Love2015 Posted March 4, 2019 Share Posted March 4, 2019 Met a guy online. Had a first date and then I travelled for 2 weeks. We were constantly texting an the conversation always flowing. We met again upon my return and our second date was literally pizza and sex. I had an amazing time and I know so did he but since he stopped msging I know he was going to be busy and had mentioned something about meeting in some days ....yet no text? I msgd him what I felt and he said he was busy and will text later but later never came. When we talked before he indicated wanting something more. I can't force it I know yet I wished he would want to see me again. My instinct say let it go but any advice is appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
Trail Blazer Posted March 4, 2019 Share Posted March 4, 2019 You got pumped and dumped! 7 Link to post Share on other sites
frus69 Posted March 4, 2019 Share Posted March 4, 2019 Its only two dates and in any case(sex or not) you should treat it very lightly and continue your life as usual. If he texts you back within 3 days you can give him another chance, but longer than that, you should not take him back. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Love2015 Posted March 4, 2019 Author Share Posted March 4, 2019 As I was worried typing, he has text msgs me saying he is busy at work however...my inclination is if a man is interested ..they msg the gal ....no matter how busy they are. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Trail Blazer Posted March 4, 2019 Share Posted March 4, 2019 How about if human beings are interested in each other they message each other. When we start down the gender role paths with basic communication it becomes a breeding ground for playing manipulative games. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted March 4, 2019 Share Posted March 4, 2019 Gender roles or not. If he were interested, he would be replying enthusiastically. He isn't, and in fact he is making excuses. Therefore the only rational conclusion is that he is not interested. Time to move on OP. Link to post Share on other sites
snowboy91 Posted March 4, 2019 Share Posted March 4, 2019 Bit of a dick move really. The whole point of the initial part of dating is to get to know the person and see if there is a connection. It either works or it doesn't, and that's regardless of whether you have sex or not. Having sex early doesn't guarantee things will progress... nor does it guarantee that things won't progress. Also agree with the point about the gender roles. You've done your bit and said how you felt. He hasn't responded similarly, so I'd let this one go. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Larry56 Posted March 4, 2019 Share Posted March 4, 2019 This is why we had arranged marriage when people gave a damn about sex and consequences. Link to post Share on other sites
Aussie90 Posted March 4, 2019 Share Posted March 4, 2019 If someone is interested they will find the time to text back, it is as simple as that. It is one thing to be busy and not have time to meet up but to not text at all, that to me shows they do not care much. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 4, 2019 Share Posted March 4, 2019 Alas I think he's a double standard guy. Since you had early sex with him, he has now concluded that you have low virtue. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Love2015 Posted March 4, 2019 Author Share Posted March 4, 2019 Hi! Thanks everyone for your replies. I do agree roles based on gender don't matter but then I have reached out and I am getting nothing. It feels bad to be intimate physically and then not talked to especially when before it was non stop texting. I don't regret the act of having sex ...we were two consenting adults nor do I hold that as you have to be with me yet just a text would have been nice. Feels shallow not to and self esteem down. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted March 4, 2019 Share Posted March 4, 2019 Like I always say guys will do and say anything to get sex. This is all his intentions were....get you into the sack and moved on. You had a fun night, so not all was lost here. The dude is just a coward so you dodged a bullet. Note: I tell people this all the time, sex is not currency to buy you a relationship. If sex happens just simply enjoy it and be glad you got some. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted March 4, 2019 Share Posted March 4, 2019 Had a first date and then I travelled for 2 weeks. We were constantly texting... our second date was literally pizza and sex. I have reached out and I am getting nothing. It feels bad to be intimate physically and then not talked to especially when before it was non stop texting. I don't regret the act of having sex ...we were two consenting adults nor do I hold that as you have to be with me yet just a text would have been nice. Feels shallow not to and self esteem down. His interactions with you have mainly been through an electronic device and it's really easy to weave a story and invest in your feelings for this idea of him that you've been building--and make it out to be more than it actually is. He's not acting the way you've built your idea of him to act because that idea is not who he really is. All that online stuff is just cerebral and more times than not, it will not translate into real life. As you said, you were two consenting adults and you both knew how much time and effort you both put into what transpired before you had sex. He interpreted it one way and you interpreted the other--and that tends to happen with people you barely know. It's rather impossible to be on the same page about much of anything, given the lack of in-person communication you've had with each other. More than likely, sex was all he really wanted and you were willing. Nothing wrong with that; however, if you were angling for it meaning much more than it did, then you needed to have spoken up clearly in the two weeks you were having sexy text banter and let him know what your expectations after having sex are. If you did and he blew past it, then good riddance--you don't need that in your life. If you didn't, then you have to learn to speak up for what you want even if it means you may lose who you want or scare him off. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted March 4, 2019 Share Posted March 4, 2019 Note: I tell people this all the time, sex is not currency to buy you a relationship. If sex happens just simply enjoy it and be glad you got some. ^^^Truth!!!! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted March 4, 2019 Share Posted March 4, 2019 If you didn't, then you have to learn to speak up for what you want even if it means you may lose who you want or scare him off. (meant to add: ) ... because you will still end up in the same place no matter what path you take. At least take the one that empowers you if this is the end of the road. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Love2015 Posted March 4, 2019 Author Share Posted March 4, 2019 More than likely, sex was all he really wanted and you were willing. Nothing wrong with that; however, if you were angling for it meaning much more than it did, then you needed to have spoken up clearly in the two weeks you were having sexy text banter and let him know what your expectations after having sex are. If you did and he blew past it, then good riddance--you don't need that in your life. If you didn't, then you have to learn to speak up for what you want even if it means you may lose who you want or scare him off. Yes we did have conversation beforehand and while having sex too so it truly sucks. I agree sex is not currency to stay or go ...I just wished it was different after. Oh well...it's what it is. Just move on. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted March 4, 2019 Share Posted March 4, 2019 You are not alone with this...there's a lot of threads posted even by guys who were ditched after sex and wish there would be more to it. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted March 4, 2019 Share Posted March 4, 2019 He's just not that into you. He might be back around again when he's looking for more easy sex. No offense. I'd block and ignore him forever. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Love2015 Posted March 4, 2019 Author Share Posted March 4, 2019 Ok so he contacted me today ..and this is what he says.... He said he had an accident and was dealing with it and then he proceeds with saying that everything was awesome between us but he felt that his "thing" was not good enough for me. He said he didn't feel he was making me happy in bed. He proceeds to say he is ashamed of himself and someone else can make me happier. Ok I am in like disbelief of what I read. I thought we had good chemistry. Enough to have sex on a second date.... I did hold back on screaming and felt shy which is normal for a first time with a new guy! What do you all think? Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted March 4, 2019 Share Posted March 4, 2019 Yes we did have conversation beforehand and while having sex too so it truly sucks. I agree sex is not currency to stay or go ...I just wished it was different after. Oh well...it's what it is. Just move on. If sex means something to you, don't have sex with a guy you don't really know. Texting gives you a false sense of intimacy with someone, and two dates is nothing. Of course, you feel hurt by what happened, but, if you play with fire, you'll get burned. You have to decide if you view sex as transactional or if it means something more to you. The truth is that men and women view sex differently. If you don't understand this, you will find dating very frustrating and get hurt quite a bit. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted March 4, 2019 Share Posted March 4, 2019 Ok so he contacted me today ..and this is what he says.... He said he had an accident and was dealing with it and then he proceeds with saying that everything was awesome between us but he felt that his "thing" was not good enough for me. He said he didn't feel he was making me happy in bed. He proceeds to say he is ashamed of himself and someone else can make me happier. Ok I am in like disbelief of what I read. I thought we had good chemistry. Enough to have sex on a second date.... I did hold back on screaming and felt shy which is normal for a first time with a new guy! What do you all think? So that can be translated to mean he's not into you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 4, 2019 Share Posted March 4, 2019 Don't take it personally. He never wanted a relationship. He was just a lying cad out to get sex. Now, he might show up for sex again or not, but I sure wouldn't act too interested or he'll assume he can keep just banging you because you didn't stop talking after he ghosted you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted March 4, 2019 Share Posted March 4, 2019 I always tell women that the first time they have sex with a new guy, especially very early, they should assume it will be a one-night stand unless he shows them otherwise. Link to post Share on other sites
Robert01 Posted March 5, 2019 Share Posted March 5, 2019 This story is an example of why a guy needs to communicate his intentions upfront before having sex. I don't care if the woman comes at me for sex. That's the time to stop her right there and tell her I don't want to commit. I believe I always gotta check with a woman first if she's ok with no commitment before sex even if she initiates it. This dude led her on by having sex without communicating his intentions of not committing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted March 5, 2019 Share Posted March 5, 2019 This story is an example of why a guy needs to communicate his intentions upfront before having sex. I don't care if the woman comes at me for sex. That's the time to stop her right there and tell her I don't want to commit. I believe I always gotta check with a woman first if she's ok with no commitment before sex even if she initiates it. This dude led her on by having sex without communicating his intentions of not committing. A second date is really early to decide if you want a commitment. Also, did the OP communicate an intention to commit? Link to post Share on other sites
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