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How important is it for your significant other to integrate into your friend group?


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Old 15th March 2019, 2:40 AM   #16
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I have met my boyfriend friends but I would not want to hang out with them on a weekly or even monthly basis!

As long as they are not talking bad about me or encouraging him to cheat, take drugs etc then I dont care.


Your 'best friend' needs to shut up. Is she jealous or something?
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Old 15th March 2019, 9:30 AM   #17
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The problem I see is that your bf, who is serious, professional and kind of reserved, met you whilst you were studying, so has no doubt formed the opinion of you being a similar personality to him.
Once the wild, rowdy, partying friends show up and you are more free to go out partying with them, he may question what he has got himself involved with here.
The girl he thought he had, perhaps doesn't really exist...
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Old 15th March 2019, 2:47 PM   #18
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What's more important is that your lifestyle is compatible with your bf's, not whether his is compatible with your friends'.

If your true lifestyle when you're not studying is more in line with your friends, then there may be issues down the road.

In any case, it sounds like your bff feels threatened by your bf and doesn't want to lose her wing-woman.
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Old 15th March 2019, 3:08 PM   #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by olivetree View Post
What's more important is that your lifestyle is compatible with your bf's, not whether his is compatible with your friends'.

If your true lifestyle when you're not studying is more in line with your friends, then there may be issues down the road.

In any case, it sounds like your bff feels threatened by your bf and doesn't want to lose her wing-woman.
My personality it more aligned to his than my friends, even before dating BF. I like concerts so I will probably continue to do that with my friends at times, but I have felt more and more "over" the party scene. Which is why it was so great when I met BF and have been able to enjoy other activities with him. The two years before BF I was partying with my friends a lot, largely driven by the fact that I had gotten out of a really bad long term relationship and was taking a break from dating and just having fun (I think it's import to just focus on you for a while before jumping in to something new). My BFF was super happy about it, probably becuase she felt like she "finally had her girl back". Former BF was a bit of a black hole and I didn't see her much during those years.

What I think will more likely will be that I probably won't want to go out on wild nights out with my friends as much, and if I have more free time I will probably want to spend it doing other activities with BF.... which they aren't really into as much. I'm at the age now where I want to settle down and have a family...not much room for partying in that. My friends are probably not going to approve of that though. Like I see the girls regularly for brunch and coffee, it's not like I don't make time for them. But I know their expectation will be that I come and "live it up" with them once I'm more free, and I just don't feel as into it.

My BFF is most definitely threatened by him, you hit the nail on the head there. When I first started dating him she seemed kind of turned off by him being "kind of a square" (her words) since he doesn't drink. But she saw that I was happy and said she was happy for me....I can just tell she is going to be peeved if I don't really feel like being her right hand party girl on the weekends anymore. I'm already fully anticipating my friends saying I'm "lame and boring" now, like I've heard them say of other friends that have fallen off the grid as they have settled down. I have other friends, but this kind of my "core" group. I don't want them to feel like I'm just ditching them now that I'm with someone....but I also think at some point they kind of need to grow up a bit too.

Last edited by tomoyo; 15th March 2019 at 3:13 PM..
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