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Is it a good sign if he asked where things are going/moving forward?


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Old 3rd March 2019, 1:36 PM   #1
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Should I give up? - No physical contact after multiple dates

Iíve met this guy online and we met in real life in in the beginning of January. He initiated most of the texts and he asked me out many times (all the first dates were initiated by him, but the last one that happened yesterday was initiated by me). We laugh a lot together, he asks a lot of questions, we tease each other and he keep contact in between our dates. Anyways, the thing is he never initiated physical contact with me (holding hands, kissing). At some point, part of me started to think that he just wasnít that into me and that he was putting me in the friendzone... Until he asked me out for dinner and paid for both of us.

Some adviced me to initiate physical contact myself and Iím just the worst in that area. It takes me A LOT to become physical with someone. And I the prefer it when the man initiates physical contacts. Anyways, I just get a hug at the end of our dates. Even though our dates are really great, Iím getting a bit frustrated about it and right now, Iím just starting to think that heís just not into me.

We spent several hours together yesterday in town. It was my date idea and we had fun even though we were both a bit tired (especially him since he had a big exam yesterday and he had to stay at work until 4AM). Anyways, I still told him that we can cancel the last activity that I had in mind that evening so that he can go back home and sleep (he had to wake up early today to go visit his family) and he said Ďno, I want to stay and do that activity!í. So I guess he wasnít tired of me since he didnít take the opportunity to run away.

Today, he hasnít texted me. I know heís with his family and I donít expect a text before this evening (maybe?), but Iím really wondering if I should just give up on him. Iím starting to think again that he just wants to be friends and that heís not attracted to me.

Should I give up now? Or give it some time?
Is he only looking for friendship?
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Old 3rd March 2019, 2:05 PM   #2
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Maybe he's the same way (referring to the bolded above).

Also, maybe he likes you a lot but there's no spark (chemistry) for him. Or maybe he thinks you're not ready for anything physical. Could be many reasons as to why he's not.

If you want to be physical with him then make the first move, as your friends have suggested. You might have to get out of your comfort zone a little here.

Try reaching out and touching his arm when you're together, talking and laughing. Move a little closer to him and make lingering eye contact with him from time-to-time. Flirt with him. But, sounds as if you do flirt with him. Not sure about that.

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Old 3rd March 2019, 2:30 PM   #3
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Maybe he's the same way (referring to the bolded above).

Also, maybe he likes you a lot but there's no spark (chemistry) for him. Or maybe he thinks you're not ready for anything physical. Could be many reasons as to why he's not.

If you want to be physical with him then make the first move, as your friends have suggested. You might have to get out of your comfort zone a little here.

Try reaching out and touching his arm when you're together, talking and laughing. Move a little closer to him and make lingering eye contact with him from time-to-time. Flirt with him. But, sounds as if you do flirt with him. Not sure about that.
I honestly try, but it just doesnít feel Ďnaturalí to me since Iím very shy in that area and when I try to look at him in the eyes for a longer time, I just end up looking away. I even avoid eye contact sometimes. Even when I was in a relationship before, the guy used to complain about my lack of initiating physical contact. Itís not that I donít like kissing, being physically close to someone... Itís just something I canít control and I need time and someone who is more affectionate than me to open up.

I flirt with him by teasing him, laughing (making silly jokes) and just be myself around him haha I also dress up a little, put perfume and makeup on.

Do you think he might lose interest (if heís interested) because of the lack of physical contact?
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Old 3rd March 2019, 2:45 PM   #4
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Step it up sista, you need to at LEAST touch him in subtle ways, like touch his arm or grab his arm and lean into him as you are walking out, play a little footsie under the table and smile. Men need to feel desired too! I can't stress enough that you need to be more confident.....confidence is sexy.
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Old 3rd March 2019, 2:59 PM   #5
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Step it up sista, you need to at LEAST touch him in subtle ways, like touch his arm or grab his arm and lean into him as you are walking out, play a little footsie under the table and smile. Men need to feel desired too! I can't stress enough that you need to be more confident.....confidence is sexy.
Iíd say Iím pretty confident around him and I agree with you that confidence is sexy, but thereís this Ďthingí (I donít really know what) that is keeping me from touching him and itís really annoying. Iíd say Iím more frustrated because of me than him.
Maybe itís because Iím not sure about what he thinks about me, if heís attracted to me or interested in a romantic way. He barely compliments me on my apparence. I got 2 compliments from him and it was on my necklace (first date) and my earrings (yesterday). I donít even know if he thinks Iím pretty.

Do you think he just wants to be friends? Or that Iím just an option? I donít know what to think. Most guys Iíve been on dates with were pretty straightforward.
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Old 3rd March 2019, 4:20 PM   #6
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If you don't mind me asking, how old are the two of you?

If you're very young you just may need some time to develop confidence in your feminine wiles! Lol! You may never have heard of that term if you're young, idk.

Eye contact and casual touching are huge when it comes to intimate relationships. Possibly if you shy away from it he may take it as a sign that you're erecting a wall.

Sometime when he wears a shirt you like you could (softly, slowly) stroke the sleeve or the shoulder and say something like, "I love the color (pattern, texture, whatever) of this shirt. That way it gets your attention away from the fact that you're actually touching him and focuses on his shirt. Things like that. If he gets a haircut you could playfully say something about the cut and brush your hand across his hair or neckline. Put the focus on something other than just touching him to touch him.

It seems to me he's quite interested in you since he continues to schedule time with you. It's hard to tell whether he'll lose interest in you or not from just reading what you write on LS.
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Old 3rd March 2019, 5:39 PM   #7
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If you don't mind me asking, how old are the two of you?

If you're very young you just may need some time to develop confidence in your feminine wiles! Lol! You may never have heard of that term if you're young, idk.

Eye contact and casual touching are huge when it comes to intimate relationships. Possibly if you shy away from it he may take it as a sign that you're erecting a wall.

Sometime when he wears a shirt you like you could (softly, slowly) stroke the sleeve or the shoulder and say something like, "I love the color (pattern, texture, whatever) of this shirt. That way it gets your attention away from the fact that you're actually touching him and focuses on his shirt. Things like that. If he gets a haircut you could playfully say something about the cut and brush your hand across his hair or neckline. Put the focus on something other than just touching him to touch him.

It seems to me he's quite interested in you since he continues to schedule time with you. It's hard to tell whether he'll lose interest in you or not from just reading what you write on LS.
Iím 21 and heís 22, so weíre not teenagers haha Iíve been on dates before and the guys who were into me tried physical contact with me (like putting their arm around me or trying to hold hands) even with that Ďwallí that I have about physical contact.

I remember that I went on a date with a guy 2 years ago and he was really slow too to touch me until he planned a Ďsurpriseí for me at his place after a few dates (he cooked lunch for me) and he wanted me to eat it with him in his bedroom lol I was really uncomfortable with it, but I didnít want to disrespect his efforts, so I accepted to sit on his bedroomís floor and eat with him. He came next to me and he grabbed my hand and at the same time, his cat bite me loool so I pushed them both because I wasnít feeling great. He told me that he had never been in a relationship and never kissed a girl (the guy was from Saudi..). Anyways, things went better and he ended up kissing me that same date, but it all felt super awkward. And things went downhill after that until I had to Ďbreak thingsí by text. Now, with a little bit more of experience, I can tell he was trying to lose his virginity with me and with all his comments when I did the Ďbreakupí text. He said things like Ďguys have needs and you are the one who should answer it. If not, who?í. Iím disgusted by his texts. Anyways, months later, I got in a relationship with another guy and it took me many months before going at his place and we were in a committed relationship. I was feeling okay with kissing him and cuddling and we had great chemistry until he got super frustrated because I didnít want to sleep with him and I wanted to wait (Iím from a more traditional family and him too and he knew I wanted to wait, but he couldnít wait anymore, so he broke up).

So you can say that I have not so great experience with Ďphysical contactí adding to the fact that Iím super shy in that field. Maybe I subconsciously put a wall and made it clear from the very beginning that he shouldnít expect me to come at his place. Heís a respectful guy and heís super smart, so maybe he got the Ďhintí without me talking, but it became an issue now because I want to kiss him and he doesnít initiate anything...

Iím confident that he likes spending time with me and that Ďjust friendsí donít communicate with each other on a regular basis like we do and donít go eat dinner together (he invited me after wishing me a Happy Valentineís Day). Plus he paid. But I donít know if heís considering putting me in the friendzone and if heís losing interest because we canít tell if we have physical chemistry.
Most of my guy friends ended up developing romantic feelings for me even though we didnít have any romantic physical contact, so maybe thereís still hope, but Iím clueless loll
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Old 3rd March 2019, 7:46 PM   #8
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If he keeps asking you out on dates, he likes you. Guys don't go out of their way for "friendship".
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Old 3rd March 2019, 8:55 PM   #9
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I have casual conversations over texts with lady friends of mine I'm not sleeping with and not interested in sleeping with. I also go out for dinner and shows, other things like that, or invite them over for food. I do the same with my guy friends minus the casual conversation over text -- women tend to be chattier in general -- so I don't see why it would be different to do that with my female friends. Most of them would do stuff for me like if my car broke down would give me a ride, would lend me money if I were late on rent, or would bring me soup, tea, medicine if I were sick and I'd do the same for them if they needed it. Plus they like to come over, cook me dinner, drink wine and make art. Some of my best platonic friendships are with women.
With that being said, a lot of men arent like this, especially around your age, so I'd guess he probably likes you and just doesn't feel comfortable initiating or know how to.
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Old 3rd March 2019, 9:52 PM   #10
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@smackie9 Thatís what I thought too, but then we never know... Maybe heís just not that into me, which is okay honestly and Iíd pull away if I figure out thatís the case, but the ambiguity is really confusing me.

@crisptytoast You have a lot of good friends 😂 !! Youíre lucky! Indeed, most guys arenít like you... I unfortunately lost some male friends because they couldnít have a platonic friendship with me.

So he didnít text me today. I honestly expected him not to text me, itís weird. Maybe because we spent several hours together yesterday and I have things to figure out myself anyways. Iím in a ĎI pull a bit away and observeí state. Getting a text from him would sure make me smile, but at the same time, I need some time alone to figure things out. I just donít know what his next move (or lack of move) will be.

I also told my brother about that situation (my brother is kind of a bit protective haha) and he said that in his opinion, this guy is clearly interested, but he thinks he doesnít have a lot of experience with women.
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Old 3rd March 2019, 10:16 PM   #11
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Sounds like he doesn't know how to initate the physical stuff. He's either afraid of rejection or scared to try. Definitely sounds like lack of experience. Or he may have initiated stuff too quickly with his last date and it ended badly so this time he's taking it super slow. I think at this point you're going to have to initiate and see how he responds. Guys won't go out one on one with a girl several times and pay for them and everything if he has no romantic interest. If he wasn't feeling it by now, he'd be slowing down contact and not going on dates.
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Old 3rd March 2019, 10:45 PM   #12
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Here is what you do

Say/text "Joe honey do you not like kissing? Because I do lol" (whatever his name is)

See what he says

If he express he is nervous and ask you out again then go out again and see if he makes the move to kiss you at the end of the date

If he don't make the move stop seeing him. Something wrong with him lol
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Old 3rd March 2019, 11:09 PM   #13
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Hey I just speak from experience. 100% of the guys that wanted to just "hang out" and be chummy with me did not have friendship in mind. This guy needs a nudge of some kind because he lacks signals from you, is unsure if you would be comfortable with im making a move, or he just lacks confidence (ugh)
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Old 3rd March 2019, 11:24 PM   #14
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well if you are not in any rush you can just wait and see? Eventually he will kiss you? Eventually he will ask you to Netflix and chill?
Or he will not, either way you will have your answer.

I dont think any one here can give you an answer what he's thinking. Maybe he just wants a female friend, some guys are like that. Maybe hes gay and not know yet? Maybe he is extremely shy/inexperienced? Who knows. Personally I have never met a guy who doesnt make physical moves.
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Old 3rd March 2019, 11:49 PM   #15
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Thank you all for your answers!

Sounds like I need to be the one to make a move (if he ever wants to see me again)... I feel like Iíd be way more comfortable kicking his leg than kissing him, but whatever. Weíre already weird and awkward around each other, so adding some weirdness and awkwardness might just spice things up a little 🤷🏻*♀️.

Or maybe itís over since he hasnít texted me today 😠
What do you think about him not reaching out after our last date (that I planned)? I wonít initiate a text because I really want to figure out whatís his level of interest and Iíve been taught that when a man wants a woman, heís obvious about it and pursues her, so a lack of pursuing would be an answer in itself.
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