days to meet but he seems he doesnt like the idea. He started being sad and is not answering on my messages soon (leaves me on ''seen'' for 1-1.5hours and then responds(even its weekend and he is at home))

I am really addicted to this man and I started falling. He is that man Ive always dreamed to. But I dont know, it seems to me that he is losing interest or taking distance.

 

What should I do?

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you did the right thing. He can't expect a woman much younger than him to uproot and move to him when you've only seen each other for two days. I think it's nuts he thought you would do that. You really do not know him. I know you like the first impression of him, but that does not mean you know him. It takes a year or two to see the whole person, and there always usually is a dark side. If he's all successful and everything, he can travel to see you. I have no idea why he didn't like the idea of you coming for just a few days. Seems silly to me, but maybe he just got busy, and intends to work on that plan. Don't move to where he is! You're really too young for him. It's not about attraction because he's a good age and so are you for attraction. It's about maturity. The part of your brain that can foresee consequences isn't developed until you are over 25. So no huge decisions until later in your life.

 

What will bother mature people with kids about young ladies (though they love their youth and beauty) is that you will seem very naive and immature to him and probably won't be the most organized just because of your age. It's a wonderful age for you, but you are setting yourself up to be treated like a child by him because of his age and him having children. You will have trouble relating to him because your references and pop culture are two generations away from his. You won't have much in common that way.

 

So don't get desperate and do whatever he wants. Your decision was sound, that you will visit, period. Of course you do not move to a man you just met. He could turn out to be a jerk. You know, he IS divorced for a reason. May not be his fault, but there's at least a 50 percent chance it is.

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ExpatInItaly

How long have you actually known him?

 

Is it correct that you have only spent two days together in person?

 

I think you are idealizing this man without really knowing him, OP. You say he's the man you have have always dreamed of, but from the sounds of it, you actually know very little about him. You are wise to not move countries to be with him; you don't know what you're signing up for.

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My guess he has a wife or a gf at home, or this was just a fling or a "holiday romance" to him. Divorced guys out looking for very young women are not usually seeking potential gfs and wives, they are seeking sex...

He probably got caught up in it, but once home he realised it would never work.

Best to forget about him.

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Call me crazy, but I just don’t think you can know someone enough after two days to say he is the perfect man of your dreams...

 

The truth is, you don’t know this man. What you are feeling for him is called “infatuation.” It feels wonderful, while it lasts... but it never lasts. It always fades...

 

He likely went home and he is now engaged in his life again, dealing with the stress of work, raising children, coparenting with his ex-wife... with time and distance, we tend to see things in a different perspective.

 

Considering that there are a number of barriers here, the fact that you live in different cities, the age difference, and the reality that you barely know this man... perhaps, he is married. You just don’t know. I personally would choose to remember the experience fondly and let it go. I’m sorry.

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You are just so flattered such a mature distinguished gentleman would pay attention to you...that's what you are feeling...he swept you off your feet, you were made special, your ego is busting with dopamine. You will come down off that cloud in no time and realize you have better things to think and dream about.

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SunShineAngels

Hi Ekaterina, I think this guy is kinda dangerous for you.

 

He is 38 and you are 22, he is successful, yeah then it's so natural you feel attracted to him.

 

However as a man if he want something from a lady, espeecially you are so much younger than him, he should put on investment.( Effort)

 

I didn't see he putted on any effort on you.

He could even offer to find you a job, or buy you ticket for you to come over.

 

However all he is doing is being manipulative like hot and cold.

This is not a good sign.

 

He is 38 he knows what he is doing.

 

Therefore I think you can ask him straight forward like what can you do for me you asking me to move to your place.

 

And see what he says.

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THis was one of those "what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas" things... you know nothing about a stranger you spent 2 days with--that's the plain truth of this matter.

 

He knows it's not going to go anywhere and that's why he's abandoned it.

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Well two things,

 

 

I do not like the generation gap comment, preraph was it,

 

 

I do not always agree with your comments in general although I do acknowledge they are always from a logical base. In my world not everything is as black and white as your comments tend to portray (not picking on you or anything!)

 

 

As a 38 year old myself, it is hardly as if I am old and that someone of 22 is a generation away from me, well that is the way I see it,

 

 

However I would tend to agree with the general caution advised. Ekaterina you would be best advised to tread carefully on this, your backgrounds and upbringing are probably quite different to your potential older suitor, so you need to find out a lot more about him first before taking things any further.

perhaps you are simply drawn to I suspect the supreme self confidence of this guy who has done well for himself and portrays a good game and talks well of himself.

there may be plenty of other more down to earth guys out there who you can fall for and who could actually be better prospects in the long term.

 

 

you have it all ahead of you, do not give this guy any power over you.

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  • 2 weeks later...
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Hello,

 

Just 2 weeks ago I've met a guy that I was super attracted with him. I was traveling with my friend and I've spent 2 nights in his apartment. From the beginning We found we had great connection - spiritually, sexually.. Fitted exactly my "perfect man" standards. So that 2 days were the most amazing days in my life.

When I left, both of us were really sad and lonely. He is a managing director of the company and offered me to get a job and live together. He is 38 and divorced man with 2 kids, (I'm 22) thats why I didnt followed my affection in the beginning. BUT. Everyday we were searching for the new destination for our travel and we were planning to meet very soon. I acted childish just booked a tickets and surprised him after a week from my leave. Our connection became stronger till I left. On the day I had to leave, we argued and he told me that he was not going to have long distance relationship. He likes me a lot but I am much younger and i want experience but he is older man and want peace and home.

I may look young but for me calmness and stability is important too.

So he says, not clearly but says that or I find a job, get international experience, move to his city or he doesnt want long distance relationship.

 

I really like him, A LOT. But I dont know how to act, how to maintain relationship and make it stronger. He says he is not in travel mode and has also busy season but I dont have any extra money for traveling again.

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Ekaterina, we have already told you...

 

This man is not interested in a relationship with you. You hooked up for a few days when he was travelling. That’s all - there are huge barriers here including your age, the distance... and, we wondered if he is actually married.

 

Why are you continuing to chase this rainbow...

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Youngestdaughter

I'm a romantic. I believe in love at first sight and I don't think age matters. My ex was 18 years older than I, he told me he loved me on the first date and we were together for 16 years. The age difference did cause problems. I was 22 when we moved in together and knew nothing about running a house. He had outgrown the things I wanted to do like going to clubs. But we had the same religious, philosophical, and political views. We were both history buffs who were proud of our Southern heritage and loved football. It used to drive me crazy when people asked what we could possibly have in common. Such a shallow question. Don't let people's prejudices stop you. My guess is he's very interested in you but he's concerned about age and distance. If he really is the man of your dreams, tell him so. Tell him what you're willing to

do. Don't sacrifice your future. Try to work something out. When I was your age, I thought the world was full of wonderful men just waiting to make me happy. But to quote a song the title of which and author I don't know, "It's hard to walk away from love. It may never come again.". And, if you are a woman of faith, pray pray pray. Best wishes.

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  • 1 month later...

You know what you have to do..pack up your life, quit your job and move there....that is his terms.

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I really like him, A LOT. But I dont know how to act, how to maintain relationship and make it stronger. He says he is not in travel mode and has also busy season but I dont have any extra money for traveling again.

 

And I'll bet he's not going to fork over any for you to come see him.

 

Until you do know how to act, maintain a relationship and make it stronger, stay put where you've got a support base around you until you've developed these traits you need .

 

I can assure you that if you showed up on his doorstep unannounced again, it'd be cool for about a fortnight and then the start of the both of you dismissing your "on their best behavior" representatives happens and the fighting will escalate because he's really not down for this, despite how good the sex was.

 

he says, not clearly but says that or I find a job, get international experience, move to his city or he doesnt want long distance relationship.

 

No, he's being quite clear. You just don't want to hear it.

 

He's thrown these road blocks in your path to slow your roll without alienating you altogether, but you need to take your heart out of this for a minute and understand his underlying message here: which is "I'm not going to arse my life to accommodate you or feed your desire for a relationship with me. If you show up, it's on you--and you'd better have a way to afford your life here on your own".

 

A one-off fantasy whirlwind fling/romance is one thing: building a life with that person who had no intentions of taking things anywhere with you long term is quite another.

 

Whatever money you think you need to do this, you're going to need 2/3's more.

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You know what you have to do..pack up your life, quit your job and move there....that is his terms.

 

She has known this man for two days. For all she knows, he is married.

 

Do not move to be with this man - he has given you absolutely no indication that he wants to have a long term relationship with you OP.

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From the minute I left, we start texting but next day he send me voice message where he was explaiming that he was very confused with the situation and wanted to find sollution.

................

I offered to come here for few days to meet but he seems he doesnt like the idea.

................

He started being sad and is not answering on my messages soon (leaves me on ''seen'' for 1-1.5hours and then responds(even its weekend and he is at home))

 

He is not emotionally solid/secure. His reactions seem childlike and immature.

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I sense a warmth and a vulnerability coming from your posts,

 

 

like you are a nice girl but somewhat unsure of yourself at present,

 

 

would you be better to keep enjoying yourself as single for the time being and enjoy travelling with your friends and so on,

 

 

I don't think you should jump now and drop everything for this guy, wait and see if he makes any play for you over the next few months,

 

 

perhaps work on developing yourself from a career point of view too and building your own identity before you start thinking of settling down,

 

 

lol probly sound like your Father now, but I think now on reflection that all this is too much too soon for you and you are too young yet to have to be making these big decisions.

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The age difference isn't an issue, I usually date women 10-20 years younger myself. Women tend to grow up faster emotionally than men do, also men are naturally attracted to women in their child bearing prime. Women are attracted to strong, driven, attractive males. It takes a little longer for a man to develop that strength and be successful.

 

Ive met women in their 40's who never got past 17, and women who are 21 who are already women. In fact, you have to be very careful not to fall for a young woman too hard, as they are sometimes here today and gone tomorrow.

 

So sorry, I disagree with the age difference the older women on this thread are reacting against. As for suggesting the OP's brain won't be developed until 25.... Please.

 

Just be careful OP, take it easy and enjoy yourself. If he acts like an A hole just call it a day.

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She has known this man for two days. For all she knows, he is married.

 

Do not move to be with this man - he has given you absolutely no indication that he wants to have a long term relationship with you OP.

She's only wanting what she wants to hear. I gave her an honest answer to her question....she has to give up everything to possibly make this happen. She's an adult, she can do whatever she wants, even if it's against everyone's advice.

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The Outlaw

Two days isn't enough time to get to know someone or think we're in love with them. At this point in time what you're feeling maybe lust brought on by loneliness. He's only telling you what he knows you want to hear because he expects to get something out of it. Anything and everything he's told you may all be a lie to make him look more appealing. He isn't worth it.

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I agree.....men will do and say anything to get laid...even if it's extravagant lies, like promising your the moon and stars.

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I agree.....men will do and say anything to get laid...even if it's extravagant lies, like promising your the moon and stars.

 

 

You believe all men, every single one that has ever existed and will exist, act in this way?

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