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Sunnydaysandsome

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Sunnydaysandsome

I recently dated a man and I ended it after 4 dates. He didn't really make a lot of effort. One word texts, never available etc. You get the idea.

 

 

After date two I had got the vibe that perhaps this man wanted to be friends with me rather than a 'date'. The reasons for this were; he has a lot of female friends already he hangs out with and it was all a bit 'matey' in flavour. The date was a beers in a pub (I don't drink so I had coke). We laughed a lot but he didn't make any attempt to touch me or compliment me so I just assumed this guy wanted a friend. However I thought if he wanted me as a friend why did he meet me one to one, he could have had me tagged on to a group, so maybe he did like me but he didn't give anything away.

 

On date 2 I went to leave and I wasn't expecting any kiss because in the pub (again, yes) he made no attempt to touch me, compliment me etc. and it was all 'matey' again. I suggested we sit by the open fire on the sofa and I noticed he didn't go for that (but maybe reading too much in there). I would have thought if you fancied a woman you would make a bee line for a cosy corner like that.

 

Anyway I got the vibes and was leaving when he suddenly kissed me, like a snog but then before it even started he pulled away as if stopping himself.

 

No idea what that was about, this kiss was about a nano second long.

 

After the kiss I was quite surprised and asked if he just wanted a mate to hang about with or wanted to see where this went? Mainly because I didn't want to get into some weird friends/not really friends thing.

 

He looked very embarrassed and mumbled something I didn't hear and started walking away.

 

Later he texted saying he hoped 'I didn't mind about the kiss'. I said I didn't and was looking forward to the next one.

 

Date 3 - Again body language suggested we were mates, in that no touching, no compliments etc. This time (thinking he must be shy) I hang around 'waiting' for a potential kiss, hoping it might be a bit more normal but he doesn't go for it and turns it into a slighly lame hug.

 

Date 4 - Similar but I'd already had enough of all the confusion and was on the verve of cancelling.

 

I decided to dump him after date 4.

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Could be any number of reasons for his behavior, from sexual orientation confusion to lack of social skills in both making friends and romantic relationships, to being hung up on someone else.

 

You made the right choice to leave it and move along.

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You gave him enough chances to step up and be a man about it, and he didn't. Whatever his issue is, I'm glad you are not sticking around to find out or see where it goes like most people do in all these threads. If any of the guys read this....this is what I mean about confidence. To step up and make the moves the OP listed....simple touching, cuddling, a nice soft kiss that could lead into a make out sesh.

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You definitely did the right thing by not wasting anymore time. You gave him ample opportunity to get physical and he turned it down whatever the reason. On to the next I say.

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Sunnydaysandsome

Yes, this man was so confusing I just couldn't take anymore.

 

To make matters even more confusing last week I found out he has unblocked me on social media.

 

I deleted him off my facebook/phone when I told him I didn't want to continue and then he blocked me.

 

4 months on I'm unblocked, no idea why. I went straight ahead with blocking him and I didn't even click on his profile picture.

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Just a shyguy, wouldn't get worked up about it.

He'll probably be sad puppy a while and hopefully learn from it and move on.

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Sunnydaysandsome

Yes I get shy men but even if you were shy surely you can string a sentence together when you text a woman?

 

This man communicated in one word texts and smilely faces.

 

I am a grown woman with a masters degree, not a teenager.

 

Shy or not - no excuses for the lack of effort.

 

I think 'shy' gets me and other woman in a lot of trouble, making excuses for them.

 

I only date confident men from now onwards.

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I'm not saying you wrong to dump him, just that it was pretty obvious (broadly, to me) what his deal was.

 

Good for you, you shouldn't make excuses for others.

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Can't punish someone for just not feeling it . You see each other to see what's in it and get to know each other more.

He did try but just wasn't feeling it sorry.

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Yes I get shy men but even if you were shy surely you can string a sentence together when you text a woman?

 

This man communicated in one word texts and smilely faces.

 

I am a grown woman with a masters degree, not a teenager.

 

Shy or not - no excuses for the lack of effort.

 

I think 'shy' gets me and other woman in a lot of trouble, making excuses for them.

 

I only date confident men from now onwards.

 

It's great that you know what you want. But I don't understand why you're so critical when it was just a brief thing. For whatever reason, he didn't have the social skills/sexual desire to take this further. It is what it is. Don't make it about you being better than him. Just smile, wish him well and move on.

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What did you see in him, when all you got were one word texts? Is he extremely good looking? There was nothing for you to go on. It's like he's a blank person and you filled it with your imagination and become interested in what was all in your mind.

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Sunnydaysandsome

Long story short I dated this guy I work with for 4-5 dates over 1 month. He was pathetic, one word texts, late...generally didn't show much effort so I ended things with him in the new year. He was just dates, not a relationship.

 

I ended sending him a few very blunt texts messages, expressing my views (but not rude) then I defriended him off fb. He isn't a terrible person, but I feel he is a waste of my time and I don't want anything more to do with him.

 

I go in to work at the place where he works about once a month, but it varies I'm freelance.

 

Since those texts, which he didn't respond to I've not seen him for 3 months or had any type of contact.

 

He leaves my products in the foyer with a label with my name on. He is never around on the days I'm visiting. It is clear that he is hiding.

 

I don't care, it makes it easier for me as I don't want to see him, but it has now become an obvious pattern and a bit weird.

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Sunnydaysandsome

Thanks for the responses.

 

 

Yes he was pathetic but he was funny and good company, he has some things going for him and yes he is good looking.

 

Why is he so scared and terrified I've no idea.

 

Why are men so scared of rejection/women?

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hippychick3

Honestly... what difference does it make? Why do you care? You’re only there once a month, and it doesn’t affect your work. Let it go.

 

Next time you decide to date someone from your workplace (which isn’t a good idea), just end things gracefully if it’s not working out. No reason to make things more awkward just because he wasn’t that interested.

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Sunnydaysandsome

Yes but what is ideal doesn't always happen in real life. .. if it did this forum wouldn't exist

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Versacehottie

While i agree with you about things not always going according to plan or ideally, hence this forum etc, i also majorly agree with hippychick. If you don't care about him, don't want anything to do with him, and have ALREADY handled it the way you did, why worry or even think about this? It's not necessary. It is what it is, what's done is done. Just move forward. Now would be a good time to put the "gracefully" part into action: don't disparage him, if you DO run into him be cordial. That's it. And btw, not weird at all that he would be avoiding you. You don't want anything to do with him. He either feels the same or is embarrassed that you don't and thus doesn't want more awkwardness.

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Lotsgoingon

Are you looking for an apology?

 

Relationships aren't all supposed to work out ... I sense some anger here that seems inappropriate ... What you want to do is let him go ... meaning emotionally let him go ... he didn't cheat on you ... or betray you ... he simply did not show interest ...

 

He does not owe you interest in romance. Therefore, cut him a break ... if he's avoiding you and you feel uncomfortable with that ... see if you can create some space in your mind and heart to tell him that you don't hate him ... and that you wish him well.

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Lotsgoingon
Thanks for the responses.

 

 

Yes he was pathetic but he was funny and good company, he has some things going for him and yes he is good looking.

 

Why is he so scared and terrified I've no idea.

 

Why are men so scared of rejection/women?

 

Great question ... though to be honest, a lot of women are terrified of taking the initiative on men ... Like you could have taken the lead here if you wanted ... It's not just fear of rejection that plays in however. Sometimes people hesitate because they don't feel comfortable ... as in ... he likes you ... thinks he could kiss you ... but can't quite give himself permission to do so ... That's not a good sign.

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Sunnydaysandsome

Yes I have let him go in that I don't communicate with him and of course I would say hello and be polite if I saw him to speak to in the workplace.

 

I'm not angry at him, I did/do find him immature. I think a more mature person would just pass me the order - only a few words would be necessary.

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Sunnydaysandsome

and no I'm certainly not looking for an apology. I don't need that and I wouldn't get it off someone like him anyway.

 

His boss is starting to notice that he uses other people to pass me my orders.

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Just get off all his social media and stop contacting him. He's clearly not at all interested and trying to keep from having a conversation about something that was only a short duration. Be glad he's leaving the stuff in the hall. Do the same for him.

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Sunnydaysandsome

He has to give stuff to me in the job. I order and he is the man who sorts out the supplies so I wouldn't be a position where I would have to 'leave things in the hall for him' so I'm not sure what I'd do in his position. I would like to think I would be woman enough/mature enough to pass him the goods in person and treat everyone the same. (He passes the goods to others in person).

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