LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Romantic > Dating

New romantic interest is flaky. Feel I might be wasting my time...


Dating Dating, courting, or going steady? Things not working out the way you had hoped? Stand up on your soap box and let us know what's going on!

Like Tree37Likes
 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 24th February 2019, 4:28 AM   #1
Established Member
 
BWFMT's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: London, UK
Posts: 84
New romantic interest is flaky. Feel I might be wasting my time...

Hi All,

I will keep this brief as possible, but I met a guy just before Christmas, right before I was due to leave the country for an eight week period, but we stayed in touch whilst I was away and I got great vibes from the whole thing.

Anyhow, I messed up our first proper 'date' (I got my dates confused and accidentally arranged a date when I was not actually in the country) I apologized profusely, travel brain and an over eagerness to actually spend time with this guy got the better of me.

So we arranged a date for not too long after I was home but he had to cancel as he had been out the night before and woke up too late; I had known about his weekend plans and so had not counted 100% on this date going ahead. We both agreed we would reschedule and so the next date came around. We had a wonderful time, and I really like the guy. VERY similar personalities in many ways, but very different in others. The date ended, we shared a kiss and I was eager to see him again so we set a date there and then.

The next date rolled around and on the day he cancelled. His reasons were somewhat valid, a friend in need took his attention and again I can entirely subscribe to that. One should never ditch ones friends for someone we barely know. But I just cannot help but feel that this is probably a lot of flakiness so early on and that I might save myself a whole load of heartache by not getting too involved.

We have spoken since the cancelled date, and I have sent off a couple other dates that are convenient but we have not locked anything in just yet. My workload is punishing to say the least at the moment and I have other familial commitments meaning that it could be quite some time now before we get to see each other again.

He sometimes takes quite a while to respond to messages, but then so do I (my work requires the use of both of my hands and so I can often go several hours before responding to people; his job is public facing and quite busy and so I can sympathize that it may take a while to get back to me). We also have massively different schedules which would also be a problem down the line with regards to seeing each other at any kind of reasonable time.

I dunno. I really like this guy, and the first date was SO good. A spark I literally have not felt in a long, long time. I have a tendency to over analyze things and cannot work out if I am reading way more into this situation than is actually necessary, or if I am just setting myself up for failure.
__________________
If you don’t go after what you want, you’ll never have it
If you don’t ask, the answer is always no
If you don’t step forward, you’re always in the same place
BWFMT is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 24th February 2019, 9:06 AM   #2
Established Member
 
d0nnivain's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Northeastern USA
Posts: 33,515
Your rocky start is coloring this. He too may wonder if you are serious about dating him. Put little stock in anything. Don't worry about long term schedules yet. Go on a few more dates & see what happens. It's called giving people a chance.
d0nnivain is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 24th February 2019, 11:30 AM   #3
Established Member
 
smackie9's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Surrey BC Canada
Posts: 15,571
Just my 2 cents but if you were that amazing to him, he would have np squeezing you in for a short date or at least spend 10 mins chatting with you here and there to keep up the interest. People still need to eat, and take a crap...plenty of time there to shoot over a text.
__________________

You are a fool if you believe that having each others passwords = trust.
smackie9 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 24th February 2019, 11:38 AM   #4
Established Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 649
Beginning stages I wouldn't read into anything much

Live your life, I hope you multi date, and see who shows up consistently.

When a man contacts you consistently and ask you out consistently that's when you can start to focus your attention.

Don't show any concern for flakes

A guy cancels no big deal. You don't hear from him no big deal. Focus on the guy who keeps showing up in front of you. The flakes will just flake away like crust or crumbs that fall off a bread product lol. Don't worry about crumbs. Focus on the guy who is actually showing substance (he calls, ask you out, say when he wants to see you again, follows through, etc)
Curiousroxy86 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 5th March 2019, 5:23 AM   #5
Established Member
 
BWFMT's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: London, UK
Posts: 84
Thanks for that - I think you are right... since posting, we managed another date but then he flaked on the one after. So we are on a 50% success rate at present, which is a shame as I really like the time we do spend together.

We make the date, he tells me how much he is looking forward to it and then something arises... It is just frustrating to say the least.

I'm not very good at multi dating, but I think it may be time to keep my options open and go back to the drawing board.
BWFMT is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 5th March 2019, 11:20 AM   #6
Established Member
 
smackie9's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Surrey BC Canada
Posts: 15,571
You don't need to multi date, you just need to stop investing in lukewarm/unavailable guys. Like I always say date those who treat you the way you want to be treated....and not just during a date.
smackie9 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 5th March 2019, 2:20 PM   #7
Established Member
 
BWFMT's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: London, UK
Posts: 84
Quote:
Originally Posted by smackie9 View Post
You don't need to multi date, you just need to stop investing in lukewarm/unavailable guys. Like I always say date those who treat you the way you want to be treated....and not just during a date.
This is the weirdest part though; when we are together it is amazing. The successful dates are up there amongst the best I have ever been on... perhaps it is his nature to just be all over the place, and perhaps the issue is within me.

I need to ask myself if I can deal with that longer term... I tend to be quite a grounded person, who sticks to plans come hell or high water and it does affect me a fair amount when someone cancels last minute.

He is always extremely apologetic when he does cancel, and always throws a new date at me immediately (which he usually sticks to) but it is frustrating, particularly to have spent all day looking forward to it to then be let down. And then the flip side is when it does happen, it is wonderful!

What to do!
BWFMT is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 5th March 2019, 2:37 PM   #8
Established Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 518
Quote:
Originally Posted by BWFMT View Post
He is always extremely apologetic when he does cancel, and always throws a new date at me immediately (which he usually sticks to) but it is frustrating, particularly to have spent all day looking forward to it to then be let down. And then the flip side is when it does happen, it is wonderful!

What to do!
Well, as a “general” rule, when flakes reschedule they are still interested. Obviously there are never any guarantees when dating, but it sounds like you like him, and therefore my advice is simply to continue date him.
MaleIntuition is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 5th March 2019, 2:53 PM   #9
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 1,252
Quote:
Originally Posted by BWFMT View Post
He is always extremely apologetic when he does cancel, and always throws a new date at me immediately (which he usually sticks to)
Haven't you only been out once?
It seems like he mostly cancels, to me.

I hate to say it but I think the dates were more amazing for you than for him.
Or he doesn't want a relationship, etc.

I know you really like him but you shouldn't settle for guys that make you guess if they are into you/want to see you.
olivetree is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 5th March 2019, 3:11 PM   #10
Established Member
 
preraph's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 24,901
Date him, but keep dating other people. For one thing if he really has any interest and he tries to make a date and you say sorry I'm already busy that night, that might wake him up a bit.
__________________
"I care not much for a man's religion whose dog and cat are not better for it." -- Abraham Lincoln
"The greatness of a nation & its moral progress can be judged by the way in its animals are treated." -Gandhi
preraph is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 5th March 2019, 5:45 PM   #11
Established Member
 
BWFMT's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: London, UK
Posts: 84
Quote:
Originally Posted by olivetree View Post
Haven't you only been out once?
.
We have been out twice now, and he has cancelled twice - but has always rescheduled the cancellation (which he generally shows for)

I mean he has messaged me to say he really likes me, or that he misses me - so it is really conflicting! If you missed me, you would spend time with me; we have the opportunity to spend time and you flake. This is not territory I am familiar with!
BWFMT is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 5th March 2019, 6:01 PM   #12
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 1,514
Doesn't matter that he is great when you see him. Lots of times I could be great in person ... and still not be all that seriously interested in someone ... or capable of being in a relationship.

Sometimes the problem was that my life was just a mess. So ... sure, I could show up on day x and be fun and lively ... but then I went home to a chaotic life ... and couldn't keep up maintenance of the relationship.

I'd say drop him ... People can be busy ... extremely busy ... and still find a way to connect with you ... text you short notes ... tell you they're thinking about you and looking forward to seeing you ...
Lotsgoingon is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 5th March 2019, 6:42 PM   #13
Established Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 693
Quote:
Originally Posted by smackie9 View Post
Just my 2 cents but if you were that amazing to him, he would have np squeezing you in for a short date or at least spend 10 mins chatting with you here and there to keep up the interest. People still need to eat, and take a crap...plenty of time there to shoot over a text.
I agree for sure! I don't think there is much interest on your side either. You both have time to text each other a little bit during downtime.
I'veseenbetterlol is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 6th March 2019, 3:41 AM   #14
Established Member
 
BWFMT's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: London, UK
Posts: 84
Oh I am super into him. But I guess maybe he is not into me by the looks of it?

I resisted the urge to drop him a message yesterday (we are meant to meet on Thursday - I will message him later this evening if I have not heard anything) but he has not sent me anything back. The last message between us was 24 hours ago confirming plans for Thursday. I'm gonna use this as the best of 3 - if he cancels on me this time it is just proof that I will be wasting my time to continue on.

Part of me hopes he does cancel so that I can move on with this - if the date goes ahead, how many more times am I gonna be sat around twiddling my thumbs wondering whether or not I should be getting dressed up or slipping into my Pyjamas for the night?
BWFMT is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 6th March 2019, 3:51 AM   #15
Established Member
 
BWFMT's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: London, UK
Posts: 84
Quote:
Originally Posted by MaleIntuition View Post
Well, as a “general” rule, when flakes reschedule they are still interested. Obviously there are never any guarantees when dating, but it sounds like you like him, and therefore my advice is simply to continue date him.
It may just be that this is his nature; he does work weird hours, and a cancellation is ALWAYS followed by an apology and an immediate 'Are you free on (Insert date here)'.

Some of the messages he has sent are really sweet and charming, telling me he misses me or that he cannot wait to see me.

I guess the last reason for cancelling was valid and I would probably have done the same, but the previous was a bit of a crap one and was really a lame excuse. But then as I say, he tends to follow through on reschedules. Perhaps this is just his way.... The proof will be in the pudding if he cancels tomorrow; thus far he has not let me down twice in a row. And for me that will be a big deciding factor. I can live with rescheduling but not letting me down twice in one week...!
BWFMT is offline   Reply With Quote
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
would you feel like you are wasting your time? loling123 Dating 3 10th November 2015 8:59 PM
Am I Wasting My Time--When is it time to let go?? cinnamonapples86 Dating 50 15th October 2015 10:11 AM
i feel like i'm wasting my time, but she won't leave my mind... rcrljmg07 Second Chances 1 29th May 2010 12:01 PM
seeing sum1 but im starting 2 feel im wasting time happygilmore Dating 2 23rd March 2007 8:09 AM
Dating a man with a son/ no time for us/am i wasting my time vanilla Dating 2 22nd March 2004 6:36 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 11:41 PM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2018 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.