parkerbrook Posted February 12, 2019 Share Posted February 12, 2019 I really need some advice on something. I have been seeing this guy since last summer (on and off). Weve had our ups and downs, and we had a bit of a fallout where we didn’t talk for 2 months when school started for him, and I just thought he was ghosting me. I started dating someone else, but then ended it cause I couldn’t stop thinking about him and he eventually reached back out to me. We rekindled and started seeing each other a little bit again. He goes to school about an hour away, so we don’t see each other a lot but we talk everyday. And by talk, I mean just sending snapchats here and there. I really like this guy and we have amazing memories and we really do connect and have a lot of chemistry, and we had such a fun summer together. However, we are not official and he has never asked me to be his gf. We have talked about it and he said he’s just wanting to take things slow since he’s at school. I think it kinda freaks him out, which I don’t love. So i’ve just been waiting. sometimes I get frustrated though because it really feels like he doesn’t put much effort in, like when we first started seeing each other. He will leave me on read, not reply to some of my messages, but then other days he’ll call me and we’ll talk until 3 in the morning. it’s so up and down all the time. one day I was so angry and hurt and felt like he just didn’t care, so I got tinder. I met this guy and we did go on a date last weekend and I felt like we really hit it off. I can’t help but feel like I’m betraying the guy from the summer, but he won’t commit to me so I’m trying to keep my options open and see what else is out there. I really want the guy from the summer, but I think I’m trying to accept that he might never commit to me. the guy from the summer is really possessive of me though, even though he doesn’t put in effort to keep me it seems like. is seeing this new guy wrong? I can’t help but feel like I’m like cheating or something, even though we’re not in an exclusive relationship.. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted February 12, 2019 Share Posted February 12, 2019 He is not your boyfriend. You are not committed in any way to him. You don't owe him anything but you owe yourself the opportunity to find someone who treats you well, wants to be with you and wants the same thing you do -- a committed relationship. If you feel like you're cheating on him, you might want to consider that he is likely seeing other girls. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 12, 2019 Share Posted February 12, 2019 You need to drop the first guy. He isn't possessive, really - he just doesn't want to lose his reliable source of attention (you) It isn't going anywhere and it's holding you back from finding a more satisfying, mutually-fulfilling connection. Now that you see other guys out there do exist and might be an interesting option, it's time to shed the dead weight for good. If he isn't committing to you, he's more than likely seeing other girls too. Link to post Share on other sites
TheFinalWord Posted February 12, 2019 Share Posted February 12, 2019 The summer guy does not seem to want more and you shouldn't put your life on hold for him. I would date around. I'd be careful to get physical too fast with the new guy, but a snap chat isn't dating someone. It's minimal effort at best. I don't look at texting as anything meaningful. If they aren't going out with you, it's not dating. For all you know the one message he sends a day could be when he's in the bathroom with nothing else to do... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Amalyn Posted February 12, 2019 Share Posted February 12, 2019 is seeing this new guy wrong? I can’t help but feel like I’m like cheating or something, even though we’re not in an exclusive relationship.. Absolutely NOT wrong for you to see other people in this circumstance. Let me tell you a little bit of a story about where I currently am. I was talking to a guy during the summer of 2017. He'd make plans, break them. Say he wanted to make plans, then never make them. I got tired of his excuses and him going MIA for a week or more at a time then coming back like nothing changed. I went on OKCupid and met someone. We really clicked and set up a first meet. Meanwhile, the guy from that summer tried contacting getting together. I wasn't sure if I should go out with the new guy from OKCupid... but thanks to friends advice, I went. It was the BEST first date ever. I quickly forgot all about the guy from that summer and now I'm engaged to be married to the guy from OKCupid. Unless he commits, you should never feel bad. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Curiousroxy86 Posted February 13, 2019 Share Posted February 13, 2019 Please date other men lol Link to post Share on other sites
greymatter Posted February 13, 2019 Share Posted February 13, 2019 Keep dating others. You may soon realize, especially if you connect with someone who is actually available for a relationship, how unfulfilling the thing you have with the guy you started this post about. You won't see that until your attention is elsewhere but it honestly sounds like he is just not that interested. Again, definitely keep dating. Let go of the guilt, that is a useless thing to feel in this situation. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted February 13, 2019 Share Posted February 13, 2019 Nothing is ever going to happen with your friend there. You are best to cut all ties because you are simply wasting your time with him. As I always say, date those who treat you the way you want to be treated....find a new guy that will. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted February 14, 2019 Share Posted February 14, 2019 You need to decide who you want more: this guy or the guy in the other thread you just went on your first date with. Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted February 15, 2019 Share Posted February 15, 2019 I don’t think you have anything to feel guilty about, but it’s ok if you do feel that way. Having said this, it can’t hurt to make a decision about the summer guy. If he won’t commit at this stage, how long are you willing to wait? You seem really excited about the new guy, I think you should see where it goes! Will you be able to get summer guy off your mind? Link to post Share on other sites
I'veseenbetterlol Posted February 15, 2019 Share Posted February 15, 2019 If the guy will not commit to you, there is nothing wrong w/dating other guys. Actually that's good you are dating other guys. Not to make him jealous or make him commit, but giving yourself a chance to meet a guy who will want that commitment. I've had several guys who had me stop dating, only for them to tell me they weren't "ready" for a relationship. See where the new date pans out, if it turns into something serious, don't worry. You haven't "betrayed" anyone. Btw men who are interested in you will commit. Link to post Share on other sites
nychic009 Posted February 15, 2019 Share Posted February 15, 2019 You have to get over that mindset. You don't owe him anything. This is actually the mindset that wastes womens time. If you're acting like his gf without any commitment why should he make you his gf? Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted February 15, 2019 Share Posted February 15, 2019 Well, considering that we have advised you for months that the first relationship is not a healthy one for you, I vote for the new guy. Perhaps, he will treat you well and you will learn what it is to be in a good relationship. Maybe that will help you to finally let the first guy go... Link to post Share on other sites
Cersei Posted February 15, 2019 Share Posted February 15, 2019 If I am interpreting this correctly you are struggling to admit to yourself that the summer guy is just not going to happen. He is not as into you as you are to him and it's a dead end. It sucks, but it's the truth. Please date others guilt free. Link to post Share on other sites
nothingsintheflowerz Posted February 15, 2019 Share Posted February 15, 2019 I think you need to move on from the first guy. It's clear that he's not interested. If you need some sort of closure, you can ask him if he cares if you date other people--if he says he doesn't care, you've got your answer and should have a clear mind. If he says he does care but still isn't willing to commit, then that's telling you he isn't worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
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