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Is it a good sign if he asked where things are going/moving forward?


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I’ve met this guy online and we met in real life in in the beginning of January. He initiated most of the texts and he asked me out many times (all the first dates were initiated by him, but the last one that happened yesterday was initiated by me). We laugh a lot together, he asks a lot of questions, we tease each other and he keep contact in between our dates. Anyways, the thing is he never initiated physical contact with me (holding hands, kissing). At some point, part of me started to think that he just wasn’t that into me and that he was putting me in the friendzone... Until he asked me out for dinner and paid for both of us.

 

Some adviced me to initiate physical contact myself and I’m just the worst in that area. It takes me A LOT to become physical with someone. And I the prefer it when the man initiates physical contacts. Anyways, I just get a hug at the end of our dates. Even though our dates are really great, I’m getting a bit frustrated about it and right now, I’m just starting to think that he’s just not into me.

 

We spent several hours together yesterday in town. It was my date idea and we had fun even though we were both a bit tired (especially him since he had a big exam yesterday and he had to stay at work until 4AM). Anyways, I still told him that we can cancel the last activity that I had in mind that evening so that he can go back home and sleep (he had to wake up early today to go visit his family) and he said ‘no, I want to stay and do that activity!’. So I guess he wasn’t tired of me since he didn’t take the opportunity to run away.

 

Today, he hasn’t texted me. I know he’s with his family and I don’t expect a text before this evening (maybe?), but I’m really wondering if I should just give up on him. I’m starting to think again that he just wants to be friends and that he’s not attracted to me.

 

Should I give up now? Or give it some time?

Is he only looking for friendship?

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LivingWaterPlease

Maybe he's the same way (referring to the bolded above).

 

Also, maybe he likes you a lot but there's no spark (chemistry) for him. Or maybe he thinks you're not ready for anything physical. Could be many reasons as to why he's not.

 

If you want to be physical with him then make the first move, as your friends have suggested. You might have to get out of your comfort zone a little here.

 

Try reaching out and touching his arm when you're together, talking and laughing. Move a little closer to him and make lingering eye contact with him from time-to-time. Flirt with him. But, sounds as if you do flirt with him. Not sure about that.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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Maybe he's the same way (referring to the bolded above).

 

Also, maybe he likes you a lot but there's no spark (chemistry) for him. Or maybe he thinks you're not ready for anything physical. Could be many reasons as to why he's not.

 

If you want to be physical with him then make the first move, as your friends have suggested. You might have to get out of your comfort zone a little here.

 

Try reaching out and touching his arm when you're together, talking and laughing. Move a little closer to him and make lingering eye contact with him from time-to-time. Flirt with him. But, sounds as if you do flirt with him. Not sure about that.

 

I honestly try, but it just doesn’t feel ‘natural’ to me since I’m very shy in that area and when I try to look at him in the eyes for a longer time, I just end up looking away. I even avoid eye contact sometimes. Even when I was in a relationship before, the guy used to complain about my lack of initiating physical contact. It’s not that I don’t like kissing, being physically close to someone... It’s just something I can’t control and I need time and someone who is more affectionate than me to open up.

 

I flirt with him by teasing him, laughing (making silly jokes) and just be myself around him haha I also dress up a little, put perfume and makeup on.

 

Do you think he might lose interest (if he’s interested) because of the lack of physical contact?

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Step it up sista, you need to at LEAST touch him in subtle ways, like touch his arm or grab his arm and lean into him as you are walking out, play a little footsie under the table and smile. Men need to feel desired too! I can't stress enough that you need to be more confident.....confidence is sexy.

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Step it up sista, you need to at LEAST touch him in subtle ways, like touch his arm or grab his arm and lean into him as you are walking out, play a little footsie under the table and smile. Men need to feel desired too! I can't stress enough that you need to be more confident.....confidence is sexy.

 

I’d say I’m pretty confident around him and I agree with you that confidence is sexy, but there’s this ‘thing’ (I don’t really know what) that is keeping me from touching him and it’s really annoying. I’d say I’m more frustrated because of me than him. :(

Maybe it’s because I’m not sure about what he thinks about me, if he’s attracted to me or interested in a romantic way. He barely compliments me on my apparence. I got 2 compliments from him and it was on my necklace (first date) and my earrings (yesterday). I don’t even know if he thinks I’m pretty.

 

Do you think he just wants to be friends? Or that I’m just an option? I don’t know what to think. Most guys I’ve been on dates with were pretty straightforward.

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LivingWaterPlease

If you don't mind me asking, how old are the two of you?

 

If you're very young you just may need some time to develop confidence in your feminine wiles! Lol! You may never have heard of that term if you're young, idk.

 

Eye contact and casual touching are huge when it comes to intimate relationships. Possibly if you shy away from it he may take it as a sign that you're erecting a wall.

 

Sometime when he wears a shirt you like you could (softly, slowly) stroke the sleeve or the shoulder and say something like, "I love the color (pattern, texture, whatever) of this shirt. That way it gets your attention away from the fact that you're actually touching him and focuses on his shirt. Things like that. If he gets a haircut you could playfully say something about the cut and brush your hand across his hair or neckline. Put the focus on something other than just touching him to touch him.

 

It seems to me he's quite interested in you since he continues to schedule time with you. It's hard to tell whether he'll lose interest in you or not from just reading what you write on LS.

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If you don't mind me asking, how old are the two of you?

 

If you're very young you just may need some time to develop confidence in your feminine wiles! Lol! You may never have heard of that term if you're young, idk.

 

Eye contact and casual touching are huge when it comes to intimate relationships. Possibly if you shy away from it he may take it as a sign that you're erecting a wall.

 

Sometime when he wears a shirt you like you could (softly, slowly) stroke the sleeve or the shoulder and say something like, "I love the color (pattern, texture, whatever) of this shirt. That way it gets your attention away from the fact that you're actually touching him and focuses on his shirt. Things like that. If he gets a haircut you could playfully say something about the cut and brush your hand across his hair or neckline. Put the focus on something other than just touching him to touch him.

 

It seems to me he's quite interested in you since he continues to schedule time with you. It's hard to tell whether he'll lose interest in you or not from just reading what you write on LS.

 

I’m 21 and he’s 22, so we’re not teenagers haha I’ve been on dates before and the guys who were into me tried physical contact with me (like putting their arm around me or trying to hold hands) even with that ‘wall’ that I have about physical contact.

 

I remember that I went on a date with a guy 2 years ago and he was really slow too to touch me until he planned a ‘surprise’ for me at his place after a few dates (he cooked lunch for me) and he wanted me to eat it with him in his bedroom lol I was really uncomfortable with it, but I didn’t want to disrespect his efforts, so I accepted to sit on his bedroom’s floor and eat with him. He came next to me and he grabbed my hand and at the same time, his cat bite me loool so I pushed them both because I wasn’t feeling great. He told me that he had never been in a relationship and never kissed a girl (the guy was from Saudi..). Anyways, things went better and he ended up kissing me that same date, but it all felt super awkward. And things went downhill after that until I had to ‘break things’ by text. Now, with a little bit more of experience, I can tell he was trying to lose his virginity with me and with all his comments when I did the ‘breakup’ text. He said things like ‘guys have needs and you are the one who should answer it. If not, who?’. I’m disgusted by his texts. Anyways, months later, I got in a relationship with another guy and it took me many months before going at his place and we were in a committed relationship. I was feeling okay with kissing him and cuddling and we had great chemistry until he got super frustrated because I didn’t want to sleep with him and I wanted to wait (I’m from a more traditional family and him too and he knew I wanted to wait, but he couldn’t wait anymore, so he broke up).

 

So you can say that I have not so great experience with ‘physical contact’ adding to the fact that I’m super shy in that field. Maybe I subconsciously put a wall and made it clear from the very beginning that he shouldn’t expect me to come at his place. He’s a respectful guy and he’s super smart, so maybe he got the ‘hint’ without me talking, but it became an issue now because I want to kiss him and he doesn’t initiate anything...

 

I’m confident that he likes spending time with me and that ‘just friends’ don’t communicate with each other on a regular basis like we do and don’t go eat dinner together (he invited me after wishing me a Happy Valentine’s Day). Plus he paid. But I don’t know if he’s considering putting me in the friendzone and if he’s losing interest because we can’t tell if we have physical chemistry.

Most of my guy friends ended up developing romantic feelings for me even though we didn’t have any romantic physical contact, so maybe there’s still hope, but I’m clueless loll

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If he keeps asking you out on dates, he likes you. Guys don't go out of their way for "friendship".

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crispytoast

I have casual conversations over texts with lady friends of mine I'm not sleeping with and not interested in sleeping with. I also go out for dinner and shows, other things like that, or invite them over for food. I do the same with my guy friends minus the casual conversation over text -- women tend to be chattier in general -- so I don't see why it would be different to do that with my female friends. Most of them would do stuff for me like if my car broke down would give me a ride, would lend me money if I were late on rent, or would bring me soup, tea, medicine if I were sick and I'd do the same for them if they needed it. Plus they like to come over, cook me dinner, drink wine and make art. Some of my best platonic friendships are with women.

With that being said, a lot of men arent like this, especially around your age, so I'd guess he probably likes you and just doesn't feel comfortable initiating or know how to.

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@smackie9 That’s what I thought too, but then we never know... Maybe he’s just not that into me, which is okay honestly and I’d pull away if I figure out that’s the case, but the ambiguity is really confusing me.

 

@crisptytoast You have a lot of good friends ? !! You’re lucky! Indeed, most guys aren’t like you... I unfortunately lost some male friends because they couldn’t have a platonic friendship with me.

 

So he didn’t text me today. I honestly expected him not to text me, it’s weird. Maybe because we spent several hours together yesterday and I have things to figure out myself anyways. I’m in a ‘I pull a bit away and observe’ state. Getting a text from him would sure make me smile, but at the same time, I need some time alone to figure things out. I just don’t know what his next move (or lack of move) will be.

 

I also told my brother about that situation (my brother is kind of a bit protective haha) and he said that in his opinion, this guy is clearly interested, but he thinks he doesn’t have a lot of experience with women.

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Sounds like he doesn't know how to initate the physical stuff. He's either afraid of rejection or scared to try. Definitely sounds like lack of experience. Or he may have initiated stuff too quickly with his last date and it ended badly so this time he's taking it super slow. I think at this point you're going to have to initiate and see how he responds. Guys won't go out one on one with a girl several times and pay for them and everything if he has no romantic interest. If he wasn't feeling it by now, he'd be slowing down contact and not going on dates.

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Curiousroxy86

Here is what you do

 

Say/text "Joe honey do you not like kissing? Because I do lol" (whatever his name is)

 

See what he says

 

If he express he is nervous and ask you out again then go out again and see if he makes the move to kiss you at the end of the date

 

If he don't make the move stop seeing him. Something wrong with him lol

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Hey I just speak from experience. 100% of the guys that wanted to just "hang out" and be chummy with me did not have friendship in mind. This guy needs a nudge of some kind because he lacks signals from you, is unsure if you would be comfortable with im making a move, or he just lacks confidence (ugh)

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well if you are not in any rush you can just wait and see? Eventually he will kiss you? Eventually he will ask you to Netflix and chill?

Or he will not, either way you will have your answer.

 

I dont think any one here can give you an answer what he's thinking. Maybe he just wants a female friend, some guys are like that. Maybe hes gay and not know yet? Maybe he is extremely shy/inexperienced? Who knows. Personally I have never met a guy who doesnt make physical moves.

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Thank you all for your answers!

 

Sounds like I need to be the one to make a move (if he ever wants to see me again)... I feel like I’d be way more comfortable kicking his leg than kissing him, but whatever. We’re already weird and awkward around each other, so adding some weirdness and awkwardness might just spice things up a little ??*♀️.

 

Or maybe it’s over since he hasn’t texted me today ?

What do you think about him not reaching out after our last date (that I planned)? I won’t initiate a text because I really want to figure out what’s his level of interest and I’ve been taught that when a man wants a woman, he’s obvious about it and pursues her, so a lack of pursuing would be an answer in itself.

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Thank you all for your answers!

 

Sounds like I need to be the one to make a move (if he ever wants to see me again)... I feel like I’d be way more comfortable kicking his leg than kissing him, but whatever. We’re already weird and awkward around each other, so adding some weirdness and awkwardness might just spice things up a little ??*♀️.

 

Or maybe it’s over since he hasn’t texted me today ?

What do you think about him not reaching out after our last date (that I planned)? I won’t initiate a text because I really want to figure out what’s his level of interest and I’ve been taught that when a man wants a woman, he’s obvious about it and pursues her, so a lack of pursuing would be an answer in itself.

 

What you've been taught isn't true all the time, especially in this case because he's probably wondering if you even like him. I think you should initiate, and see him again and make the move. If you really don't care that much one way or another to see this guy again, then forget it.

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What you've been taught isn't true all the time, especially in this case because he's probably wondering if you even like him. I think you should initiate, and see him again and make the move. If you really don't care that much one way or another to see this guy again, then forget it.

 

I thought initiating a date on a Saturday night was a pretty clear sign that I’m interested in him...

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If you want to talk to him, go ahead ask about his day.. If you dont feel like texting him, then dont. Dont worry about what people tell you. Do what you feel like doing, not what people tell you what you should do.

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If you want to talk to him, go ahead ask about his day.. If you dont feel like texting him, then dont. Dont worry about what people tell you. Do what you feel like doing, not what people tell you what you should do.

 

I honestly just don’t feel like texting him. I get what you’re saying, but at the same time, I need to know where he stands and what his futur actions will be.

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Look if you like him a lot and you really want him to text you and kiss you, then you can shoot him a text, nothing wrong with that.

But if you are just lukewarm and honestly dont feel like texting then dont do it. You dont have to text him now to know where he stands. In fact, even if he replies you'll probably still wonder "is he into me or is he just being friendly".

Only time will tell where he stands.

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MaleIntuition

He is just shy. Like you. But as Smackie said, he isn’t looking for a platonic friendship. Some patterns are hard to break, and inexperienced men simply don’t know when or how to initiate.

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You want a guy that will make the moves first, where he possibly would prefer a more aggressive woman to pull him out of his shell. Maybe he's not the guy for you.

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LivingWaterPlease
Thank you all for your answers!

 

Sounds like I need to be the one to make a move (if he ever wants to see me again)... I feel like I’d be way more comfortable kicking his leg than kissing him, but whatever. We’re already weird and awkward around each other, so adding some weirdness and awkwardness might just spice things up a little ����*♀️.

 

Or maybe it’s over since he hasn’t texted me today ��

What do you think about him not reaching out after our last date (that I planned)? I won’t initiate a text because I really want to figure out what’s his level of interest and I’ve been taught that when a man wants a woman, he’s obvious about it and pursues her, so a lack of pursuing would be an answer in itself.

 

Lol, actually might be fun and get the ball rolling if it was just a little kick!

 

Kick him a little and when he acts surprised say, "Just testing before I jump on you and shower you with kisses!" Nah, better not say that, but maybe "Just testing!"

 

Hmmm, not sure if it's over or not but since you planned the last date I think you're wise not to reach out until you hear from him. Just my opinion.

 

Time will tell.

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I had a guy like that, met him on a dating website, and he was 44. for the life of God to this day I have no clue what did that guy want from me. No physical contact whatsoever. In the end I asked him if he wanted to be just friends, and I still didn't understand anything from his rambling response. We went out on one more date and then I just stopped responding to his texts. We went out 9 times.

 

I am very curious what's up with your guy. In any case, if he's that bad with physical contact, something is wrong there, I'd say drop him. I wouldn't think he'd be good in the sack if he's so inhibited, and if he's not into you...then also a non starter.

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You two are still pretty young. He seems like he needs a little prompting. You can grab his hand when you're out with him. That's not too much to ask.

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