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GF doesn't like Marijuana (update: She's gone for good)


Coup La-La

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I love my GF will all my heart...but she can't seem to get over the fact that I smoke herb. Every 2 - 4 months we break up for a few days because of it.

 

From her own admission if she didn't smell it in my clothes she wouldn't know I was smoking. From her own admission she can't name one specific way in which weed has negatively influenced my life. I never smoke around her, nor would I ever.

 

I know 100% she is the one I want to marry. We have great discourse, out of this world sex, have the same goals, like the same food / movies / music. Marijuana is the ONLY thing we ever argue about. She's the only woman I've never even considered cheating on (in fact several of my exes call me or message me on FB regularly to ask if I want sex, "your GF won't know", but I always flatly refuse)

 

How do we come to a compromise on this? I can't imagine loosing the love on my life over something so stupid (and yes, saying that anything is bad without being able to cite a specific reason is STUPID. Be it a food, a video game or kind of behavior)

 

FYI: I don't just smoke to get high, I have medical reason also, not the least of which being that I have a brain tumor

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If you need it medicinally, then perhaps medical marijuana with THCs removed is the compromise. Is medical marijuana legal where you live?

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How do we come to a compromise on this?

Hi Coup La-La, this is a ridiculously easy problem to solve. The compromise is that you stop smoking pot and get edibles or patches to treat your pain (the kind you don't get high off of).

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bathtub-row

I agree about the vape pens, but I’m concerned that she breaks up with you over something you need medically. Big, fat red flag.

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Get some vape pens. No need to light it on fire anymore. That's barbaric

 

Do they have a less pungent smell?

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I agree about the vape pens, but I’m concerned that she breaks up with you over something you need medically. Big, fat red flag.

 

That does scare me, especially now that I have a growth on my brain and have some important medical decisions coming up, and she's still bringing it up at every now and then. She just brought it up again today, and TBH I'm feeling really annoyed that she would bring this up when there are more important issues the require timely attention,

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Looking back at this thread from Dec 2016 She Doesn't Know I Smoke Weed you talk of daily recreational use, knowing that girls frequently don't like it and doing a 'bait and switch' so that your girlfriend falls for you before finding out. Nothing about a brain tumour.

 

If anyone needs to change, it's you. Had you not been deceptive about your use, you would have gotten a girlfriend who was OK with it. This situation you're in now is nothing more than consequence for your own behaviour.

Edited by basil67
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Actually: She did know, she just didn't mention it. She went into our relationship with her eyes wide open

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But you didn't tell her how important it was to you, did you. You kept it under wraps.

 

At any rate, you made it clear in your previous post that you're a daily smoker and have zero intention of quitting. Not many would put up with someone who drank alcohol daily, and I really don't see the difference.

 

You talked of finding compromise, but your stance is extremely uncompromising. I think what you actually want is to find a way to make her accept it.

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While no I didn't broadcast the fact that I smoke, I never made an effort to conceal it either. Looking at some of the pictures we exchanged when we first met, there were a couple that had my bong in the background. A few of my FB posts make reference to weed also. I though she didn't know because she never said anything about it, good or bad.

 

And let's keep it real: everyone has something they don't broadcast in the early days. I'm agnostic and she is super-duper Catholic, she didn't tell me about that when we met, I'm not thrilled about being in proximity to organized religion, or like the idea of having pictures of Jesus up in my house, but I realize that it's something very important to her, that helps her a lot, so I don't argue with her about it.

 

Marijuana has a long, long list of beneficial medical benefits, that get's longer everyday, whereas alcohol is technically poison. Alcohol can kill you, marijuana can't. Alcohol and violence are opposite sides of the same coin, every state that has legalized weed has seen a reduction in violent crime.

 

Me smoking everyday is more like diabetics who take insulin everyday, or people with heart disease that take blood thinners everyday (both of which can potently be lethal with improper use, unlike Marijuana, but nobody would call that and "addiction" or a "vice")

 

On the issue of compromise, I would be willing to set aside certain days of the week to not smoke, or certain times of the day [maybe only when she's asleep].

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And what does she say about the your proposed compromise? And given that you weren't upfront with her in the beginning....and your obvious passion for the stuff....why would she trust that you would stay true to your word about lessening your use?

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littleblackheart

OP, I'm agnostic and wouldn't really care about being in a relationship with a super [insert any religion here] if they don't preach at me on the daily, because I genuinely don't care. At all.

 

She seemingly cares about your daily use, therefore that's a problem.

 

Assuming she is not expecting you to quit cold turkey (which would be uncompromising on her part), all you can do is cut down or use vape pens or not smoke so much in front of her.

 

Or get a gf whom you'll be upfront with from the off.

Edited by littleblackheart
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Wallysbears

You aren’t taking marijuana medicinally...you’ve been smoking pot daily for years. So pick one - the relationship or the weed.

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From her own admission she can't name one specific way in which weed has negatively influenced my life.

 

I would think your relationship faltering and having issues over this would be a negative, not seeing that is denial.

 

Because someone drinks excessively doesn't mean it has caused any negative influences in their life till their wife leaves them or they get a DUI or whatever....

 

You seem to sell her on the idea that all is good but she knows the truth...

What you need to do is talk to her and LISTEN instead of selling her on the idea that it is only pot and Alcohol is worse...

 

Talk to her and LISTEN to her, find out how pot is really affecting you and your relationship.

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Girlfriend or marijuana - take your pick.

 

She doesn't want a pot head around any kids she may have.

You can argue all day but there are usually two camps - pro and anti drugs and they don't mix well and they don't compromise either.

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salparadise
Me smoking everyday is more like diabetics who take insulin everyday, or people with heart disease that take blood thinners everyday (both of which can potently be lethal with improper use, unlike Marijuana, but nobody would call that and "addiction" or a "vice")

 

You sure are working hard to rationalize and justify. Brain tumor, eh? Please forgive my skepticism if you actually do have a brain tumor, but it sounds awfully convenient given your previous thread and the fact that the issue/deception with respect to the girlfriend predates it. Isn't it wonderful that the substance that you were already engrossed with is just what the doctor ordered.

 

On the issue of compromise, I would be willing to set aside certain days of the week to not smoke, or certain times of the day [maybe only when she's asleep].

 

Dude, you are not an exception. You're apparently messed up all day, every day. I wouldn't want to date anyone like that, and I think your gf is the one seeing things with a clear head. Why not try sobriety for a few months and see what it's like –– you may actually like yourself better if you got to know yourself that way.

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bathtub-row
Do they have a less pungent smell?

 

A vape pen has no smell at all because it’s vapor. Your gf needs to educate herself on medicinal uses of marijuana. It’s well-known these days.

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Well , if you do need it medically as well especially for something as serious as that she must be one selfish ahh, to be causing you this grief over it.

lf you don't but just enjoy it , big so what from my view unless your a real pot head, they'd give anyone the shyts but if it's only one a day or few days or weeks, no different to having a beer and l personally wouldn't give it up if that's all it is just because she doesn't approve.

Do you think if you just went outside for a smoke once a day she'd get use to it , or vape. Btw , you serious , your ex's actually call up asking for sex , got yaself some real ladies there, not.

Edited by chillii
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How do we come to a compromise on this?

 

You don't. Drug use is one of those black & white deal breakers. There is no compromise. It may be marijuana, it may be alcohol, for some people it may be meat eating. What it is does not matter. What matters is that one of you is pro this behavior & the other doesn't like it. That makes you incompatible.

 

I am very sorry that you are using this for medical reasons for a serious condition. Perhaps if you tell her that she will soften her stance but for some people, me included, any self medicating behavior without the proper prescriptions is a non starter & I don't want that behavior in my life. For example, alcohol is legal but somebody who drinks to avoid dealing with life is not somebody I want to be around.

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You aren’t taking marijuana medicinally...you’ve been smoking pot daily for years. So pick one - the relationship or the weed.

 

I used the think marijuana was bad, until I researched the facts. The whole reason I started smoking in the first place was because of chronic nausea that has plagued me my whole life (as well as most people in my family as well), and to help my sleep be more regular (a problem I've had literally since the day I was born).

 

And I believe there is a way to have both, I refuse to give up that which makes my life a lot east - OR - the woman I love, over these stupid myths.

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I would think your relationship faltering and having issues over this would be a negative, not seeing that is denial.

 

You seem to sell her on the idea that all is good but she knows the truth...

What you need to do is talk to her and LISTEN instead of selling her on the idea that it is only pot and Alcohol is worse...

 

Talk to her and LISTEN to her, find out how pot is really affecting you and your relationship.

 

That's a self fulfilling prophecy > Could you imagine someone on the show INTERVENTION say "I've seen your addiction affect you the following ways: I don't like the smell...I can't name anything else"

 

I've spoken to her about it, and she can't name any specifics about why Marijuana is bad. I've shown her scientific papers, and scholarly articles, and instead of refuting with other scientific evidence, she just uses catch phrases like "addiction" or "you're making excuses" .....I don't think my health is an "excuse"

 

Why do you take Asprin everyday

Because I get a lot of headaches, and it reduces the chances of a heart attack

You're making excuses

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She doesn't want a pot head around any kids she may have.

You can argue all day but there are usually two camps - pro and anti drugs and they don't mix well and they don't compromise either.

 

That's not always accurate, I've actually never dated a girl that smoked before. in fact 1/2 of my exes were dead set against weed, but we always made lasting compromise. Those relationships didn't last, but it had nothing to do with weed i.e. My Ex that started off "I don't even want to be FB friends with people who smoke weed" broke up with me after ultimatum "marry me, or we're done"

 

My dad smoked cigarettes for decades, my mother hated it....but they made a compromise (I'm glad he stopped though). If they can make a compromise about something that causes 1,200 deaths a day, I refuse to believe we can't make a compromise about something that saves lives.

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