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GF of 1 month, it is already getting complicated or am I overthinking ?


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Old 12th March 2019, 5:01 AM   #1
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GF of 1 month, it is already getting complicated or am I overthinking ?

Hi everyone

So I've been out of a very long relationship which lasted 6 years. I've been single for about a year and half and I was rebuilding myself, enjoying life and not really caring about girls.

I didn't have a relationship since because I didn't really find a girl who suited me nor I had a big interest in. Then she appeared.

My current GF and I met via friends and we started to get closer at parties and started to hang out. We had several dinners and we decided to start something together because there was a match and we are very much alike. I'd also like to add that she started hitting on me first and was attracted to me to begin with. Of course, I was attracted as well but much more reserved.

We are only seeing each other 2 or 3 times a week for the moment and she's the type of girl who's quite busy. I am working as well but I have much more free time than her.

I don't really like saying that but she's like a 9/10 and maybe it'll help you understand some of the below facts.

So where's the problem? Well there are several :

We had sex like 3 times in 2 weeks. She came but I never came and she blamed herself a lot. She thinks that's I am not enough attracted to her. (not true)

In addition to that, she is probably thinking that I am not interested because I am making jokes and being sarcastic to her.

She doesn't like those jokes and I am making them because it's for me so obvious that those are jokes and jokes only.

Last time, we spent our Sunday afternoon together and after our brunch, she told me that she wanted some "me" time and hoped that I don't mind. I didn't but it felt like weird after all of this.

For my defence:

I reassured her a lot by telling what I really think of her and that I truly like her.

I am being very kind and cute. I hug her a lot, act like a gentleman, kiss her a lot and make her feel loved by my actions.

Every guy she asked, told her that I was a good guy because she's afraid of that as well.

On the good side: - She's a very nice and cute girl. Caring as well.

We can talk a lot together

We have a heck of similarities, same hobbies, same things we like (feels like a best friend)

She talked about me to her friends and even her father apparently.

I met some of her friends and she met some of mine as well.

A part from that, we talk on daily basis but not big conversations whatsoever. I tried to call her twice today, couldn't get a response even if we talked a bit via DM's. We talk much more face to face or when we're having wine...

I heard that she had some self-confidence issues. That isn't obvious at all when you see her because she got her life in hands, got friends, etc... but you can never know. She had a rough past.

So currently, I am really confused. Not sure if I am overthinking or if there is an issue. I know that I should be careful with my words even though they feel like nonsense to me but they can hurt her and I am aware of it. Or should I just live daily and not care that much.

TL;DR : Fresh relationship started great. Now that I like her I am not sure if I am overthinking or if there is an underlying issue.
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Old 12th March 2019, 8:46 AM   #2
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It's difficult to say if you are overthinking or if she is losing interest since you've only been dating a month and it's fairly common for things to fall apart in the first few months as people get to know each other better and realize they are not compatible.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gargomo View Post
So where's the problem? Well there are several :

We had sex like 3 times in 2 weeks. She came but I never came and she blamed herself a lot. She thinks that's I am not enough attracted to her. (not true)
So why haven't you been able to finish? I would be very concerned about this if I were her.

Quote:
In addition to that, she is probably thinking that I am not interested because I am making jokes and being sarcastic to her.

She doesn't like those jokes and I am making them because it's for me so obvious that those are jokes and jokes only.
You don't have the same sense of humor.

Quote:
Last time, we spent our Sunday afternoon together and after our brunch, she told me that she wanted some "me" time and hoped that I don't mind. I didn't but it felt like weird after all of this.
This could be nothing at all and she truly just needed some recharge alone time, or she could have had enough of you and wanted to get away for awhile.

Quote:
A part from that, we talk on daily basis but not big conversations whatsoever. I tried to call her twice today, couldn't get a response even if we talked a bit via DM's. We talk much more face to face or when we're having wine...
Hmmm....so she's not picking up when you call? And not returning your call? Not a good sign. It's not necessarily a bad sign that you aren't having big conversations on a daily basis. Some people prefer to talk more in person as opposed to text or phone.

All you can do is keep moving forward -- communicate, ask her out, etc. -- and see what happens. If her responses slow down, she declines to see you but doesn't offer another time, etc., then it's not looking good for you.
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Old 12th March 2019, 8:50 AM   #3
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It's only been a month. You are overthinking it. At this early stage you are not going to know her as well as you knew & could read your EX of 6 years. Chill.

Do dial back the sarcastic jokes she doesn't like. To you they are obvious. To her they read as mean.
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Old 12th March 2019, 9:18 AM   #4
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Originally Posted by clia View Post
So why haven't you been able to finish? I would be very concerned about this if I were her.
Thanks for your feedback !
Regarding the sex part, I just didn't come because I think I need to get used to the person I'm having sex with especially if I care for her. I don't feel like it's a bad or good thing. It takes time but it doesn't mean I don't enjoy it !

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 12th March 2019 at 8:29 PM.. Reason: quote edited
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Old 12th March 2019, 9:20 AM   #5
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Originally Posted by d0nnivain View Post
It's only been a month. You are overthinking it. At this early stage you are not going to know her as well as you knew & could read your EX of 6 years. Chill.

Do dial back the sarcastic jokes she doesn't like. To you they are obvious. To her they read as mean.
I agree with you. She liked me because I was the laid back kind of guy. I need to chill as you said
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Old 12th March 2019, 3:10 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gargomo View Post
Thanks for your feedback !
Regarding the sex part, I just didn't come because I think I need to get used to the person I'm having sex with especially if I care for her. I don't feel like it's a bad or good thing. It takes time but it doesn't mean I don't enjoy it !
So you were nervous........
my advice, don't spend your time reassuring her about anything. This enables the insecurity. Just play it kool.
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Old 12th March 2019, 3:57 PM   #7
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If during your year and a half dry spell, you relied on porn, that could be why you didn't get off with her. I only bring it up because it's a common thing these days. Guys get used to doing it by their favorite one or two scenarios and have trouble locking in face to face realtime.


If you've not been on porn, you're probably just nervous and maybe super focused on getting her off. I promise you, she will relax more herself if you're also kind of absorbed. I realize it's not easy to both relax and check out and get someone off at once, but that's kind of what sex is about.

Just chill for now and see how it goes. It's still early. You don't know each other well yet.
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Old 12th March 2019, 6:05 PM   #8
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Update

Hey guys, thanks for your feedback, here's a little update :

So i've been trying to call for the past 2 days, we agreed to call today afternoon but didn't happen either.

In the meantime I've sent her a bouquet of roses with a cute little message in it. She sent me a picture of the box but didn't say anything afterwards.

I had like no news for the next 5 to 6 hours. I sent her a text asking if I should still expect the call because I'm tired and will go to sleep.

A minute later, she posted a story on Instagram of her in a restaurant with one of her colleague, John. I am really not the jealous type at all and I don't mind at all but not responding me for hours, not returning my calls and not even saying thank you for the flowers makes me really doubt about this whole thing.

I get that she's doing this only to piss me off but I don't accept this kind of behaviour. We are grown up and we can communicate as adults.

Therefore, I'll have discussion with her (If I succeed) and let her know what I think of this and we'll see.
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Old 12th March 2019, 8:03 PM   #9
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A thank you would be in order, yes, but could be she is tied up for a few hours and waiting until she can get on the phone with you.
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Old 12th March 2019, 9:54 PM   #10
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It's odd for a guy to not finish because they care about a girl. We're like animals, pump and shoot. Unless you have some serious performance anxiety going.
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Old 12th March 2019, 10:15 PM   #11
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Dump her. Immediately.
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Old 13th March 2019, 3:03 AM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Normm View Post
It's odd for a guy to not finish because they care about a girl. We're like animals, pump and shoot. Unless you have some serious performance anxiety going.
I don't think it's very odd. We only did it 3 times.
2 times we were drunk.
1 time we were sober and I was about to finish and I didn't because I wanted her to finish first.
Never had any issues in the past.
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Old 13th March 2019, 3:04 AM   #13
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Originally Posted by Highndry View Post
Dump her. Immediately.
Could you please elaborate ? Because that's what I am thinking.
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Old 13th March 2019, 3:22 AM   #14
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Gargomo, it's probably bothering her that you're persisting with sarcasm despite her having told you that she doesn't like that kind of humour. Thing is, a joke is only funny if the other person laughs. Even the best comedians alter their humour in order to play to the room. I suggest you have a think about whether you need a woman who gets your sense of humour or whether you would be better off ditching the sarcasm in order to not drive her away.

The failed sex is a bit of a problem. How about not drinking so much? And hold back from masturbation for a few days before the next date so that you're rearing to go.
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Old 13th March 2019, 3:34 AM   #15
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Thanks for your feedback ! I stopped when she said she didn't like it even tho she didn't say it loud and clear.
But her not responding to calls and posting stuff on instagram, ignoring me, isn't the best way to react right ? I mean we are 27yo.
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