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New romantic interest is flaky. Feel I might be wasting my time...


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Old 13th March 2019, 4:49 AM   #31
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The cold front over the weekend has knocked me a little bit, and I have cried over this unfortunately, but I refuse to get further attached to someone this emotionally unavailable.

I think at this point it is obvious that there is no future in this. I cannot even defend him anymore. I'll be grateful for the good dates that we managed to have, wish him well in his life, and I think for now . . . I'm done dating for a bit.
I am sorry you had to cry over this. This is what modern dating is now; you go on dates, you think the chemistry is mutual but then the next day someone is flaking. But then i see myself, i would never say stuff i dont mean to someone i am not planning to take things further. If i went on a date with someone and i felt that it's not gonna work with i would definitely not use "i miss you, i like you. i care about you".

I am like you, it is so hard for me to click with someone immediately, but sometimes we confuse chemistry with loneliness, hormones. So keep trying, don't even dwell on it.

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Old 13th March 2019, 5:29 AM   #32
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I am the same. I don't say things I don't mean; then again maybe he thinks I am giving him the cold front by not responding to them in the same way? I think I have told him 'I miss you too' once in the few times he has said it to me? Not defending him or even trying to double guess and overanalyze myself... just pondering.

There are so many discrepancies though; at the start I had it in my mind that it would probably not go well and I would not see him again. It was him who bought up 'are you open to dating me', asked if I wanted to go to the movies or dinners with him, he gave me this long talk about not understanding open relationships and has told me a few times in the short time we were dating that once someone is in his heart he always cares for them.

What I struggle to comprehend is WHY build that up just to pull the rug from underneath me. I've been ghosted, I've been rejected, I've been dumped and ALL of those I could cope with but this one? I just want to know why!
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Old 13th March 2019, 6:45 AM   #33
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I asked him yesterday when we could see each other again, and was simply given 'This week is complicated' followed by a 'I'm supposed to see _____').
Did you contact him or did he contact you? If you contacted him to set up a date I would advise to not do this again. Like I said you should date more than one guy so you don't get so serious so soon. This was one date and now this has brought you to tears. No more.
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Old 13th March 2019, 6:47 AM   #34
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I've been ghosted, I've been rejected, I've been dumped and ALL of those I could cope with but this one? I just want to know why!
Why is this one different? It seems to fall in the same category.
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Old 13th March 2019, 6:57 AM   #35
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Did you contact him or did he contact you? If you contacted him to set up a date I would advise to not do this again. Like I said you should date more than one guy so you don't get so serious so soon. This was one date and now this has brought you to tears. No more.
He contacted me with some stupid video. We got into a bit of dialogue and I asked him when we would see each other which was when he gave me the whole 'this week is complicated, Im only off on Friday but I'm supposed to meet so and so'

We did date a total of 4 times by this point, I would certainly not cry over 1 date. Im not intending to send him any further messages. He can message me from now on... I'm expecting approximately nada.

I am really dreadful at multi dating, I find the whole process draining and tiring with just one, let alone more than one.
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Old 13th March 2019, 6:58 AM   #36
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Why is this one different? It seems to fall in the same category.
Similar category I guess but I did not get great vibes from the guy who ghosted me, our dates were too weird. Being dumped always hurts, but if there has been a relationship you generally at least get a reason.

This one feels different because he built it up, and then let it fall so suddenly.

I am my own worst enemy; I should have seen this coming but I thought he was a good guy underneath it all.
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Old 13th March 2019, 11:20 AM   #37
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You are being your own worst enemy by continuing to pursue.
You should drop him entirely - move on and decline if he asks to see you again.
He just isn't interested enough.

His lack of interest doesn't make him a bad guy - it makes him uninterested.
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Old 13th March 2019, 12:15 PM   #38
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You are being your own worst enemy by continuing to pursue.
You should drop him entirely - move on and decline if he asks to see you again.
He just isn't interested enough.

His lack of interest doesn't make him a bad guy - it makes him uninterested.
I've been with friends today, and got a greater sense of clarity on everything. I'm not gonna contact him again, even if he makes contact with me.

I didn't believe he was a bad guy. But would like to think a good guy would come clean; I won't cry over a simple 'I like you but not enough'. I will cry over spinning a web of bullsh*t for me to keep me hooked. That is not, in my mind, a good guy...

His friends seem cool, so I hope they at least tell him this is not a good way to go about things with anyone, romantically or otherwise.

And really if a guy can say such nice things, introduce me to friends as 'This is my partner', and then immediately switch off less than 72 hours later, was he ever worth my time?

nope.
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Old 13th March 2019, 5:44 PM   #39
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You are being your own worst enemy by continuing to pursue.
You should drop him entirely - move on and decline if he asks to see you again.
He just isn't interested enough.

His lack of interest doesn't make him a bad guy - it makes him uninterested.
Agree. Even if he does ask you out again (I don't think he will), he will be lukewarm about dating you anyways. To some people getting pursued is an ego boost. Do not boost their ego and stop contacting him.
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Old 13th March 2019, 9:41 PM   #40
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You know I have NEVER had any problems being anxious on this level when it comes to a man before but now it has reached fever pitch.<snip>
This is as if I wrote this lol Everything seemed great a couple of weeks ago up until that weekend and communication had been ****. I also asked to see him this week and all I got was that he has been ”preoccupied” ..havnt heard anything for a couple of days now. ugh that makes two of us girl.. crying and feeling like shyt.

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Old 14th March 2019, 5:29 AM   #41
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This is as if I wrote this lol Everything seemed great a couple of weeks ago up until that weekend and communication had been ****. I also asked to see him this week and all I got was that he has been ”preoccupied” ..havnt heard anything for a couple of days now. ugh that makes two of us girl.. crying and feeling like shyt.
Wow... yeah, you really are in the exact same situation as me. I feel you!

You are not alone, get those tears out and do not let him affect you anymore than he already has. I have been literally fighting myself over sending my flake a message. So far it has been 48 hours with nada from him. And as someone said earlier on in this thread; no one is too busy that they can't even send a text to let you know they are thinking of you... clearly we are not on their list of priorities for the week.

It sucks though, I know that much, and it almost hurts like a full on breakup (at least usually with a full on breakup you can accept that there may have been problems within a relationship; this cold front when it is totally unexpected is soul destroying)

Know that you are not alone in this!
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Old 14th March 2019, 5:31 AM   #42
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Agree. Even if he does ask you out again (I don't think he will), he will be lukewarm about dating you anyways. To some people getting pursued is an ego boost. Do not boost their ego and stop contacting him.
It's been 48 hours now, and I have heard nothing (and not messaged him either) so I guess this is it; he's shown his worth (and mine to him)

He can carry on with his life, and me with mine. I believe in karma, he will get bitten on the a** one day.
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Old 14th March 2019, 7:52 AM   #43
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Sorry this happened Please don't doubt yourself. Once the initial feelings of disappointment pass, I hope you will see it more as the whole package of him: being flaky, saying he cares and likes you a lot, and his behavior not matching- as the problem, rather than anything you did. From an outsider's perspective, people who are good at making other people feel good (knowing what to say to make them feel special, particularly during early dating) can seem wonderful at first, but words always need to be backed up by actions. You were right to pay attention to his follow-up: flaky, and not reaching out despite him saying "I like you" and "I care about you a lot."


I'm not saying he was scheming, that's impossible for me to know. He was likely sincere, but for some reason can't seem to (or doesn't want to on some conscious or unconscious level) follow through. It's an awful feeling to be on the receiving end of that, for sure. Don't let it put you off dating if that's what you want to be doing. Instead, take it as a cautionary tale next time you go out with a guy who is cute, charming, and says he's super into it. I'm not saying to be super suspicious, but just to take it with a grain of salt and wait to see his words match his actions. Once they do, great! If not, next. For me this happened automatically after a few charming-no-follow-through-dudes.



I actually began to take a lack of smoothness as a sign of (potentially more) sincerity, although this too isn't always the case.
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Old 15th March 2019, 4:22 AM   #44
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Sorry this happened Please don't doubt yourself. Once the initial feelings of disappointment pass, I hope you will see it more as the whole package of him: being flaky, saying he cares and likes you a lot, and his behavior not matching- as the problem, rather than anything you did. From an outsider's perspective, people who are good at making other people feel good (knowing what to say to make them feel special, particularly during early dating) can seem wonderful at first, but words always need to be backed up by actions. You were right to pay attention to his follow-up: flaky, and not reaching out despite him saying "I like you" and "I care about you a lot."


I'm not saying he was scheming, that's impossible for me to know. He was likely sincere, but for some reason can't seem to (or doesn't want to on some conscious or unconscious level) follow through. It's an awful feeling to be on the receiving end of that, for sure. Don't let it put you off dating if that's what you want to be doing. Instead, take it as a cautionary tale next time you go out with a guy who is cute, charming, and says he's super into it. I'm not saying to be super suspicious, but just to take it with a grain of salt and wait to see his words match his actions. Once they do, great! If not, next. For me this happened automatically after a few charming-no-follow-through-dudes.



I actually began to take a lack of smoothness as a sign of (potentially more) sincerity, although this too isn't always the case.
Yeah, I know I am not to blame here although I should have been more guarded and protected myself. Then again when someone is being charming and sweeps you off your feet it can be hard to stay in control of those things.

As I mentioned, I will be grateful for the dates we did have; they were great.

He is also still trying to keep me hooked by the way: I got a message super late last night asking a really huge favour (Complete with cute little pet names and kisses). I really can only say one thing to him at this point, and it is far too impolite for me to post it here.

I was trying to kid myself that he was not a bad person, and was maybe just wired wrong. But I think after last night sending texts suddenly calling me 'babe' or 'beautiful'. Amazing how the nice words can get thrown around when someone wants something.

He can take his favour and shove it where the sun does not shine to be frank.
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Old 15th March 2019, 7:51 AM   #45
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He can take his favour and shove it where the sun does not shine to be frank.
attagirl!

dont cave to that bs
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