Hot and cold?

[Kylegsweqr]

Recently divorced mid 40s. Attended a business conference mid January and out of no where this mid 30s divorced woman who I’ve been attracted to for years starts flirting. I think nothing of it, go back to my room and then I get a text inviting me to her room. Of course I go. The next 3 weeks were amazing for both of us, she was super into me and has recently pulled back stating she is getting nervous that she is getting too into this. Her company is a vendor of my company and she has concerns with it. For that reason she wants to be discrete. We had a date set last week and she said she had child care issues, totally understood. I asked her if she wanted to get together again and she kept texting but ignored the question. Text frequency from her slowed. Finally I told her that if doesn’t want to continue this just let me know, no hard feelings. She texts back “we shall see.....I’m getting nervous that I’m getting too into this. ****ty. I know. But I don’t want to live a lie. I’m going to play it by ear. And see what happens. But if you need some sort of definitive answer....I don’t know”

 

First question. It’s hard for me to understand how she can totally shut down after being so into me....could there be someone else? Where do I go from here? Maybe she just wants to keep it as a conference hook up? I hate open ended responses and would have preferred a no over I don’t know.

 

Open to any suggestions.

[Art_Critic]

"live a lie"

 

Are you sure she is a divorcee and not just separated or really married ?

 

I once knew of a guy who lived a single life with dating and sex only to find out he was only separated from his wife, when they put it all back together his fake single life went away...

 

The pull back and the idea she is sticking to it suggests something other than vendor relationship...

[Art_Critic]

BTW, I'm not suggesting she is a cheater.. just asking you if you know for sure she is legally divorced or just separated.

 

The vendor excuse is weak... there are companies that have policies about dating inside the company or clients so her excuse isn't without merit.. just weak.

 

I would let her go... if she is willing to let you go then she wasn't all that to begin with.

[FMW]

Sounds likely that she's married or in a relationship with someone else.

[chillii]

l dunno. Whatever the case sounds like she's had her fun and is slimming her way out of it now.

ln other words you were just used most likely.

[Simple Logic]

She went to a business conference, the kids were out of the way, and she wanted sex. You filled the situation, now she is back to her reality in which you don’t fit in.

[Kylegsweqr]

We run in same social circles. She is definitely divorced and not dating anyone else. Just dont get the open ended response. I'm assuming I should just go no contact at this point. I would add we are about 100 miles from each other but travel for work and can arrange to be in same locations often.

[smackie9]

Make the decision for her....pull back/leave her be and let her figure things out, without you...date other women.

[FMW]

Don't contact her again unless she reaches out to you first, follow her lead. In the meantime be open to other opportunities if they arise.

[Kylegsweqr]

Thanks. That’s what I’ll do.

[edgygirl]

She might be an avoidant and/or commitment phobe. When things start to go somewhere and have potential to be serious, she pulls away. This can be worked on, but only if she herself realizes she needs to work on it.

[Kylegsweqr]

Went no contact as recommended. Continued to receive texts. Responded mostly with 2 word responses and no questions. Today I get a call stating I’m kryptonite (what?), great guy, second guessing how she characterizes me. We talk 1.5 hours conversation flows easily and I ended conversation stating I appreciate her company as I’m driving but I’m home. I know we will see each other again. I’m going to just leave it open ended and leave it at that.