LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Romantic > Dating

Is it a good sign if he asked where things are going/moving forward?


Dating Dating, courting, or going steady? Things not working out the way you had hoped? Stand up on your soap box and let us know what's going on!

Like Tree30Likes
 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 4th March 2019, 6:47 PM   #31
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2019
Posts: 19
Quote:
Originally Posted by kendahke View Post
It's time for you to step in to him and kiss him. See what he does then.



is playing this game more important than you just point blank asking him why he doesn't seem attracted to you? If you are sitting back and not initiating, he may be taking it as you're not interested and he doesn't want to crowd your space. If you're acting like his buddy when you're out and not like his girlfriend, then he could be getting the message that you're good with what you two have going on.
I honestly donít want to play a game, I just donít feel like reaching out to him. I think itís a bad idea to initiate, Iím already in a vulnerable state. Him staying silent would be an answer. He might be a little it clueless about physical contact, but he has social skills and he knows how to initiate and plan dates. I also know by experience that once I start to initiate things with a guy, Iím not comfortable and it creates a weird vibe and the guy loses interest. I just donít know why. I also know that me not reaching out has always been the right thing to do while thereís ambiguity with a guy. Iím more of an old fashioned person and I wonít Ďman upí or step up at his place.

I give him this week and if he doesnít do anything, Iíll just get the hint and move on with my life.
Abouttt is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th March 2019, 10:23 PM   #32
Established Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 640
I wouldn't initiate. Show interest in men who show interest in you. That is the men who contact you. Respond back with interest.

And yes Date other men.

If he does contact you and y'all get a conversation going then simply ask if he likes kissing and see what he says

And if he responds favorably give him one more date to kiss you. If he don't let him go and continue date other men
Curiousroxy86 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 5th March 2019, 3:55 AM   #33
Established Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 518
Quote:
Originally Posted by Abouttt View Post
I honestly donít want to play a game, I just donít feel like reaching out to him. I think itís a bad idea to initiate, Iím already in a vulnerable state. Him staying silent would be an answer. He might be a little it clueless about physical contact, but he has social skills and he knows how to initiate and plan dates. I also know by experience that once I start to initiate things with a guy, Iím not comfortable and it creates a weird vibe and the guy loses interest. I just donít know why. I also know that me not reaching out has always been the right thing to do while thereís ambiguity with a guy. Iím more of an old fashioned person and I wonít Ďman upí or step up at his place.

I give him this week and if he doesnít do anything, Iíll just get the hint and move on with my life.
Or perhaps you are afraid of rejection and you are adjusting your beliefs in order minimise the risk of a direct rejections..?

Have you initiated any dates with him yet?
MaleIntuition is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 5th March 2019, 4:40 AM   #34
Established Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 713
Quote:
Originally Posted by Abouttt View Post
I honestly don’t want to play a game, I just don’t feel like reaching out to him. I think it’s a bad idea to initiate, I’m already in a vulnerable state. Him staying silent would be an answer. He might be a little it clueless about physical contact, but he has social skills and he knows how to initiate and plan dates. I also know by experience that once I start to initiate things with a guy, I’m not comfortable and it creates a weird vibe and the guy loses interest. I just don’t know why. I also know that me not reaching out has always been the right thing to do while there’s ambiguity with a guy. I’m more of an old fashioned person and I won’t ‘man up’ or step up at his place.

I give him this week and if he doesn’t do anything, I’ll just get the hint and move on with my life.
He’s probably going to contact you to go out again, so that’s what I’d expect. You’re still going to have to make a physical move with him when that happens. OR you’ll have to speak up about it. Almost sounds like you’re hoping he doesn’t get in contact so you don’t have to worry about it, and I don’t think that’s wrong. I tell my friends all the time that you can’t hesitate with the women when it comes to physicality. Guys are afraid to get rejected or “come on too strong” and lose the girl but in reality they’re losing her anyway by acting like a wuss—it confuses her, makes her feel inadequate or feel he’s not confident or gay or something

Last edited by Grey40; 5th March 2019 at 4:42 AM..
Grey40 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 5th March 2019, 10:08 AM   #35
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 17,539
Quote:
Originally Posted by Abouttt View Post
I flirt with him by teasing him, laughing (making silly jokes) and just be myself around him haha I also dress up a little, put perfume and makeup on.
Teasing isn't really flirting and sometimes can come off offensive. Try complimenting him on his good qualities, it's more feminine.
stillafool is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 5th March 2019, 8:26 PM   #36
Established Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,785
I can see where you are coming from. If he hasn't initiated any physical contact by now, not even holding hands, then it sounds like he is not interested in that way.

I do know what you mean about an odd vibe if you initiate. Instinct tells me that if the guy does not initiate, he is not interested enough. If a guy is interested, you will know if you talk to him and spend time with him.

Maybe he has some problem or other that he doesn't like to talk about? Does he seem nervous with you or hesitant as if he wanted to say or do something? If you are not picking up any signs that he is physically attracted to you, then you might as well give up on him.

I think it is worth following your instinct. You feel something is off here and it probably is.
__________________
"You ain't a beauty but hey, you're alright" ('Thunder Road', Bruce Springsteen)
spiderowl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 6th March 2019, 1:56 PM   #37
Established Member
 
kendahke's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: 38.978447, -77.018515
Posts: 8,010
Quote:
Originally Posted by Abouttt View Post
I honestly donít want to play a game, I just donít feel like reaching out to him. I think itís a bad idea to initiate
then you're going to have to be content with the consequences of taking that tack--which is you'll never know the information that you need to make an informed decision.
__________________
If the person you're with treats you in any way other than well, and you keep sticking around trying to make it work, you're no longer a victim of what they're doing--you're a volunteer. ~ Derrick Jaxn
kendahke is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 6th March 2019, 2:45 PM   #38
Established Member
 
preraph's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 24,800
Oh, he could very well be gay and not want to admit it to himself or others. That happened to me, but I caught on quick. This guy is afraid of sex at a minimum. Don't make yourself initiate. It's pretty unattractive when a guy is too afraid to do it himself. Men don't usually hang around spending money on women if they're not interested, but that doesn't mean they're competent to have and know what to do with a girlfriend.

Date other people. He could be gay or just irretrievably chicken. Not what you need either way.
__________________
"I care not much for a man's religion whose dog and cat are not better for it." -- Abraham Lincoln
"The greatness of a nation & its moral progress can be judged by the way in its animals are treated." -Gandhi
preraph is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th March 2019, 7:01 AM   #39
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2018
Location: Eastern Canada, eh?
Posts: 298
I only read the first page, but I'm very much like you when dating! I just can't start the physicalities on my own. Once it has started, then I can initiate it.

The way I got around this is that I flirted pretty hard online in between dates and told my now-bf that I loved physical contact and cuddling, but had difficulties initiating it. Basically, I gave him the okay and our dates, now relationship, have been steamy ever since.
ElKay is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th March 2019, 9:12 AM   #40
Established Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 518
Quote:
Originally Posted by preraph View Post
Oh, he could very well be gay and not want to admit it to himself or others. That happened to me, but I caught on quick. This guy is afraid of sex at a minimum. Don't make yourself initiate. It's pretty unattractive when a guy is too afraid to do it himself. Men don't usually hang around spending money on women if they're not interested, but that doesn't mean they're competent to have and know what to do with a girlfriend.

Date other people. He could be gay or just irretrievably chicken. Not what you need either way.
OP hasnít initiate either, so in spirit of gender equality I suppose she is also homosexual and afraid of sex then?

The likely explanation is that he is a bit shy, inexperienced, and trying to be respectful. Nothing more nothing less.
MaleIntuition is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th March 2019, 9:53 AM   #41
Established Member
 
Mrs._December's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 551
Quote:
Originally Posted by Curiousroxy86 View Post
If he does contact you and y'all get a conversation going then simply ask if he likes kissing and see what he says
Do NOT do this.

It would come off as childish asking something like that. More so, it would sound like you were questioning his manhood - like you question whether he's a guy with guy desires or not.

Really. Don't do it.
Mrs._December is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th March 2019, 12:21 PM   #42
Established Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,926
Here's what's interesting and i'm surprised no one else caught this -- you say it's very difficult for you to become physical with someone, yet you expect him to anyways.

It's difficult for me to open up physically as well, but I don't expect men to know that -- which is why I prefer to initiating physical contact in the beginning. Maybe he senses your fears and doesn't want to make a move. Men can sense when a woman is sexually into them or not. My guess is that on some level, he feels you aren't ready for physical contact....yet you are expecting him to do it anyways?

I feel like this 'problem' has more to do with your expectations and fears rather than his interest in you. If a man was has no physical interest in a woman, he wouldn't take her out on dates for the heck of it.
Hopeful30 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th March 2019, 4:06 PM   #43
Established Member
 
preraph's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 24,800
Quote:
Originally Posted by MaleIntuition View Post
OP hasnít initiate either, so in spirit of gender equality I suppose she is also homosexual and afraid of sex then?

The likely explanation is that he is a bit shy, inexperienced, and trying to be respectful. Nothing more nothing less.
Those qualities (shy, inexperienced) are attractive in women and unattractive in men. That's the point. If someone has too much social anxiety to complete a pass, they should be working on themselves instead of dating and making it someone else's problem.
preraph is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th March 2019, 4:08 PM   #44
Established Member
 
preraph's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 24,800
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopeful30 View Post
Here's what's interesting and i'm surprised no one else caught this -- you say it's very difficult for you to become physical with someone, yet you expect him to anyways.

It's difficult for me to open up physically as well, but I don't expect men to know that -- which is why I prefer to initiating physical contact in the beginning. Maybe he senses your fears and doesn't want to make a move. Men can sense when a woman is sexually into them or not. My guess is that on some level, he feels you aren't ready for physical contact....yet you are expecting him to do it anyways?

I feel like this 'problem' has more to do with your expectations and fears rather than his interest in you. If a man was has no physical interest in a woman, he wouldn't take her out on dates for the heck of it.
Yes, he would, if he's gay and trying to avoid thinking about it. I dated one who did. But in general, that's true.
preraph is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th March 2019, 5:23 PM   #45
Established Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 518
Quote:
Originally Posted by preraph View Post
Those qualities (shy, inexperienced) are attractive in women and unattractive in men. That's the point. If someone has too much social anxiety to complete a pass, they should be working on themselves instead of dating and making it someone else's problem.
Yes, thatís a point (and true for some), but itís not the point you made in your previous post where you said itís likley that he isnít into women and that he is afraid of sex.

And those are some veeery big (and frankly a bit offensive) assumptions to make based on very little information.
MaleIntuition is offline   Reply With Quote
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
My crush asked me what's my zodiac sign? Sign of interest? Ms.Jade In Search Of... 2 18th October 2017 3:38 PM
Good sign or bad sign? Darkness7 Second Chances 3 3rd April 2009 4:30 AM
Good Sign ? Bad Sign? Guest Friends and Lovers 3 27th December 2006 10:13 AM
Good sign, Bad Sign? ChonChon Friends and Lovers 1 15th April 2005 2:09 AM
Good sign or totally indifferent sign? Pendawn Coping 1 1st December 2004 10:46 AM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 9:39 AM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2018 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.