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Pattern change - is it time to panic?


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Old 13th March 2019, 1:43 AM   #31
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I dont understand why people say it doesnt look good. It looks perfectly fine for me?
I dont like talking in public transport either. And he made it up by emailing/texting you more didnt he? Also he still sees you every weekend.

What's the problem?
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Old 13th March 2019, 2:00 AM   #32
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Originally Posted by One2Three View Post
Iím sure heíd have called me from his train like he did from his car before, if he really wanted to...
Cars are private. Calling from the train irritates the whole carriage. He's showing basic good manners in public.
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Old 13th March 2019, 4:06 AM   #33
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Curious, the alternative is to wait and see, maybe with a deadline.worse case scenario - if this goes for long, but why would he torture me if he wants to leave???

Highdry, Iím not going to do the preemptive strike. Itís tempting because silence is hard to handle, but as you said... heís trying... maybe. Need to see it happen to believe it. But in any case, heís too special to me to put my ego above our relationship;(
Honey a lot of men are cowards when it comes to clearly communicating how they really feel. If a guy wants to sometimes leave but maybe recognize the benefits of being with you he may be confused. If he tells you how he feels you may prematurely breakup with him before he is ready to ultimately let you go. He may think your going to be mad and blow up and is not ready to face the consequence. It's actually logical and self serving reasons why people lie or is not up front. Even if it isn't right or is hurting another. A lot of guys don't breakup but they sure will pull away or become lousy bfs till you breakup with them lol. Sad but true.

This love you have for this guy is beautiful and all. I just hope it's not one sided. But you have made your decision to wait and see. I guess we shall see. Do keep us posted.
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Old 13th March 2019, 4:27 AM   #34
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Originally Posted by frus69 View Post
I dont understand why people say it doesnt look good. It looks perfectly fine for me?
I dont like talking in public transport either. And he made it up by emailing/texting you more didnt he? Also he still sees you every weekend.

What's the problem?
I'm trying to figure out is there not a time where he is not on the train though? My favorite time to talk on the phone is before bed laying down? I get not talking in public but like is there not a time out of 24 hours that he is not on the train or in public? See excuses like that I tend to call bs on. And I don't think it's wise for the OP to ignore this and just start blindly accepting either If she is naturally the type that needs daily communication. If she isn't that type then like you and Gretchen she would be fine. But not everybody is fine with not talking to someone for more than 24 hours on a regular basis (one-offs is understandable)

However OP clearly is not okay with it but she doesn't have the confidence yet to stand by her view because of an extreme like bias and is choosing to accept the status quo. Which honestly once a boyfriend takes an unfavorable stance after talking about it then literally the only choice you have is to accept or leave. Acceptance is fine if you can truly be okay with it.

I just hope it's not what my feelings are with scenarios like this. He is pulling away and becoming ambivalent. She is deeply in love and is afraid to lose the guy and starts to accept what she has a problem with. Recipe for being treated less than and valuing her less, leads to her accepting the unacceptable, and/or getting dumped anyway.
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Old 13th March 2019, 7:21 AM   #35
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As said is not the lack of communication that gets me, it’s the complete change in pattern. This has been a bad sign in my previous relationships

Other time is not possible because of work schedules but yet if he wanted to accommodate (like he did in the past(, he’d have found a way... now he proactively ignores me if I attempt callling or saying something.

This change for him has been planned for months... he had plenty of time to think of alternatives so did I but didn’t want to be the needy one and bring the topic plus everyone advices me to see what he’d do on his own ...

I guess nothing terminal is going to happen before the weekend so I can wait until then and then ask if somethingg js wring with him etc or just sense the temperature in person but yes my gut is telling me something is off, not a missed call or two, just the overall vibe ...
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Old 13th March 2019, 8:42 AM   #36
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As said is not the lack of communication that gets me, itís the complete change in pattern. This has been a bad sign in my previous relationships
But there's a reason for the change in pattern. His work location changed and he doesn't want to talk on the phone while on the train or at work. This honestly makes perfect sense to me. It's not appropriate to be taking personal calls at work and it's annoying to others to be talking while on the train. (At least I think.) And you said he's made it up through emails and texts and there is no other time to talk on the phone due to your work schedules. So what are you expecting him to do? Unless there are other things you aren't telling us, I think you are overreacting.
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Old 13th March 2019, 9:27 AM   #37
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But there's a reason for the change in pattern. His work location changed and he doesn't want to talk on the phone while on the train or at work. This honestly makes perfect sense to me. It's not appropriate to be taking personal calls at work and it's annoying to others to be talking while on the train. (At least I think.) And you said he's made it up through emails and texts and there is no other time to talk on the phone due to your work schedules. So what are you expecting him to do? Unless there are other things you aren't telling us, I think you are overreacting.
True. When we started dating heíd move mountains to see each other or talk a bit. Maybe thatís what it is, that now he goes with reasoning. So is this the end of the honeymoon period maybe?
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Old 13th March 2019, 9:30 AM   #38
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Your extreme neediness and paranoia is a complete turn off for him and if anything is going to make him back off from your relationship, it's your desperation.

Take it down a few notches (for your own sake and sanity).
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Old 13th March 2019, 9:42 AM   #39
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Originally Posted by frus69 View Post
I dont understand why people say it doesnt look good. It looks perfectly fine for me?
I dont like talking in public transport either. And he made it up by emailing/texting you more didnt he? Also he still sees you every weekend.

What's the problem?
I was thinking the same thing, omg people, why so much drama? I wouldn't talk from the train to bother everyone around me, it's rude. He emails you more, he keeps meeeting you the same as before, the "pattern" change is due to the change in the mode of transportation. I would hate to be in a relationship with such needy people jumping to conclusions and trying to suffocate me
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Old 13th March 2019, 10:29 AM   #40
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I was thinking the same thing, omg people, why so much drama? I wouldn't talk from the train to bother everyone around me, it's rude. He emails you more, he keeps meeeting you the same as before, the "pattern" change is due to the change in the mode of transportation. I would hate to be in a relationship with such needy people jumping to conclusions and trying to suffocate me
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Originally Posted by Gretchen12 View Post
You feel abandoned if you don't hear from him for one day?! I don't understand. You see him Friday to Monday. He talks to you 1-2 days out of the Tues, Wed, Thu, and he emails you. He's all over you when he sees you. Why do you fear he's leaving you? Pattern change? His work location changed so his commute changed and probably other things changed like his sleep schedule. He's not a robot.
Are you insecure because after 1.5 years you are still semi long distance, you've fallen into a rut and you have had no talks about moving? How long do you want to keep doing this long distance? Another 5 years? I don't see how he can keep traveling to you. I can't do that. The fact that he still does it is something...
I'm thinking along these lines too. People talking on cell phones on the train can be so obnoxious so I think he was just following good commuter etiquette.
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Old 13th March 2019, 10:34 AM   #41
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I'm thinking along these lines too. People talking on cell phones on the train can be so obnoxious so I think he was just following good commuter etiquette.
Itís not just the good etiquette on the train, but thereís privacy concern as well.
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Old 13th March 2019, 11:09 AM   #42
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The pattern change I see is that your bf is now on public transit whereas before he was in his car. His opportunity for a private conversation has been eliminated and he probably thinks that since he sees you each week from Friday-Sunday and has been with you for 1.5 years, you can weather not having daily conversations on 3 days of the week.

I think you should relax. Until/unless something changes in how your bd interacts with you IN PERSON, I wouldn't make an issue of the change from phone to text just yet.
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Old 13th March 2019, 11:13 AM   #43
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I was surprised by the first responses.
I don't see a decrease in interest from him.
He's making up the time he used to spend calling you by texting and emailing.
And saying he focuses on you in his messages could just as easily be twisted into "he never asks about me." Which is worse?

If you'd rather hear his voice, say you'd like to talk more in the evening before bed - maybe just to say good night.
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Old 13th March 2019, 11:45 AM   #44
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I find it laughable that texts emails is suppose to replace phone calls and is considered effort. . its her boyfriend not a penpal people
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Old 13th March 2019, 12:02 PM   #45
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I believe he used to call you while getting stuck in traffic partly to kill his time as well.
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