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Is it a good sign if he asked where things are going/moving forward?


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Old 7th March 2019, 5:51 PM   #46
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Originally Posted by Mrs._December View Post
Do NOT do this.

It would come off as childish asking something like that. More so, it would sound like you were questioning his manhood - like you question whether he's a guy with guy desires or not.

Really. Don't do it.
Listen OP I dated a guy who took me on two dates and didn't kiss me. And I was confused cause that just has never happened to me before. I was thinking was he stringing me along or gay??? Because he gave me flowers on the first date and was texting and calling in between dates and made it clear he was interested in eventually being in a long term relationship that led to marriage. Compliments and all and the not kissing was just a head scratcher for me too. I was ready to cut his behind loose and so I figured I had nothing to lose. And I literally texted him

"Joe honey do you not like kissing....because I do lol" and he replied "LOL!!! With a whole bunch of laughing emojis". And he explained he was a bit nervous and trying to be a gentleman and find the right time and on next date he kissed me. He contiuned to ask me out. But I didn't end up continue dating him for other reasons.

I didn't have to intiate kissing him. He stepped up and kissed me like I like. And we ended up laughing about it and it was fine.

So you could walk away, you could intiate....but if a guy doesn't kiss you by the 3rd date I don't see anything wrong about being direct. Say it how you want to say it. that's how I said it and felt comfortable saying it and if it happened again I would say it just like that again lol.

Your not asking him to kiss you or being confrontational like why haven't you kissed me. Your not making the first move feeling masculine and sh*t. Your simply asking if he likes kissing (because some people really don't) and you express that you like to kiss and see if he is into what your into. Your inviting and open conversation and personally I think it's an adult genuine way to handle it. And also see if he steps up. Either way you get your answer.

But do what's best for you

Last edited by Curiousroxy86; 7th March 2019 at 5:53 PM..
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Old 7th March 2019, 7:02 PM   #47
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Originally Posted by MaleIntuition View Post
Yes, thatís a point (and true for some), but itís not the point you made in your previous post where you said itís likley that he isnít into women and that he is afraid of sex.

And those are some veeery big (and frankly a bit offensive) assumptions to make based on very little information.
There's only two possibilities and that's one of them, so....no remorse here.
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Old 8th March 2019, 1:35 PM   #48
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Originally Posted by Curiousroxy86 View Post
Listen OP I dated a guy who took me on two dates and didn't kiss me. And I was confused cause that just has never happened to me before. I was thinking was he stringing me along or gay??? Because he gave me flowers on the first date and was texting and calling in between dates and made it clear he was interested in eventually being in a long term relationship that led to marriage. Compliments and all and the not kissing was just a head scratcher for me too. I was ready to cut his behind loose and so I figured I had nothing to lose. And I literally texted him

"Joe honey do you not like kissing....because I do lol" and he replied "LOL!!! With a whole bunch of laughing emojis". And he explained he was a bit nervous and trying to be a gentleman and find the right time and on next date he kissed me. He contiuned to ask me out. But I didn't end up continue dating him for other reasons.

I didn't have to intiate kissing him. He stepped up and kissed me like I like. And we ended up laughing about it and it was fine.

So you could walk away, you could intiate....but if a guy doesn't kiss you by the 3rd date I don't see anything wrong about being direct. Say it how you want to say it. that's how I said it and felt comfortable saying it and if it happened again I would say it just like that again lol.

Your not asking him to kiss you or being confrontational like why haven't you kissed me. Your not making the first move feeling masculine and sh*t. Your simply asking if he likes kissing (because some people really don't) and you express that you like to kiss and see if he is into what your into. Your inviting and open conversation and personally I think it's an adult genuine way to handle it. And also see if he steps up. Either way you get your answer.

But do what's best for you
well said...

You can be hamfisted about it or be measured and adult about it...
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Old 13th March 2019, 10:35 AM   #49
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Is it a good sign if he asked where things are going/moving forward?

So after a few dates (the last one was planned by me), he didnít text me for a little bit more than a week (I didnít reach out) and at some point, I got the Ďhintí and decided to plan other dates with other people. Thatís when he texted me saying he was really busy with something new he had to do in college and that he couldnít text me earlier. Then, a few minutes later, he asked me (by text) where are things moving forward between us (I really didnít expect him to ask me this lol) and he wanted to ask me this last time we saw each other, but he was really tired (which was true, he barely slept the night before because of his exam and he had to wake up early the next day to go see his family) and we were a bit in a hurry at the end of our date because I had to catch my bus. He said that he knows that asking this by text isnít the best thing.

Anyways, I texted him one day after (so yesterday) that I want something serious or friendship and knowing him, heíll probably answer in the evening or tomorrow. I also have another date planned this evening with another guy.

Why did he ask this? Does he want to move things forward?

Iím just confused by his behavior. Is it a typical case of a guy pulling away when heís falling for a girl to figure things out and then comes back when he made his mind?
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Old 13th March 2019, 10:43 AM   #50
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hah that's wishful thinking. No he's just trying to keep you on the hook. Look if a guy is really into you, he wouldn't take any chances of letting someone else swoop in. IMO you should have told him the truth. Due to his lack of communication/attention, you have decided to date other guys. I believe he was weighing his options with someone else, to see if things develop with them. Things didn't happen so he contacts you again.
Think about it...people still need to eat and take a crap..there is time in there to shoot over a text right? I'm not buying what he told you.
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Old 13th March 2019, 10:49 AM   #51
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He knows he ignored you. He also knows what effect his question about moving forward has on a girl who's interested and has been waiting to hear from him.
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Old 13th March 2019, 12:22 PM   #52
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I forgot your story about this guy but good job by stop reaching out

and even more awesome job that your dating other people

lol im so proud

I would not let him friendzone though. that we can be friends bull...throw that away lol.

also dont go back to wondering what he wants and how to get this guy to do anything. you keep dating other men. you can talk to this guy if you want but dont read into anything. focus on absolute clear pursuit from a guy. if he is not clearly showing that he is interested in something more with you then the answer is date other men till you find a guy you like that does. good luck
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Old 14th March 2019, 10:23 AM   #53
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Originally Posted by Curiousroxy86 View Post
if he is not clearly showing that he is interested in something more with you, then the answer is date other men till you find a guy you like that does. good luck
^^^^^This.

If a man wants a woman, he makes the time and effort. If he doesn't make the time and effort, he doesn't want the woman. It's really that simple. Men aren't complicated creatures.
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Old 14th March 2019, 11:24 AM   #54
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Originally Posted by Hopeful30 View Post
^^^^^This.

If a man wants a woman, he makes the time and effort. If he doesn't make the time and effort, he doesn't want the woman. It's really that simple. Men aren't complicated creatures.
Yes we are. Especially young men; most have no clue about these rules.
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Old 14th March 2019, 11:26 AM   #55
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Originally Posted by MaleIntuition View Post
Yes we are. Especially young men; most have no clue about these rules.
Not having a clue about rules doesn't complicate a person lol it just means they have things to learn
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Old 14th March 2019, 11:37 AM   #56
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Originally Posted by MaleIntuition View Post
Yes we are. Especially young men; most have no clue about these rules.
Doesn't mean women should start making excuses and waiting on men acting confused and complicated.

there are men who are clear (in a reasonable amount of time of course) and there are men who are not

women should focus on guys who are clear on what they want...again in a reasonable amount of time

Last edited by Curiousroxy86; 14th March 2019 at 12:08 PM..
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Old 15th March 2019, 1:37 PM   #57
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Actually young men aren't clueless ... they're just unaware of how to escape their cluelessness.

The most clueless guy in the world knows he needs to follow up with someone he's interested in ... I was completely clueless and I knew that much. What I was clueless about was whether or not I REALLY liked someone.

So I'd go out ... have a good time ... and then disappear ... After a period of time, some current would zap my brain and say, hey dude, you need to contact her if you want to get with her again. Later, when I figured out who was I really interested in, I would automatically follow up because I WANTED to ... not because I NEEDED in order to keep the person dangling.

Too tired to text?... give me a break ... that's like too full to eat ice cream. If a guy is interested and has a little oomph, he can take 5 seconds to text. Do you think this guy didn't go online when he was tired? ... Didn't watch any tv? ... didn't eat? ... didn't check his social media? ... Give me a break.

And if the guy was REALLY busy ... let's say he's running a startup company that has a pressing major deadline, he would still (if he's a guy worth dating) find time to tell you exactly in detail why he can't talk ... but make clear that he wants to get together ... and that he is thinking of you and really wants to see you again soon.

Keep dating ... and respond to guys who don't disappear. This is the dangling move ... young guys perfect this ... I almost had a clock in my head ... I would stretch out a follow up to the last possible moment and then contact the person. The sharp women kept their distance.
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Old 15th March 2019, 8:26 PM   #58
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So what did he respond when you replied that you wanted a relationship? Or did he not respond?
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Old 16th March 2019, 3:12 AM   #59
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Originally Posted by Lotsgoingon View Post
Keep dating ... and respond to guys who don't disappear. This is the dangling move ... young guys perfect this ... I almost had a clock in my head ... I would stretch out a follow up to the last possible moment and then contact the person. The sharp women kept their distance.
At 22 he has been more or less bombarded with ideas of gender equality growing up. Respect women, don’t be a creep, me2, etc etc. Add some shyness and fear of rejection on top of that and how is he suppose to know that he is still expected to do more or less all the work early on?

The problem here is that some keep pushing the idea that men are completely different beasts, personality wise, than women. Examples in this thread: “Men are simple; they always go for what they want”. “Unless a man actively try to escalate on a date he is probably gay”. When the reality is that men and women have the same range of personality traits. Some of those traits are more common among women than men. But it doesn’t change the fact that we are equally complicated.

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Old 16th March 2019, 7:16 AM   #60
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Originally Posted by MaleIntuition View Post
When the reality is that men and women have the same range of personality traits. Some of those traits are more common among women than men. But it doesnít change the fact that we are equally complicated.
I agree that both men and women have the same range of personality traits. Some people are confident, some people are flaky, some people are shy, some people are aggressive, some people are passive, some people are expressive, some people are reserved, some people are genuine, some people are bullsh*tters, some people are clear, and some people are confused.

But too many women make excuses for men on the same possibilities of oh maybe he is shy, confused, complicated, wants me to make the first move, maybe he is going through things only to find out the true answer which was he wasn't that into her to begin with or he lost interest. And it's like that too many times so alot of people (the woman who have experienced and the men who have admitted) come to the conclusion that it's most of the time. So to avoid unecessary heartache and confusion it is better in my opinion to deal in absolutes and chose men who do show clear interest.

I mean even if he interested but confused and complicated that still doesn't make sense for a woman who is clear on what she is looking for to stick around and wait for this dude to become clear. She should be okay with losing the guys who are not clear even if some "might" be really interested deep down

And to be fair a lot of times it's not even about men are this and women are that no exception. It's about us having a certain dating style that we believe works best and finding those that are compatible. For example I am not pursuing men. Period. I am not dating guys who think women should. I don't think women should have to pursue. So of course I will state that all over LS with my view on why I believe it's not necessary. Of course with everything it's not absolute or applies all the time. But there is a good reason why we believe this way and won't make time for grey or one-offs.

I do think in dating it is true that we come with our own personal rules on how we see relationships and what's suppose to happen or what we want to happen. However especially at the beginning stages where two strangers get to know each other I think there should be some level of being forgiving or lenient if the person doesn't automatically know everything about how you would want to be treated. Im okay with a guy maybe not knowing that I have sex within an exclusive relationship so I'm not going to bite his head off or stop dating him if he attempts to have sex on date three. I also understand that a guy may find me attractive after first meeting me and getting my number but we haven't had enough of an emotional connection to expect that he would automatically pursue me like crazy and call everyday at the beginning and we haven't had a first date yet. So I'm not going to ignore him when he does text/call just because he waited a few days to contact if we are talking about beginning stages. I am aware that men are not a mind readers and we don't know each other's "rule book".

However some things just shouldn't be tolerated and some things truly is not worth the time trying to get a guy to understand or trying to figure him out and why he is doing this or not doing that. Guys who flake should and will get replaced by guys who don't flake if a flake keep on flaking. Period. And I don't think women should spend 1 second trying to figure out why or what to do when he is flaking or in and out her life or confused. She can just deal with him when he pursues her. She should make time for a guy when he is consistent. It should be irrelevant to her if he a guy is confused or it's complicated. What's relevant is what this guy is showing her. Damn why.
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