confused_gf Posted March 20, 2019 Share Posted March 20, 2019 How come every time I date a successful man he turns out to be a demanding, emotionally abusive nightmare. Any correlation? Link to post Share on other sites
Harcel Posted March 20, 2019 Share Posted March 20, 2019 How come every time I date a successful man he turns out to be a demanding, emotionally abusive nightmare. Any correlation? I hear ya! I don’t have the answers though sorry lol Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted March 20, 2019 Share Posted March 20, 2019 The traits that probably made him a success don't make him a good partner. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted March 20, 2019 Share Posted March 20, 2019 I know plenty of successful guys--by "successful," I assume you mean high-paid ... rich ... heads of companies and organizations ... I know plenty of highly successful guys who are wonderful. I have a bunch of these guys as friends ... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 20, 2019 Share Posted March 20, 2019 Unlikely there's a connection between their success and the personality traits you describe. Like Lotsgoingon, I know plenty of men who are successful and good people. It's more likely you're picking the wrong guys. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Garcon1986 Posted March 20, 2019 Share Posted March 20, 2019 Why don't you screen for the mild mannered successful men from the getgo, and be very conscious of the difference between an alpha male and an *******. Masculinity is different than being an aggressive "my way or the highway" man. Train yourself to select for the mild mannered man who is plenty successful, but who can also, for example, be great around small children. Then - do not put that man in a bind by saying he is not sexy enough because he doesn't have enough aggressiveness to turn you on (i.e. you can't have aggressiveness and a mild mannered man both at the same time). You can do it. Seeking out the grit and edginess of masculinity is perfectly legit. Don't simultaneously complain that your man isn't gritty enough. It sounds like your tastes fall more on the mild mannered man side. Link to post Share on other sites
Interstellar Posted March 20, 2019 Share Posted March 20, 2019 Ask and ye shall receive. That’s what you get when your picker is off and assume that a man with high salary instantly translates to chemistry. Link to post Share on other sites
Gretchen12 Posted March 20, 2019 Share Posted March 20, 2019 My experience is the opposite. I find successful men are nicer, more reasonable. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted March 20, 2019 Share Posted March 20, 2019 How come every time I date a successful man he turns out to be a demanding, emotionally abusive nightmare. Any correlation? Funny , but often the case with really successful women too l know a few, not sayin all , but one reason many guys shy away from them. And yeah l've often found that with really successful guys l've known too. Link to post Share on other sites
LauraXX Posted March 20, 2019 Share Posted March 20, 2019 I agree with Gretchen. Might be a coincidence of course, but lately the (financially) succesful men I've dated were by far nicer and more reasonable. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 20, 2019 Share Posted March 20, 2019 How come every time I date a successful man he turns out to be a demanding, emotionally abusive nightmare. Any correlation? People who are used to being in charge in one area of their lives are used to being in charge in all areas. Being "demanding" tends to make them high achievers. I have yet to meet a truly successful man who is emotionally abusive. To be a good leader you have to put yourself in the other's shoes. Are you unhappy because these guys prioritize work over your relationship? Can you give specific examples of what they did wrong in your eyes? Link to post Share on other sites
Realitysux Posted March 20, 2019 Share Posted March 20, 2019 I don't find this at all. One of the nicest guys I know, and I mean a heart of gold, would help anyone with out a second thought or asking for something in return is who comes to mind when I read this. He is a very good friend of mine. Having said that, I think successful and educated men are more picky as to who they chose romantically. They feel they deserve someone to their standards and most likely have higher standards.Can you imagine a rich, successful and sexy man, who is passionate, knows how to treat a women -can probably have any women he wants. Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted March 20, 2019 Share Posted March 20, 2019 Money and power only enhance a person’s personality. If those guys weren’t successful, they would still be d*cks. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wallysbears Posted March 20, 2019 Share Posted March 20, 2019 I've not had this experience. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted March 20, 2019 Share Posted March 20, 2019 People don't fundamentally change who they are when they meet someone new. Both people send their "on their best behavior" representatives at the beginning because they're both trying to make the best impression in moving the involvement forward, but between the 3rd week - 3 month mark, the representatives are dismissed and the real you/real him comes to the fore. Between 3 - 10 months is when a bad foundation relationship will break down and fail. The characteristics which made him successful are the same traits he's going to unleash on you once the newness wears off because that's how he is--and he most likely will be resistant you any change you may try to impose. If he is a good, respectful kind of guy who doesn't treat people like crap, then you'll have a good guy who doesn't treat you like crap. If he's the kind that craps on people, laughs at them when he's injured them, is double-dealing in his business, then you're going to have a guy who treats you like crap, is emotionally abusive and gaslights you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted March 20, 2019 Share Posted March 20, 2019 I know plenty of successful guys--by "successful," I assume you mean high-paid ... rich ... heads of companies and organizations ... I know plenty of highly successful guys who are wonderful. I have a bunch of these guys as friends ... Being friends is different. When being their partner, they treat the relationship like running a business. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
CantGetEnuff Posted March 20, 2019 Share Posted March 20, 2019 Some of us are delightful company. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted March 20, 2019 Share Posted March 20, 2019 I don’t find this to be true at all. Most of the highly successful men I know would give you the shirt off their back if you asked. Sometimes you don’t even need to ask, they are just giving by nature. One man in particular stands out. He owns a real estate agency in a town where you can’t touch a home for under a million and some go up as high as 20. He goes with his wife overseas to assist Doctors Without Borders, has raced into a neighbor’s house on fire with an extinguisher, and came to my aid when I needed my car jumped in the bitter cold. The car he jumped my car with costs about $90,000. So no, I’d say you’re wrong about that. Another man I know is happily married to a woman who volunteers at the animal shelter. They live near me but also have a beach house in the same town that the first man sells homes in. His wife takes in cats. Sometimes they have 60 or more cats at a time. They even have a room in their home of residence just for cats who have to be quarantined because their rabies vaccines aren’t activated yet. My son went to their son’s birthday party when he was pretty young and their son didn’t even want presents, he asked that instead of presents could you please just buy a bag of dog or cat food for him to give to the shelter. I highly doubt people would ever call their son a d*ck either. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted March 20, 2019 Share Posted March 20, 2019 What is your definition of successful? Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 20, 2019 Share Posted March 20, 2019 I know plenty of highly successful guys who are wonderful. I have a bunch of these guys as friends ... how come you haven't hooked up with one of these dudes? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 20, 2019 Share Posted March 20, 2019 If you're talking about CEO-level people, it is true there are a higher percentage of sociopaths than in the normal population. People who have worked their way to success have a lot of strengths and are likely on their own path and wouldn't be easily influenced in that way. As a woman climbing in the business end of the music business, it was strictly up to me to toot my own horn and get around obstacles. No one was going to do it for me. So I would say in some ways I had to develop some narcissism to do what I wanted to do. I had to be my own advocate and take some chances and stay on my path and let anyone go who tried to tamp me down or stand in my way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 20, 2019 Share Posted March 20, 2019 Some of us are delightful company. Are you in a position where "It's lonely at the top?" That can happen anywhere on the hierarchy to those in a leadership position. No one except users usually wants to be friends with the boss. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 20, 2019 Share Posted March 20, 2019 We all love success, but truth is to achieve success most have to do a whole lot of trampling on the "little people" to get there. The traits that allow them to do that without conscience, may not make them great relationship material. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Garcon1986 Posted March 20, 2019 Share Posted March 20, 2019 My own hospital CEO admitted that he had to step on a lot of people's necks and get a lot of people mad to earn his current job where he is pretty happy. But - not every man is a CEO. Consider screening for the mild mannered men in your life like Garcon1986. Link to post Share on other sites
Iris The Butterfly Posted March 20, 2019 Share Posted March 20, 2019 How come every time I date a successful man he turns out to be a demanding, emotionally abusive nightmare. Any correlation?\ Maybe because you're automatically correlating your definition of success to being an a%^? Not for me. I'm dating a 'successful' guy now and he's the best guy I've ever been with. Define "successful". Someone who owns property and a saving account, retirement plan? Someone who has a career and financially stable? I find by that definition of success...the highest quality of character and the best kind of man to be with. 'Unsuccessful' to me means inconsistency with finances, career, criminal record, irresponsibility, baby mamas, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
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