frus69 Posted March 25, 2019 Share Posted March 25, 2019 Went on a date with a guy last week, and had sex with him right after, on the first date. Incredible sex btw. This is the background. So after the sex he said he'd like to see me again, however no text the following day. The day after, I messaged him just asking how are you, And we started texting back and forth and he asked me "when do you want to see me again". I said whenever, super casual. He said ok he will message when hes free. And we went on chatting about other things. it's been a week since our last date now and he hasnt set up anything. also our texts are less now. So I guess my question is, is this normal for the very beginning stage of seeing someone and I should be very lighthearted about things or he is losing interest and I better move on now? Link to post Share on other sites
bmh Posted March 25, 2019 Share Posted March 25, 2019 His question should have been “when can I see you again?” It’s not uncommon to go a week or so between dates IF he had actually asked you for a second date. He hasn’t. And that’s all you need to know. I would personally just move on. You say the texting has cooled off. Who has been the initiator? Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted March 25, 2019 Share Posted March 25, 2019 The whole thing sounds "casual". Sorry, I wouldn't have too many expectations in this scenario. Good luck though 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author frus69 Posted March 25, 2019 Author Share Posted March 25, 2019 (edited) I initiated the text one day after the date. Then we kept texting for maybe about 5 days but stopped. Havent heard from him since. I thought he honestly meant he'd see me again because on the date he said I can trust his words. If he didnt want to see me he would be honest and tell me. But I dont think it looks good at the moment. I just dont know if he meant anything by the "when do you want to see me again" Edited March 25, 2019 by frus69 Link to post Share on other sites
Author frus69 Posted March 25, 2019 Author Share Posted March 25, 2019 The whole thing sounds "casual". Sorry, I wouldn't have too many expectations in this scenario. Good luck though yeah it is super casual. Is casual ever gonna blossom or just cut my losses? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 25, 2019 Share Posted March 25, 2019 "Whenever" That's one heck of a way to show disinterest. I'm not surprised you didn't hear from him. There's no point in him taking you on a date if that's all the enthusiasm you can muster. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
TheFinalWord Posted March 25, 2019 Share Posted March 25, 2019 Not trying to judge, but just telling you the truth. Most men do not consider women they sleep with on the first date, long-term material. I know there are exceptions to the rule, but generally, it's true. If you're just wanting something completely casual, which might be what he's thinking, he'll contact you when he wants to hook up. But if you're thinking about him, my guess is you want more. In the future, my advice is wait until you see some investment. If you want the sex to be attached to emotion and to have it be the glue of a relationship, there has to be some investment first. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author frus69 Posted March 25, 2019 Author Share Posted March 25, 2019 "Whenever" That's one heck of a way to show disinterest. I'm not surprised you didn't hear from him. There's no point in him taking you on a date if that's all the enthusiasm you can muster. Hmm I wouldnt say it's disinterest? I wanted to leave the call in his court so I said "im good with whenever so it's up to you". and he said he will let me know and i said sure. So Im just keeping it casual as opposed to super serious with the intention of seeking my future husband. I dont think that's what he wants either. The whole sex on the first date is super casual too. But I don't want it to be a ONS or strictly hook ups either, I still want to date. Am I actually contradicting myself..lol Link to post Share on other sites
Author frus69 Posted March 25, 2019 Author Share Posted March 25, 2019 Not trying to judge, but just telling you the truth. Most men do not consider women they sleep with on the first date, long-term material. I know there are exceptions to the rule, but generally, it's true. If you're just wanting something completely casual, which might be what he's thinking, he'll contact you when he wants to hook up. But if you're thinking about him, my guess is you want more. In the future, my advice is wait until you see some investment. If you want the sex to be attached to emotion and to have it be the glue of a relationship, there has to be some investment first. my guy friends say if a guy likes you, sex or not wont change anything. If he doesnt like you and just want sex, he may pretend to like you first. So if I wait for sex I maybe can weed out the ones that arent genuine. But if he has genuine interest in you before sex he wont suddenly lose interest just because you have sex with him. So I know there is a chance he may just want something completely casual, I dont know if he's already showing this and Im just not seeing the signs or I should wait a bit longer to determine that? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
lolita888 Posted March 25, 2019 Share Posted March 25, 2019 I think he was waiting for you to make the first move of asking him to meet. But because you never asked, it hurts his ego and lose interest. He said "I will message you when I am free" because he does't want to sound like he's the one initiating. But you message him everyday but still doesn't ask him to meet so he lost interest and got tired of waiting. I do no think he's on it for a serious relationship. What he wanted with you was just a fling. Time when the two of you can have sex without string attached. Link to post Share on other sites
MaleIntuition Posted March 25, 2019 Share Posted March 25, 2019 If you wanted this to become serious start acting serious. He asked you when you where free and you responded like you didn’t really care; which I think he interpreted like you are only interested in casual. If you wanted a planned date; why on earth didn’t you give him something to work with? “When are you free?” Bad answers: Don’t know, whenever, sometimes, etc. Good answers: Thursday or Friday after 7pm. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TheFinalWord Posted March 25, 2019 Share Posted March 25, 2019 If he likes you, he also won't lose interest if you wait until you see investment before having sex. Seems the best route to me. But your choice... Link to post Share on other sites
Author frus69 Posted March 25, 2019 Author Share Posted March 25, 2019 I jumped to sex purely because he is OMFG hot Link to post Share on other sites
Author frus69 Posted March 25, 2019 Author Share Posted March 25, 2019 (edited) Whenever means I'm free anytime so he can hit me up anytime? Edited March 25, 2019 by frus69 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 25, 2019 Share Posted March 25, 2019 If he likes you, he also won't lose interest if you wait until you see investment before having sex. Seems the best route to me. But your choice... Not from a woman's POV. If we wait and catch a guy who would otherwise have dumped us if we'd had sex on the first date, then we unwittingly end up with a low quality hypocrite. Playing their game invites trouble our way. And I agree with frus69, a woman having early sex with a guy who she really clicks with never been a problem for me or other friends who have done it. The guys who are relationship minded and who really like us will return. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MaleIntuition Posted March 25, 2019 Share Posted March 25, 2019 Whenever means I'm free anytime so he can hit me up anytime? Good answer if you are looking for casual / booty call while simultaneously giving the signal that you aren’t interested in a planned date. Sure. That’s what you want? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author frus69 Posted March 25, 2019 Author Share Posted March 25, 2019 I honestly just meant he can hit me up anytime to plan a date. I want to casually date him, not a relationship but not a booty call either Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 25, 2019 Share Posted March 25, 2019 I'm glad you explained that you wrote more than just "whenever". I was a bit worried for a sec there. Anyway, I'm concerned that by having this discussion by text there could be misunderstanding. Or perhaps not..... When you speak of casually dating, do you mean exclusive, or is he still free to see others? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 25, 2019 Share Posted March 25, 2019 While I don't think "whenever" was a great way to show interest, I'm also not convinced this guy was looking for much more from you. You say he told you on the date you can "trust his word" - but you don't know this person. Anyone can say anything, especially so early on, and you'd have no way of determining if you can take them seriously. Maybe you can trust his word, or maybe he's the type of guy who just says whatever he thinks sounds good. I wouldn't hold your breath for this going anywhere. In my experience, an interested man is not going to drop off the radar. But also in my experience, I knew to be more specific when a man suggested we get together again. It was a good way to filter out the guys who actually were on the same page as me, and truly wanted to know a day that worked for me, versus the guys who wanted to just keep it casual and threw out the "let me know when you're free"-line for appearance's sake. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author frus69 Posted March 25, 2019 Author Share Posted March 25, 2019 At this stage sure he is allowed to see other people and he probably is. Honestly I don't know what I'm getting out of it. Hes a lovely person, really respectful, honest, and friendly and did I mention good looking lol and for some reason we have heaps to talk about even though our lives are vastly different. So here is the twist, our lives are on two completely different paths. I have a career and I own stuff. He doesnt know what he wants to do and will work whatever he wants. Now he just models for money and later wants to travel the world. So I don't think he is ready to settle unless he met the love of his life and suddenly it changes everything lol I'm not trying to have a relationship with him, that said I enjoy seeing him as more than a hook up. So I don't really know what i'm doing here. Maybe just let this one go I suppose? Link to post Share on other sites
MaleIntuition Posted March 25, 2019 Share Posted March 25, 2019 I honestly just meant he can hit me up anytime to plan a date. I want to casually date him, not a relationship but not a booty call either When he asked when you where free he was trying to plan a date with you! Had you given him a certain time I’m guessing you would have had a planned date by now. Don’t have time to check now; but I think I saw this “pattern” in some of your other threads as well. It seems that you are very much trying to seem casual and easy going; which is fine - if that’s what you want. But not if your actual goal is to date somewhat seriously. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
lolita888 Posted March 25, 2019 Share Posted March 25, 2019 He's probably really hot. Seems you really fell for his looks and everything about him. A huge crush. But yeah you are right. I don't think he's someone who will settle out real soon. If you;re okay with it then go for it. Maybe try texting him again and ask him if he's okay or just ask him if you can meet again and give him a date. If he doesn't seem interested then dropped it. Link to post Share on other sites
Curiousroxy86 Posted March 25, 2019 Share Posted March 25, 2019 Move on regardless He hasn't shown any real consistency yet to be getting any type of focus Doesn't mean he won't and it doesn't mean he will It's too early to tell. talk to other men anyway Only focus on one guy when they show you consistency (contact everyday and see you every week). Like personally for me if a guy calls everyday and sees me one day out of the week two weeks in a row then I will more than likely leave that day we saw each other open for him to ask next week. That will remain open unless I already had something planned before I met him or if he doesn't ask to see me that week. If he miss a week by not asking then I will open that day back up to the rest of my suitors. He can get his spot back if he goes back to being consistent. If a guy who calls everyday ask to see me on both of my off days I set aside for dating two weeks in a row then I would just stop talking to anymore suitors at that moment. If he begins to decrease then I will talk to other suitors again. So focus on one guy only when he show you consistency. Until then talk to multiple guys. But if your on some I don't multi date especially cause I already let him hit...we'll you now have to wait on this one guy to see what he will do when he haven't even shown you anything (rolls eyes). If that's your thing give him a timeline your comfortable with. If I was not multi dating I guess I would give a guy a week maybe two weeks if he is not showing consistency. Two months if he is showing consistency. If a guy is not consistent and you move on to talk to someone else that doesn't mean you have to ignore him all together if he comes back around a little longer then a week though. But question to all those who dont multi date. wth do you do when you give up on a suitor, talk to another, and the other suitor comes back around? Do y'all just ignore everybody including an old suitor you liked and only focus on the one current suitor you talk to? Link to post Share on other sites
Curiousroxy86 Posted March 25, 2019 Share Posted March 25, 2019 Frus I don't think you know this guy well enough to say he is "honest".. In response to the sex comments I normally don't have sex before exclusivity but the one time I did the guy did not disappear on me. He wanted to continue seeing me and wanted to be my boyfriend. However I know many girls have had guys disappear on them. I think some guys are judgemental. But the reason I normally don't do it is because I don't want to get attached to a guy without finding out if he wants a relationship with me or not. So I rather reserve sex for exclusive boyfriends. But if you can truly be okay with having sex with someone who may just hit and quit it (that's always a possibility not a guarentee) and not feel bad then by all means do what you do. I agree with Male that if a guy ask when can I see you again or when you want to see me then give him an exact date and see if he will make it happen for you Women don't have to question does this guy like me for more than sex if the guy keeps coming around asking to see you and y'all do more than have sex. Until a guy shows you that don't waste time wondering what a guy who is not in front of your or contacting you wants. Just keep on dating my friend. Link to post Share on other sites
Author frus69 Posted March 25, 2019 Author Share Posted March 25, 2019 Yeah I am talking to other guys. It's not multidate cuz I'm not even dating him lol I havent found any guy I like though Also like I said I don't even know what i'm doing here. Is there any point testing his interest when he is not even relationship material Link to post Share on other sites
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