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Not sure after attempting the talk


Dating Dating, courting, or going steady? Things not working out the way you had hoped? Stand up on your soap box and let us know what's going on!

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Old 13th March 2019, 10:22 AM   #16
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Originally Posted by MaleIntuition View Post
I agree with Normm here, what does “official” even mean? I would advice against bringing it up again - just keep doing what you’ve been doing (more or less). Maybe it will work out, maybe it will not.
Me too. I don’t know what “official” means either. Officially what?
You’re exclusive. You’ve said to each other that you’re not dating anyone else.
You’re public about the fact that you’re dating each other.
3-4 messages a day is plenty in my book so I don't see a lack there.
What more is there at 6 weeks? When I was in HS and college, boys asked girls to go steady which just meant exclusive, not engaged or marriage. Something like that?

I think there might be a communication issue, that it's not really clear what you feel is lacking and "official" isn't clear enough.
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Old 13th March 2019, 11:05 AM   #17
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Me too. I don’t know what “official” means either. Officially what?
You’re exclusive. You’ve said to each other that you’re not dating anyone else.
You’re public about the fact that you’re dating each other.
3-4 messages a day is plenty in my book so I don't see a lack there.
What more is there at 6 weeks? When I was in HS and college, boys asked girls to go steady which just meant exclusive, not engaged or marriage. Something like that?

I think there might be a communication issue, that it's not really clear what you feel is lacking and "official" isn't clear enough.
official bf and gf thats what it means!
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Old 13th March 2019, 11:17 AM   #18
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Originally Posted by Curiousroxy86 View Post
Don't wait on anyone to come around my friend

You move on and date other women

If she wants that exclusivity offer and your still available and still interested go ahead

But don't wait for this woman or it will be last time remix

Date other women. Choose a girl you like that does want exclusivity with you.
1000% agree with this, don't get hung up on this woman if she is not sure or wants to take it further. Keep dating her and go on dates with other women.

You are not a couple, yet by her choice. So go out with other women, you may meet someone you like better.

Do not bring up being exclusive, things like that will take care of themselves in time. Keep dating this woman, see what happens but definitely go out with others.

Never wait around to see what happens on anyone

I wish you luck
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Old 13th March 2019, 11:18 AM   #19
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Originally Posted by fred123 View Post
why people make excuses on here?! shes just not that into him!!!!!!!!!w
It takes time to build a relationship, why the damned rush? Life is not black and white - she wouldn’t be dating him if she weren’t into him; sounds like she has the maturity to realise that it takes time to get to know someone.
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Old 13th March 2019, 11:24 AM   #20
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fred im with you on this one. I think theres plenty of women out there that if they wanted to be in a relationship with a guy would say yes to being the girlfriend at 2-3 months. totally reasonable. now I have declined exclusivity even if I like the guy if its less then one month. let me get to know you a bit for atleast a month. I need to know a little bit what im getting myself into lol. but two-3 months is long enough.
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Old 13th March 2019, 11:25 AM   #21
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Give it a little time but I would be wary of her intentions

Last edited by Juha; 13th March 2019 at 11:29 AM..
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Old 13th March 2019, 11:42 AM   #22
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Originally Posted by MaleIntuition View Post
It takes time to build a relationship, why the damned rush? Life is not black and white - she wouldn’t be dating him if she weren’t into him; sounds like she has the maturity to realise that it takes time to get to know someone.
well as long as its building and going in that direction. but her response wasnt " im not ready for one now buti do see one with you in the future or im open to that idea etc"
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Old 13th March 2019, 12:25 PM   #23
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official bf and gf thats what it means!
Aren't they already? They've told each they're dating only each other and they've been public about the relationship. This is the part I'm missing I guess.
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Old 13th March 2019, 12:41 PM   #24
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Aren't they already? They've told each they're dating only each other and they've been public about the relationship. This is the part I'm missing I guess.
may be the case. but just look at her response regardless. does it sound like something a girl who is into you would say?! i dont think so. surely therr are women on here who can back me up?
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Old 13th March 2019, 1:22 PM   #25
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well as long as its building and going in that direction. but her response wasnt " im not ready for one now buti do see one with you in the future or im open to that idea etc"
This isn’t elementary school where you could write a note: “Do you want to be my girlfriend? Yes / No / Maybe.”

Her answer was:
"I think we need more time"

That’s a mature and good answer. Please notice the word time. Going public with your relationship is a big deal for some. If someone is really serious about a long term relationship it makes all the sense in the world to take time to get to know one another instead of jumping in head first.

But the underlying issue here is that OP feels that he perhaps isn’t good enough for her, therefore he is trying to ehm, nail her down, so to speak. And that can many times come of as insecure behaviour which a lot of girls find unattractive. That’s why my advice was to pretend like nothing and just keep dating her, maybe it will work out, maybe it won’t. Trying to pressure her will likely not have the desired outcome though.
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Old 13th March 2019, 1:23 PM   #26
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If I were in her shoes I'd find it odd for the man I'm dating, exclusive with and sleeping with wants more of something at only 6 weeks. Actually, I'd be wary. Dating is to have fun and get to know someone over time. I'd expect that it takes months to know someone well enough to make any commitment more than exclusive dating.
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Old 13th March 2019, 2:07 PM   #27
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I don't get the allergy (women particularly) seem to have towards the words boyfriend/girlfriend. A few years ago before social media and dating apps you acted like boyfriend and girlfriend and after a few weeks confirmed you were by referring to your partner as such. There was none of these histrionics and people crumbling under the weight of a word ( ). Just symptomatic of the snowflake generation I guess where *everything* is a scary commitment, especially in the current era where it feels like a battle of 'who can care the least' in the early stages of dating.

If she is fearful of commitment after 3 months of acting like boyfriend and girlfriend then that isn't a good basis for optimism in my.book OP. Although it sounds like you need some leverage here. Her wariness to call herself your girlfriend currently has little consequence for her. Things are just the way she wants it and not really the way you want it. She may even be aware (as she must be by you breaking cover and telling her you want the relationship on a firmer footing) that she holds all the cards here and doesn't have to fear losing you.

So you need to gjve her the opportunity to experience life without you around. If it were me wouldn't run for the hills, I would take the next available opportunity to clarify what exactly you are if you aren't official. Not boyfriend/girlfriend...but not dating others? That seems weird to me because back in the day they were two sides of the same coin....or has the snowflake generation added in an extra layer of obfuscation where boyfriend and girlfriend means you announce your union on facebook and tell family and friends? Ugh, the semantics are pathetic.

So yeah, if it were me, I would be explaining to her that I like her a lot and would prefer to consider her my girlfriend but if she is not comfortable with that then thst is fine but it causes me to re-evaluate where this is going and as such I would be interested in seeing if there were others out there who might be a better 'investment' of my time. I would stress that it doesn't change the nsture of our arrangement just if she isn't my girlfriend then I don't owe her any sort of commitment of fidelity really and she is free to do the same. If it's meant to be it's meant to be. Let the cards fall as they may and dial back the feelings towards her.
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Old 13th March 2019, 3:09 PM   #28
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I don't get that we are exclusive but not boyfriend/girlfriend bullsh*t
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Old 13th March 2019, 6:37 PM   #29
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Originally Posted by Curiousroxy86 View Post
I don't get that we are exclusive but not boyfriend/girlfriend bullsh*t
It’s really not that hard to understand. Multidating isn’t the norm in most cultures, and a lot of people - myself included - simply prefers to date one person at the time. By definition that’s dating exclusively; even after only a couple of dates. Three dates does not however a couple make.

From my humble snowflake perspective I believe it’s better to first build a relationship and then attach a label when you are already committed, instead of trying to force a commitment by attaching a label.
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Old 13th March 2019, 7:09 PM   #30
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It’s really not that hard to understand. Multidating isn’t the norm in most cultures, and a lot of people - myself included - simply prefers to date one person at the time. By definition that’s dating exclusively; even after only a couple of dates. Three dates does not however a couple make.

From my humble snowflake perspective I believe it’s better to first build a relationship and then attach a label when you are already committed, instead of trying to force a commitment by attaching a label.
No offence, but you make it sound like it involves exchanging rings and vows. Is the thought of being 'a couple' that earth shatteringly pressuring that people can't cope? This must be a younger generation thing under 30) because I've (thankfully) never experienced it. I'd most likely laugh if s girl told me that she felt too much pressure to consider herself my girlfriend.

Each to their own I guess but I really do struggle with the logic of "we're together, but we're not together together,
..clear?". Like, eh? is it supposed to be a nice way of saying "I want to keep this on the down low because if people find out it will blow my chances with the hot guy who lives on the same block"?
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