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Friends setting me up with a guy on Valentine's. How to look forward to it?


Hopeful30

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This post is similar to my last thread about "How to get excited about dating."

 

Of the social circles I am part of, the younger ones (where I feel the most 'grown up' of the group) invited me to be part of a double date on Valentine's day. I agreed because I haven't had sex in years and I'm tired of being single. Plus, I genuinely enjoy this friend's (and her bf) company, so either way, it will be nice to get together.

 

My blind date made the reservation at 10pm, so originally I said no. Who the hell plans a 10pm reservation on a work night? I have to be out of the house by 7am, and the restaurant is about 40 mins drive away from my home (Canada, everything is far away). My friend (who I trust and know she would never push me to do anything she doesn't feel is worth it) convinced me to go, so I agreed because f*ck it.

 

In any case, I'm not looking forward to it because it's very late (I'm in bed at this time) and my friends (bless their hearts) are fist-pumping, music festival, methamphetamine-taking kids who are wonderful people but not grown ups yet, so anyone they set me up with is likely to be similar (I'm clinging to the hope that he might be a grown up too, because after all, I'm friends with these people as well).

 

Any suggestions or advice on how to look forward to the evening? I'm just so over it lol

 

Thank you!

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CautiouslyOptimistic

There's no way I'd go on a 10PM date on a work night. Especially 40 minutes away.

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Wow that 10 PM is really offputting. It's a double date right? So your friend is also going to be there?

 

Well, it's Valentines and you don't have to be alone on that lovey dovey day :)

Have some hope, perhaps he's decent. If you don't go there's a chance you'll miss out on a nice guy. You're single so go mingle!!!

 

If you really have a hard time looking forward to it, look up the restaurant lol. Good food is always something to look forward to :)

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Don't do stupid things out of desperation, frustration or loneliness. It never ends well.

The Meth and the late hour on a weeknight just has disaster written all over it. You could end up causing issue at work, end up with an STD or in a car wreck with someone high on Meth.

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Did you find out why the person set the dinner at 10 p.m.?

 

On the one hand, it's great that you willing to put yourself in position to meet people and be social.

 

On the other hand (a much bigger one by my lights), going out at a time when you don't want to ... and at a time that doesn't fit your schedule ... and at a time when you can feel yourself a little desperate ... well ... as PRW said, this night has "forced written all over it.

 

Me ... I'd simply say I cannot do the late night time ... but I would say I could do another time ... another more sane and reasonable time!

 

The way I look at this, I will go out at "bad" times when there is something truly special going on ... like 10 p.m. would the only time a friend I haven't seen in 20 years can meet ... or it's a free invite to some truly upscale and lavish affair that I've long wanted to attend ... Or for an emergency for someone.

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Wow that 10 PM is really offputting. It's a double date right? So your friend is also going to be there?

 

Well, it's Valentines and you don't have to be alone on that lovey dovey day :)

Have some hope, perhaps he's decent. If you don't go there's a chance you'll miss out on a nice guy. You're single so go mingle!!!

 

If you really have a hard time looking forward to it, look up the restaurant lol. Good food is always something to look forward to :)

 

Ha! That's a great idea if I loved food lol I'm not a foodie. In fact, if I had the option to never eat but still be healthy, I would do it. For me eating is a chore.

 

10pm??? No way. Is there a way to go at an earlier time even if it's just you and your date?

 

Not with this guy. This guy is friends with people who I would never associate with normally (I worked with them, that's why we met). If he was a guy who associated with my older, more grown up friends who are sophisticated and quality people, then I would be comfortable. The previous guy these friends set me up with was very low quality (my friends themselves have very low standards in this regard). He kept 'accidentally' touching my butt while we were standing in a crowded arena. I felt like a cheap prostitute whose body is all men care about (common among physically attractive women unfortunately). I know this isn't a reflection on me, but you can see why I'm not looking forward to meeting the next guy these people set me up with. The only reason I'm agreeing is on the off-chance he's actually normal. My mom has set me up on dates too, but they were all the loser sons of desperate moms who want their boys to find quality women (such as myself, no arrogance intended).

 

Originally we all wanted to meet at 8pm, but this restaurant is very popular and that's the only time they could get a reservation. I looked up the restaurant, nothing fancy but a decent venue. As it's Valentine's day, I'm not surprised reservations were all booked up.

Edited by Hopeful30
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The only reason I'm agreeing is on the off-chance he's actually normal.
There is no "off chance" here. This is just stupid.
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No to the 10 pm. Call the guy. Express thankfulness for the effort & suggest some alternative at a different earlier time. Yes, at this late date everything will be mobbed but you'd be better off changing the date or the time. You are going to be miserable getting home at 1 a.m. It's not worth it.

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10pm because it's next to impossible to get anything earlier. If it were me I would have taken the day off or called in sick and have a nice long weekend. You only live once.

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Am I the only one who thinks you’re being an impossible snob about this? Saying your friends are unsophisticated losers? Suggesting you’re so “fine quality” next to them?

 

Cmon, OP.

 

I would say don’t go, but only because you’re going to drag down the fun your friends would have without you.

 

Loosen up. You said yes to this, and it won’t kill you to step outside your comfort zone. Obviously don’t do drugs or anything, but see a late-night out with some of your “crazy” friends and a new guy as a chance to let loose a little bit. How do you look forward to it? You approach it with the spirit of possibility, and the knowledge that it’s noting serious. You’re not looking for a boyfriend here, you’re looking for a good time—you say as much in your original post.

 

Don’t worry about the next morning. If push comes to shove, take a sick day. It’s the Friday after Valentine’s Day, you won’t be the only one.

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No to the 10 pm. Call the guy. Express thankfulness for the effort & suggest some alternative at a different earlier time. Yes, at this late date everything will be mobbed but you'd be better off changing the date or the time. You are going to be miserable getting home at 1 a.m. It's not worth it.

 

Ugh. You're absolutely right. I sent my friend a message asking if we can change the time or day. It's true, I won't have the mood and even IF this guy is decent, it may not happen if I'm not in good spirits.

 

10pm because it's next to impossible to get anything earlier. If it were me I would have taken the day off or called in sick and have a nice long weekend. You only live once.

 

Ha! I like how you think :D

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Versacehottie
Am I the only one who thinks you’re being an impossible snob about this? Saying your friends are unsophisticated losers? Suggesting you’re so “fine quality” next to them?

 

Cmon, OP.

 

I would say don’t go, but only because you’re going to drag down the fun your friends would have without you.

 

Loosen up. You said yes to this, and it won’t kill you to step outside your comfort zone. Obviously don’t do drugs or anything, but see a late-night out with some of your “crazy” friends and a new guy as a chance to let loose a little bit. How do you look forward to it? You approach it with the spirit of possibility, and the knowledge that it’s noting serious. You’re not looking for a boyfriend here, you’re looking for a good time—you say as much in your original post.

 

Don’t worry about the next morning. If push comes to shove, take a sick day. It’s the Friday after Valentine’s Day, you won’t be the only one.

 

You are not the only one who thinks she is being difficult. I heard so many NO's in the post and things from a negative point of view, how in the world are you giving yourself or this guy or just the experience a fair chance??? And if you are bothering to go for f*ck's sake go with a good attitude and and open mind to have fun at the very least. Lower your expectations. If you are mainly going in hopes that against all hopes you will meet the love of your life, you are not being open enough. Your friends care about you and have seen your struggle enough to try to help you. Even if not this guy, maybe another in the future or being more comfortable going on a blind date will lead you to say yes to the one that will lead you to the ONE.

 

About it being so late, sometimes you just have to live. Let's say it was a 3rd date with a guy you were really into and the only time he could take you out or meet up with you WAS 10pm?? Would you say no? Not at all. If you are devoting time and an open mind to your dating life, it's going to involve SOME flexibility. Some deviation from what you think is appropriate and the only things that work for you--after all, that course of action hasn't brought you the guy of your dreams, has it? Really loosen up.

 

I think your reasons for "allowing" the group date could be MUCH better (not having had sex and being tired of dating). What about trying to come from a positive place? Both of those reasons are why you are lacking rather than what you are hopeful about or just being open. With all the reasons you gave of why it will suck, you will "find" probably exactly that. Focus on wanting to spend time with your friends and meet someone they genuinely like. Even if it's a funny story it's better than sitting there like a closed-off, uptight spinster. I was really excited for you when i saw the title of your post and then i saw the content. Litany of negativity. Try to be more open at a minimum. Whether you like the guy or not, why not have all 3 of them leave the evening thinking, d*mn she is gorgeous, engaging, whatever the best parts of you are. That's, at the very least, good practice for when you do go on a date with the guy of your dreams. ok, good luck

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You are not the only one who thinks she is being difficult. I heard so many NO's in the post and things from a negative point of view, how in the world are you giving yourself or this guy or just the experience a fair chance??? And if you are bothering to go for f*ck's sake go with a good attitude and and open mind to have fun at the very least. Lower your expectations. If you are mainly going in hopes that against all hopes you will meet the love of your life, you are not being open enough. Your friends care about you and have seen your struggle enough to try to help you. Even if not this guy, maybe another in the future or being more comfortable going on a blind date will lead you to say yes to the one that will lead you to the ONE.

 

About it being so late, sometimes you just have to live. Let's say it was a 3rd date with a guy you were really into and the only time he could take you out or meet up with you WAS 10pm?? Would you say no? Not at all. If you are devoting time and an open mind to your dating life, it's going to involve SOME flexibility. Some deviation from what you think is appropriate and the only things that work for you--after all, that course of action hasn't brought you the guy of your dreams, has it? Really loosen up.

 

I think your reasons for "allowing" the group date could be MUCH better (not having had sex and being tired of dating). What about trying to come from a positive place? Both of those reasons are why you are lacking rather than what you are hopeful about or just being open. With all the reasons you gave of why it will suck, you will "find" probably exactly that. Focus on wanting to spend time with your friends and meet someone they genuinely like. Even if it's a funny story it's better than sitting there like a closed-off, uptight spinster. I was really excited for you when i saw the title of your post and then i saw the content. Litany of negativity. Try to be more open at a minimum. Whether you like the guy or not, why not have all 3 of them leave the evening thinking, d*mn she is gorgeous, engaging, whatever the best parts of you are. That's, at the very least, good practice for when you do go on a date with the guy of your dreams. ok, good luck

 

Woah woah, what's with all the negativity all of a sudden? Relax people, this is a forum, not a challenge to your personal beliefs. You are making conclusions without the slightest clue about my personality and temperament. Try not to jump the gun based on a few mere posts and your assumptions (which are far from the truth to be honest).

 

I'm sorry my situation is irritating you. I wish for lots of luck and love in your dating experiences!! May your experiences be better than mine.

Edited by Hopeful30
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Do you actually like your friends? If yes, I'd go - just to have a fun time with them, not so much for the date. If the date works out, great, if not, no issues.

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Do you actually like your friends? If yes, I'd go - just to have a fun time with them, not so much for the date. If the date works out, great, if not, no issues.

 

I like them for socialization purposes. We don't have intimate friendships because they lead very different lives (for instance, one is a single mother of two on welfare, I can't exactly talk about my property investments or expensive hobbies). Our perspectives on most things are very different.

 

When it comes to long term partners though, obviously you need someone who is closer to your nature and lifestyle. So while having friends of various backgrounds is a great social experience, when it comes to long-term partnerships, you need more compatibility than just "hanging out".

 

This is why I'm a bit hesitant regarding the person they are setting me up with. A party rocker doesn't exactly associate with established career men who want to start a family lol but again, I'm associated with these people even though I'm completely different. Is it sad this tiny possibility is all I'm going on?

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some_username1
Am I the only one who thinks you’re being an impossible snob about this? Saying your friends are unsophisticated losers? Suggesting you’re so “fine quality” next to them?

 

Cmon, OP.

 

I would say don’t go, but only because you’re going to drag down the fun your friends would have without you.

 

Loosen up. You said yes to this, and it won’t kill you to step outside your comfort zone. Obviously don’t do drugs or anything, but see a late-night out with some of your “crazy” friends and a new guy as a chance to let loose a little bit. How do you look forward to it? You approach it with the spirit of possibility, and the knowledge that it’s noting serious. You’re not looking for a boyfriend here, you’re looking for a good time—you say as much in your original post.

 

Don’t worry about the next morning. If push comes to shove, take a sick day. It’s the Friday after Valentine’s Day, you won’t be the only one.

 

Exactly! It's no wonder people are terminally single with the attitude they display on here. Heaven forbid someone actually has to put some effort into trying to find a partner....

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Exactly! It's no wonder people are terminally single with the attitude they display on here. Heaven forbid someone actually has to put some effort into trying to find a partner....

 

I'm sorry for your misconception. Is this the attitude you have towards others as well? If that's the case, I don't think you should be offering advice on a dating forum :lmao:

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some_username1
I like them for socialization purposes. We don't have intimate friendships because they lead very different lives (for instance, one is a single mother of two on welfare, I can't exactly talk about my property investments or expensive hobbies). Our perspectives on most things are very different.

 

When it comes to long term partners though, obviously you need someone who is closer to your nature and lifestyle. So while having friends of various backgrounds is a great social experience, when it comes to long-term partnerships, you need more compatibility than just "hanging out".

 

This is why I'm a bit hesitant regarding the person they are setting me up with. A party rocker doesn't exactly associate with established career men who want to start a family lol but again, I'm associated with these people even though I'm completely different. Is it sad this tiny possibility is all I'm going on?

 

I would gently point out OP that your posts sound a bit....condescending...about them, to the point where I wonder why you maintain this friendship at all. You seem to have high expectations of the world around you (which is your perogative) so I wonder what they can possibly bring to your life apart from the 'great social experience' of having friends of lower circumstances and hobbies you look down on. I'd hate for my company to be considered a great social experience by someone with lots more money than me because it doesn't sound very nice at all!

 

So whilst I initially thought you should get out of your comfort zone I actually now think you would be better served spending valentines day by taking a step back and having a think about what this friendship means to you and conversely, the type of friend these people deserve to have. Hopefully you will 'get' the message in this post without offence as I might not have explained it too well...

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some_username1
I'm sorry for your misconception. Is this the attitude you have towards others as well? If that's the case, I don't think you should be offering advice on a dating forum :lmao:

 

We can only work with the information we are given and your posts essentially read as "I'm not willing to go out of my way to meet someone that my friends are gracious enough to set me up with". And this has been noted by others too. I agree with you that given their circumstances vs yours it's most likely not going to work but you should at least be grateful for anyone who takes an interest in your dating life to want to help you find happiness. That is the mark of a good friend in my book and in my experience such people who take an interest in furthering the lives of their friends are rare indeed.

 

And lastly I would gently suggest that if you find advice you don't want to hear difficult to digest then perhaps a dating forum is not the place for you to be asking for advice ;) loveshack is not a popularity contest- and that is a good thing.

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I would gently point out OP that your posts sound a bit....condescending...about them, to the point where I wonder why you maintain this friendship at all. You seem to have high expectations of the world around you (which is your perogative) so I wonder what they can possibly bring to your life apart from the 'great social experience' of having friends of lower circumstances and hobbies you look down on. I'd hate for my company to be considered a great social experience by someone with lots more money than me because it doesn't sound very nice at all!

 

So whilst I initially thought you should get out of your comfort zone I actually now think you would be better served spending valentines day by taking a step back and having a think about what this friendship means to you and conversely, the type of friend these people deserve to have. Hopefully you will 'get' the message in this post without offence as I might not have explained it too well...

 

I'm not offended, just surprised that my point was missed entirely. I personally don't it's condescending to bite your tongue about your financial achievements around those who are poorer.

 

I also don't think it's condescending to be friends poorer people. On the contrary, it would be condescending to ignore them just because you have a better financial situation

 

To each their own I guess...*shrugs*

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Curiousroxy86

I wouldnt look forward to it either.

 

I'd politely decline or give a more reasonable counter offer

 

You don't have to like it or look forward to it. Maybe be curious though. That's enough lol.

 

Just try to make your day the most relaxing chill and enjoyable as you can and just go in without any expectation and just see what happens

 

Go to the spa, drink some wine if you drink, watch a show, read...do what you got to do

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I think I can understand why you are having trouble finding a bf...

 

All we can base our comments and thoughts are on what you post here.

 

With what I have seen in this thread one word comes to mind...Rigid

 

I wish you luck in your dating life...

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