met someone in ukraine, she is a suck up though

[jerrygordon3]

I was there for vacation for two months. before leaving we talked for 3 months. we spent every day together while I was there. She is definitely not a gold digger. But she wants a serious relationship. She seems to bring up marriage a lot. I mean we both have. But she says stuff... Like she'll do anything to make me happy. She'll be my wife. She thinks we are perfect together. She just seems to be over zealous about making sure things are moving forward. And she worries now that I'm back at home I wont go see her. And that shes wasting her time.

 

See, I have a job in the middle east. I'm a contractor and spend my 4 week R&R outside of the US for tax purposes; like almost every contractor does.

 

Ukraine is the obvious choice. Good looking girls, cheap, and you can stay there for a month and spend 2 k and live like a king.

 

I don't think shes a cheater. She seems like a genuine, kind, and loving woman. I also have in the past sort of ran from serious relationships. She's wife material from what I've seen so far.

 

beautiful, smart, kind, loving, and takes relationships seriously. But she is just a major kiss ass and seems like she almost says stuff as if its desperation. Like overly affectionate with undertones of being together forever.

 

IDK I know she cant take me to the cleaners for a marriage license, or divorce etc. there are laws in place to prevent this. there are also stats showing that marriages like these ( its not mail order) have a near 4x better chance of lasting the test of time than say, american marrying an american.

 

I'm just concerned cause I dont know here so well that I can see how she really is.

 

I'll probably visit again once I have R&R but, I'm terrible at seeing red flags. Maybe someone here will see some.

[BaileyB]

IDK I know she cant take me to the cleaners for a marriage license, or divorce etc. there are laws in place to prevent this. there are also stats showing that marriages like these ( its not mail order) have a near 4x better chance of lasting the test of time than say, american marrying an american.

 

I'm terrible at seeing red flags.

 

Yes, you are terrible at seeing red flags. To say this is a red flag, is an understatement.

 

I don’t know where you get those stats but I can’t imagine that there is any truth to that. And, you had best consult a lawyer before you say “I do” because if you think this woman can’t take you to the cleaners... well, I suppose you will figure that out the hard way.

 

Is this the woman you posted about a few days ago? The one you thought you were abusive toward? Just curious...

 

You really are the cause of your own problems... you have absolutely no idea how to have a healthy relationship.

[jerrygordon3]

She wants a serious relationship- but we've talked about staying in ukraine. If she wants to stay in ukraine then why would I worry about her using me for a visa. I mean she cries all the time about me. she obviously loves me. Unless she is so underhanded she fakes tears.

[jerrygordon3]

what are these red flags. and thanks. maybe i dont. but Im trying to learn to. very positive feedback. giving me a lot of faith in my love life.

[jerrygordon3]

The United States Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS) reports that “…marriages arranged through [mail order bride] services would appear to have a lower divorce rate than the nation as a whole, fully 80 percent of these marriages having lasted over the years for which reports are available.” The USCIS also reports that “… mail-order bride and e-mail correspondence services result in 4,000 to 6,000 marriages between U.S. men and foreign brides each year.”

 

This is a website quote. I dont think shes trying to move away from her home and family, quit her job, just to take me to court and get 50% of my somewhat **** income, and then be alone in a foreign country.

[BaileyB]

I was there for vacation for two months. before leaving we talked for 3 months. we spent every day together while I was there. She is definitely not a gold digger. But she wants a serious relationship. She seems to bring up marriage a lot. I mean we both have. But she says stuff... Like she'll do anything to make me happy. She'll be my wife. She thinks we are perfect together. She just seems to be over zealous about making sure things are moving forward.And she worries now that I'm back at home I wont go see her. And that shes wasting her time.

 

See, I have a job in the middle east. I'm a contractor and spend my 4 week R&R outside of the US for tax purposes; like almost every contractor does.

 

Ukraine is the obvious choice. Good looking girls cheap, and you can stay there for a month and spend 2 k and live like a king.

 

I don't think shes a cheater. She seems like a genuine, kind, and loving woman. I also have in the past sort of ran from serious relationships. She's wife material from what I've seen so far.

 

beautiful, smart, kind, loving, and takes relationships seriously. But she is just a major kiss ass and seems like she almost says stuff as if its desperation. Like overly affectionate with undertones of being together forever.

 

IDK I know she cant take me to the cleaners for a marriage license, or divorce etc. there are laws in place to prevent this. there are also stats showing that marriages like these ( its not mail order) have a near 4x better chance of lasting the test of time than say, american marrying an american.

 

I'm just concerned cause I dont know here so well that I can see how she really is.

 

I'll probably visit again once I have R&R but, I'm terrible at seeing red flags. Maybe someone here will see some.

 

All red flags... including the fact that you are gullible to think that there are laws to prevent her from marrying you and taking you to the cleaners.

 

Most women from Ukraine who fall into “insta-love” with a foreign born man are looking for one thing and one thing only... a ticket out of Ukraine. Proceed with caution and consult a lawyer before you do anything impulsive like, put a ring on her finger...

[chillii]

The United States Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS) reports that “…marriages arranged through [mail order bride] services would appear to have a lower divorce rate than the nation as a whole, fully 80 percent of these marriages having lasted over the years for which reports are available.” The USCIS also reports that “… mail-order bride and e-mail correspondence services result in 4,000 to 6,000 marriages between U.S. men and foreign brides each year.”

 

This is a website quote. I dont think shes trying to move away from her home and family, quit her job, just to take me to court and get 50% of my somewhat **** income, and then be alone in a foreign country.

 

 

 

 

Sadly , even though we're probably even more multi cultural than countries like the US , whenever a guy meets some beauty from some of these countries it's assumed she's some mail order thing even though most of them have actually met here.

My gf's been here 10yrs , she's got children here, she's self sufficient needs nothing from me that any other woman wouldn't need from a relationship , and she is def' not desperate and neither am l either of of could meet any number of people if we wanted too. Yet l still feel the need to speak out with some people and the assumptions written all over their face.

A friend of mine is married 20yrs to the most beautiful creature you've ever seen and she's the most lovable person you'd ever meet too, born and raised here but with Asian parents , yet he still cops the assumptions after 20yrs.

Like no one hassles him more like think you lucky bastard but it's still assumed she's some mail order, pretty sad.

 

On your woman , ok you talk a lot about mail order so is that how you actually met her?

Which would make it a whole nother scenario than what l'm talking about and yeah you'd do well to really figure out if you can trust this thing and protect yourself .

She does sound overly keen so soon you say it yourself right through.

But if she doesn't even want to leave then it can't be visa stuff , can she provide herself or need you for anything in anyway , money, other than she wants a relationship ?

As l see a lot here , often some cultures are also just naturally far more loving , to the point, caring and def far more sexual and have totally different ways a views about a relationship than western women, which alone can also often be all be misconstrued .

So lf you can't figure all this out studying her culture and their ways and views would also be a big heads up .

 

 

Good luck.

[jerrygordon3]

hello!

 

She has a good job in ukraine, a degree, and is well off in her own regards. She is 29, and has had two very abusive previous relationships. She wants a family, and babies. When she sees a cute baby she tears up sometimes.

 

We met on Badoo ( a dating app like tinder) about three months before I left for ukraine. When I arrived she met me at the airport. Shes gorgeous, and has guys offering to be with her a lot. Shes one of the best looking girls i saw in ukraine.

 

Myself, Im good looking too, very fit, decent job, but not some baller. I make 50k a year. I am very wary of people, and baited her into questions like where she would want to live. She wants me to move to ukraine.

 

So I dont think she just wants a visa. We talked about it and she would love to live anywhere with me, but seems more interested in living in Kiev, where she is from.

 

She is NOT mail order. She works as a loan officer at a mall in kiev. She owns her own apartment and pas like 75$US a month for it.

[Highndry]

I will tell you this much:

 

I used to work with a guy who married a woman from the Ukraine. He even went there for the express purpose of finding a wife, because after the way his American wife treated him (they had a child together), he decided to look for something totally different.

 

He met a true keeper. This woman is devoted to him (she was a divorcee with two children of her own), and is loving her life in the United States. Back in the Ukraine, she had never even eaten out at a restaurant in her life. They were extremely poor. She has a job in the US, and still manages to be some sort of super homemaker. He laughed and said she even grabs his coat and hat for him before he leaves the house in the winter, because she "doesn't want him to catch cold."

 

He is a good guy, too, so I'm sure it's not a one-sided relationship. Not all Ukranian women are gold diggers.

[jerrygordon3]

I believe you. And I believe she wants a family and happiness. Sometimes I just think I run from commitment. It is something I've done a lot. It's high time I meet someone and commit and learn how to love again. I just had a 4 year toxic relationship with someone I had poured endless energy into, who very obviously had extreme BPD.

 

It's hard trying to get the relationship to meet in a foreign country, and I can't just leave behind my child support payments to my sons mom, and live on 8k a year in ukraine. i'll need to bring her here, and I guess its just been daunting. I worry, because weve been only dating for maybe 6 months.

[ExpatInItaly]

It's hard trying to get the relationship to meet in a foreign country, and I can't just leave behind my child support payments to my sons mom, and live on 8k a year in ukraine. i'll need to bring her here, and I guess its just been daunting. I worry, because weve been only dating for maybe 6 months.

 

And this woman knows this. Even if you haven't expressly said so, she surely can read between the lines and see that your future (and hers, if you go through with this) will not really be in Ukraine.

 

She tells you she wants to stay in Ukraine because she knows she'd scare you off if she admitted she wants out. In other words, she knows exactly what to say - and not say - to get you to believe she is the real deal.

 

But OP, she is pushing for marriage for a reason. She doesn't even necessarily need to leave Ukraine to get her hands on your income, if you are not wise enough to protect your assets and not throw money at her because you think she is in love.

 

You say you are wary of people, but this thread indicates precisely the opposite. Unfortunately, this makes you an easy target for women looking for a better life.

[kendahke]

/this is so mail order it's not even funny...

 

she's got you duped.

[jerrygordon3]

we spent every day together for months. she was sincere and kind. loving and gf-like. I mean she would get fussy and naggy, its not like she was on her best behavior. She doesnt live to please me. I told her I may move to ukraine for a month and she said i might be uncomfortable living with her because she lives with her sister and mother ( whom I met), but if it doesnt bother me maybe I can stay with her. I dont want to believe that shes just some money hungry woman. She has her own career.

[BaileyB]

I told her I may move to ukraine for a month and she said i might be uncomfortable living with her because she lives with her sister and mother ( whom I met), but if it doesnt bother me maybe I can stay with her.

 

It will probably be very uncomfortable FOR EVERYONE. Listen to her.

 

My friend, you have a difficult time with healthy boundaries and you are a poor judge of character. Case in point, your four year on again-off again, abusive relationship with a woman who had BPD. I agree with Expat, you may think you are wary of others but this thread and your relationship history suggests otherwise. You are ripe for the picking... be very careful.

[chillii]

l'd give it a chance , eyes and ears open. my brother travels the world for work meets women all over and often chuckles at how blunt and straight shooting many cultures are . He's said most will have no qualms at all in being up front about wanting to move or visas or whatever if that is one of their plans.

She doesn't sound like she needs to scam you by any means so she'd probably just tell you if she did wanna move up front and wanna know if your up for it.

Anyway , seems as that and her being true would be the obvious worries, you can just keep sussing that out until you know for sure one way or other.

[Els]

Eh, I don't see why not. You get what you want, she gets what she wants - sounds like a fair trade to me.