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Men, why “re-pursue” a woman you have ghosted?


thatgirl10000

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thatgirl10000

A few years ago, I went on a few dates with this guy who acted really interested in me and who told me he was so into me. We had sex a couple of times, then he did a slow fade, and then he ghosted completely in the middle of asking me out for our next date. I was upset because I really wanted to keep going out with him, but at the same time, I didn’t put my eggs in one basket, so I got over him in less than a month. Then about a month after he ghosted, on the day before his birthday, he hit me up again with a “Hey, how have you been, it’s been a while?” or some generic sh#t like that. I ignored him. He proceeded to sporadically text me that year every few months even though I didn’t reply to a single text. Then after a year of occasionally reaching out to me and me ignoring him completely, he somewhat escalated. He found me on most of my social media (including LinkedIn!), sent a request, and messaged me on FB when I rejected his requests. I never replied to any of it, and I guess he finally took the hint, and he stopped.

 

Well, he just sent me a friend request on FB again, TWICE, and I deleted it. I am not interested, not just because I will never let a ghost back in, but also because I am in a serious relationship.

 

I am very interested and curious about the phenomenon, though! I can’t figure out why someone who had a low level of interest in you and demonstrated it clearly by ghosting you, would suddenly start pursuing you again? Why?! I understand if a ghost tries to pop back up once, and then when you ignore his attempt, drop it. But to continue trying to reach out when you completely ignore him after he ghosted and unghosted you? Men, why do some of you do this? I’m genuinely baffled.

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He's in a serious dry spell and desperate. He keeps trying in case you're in the same boat at some point . . . ??

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He just wants to smash.

 

He's been with you before, and he figures it could happen again.

 

It's not that complicated. Maybe he thinks he can wear you down.

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Just desperation. He knew he was able to have you before, when he couldn’t find anything else he’s coming back to you because he was successful initially. At the end of the day though, he knows he ghosted for a reason and it’s because he wasn’t that into it and he’s just desperate now clinging to whatever straws he has

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Usally when I pop back up it’s just to see what else is left but I’ll text maybe twice at the most... yeah what he did was crossing the line.

I would never go full blast like him lol

 

Maybe he realized that he liked you all of a sudden...

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There can be a HIGH "acquisition cost" (to use a business term) to meeting a new girl and spending enough time, etc., to lead to sex.

 

Now personally, I think he should leave you alone after you've rejected him so many times. But, the guy might be desperate. Maybe he thinks that since he has already put some work in with you and knows you, that even though you are pissed, there's a chance. And he's not losing much by making the attempts.

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He's doing it because there's no cost. Since you don't respond - even to yell at him - there is no reason not to. That doesn't mean you should respond...just that he's got no reason to stop.

 

You should block him everywhere. FB should even let him see you unless he creates a fake account. LinkedIn too.

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I agree with everyone’s responses, but...

 

About 8 years ago I went on a date with a man who disappeared. I didn’t care much as I wasn’t invested. He wrote me a few months later asking for a second chance. I accepted meeting him. We ended up dating for quite a long time. He even wanted to marry me. I know it’s different because we didn’t sleep together on the first round... but I do think sometimes some men realize what they lost.

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There can be other reasons—maybe they were seeing someone else and decided to stick with them or not cheat or not break up with them to go with you, then that relationship ends and they come crawling back.

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Eternal Sunshine

He has no options currently and is desperate. He thinks you were into him so will be easy to get sex from.

 

 

Personally, I just block them.

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Oh they always do that, guys I hooked up with but I didn’t feel it, guys who pulled a slow fade on me, guys who I never met up with, ex boyfriends etc

 

I just took it as a compliment cos they must’ve enjoyed the sex to a certain degree.

 

Like the above poster said, you didn’t reply, didn’t shout at them, didn’t do anything to them so there’s no harm for them to try.

 

Maybe desperation, maybe they want another shot with you, who knows.

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I have a male friend that does that stuff all the time. Dates, breaks up, then tries to get them back. Kind of a mental illness.

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thatgirl10000
I have a male friend that does that stuff all the time. Dates, breaks up, then tries to get them back. Kind of a mental illness.

 

Does he say why he does it? Has he been diagnosed with some type of personality disorder?

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thatgirl10000
I've probably done a second lap before but that dude seems optionless as hell.

 

Lol, I’ve wondered this, like, “Have you been out of options this whole time?” But when we dated, he never struck me as optionless. He’s attractive, fit, tall, successful, confident, can converse with ease and not socially awkward at all. That’s why the pursuing after the ghosting really baffles me.

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thatgirl10000
Well... it's the "The power of the pu$$y" and only the pu$$y.... it isn't about getting to know you in any other way...

 

I understand this...that sex is what drives a lot of men to contact girls. But it still doesn’t explain the weirdness of dumping me in the first place by ghosting me, and then pursuing me again after, especially since I’ve been ignoring him. I dunno, just seems bizarre. Guess I still don’tnunderstand men. *shrugs*

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He ghosted to pursue someone else and then someone else, etc. Then when all options were used up, he started to contact you and the others he ghosted on to see what would stick. In the old days your name would have been in the ol' black book.

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I haven't had this happen, but its mostly because once a guy ghosts me, I block them. But I've seen this happen to good friends. One friend had a guy come back after ghosting her for 2 months. Another friend, a guy would always ghost her for weeks - 1 month at a time, and then come back as though nothing had happened.

 

It could be any reason. He might have tried for a new girl and it didn't work out. He's bored and wants sex. He has poor communication skills and withdraws when something is going on in his life. I agree with one of the above posters though, that sometimes men do realize what they've lost, but they'd have to have a damn good explanation for me to give him another shot.

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thatgirl10000
I haven't had this happen, but its mostly because once a guy ghosts me, I block them. But I've seen this happen to good friends. One friend had a guy come back after ghosting her for 2 months. Another friend, a guy would always ghost her for weeks - 1 month at a time, and then come back as though nothing had happened.

 

It could be any reason. He might have tried for a new girl and it didn't work out. He's bored and wants sex. He has poor communication skills and withdraws when something is going on in his life. I agree with one of the above posters though, that sometimes men do realize what they've lost, but they'd have to have a damn good explanation for me to give him another shot.

 

What happened to the guy who came back to your friend 2 months after ghosting her? Did he stick around, or did he end up ghosting her again?

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Lol, I’ve wondered this, like, “Have you been out of options this whole time?” But when we dated, he never struck me as optionless. He’s attractive, fit, tall, successful, confident, can converse with ease and not socially awkward at all. That’s why the pursuing after the ghosting really baffles me.

 

Well he's probably dating and ghosting others as well. Some of those women are smart enough to block him so he can never reach them again. You should have done the same. Why would you even give a second look at a man who ghosted you?

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thatgirl10000
Well he's probably dating and ghosting others as well. Some of those women are smart enough to block him so he can never reach them again. You should have done the same. Why would you even give a second look at a man who ghosted you?

 

I haven’t given him the time of day since he ghosted me. Like I said in my original post, I’ve ignored and rejected every single one of his attempts to reconnect. I guess I’m just genuinely curious because he’s the only guy I have dated who behaves this way. Other guys’ actions have always kinda made sense. If they disappeared, stopped asking me out, or straight up dumped me, they either stayed gone, or they would attempt to reconnect only once and then stop after that. That’s the kind of behavior that makes sense to me. This guy’s doesn’t.

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Daisy-oliviaWentcher

hahaha

 

The grass always looks greener on the other side for some people. Perhaps because he sees you " ghosting" him and that this is game where he's trying to see if he can win. When you ignore him, it just entices him more.

 

Perhaps he even knows you are in a relationship and just trying to explore how much he can get your attention. " Like, remember when we use to have sex and you use to like me?" well, I know you might be getting it with someone else, but you use to get it from me, and for that, I believe I still have a legal claim on you ( some guys/girls are a bit narcissistic like that) and have little to no respect for the women they have previously slept with. They are opportunists and don't like hearing the word no, it would be like sipping poison. Hearing the word No is a bit like hearing a swear word or a complicated math equation that even Albert Einstien couldn't solve.

 

I would just get your boyfriend on the scene if this guy tries to contact you again, the boyfriend who steps into the situation might tell the guy where to go. Usually I don't think getting the boyfriend to fight your battles for you is always the right way to go about things in every occasion, and it doesn't exactly scream " women's empowerment" but some narcissistic opportunists don't respect women and may think twice when they hear from the guy the last chick they banged is spoken for.

 

I know that when my friend was engaged to her now-husband, her ex use to bang on her door at ungodly hours in the morning drunk. The guy was a bit of a sore loser and I don't think he really wanted her, just wanted what he no longer could have. He got a bit of a fright, and needless to say, & he quit bugging her when her husband opened the door one night. They never called the cops, they didn't have to, because the ex knew he had lost the fight he never had a chance at winning. It was then one would assume, he bugged another ex until her finally got what he wanted. He also spread a villainous and vicious rumour that my friend was promiscuous when actually, she was in a monogamous and secure relationship and further from the sort.

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They have exhausted all of their other options.

I've had men do that to me whether or not we had sex. I never dated them again.

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