Jump to content

Asking fiancee why pics of her ex still on social media


Lobouspo

Recommended Posts

So last night my fiancee was ordering some stuff on Amazon and jokingly said she saw something pertaining to my ex on my phone. (Nothing of ex there btw)She then seriously said if something was there she would cancel the wedding. Ok whatever point taken. My ex lives in Europe and I'm in the U.S., but whatever. Backtrack a few months ago, I had a pic of me in front of Eiffel Tower and Big Ben. Just pics of me NOT WITH MY EX. She was upset about them because it was a trip where the pics were taken when I went to visit ex in Europe. She still has old pics of her wedding on public setting on FB. Couple of people have asked about them and it always bothered me but I did not want to come off as insecure or jealous about it. This morning I texted her why she still had pics of ex on FB. Nothing accusatoey. Just a simple question. Anyway she got really upset and accused me of pretending to care about her which is hurtful. Is this a double standard? Was I wrong to bring this up??

Link to post
Share on other sites

I knew there was going to be a double standard issue when I started to read.

 

IMO, if they have kids the pics of the ex with the kids should stay but if not then all pic should be scrubbed.

 

She might not realize the view it gives from the outside when people who are NOT on her friends list view her newsfeed... it only shows her public wedding pics.

So your friends don't see anything but her ex and their wedding when they look at her profile...

 

Stand your ground on this unless there are kids in the mix.

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Just for clarification, they have no kids together, and the pics arent profile pics, but they are public pics that anyone can see if they scroll down her profile

Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm kinda surprised she didn't scrub them before she starting dating you, generally speaking people clean that type of stuff up after the breakup.. certainly a marriage.

When you go thru a divorce your go thru everything and remove the past to get ready for the future...

 

 

She must have a reason to keep them up and public...

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
I'm kinda surprised she didn't scrub them before she starting dating you, generally speaking people clean that type of stuff up after the breakup.. certainly a marriage.

When you go thru a divorce your go thru everything and remove the past to get ready for the future...

 

 

She must have a reason to keep them up and public...

 

My thoughts exactly. I mean ive never suspected anything was going on still with them but it bothers me especially when other people bring it up

Link to post
Share on other sites
My thoughts exactly. I mean ive never suspected anything was going on still with them but it bothers me especially when other people bring it up

 

Her reasons could be anything from her grandma doesn't know she was divorced all the way to she doesn't want to admit that a part of her past is over and she helped make it that way...

 

The reason isn't all that important, but moving past it is...

 

Since you are talking about it then maybe this will get resolved..

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
I'm kinda surprised she didn't scrub them before she starting dating you, generally speaking people clean that type of stuff up after the breakup.. certainly a marriage.

When you go thru a divorce your go thru everything and remove the past to get ready for the future...

 

 

She must have a reason to keep them up and public...

 

Yes, why would she keep them up and be upset with me for something similar but minor in comparison?

Link to post
Share on other sites
doyathinkso

Perhaps she has a nasty case of "Do as I say, not as I do".

 

 

Have you seen hints of this before?

Might want to pop a drag chute on that fiance thing. Caveat emptor and all that.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites

I thought you were to be married last summer and were to go on separate vacations a few months later?

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
I thought you were to be married last summer and were to go on separate vacations a few months later?

 

No the wedding is scheduled for July 2019. We never did go on seperate vacations. It was just something she sorta talked about. Although she is going to a friends wedding in a couple of weeks alone. I'm actually ok with that, because of cost, taking time off work and keeping an eye on her mom while she is gone

Link to post
Share on other sites

If you are getting married in a few months then she would most likely post wedding photos on social media and it would look awkward having both sets out there so she probably has a time frame in her head to delete them, is she testing you ? does she do that to you ?

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
If you are getting married in a few months then she would most likely post wedding photos on social media and it would look awkward having both sets out there so she probably has a time frame in her head to delete them, is she testing you ? does she do that to you ?

 

No I never have gotten that game playing vibe from her. She is someone that is very attuned to social media though. Meaning as a self expression thing. Like I said if I had any suspicion something was going on, I would be gone. No patience for that type of drama in my life anymore. The double standard issue upsets me. The issue of her having pics of her and her ex puzzles me more than anything I guess

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

So update to my prior thread. I texted fiancee a few days ago asking why she still had pics of them up. She got upset saying it was wrong time to bring up subject. Early in the morning before work. We talked about it that night and she said she would take them down. Guess what? They are still up. I guess I just dont understand why she would still have pics up of a guy who was supposedly very abusive toward her.. How should I handle this? Am I being too petty and insecure?

Link to post
Share on other sites
fieldoflavender

No that's really inconsiderate and even when I am meeting someone for the first time, if they have ex pictures up, I see it as a red flag they're not over them. If it's like ONE picture out of many, okay fine. But if it's like all over their social media, they're frankly inconsiderate and not ready to begin something new.

 

How come this was not an issue when you were dating?

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

Should be x fiancé.

 

Pretty disrespectful. This is something you shouldn't even have to ask about.

 

It'll probably get worse not better.

 

Better wake up before it's too late.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
No that's really inconsiderate and even when I am meeting someone for the first time, if they have ex pictures up, I see it as a red flag they're not over them. If it's like ONE picture out of many, okay fine. But if it's like all over their social media, they're frankly inconsiderate and not ready to begin something new.

 

How come this was not an issue when you were dating?

Just to be clear its engagement pictures of them from 2014-2015. Shes fairly active on FB. It's public pics that you have to scroll down to find. I just never made a big deal because evrything else has been pretty good between us. I finally decided I had to say something when she wanted me to take down pics of me in Paris and London when I visited my ex. Ex wasnt even in the pics though but I was respectful of her feelings and took them down. But like you said it's a few pics of many on one entry

Edited by Lobouspo
Link to post
Share on other sites
doyathinkso

There is no way on God's green earth you should ever even consider marrying this woman.

She should be, and know, that she is your ex-fiance.

She shows absolutely no regard for your feelings.

She cares for you ....... NOT!!!

 

 

Please do not hitch your wagon to this woman.

 

She is showing you what kind of a partner she would be, a BAD one.

 

 

Move on and find yourself a good woman for a change. They are out there. You just haven't found one yet.

 

 

By the way, she's someone else's ex-fiance as well. Did you ever wonder about that? And I mean not what she's told you but about what REALLY went down.

Seems like her true self can't seem to go the distance with anybody.

 

 

Fair warning.

Edited by doyathinkso
  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites

Ugh this is so annoying.

 

We aren't going to go through our ENTIRE social media profiles everytime we date someone new. What's done is done, it's the past.

 

Stop being insecure. Everyone has exes whether their pics are on FB or not. We can't change our past, so stop complaining that we aren't changing our past social media posts.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

Stop being insecure. Everyone has exes whether their pics are on FB or not. We can't change our past, so stop complaining that we aren't changing our past social media posts.

 

Who on earth is "we"? Sounds like you're conflating your experience with the OP's and thats hardly helpful in this case.

 

In this case, I think what the OP is asking for is fair, considering the specific circumstances. I also think his fiance's response is very problematic. This is an issue they need to hash out together.

  • Like 5
Link to post
Share on other sites

Especially since from OP, if he had likewise it would be a big deal.

 

Don't accept a double standard, it sets a bad tone.

 

Put your foot down and call it exactly how it is, and if she doesn't like or wants to raise hell about it, realize the truth that you have probably two options:

1) Cave in and marry her, she will realize she can control you and set a double standard for herself and walk over you being selfish and entitled.

 

2) Find a woman who will respect you.

 

Hopefully it won't come to that. Hopefully you will put your foot down on her little **** test and she will respect that.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
Ugh this is so annoying.

 

We aren't going to go through our ENTIRE social media profiles everytime we date someone new. What's done is done, it's the past.

 

Stop being insecure. Everyone has exes whether their pics are on FB or not. We can't change our past, so stop complaining that we aren't changing our past social media posts.

They are getting married. I think I speak for most on here that when you have found the one, and the rings are bought, it would be time to put the past in the past by taking them down to start your new life with your husband/wife to be. I agree with the OP and he did the right thing by requesting that. It's not a matter of insecurity, it's a matter of respect.

Even I have ripped my exes out of photos, or simply tossed them out.

Edited by smackie9
  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites
They are getting married. I think I speak for most on here that when you have found the one, and the rings are bought, it would be time to put the past in the past by taking them down to start your new life with your husband/wife to be. I agree with the OP and he did the right thing by requesting that. It's not a matter of insecurity, it's a matter of respect.

Even I have ripped my exes out of photos, or simply tossed them out.

 

Ah. I missed the detail that they are getting married. Well yeah, it's a harmless request, but if you need social media to solidify your commitment, then maybe your priorities aren't in the right place...

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
bathtub-row

I’m of the mind that ex’s are a significant part of our lives and past. Having said that, if I have pics of my ex’s on any social media, that automatically makes it ok for my current bf to do the same. Your fiancé has a dangerous double standard philosophy which = being unreasonable. I’d advise you to think long and hard about marrying her. This is a very big red flag.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...