Never got a reply

[Lagoon1212]

I have been seeing this guy for a month, but we only had 4 dates, due to my trip out of town for two weeks.

 

Anyway, he was kinda pushy to hang out at my or his place but whenever I said no or got upset he would backtrack and plan the actual date instead.

Last week I got upset with him and told him that this between us is not working. He kind of tried to talk about it but eventually the conversation died.

 

I regretted talking to him via text messages and asked him out. i said “would you like to see me if I wanted to see you this weekend (it was on Friday).

He responded “yeah that would be nice. Let me know what you were thinking” I cant on Sat but Sunday is possible”.

I said “it seems that I work Sunday, I will let you know later”

In one hour I texted: “I work Sunday, but I am off Mon, Thirsday, Sat”

 

He never replied to that. Why?

[Amalyn]

You are sending this guy mixed signals. First you said it's not working out and now you want to hang out. He's probably confused or getting fed up.

[Lagoon1212]

You are sending this guy mixed signals. First you said it's not working out and now you want to hang out. He's probably confused or getting fed up.

 

I am confused myself. On one hand, he asks me out, makes an effort, asked to see me more since I came back from vacation. But every date, he hints about ending at my or his place. On the other hand, it might be completely normal (since we havent had sex yet).

 

So, I dumped him but then yeah asked him put again. I know it is never a good idea but I wanted to tell him this in person and see his reaction. Bug again thatis a different story.

 

I am just confused by his not replying. Maybe he didnt want to see me at all buf somehow said “it would be nice”

[alphamale]

he just wanted sex with you

[Amalyn]

But every date, he hints about ending at my or his place. On the other hand, it might be completely normal (since we havent had sex yet)

 

How long have known this guy and been going out on dates?

[alphamale]

How long have known this guy and been going out on dates?

 

read the first sentence of the original post

[Amalyn]

read the first sentence of the original post

 

ahhhhh thank you :laugh:

 

I'm going to go ahead and agree that it sounds like this guy only wants to have sex with you. When you weren't available this weekend, he put in no further effort.

 

Love shouldn't be this hard. It shouldn't be this much work.

[Lagoon1212]

ahhhhh thank you :laugh:

 

I'm going to go ahead and agree that it sounds like this guy only wants to have sex with you. When you weren't available this weekend, he put in no further effort.

 

Love shouldn't be this hard. It shouldn't be this much work.

 

Before I dumped him on Wed, we had a dinner date planned for Sat (he also suggested he could cook for us but it was up to me).

 

I just dont understand why not Mon but he said yes to Sun. But you are right, either he is fed up or wanted sex for the weekend

[allofme]

Most guys would keep suggesting sex. Nothing wrong with that. I’d be more worried if they didn’t.

 

You dumped him because you didn’t want sex. Then you asked him out again. Then you’re busy on Sunday. Now he’s fed up thinking you’re not worth it (doesn’t sound like you’re on the same page about sex anyway).

 

I’m a girl btw. Waiting for sex while having to make the effort to please a girl for sex to happen, not even remotely knowing if she’d be good in bed, just sounds like a nightmare to me. I don’t think he necessarily “just wants sex”but if sexual chemistry and compatibility are important to him, you sound like too much work.

[Lagoon1212]

Most guys would keep suggesting sex. Nothing wrong with that. I’d be more worried if they didn’t.

 

You dumped him because you didn’t want sex. Then you asked him out again. Then you’re busy on Sunday. Now he’s fed up thinking you’re not worth it (doesn’t sound like you’re on the same page about sex anyway).

 

I’m a girl btw. Waiting for sex while having to make the effort to please a girl for sex to happen, not even remotely knowing if she’d be good in bed, just sounds like a nightmare to me. I don’t think he necessarily “just wants sex”but if sexual chemistry and compatibility are important to him, you sound like too much work.

 

I guess nothing else I could do here. Reaching out again would be desperate

[Amalyn]

I guess nothing else I could do here. Reaching out again would be desperate

 

No. Do not reach out again. If he’s truly interested he will reach out to you.

[Versacehottie]

I agree with that you are sending mixed messages (and prior to that he wasn't consistent). I would guess he is fed up. hard to tell his end intention--i'm guessing he was figuring it out has he went along. If it ceases to be fun, is too much work compared to his other priorities, you will no longer be a priority to him.

 

Definitely do not reach out. I can almost guarantee he will reach out to you but in his own time. He is not going to just jump when you say you want to meet up when you've now told him that the whole thing is on thin ice.

[frus69]

Anyway, he was kinda pushy to hang out at my or his place but whenever I said no or got upset he would backtrack and plan the actual date instead.

 

I dont think you were sending mixed signals. Your signals are pretty clear that you want to hang out again.

But that sentence is kinda obvious to me that he just wanted sex but you keep rejecting so he had to make some effort, but it didn't change the fact that he just wanted sex.

 

In the end he decided you are still unlikely to put out, he cant be bothered making effort anymore.

 

It's possible he suddenly decides to try again to see if you will agree to sex, when he has no other options.

[Lagoon1212]

I dont think you were sending mixed signals. Your signals are pretty clear that you want to hang out again.

But that sentence is kinda obvious to me that he just wanted sex but you keep rejecting so he had to make some effort, but it didn't change the fact that he just wanted sex.

 

In the end he decided you are still unlikely to put out, he cant be bothered making effort anymore.

 

It's possible he suddenly decides to try again to see if you will agree to sex, when he has no other options.

 

But my confusion is about why he stopped responding. Does it matter if he sees me on Sunday or Monday. I never said I wamted sex with him. I just asked if he wanted to see me again. He said yes but when it turned out weekend wouldnt really work, he never responded. I think that is just rude

[frus69]

He wanted sex, you rejected. He then put in some effort hoping you would agree to sex, then you still rejected. So he kinda gave up.

 

Then you wanted to hang out again, he was ok with it because he might be able to get sex. However it was a little difficult with your schedule, he then decided it's not worth the hassle for that 30% chance of getting sex ,so he stopped replying.

[Lagoon1212]

He wanted sex, you rejected. He then put in some effort hoping you would agree to sex, then you still rejected. So he kinda gave up.

 

Then you wanted to hang out again, he was ok with it because he might be able to get sex. However it was a little difficult with your schedule, he then decided it's not worth the hassle for that 30% chance of getting sex ,so he stopped replying.

 

He said he wanted sex but that wasn’t the only thing he wanted. He also said “we might work out or we might not.... I dont know what we are” I am not sure if this is equivalent to “let’s see what happens” because when a guy says it, it is never a good thing

[Versacehottie]

Even if something is rude or dismissive it doesn't mean people won't do it. I also think that if you are going back and then forth about wanting to date him at all, just because you suddenly decide you are back into it and give him a choice of days upcoming doesn't mean he's expected to jump on it. Much like women do, a lot of guys will say yes to an invite and then never get around to it.

 

It's hard to tell if he just wanted sex. I would say if he kept pushing you to come to his house and was getting annoyed that shows you that you are "blocking" what he really wants. There is hardly ever ANY black and white answer though and it seems like you are getting stuck on the part that at one point in time he wanted to date you/have sex with you. Things change ALL the time. He's allowed to change his mind about what he wants, and will do, same as you. Life is fluid. So it's silly to operate on the basis that at one point he wanted or said this. And about the "said", you shouldn't rely on that really in dating. Look at his actions. Why were you quizzing him about whether he wanted to date you or was just looking for sex? My point is you will rarely if EVER get a straight answer on that. People will tell you what they think you want to hear (i.e. 99% of the time "open to a relationship") because a)it keeps them in the "game" b) because people don't like to admit to themselves and others that they have motives that can be self-serving.

 

In the future, you should probably assume that all guys want sex--because that is typically true and so do you. Good guys and not so good guys. Wouldn't you be insulted if they didn't? Sex is part of attraction and a natural progression in a relationship. Some guys want a relationship AND sex, and some guys are OPEN to a relationship though not necessarily looking for one. Asking the "question" will rarely help. You have to do your own due diligence and a good guy who is open to or wants a relationship will work with you too.

Edited February 12, 2019 by Versacehottie

[Lagoon1212]

He said he wanted sex but that wasn’t the only thing he wanted. He also said “we might work out or we might not.... I dont know what we are” I am not sure if this is equivalent to “let’s see what happens” because when a guy says it, it is never a good thing

 

Even if something is rude or dismissive it doesn't mean people won't do it. I also think that if you are going back and then forth about wanting to date him at all, just because you suddenly decide you are back into it and give him a choice of days upcoming doesn't mean he's expected to jump on it. Much like women do, a lot of guys will say yes to an invite and then never get around to it.

 

It's hard to tell if he just wanted sex. I would say if he kept pushing you to come to his house and was getting annoyed that shows you that you are "blocking" what he really wants. There is hardly ever ANY black and white answer though and it seems like you are getting stuck on the part that at one point in time he wanted to date you/have sex with you. Things change ALL the time. He's allowed to change his mind about what he wants, and will do, same as you. Life is fluid. So it's silly to operate on the basis that at one point he wanted or said this. And about the "said", you shouldn't rely on that really in dating. Look at his actions. Why were you quizzing him about whether he wanted to date you or was just looking for sex? My point is you will rarely if EVER get a straight answer on that. People will tell you what they think you want to hear (i.e. 99% of the time "open to a relationship") because a)it keeps them in the "game" b) because people don't like to admit to themselves and others that they have motives that can be self-serving.

 

In the future, you should probably assume that all guys want sex--because that is typically true and so do you. Good guys and not so good guys. Wouldn't you be insulted if they didn't? Sex is part of attraction and a natural progression in a relationship. Some guys want a relationship AND sex, and some guys are OPEN to a relationship though not necessarily looking for one. Asking the "question" will rarely help. You have to do your own due diligence and a good guy who is open to or wants a relationship will work with you too.

 

I dont think that he was getting annoyed. Also, I never asked what he really wanted. When for our second date he suggested coming to my place I told him to date someone else. He then proposed we meet at the bar and there he gave me the entire “I am attracted to you, I do want to sleep with you, but I dont want just that.” And he apologized for giving me a wrong impression.

 

Then I left for two weeks, he kept in touch (every few days). I came back, he set up another date (again he mentioned that sex is not all he wants but to get to know me and that we might or might not work out) but at the end he tried to go back to my place (the restaurant was close to my house).

 

We also had another date set up for the following week (it was dinner at his house pr at a restaurant). But I got upset on Wed and dumped him. His inability to take me out once and not try to have sex at the end of the date really annoyed me.

[Gretchen12]

You got upset with him more than once. He doesn't want that. If I were a guy, I might pursue a girl who rejects me for sex but does not get upset. But I'd stay away from the girl who has sex with me and get upset. I am not looking for easy, just easy-going. But then, I'm a woman. Maybe I'm wrong about this.

[Versacehottie]

Sorry i equate "pushy", which you said he was, with annoyed. Same-same. You are blocking what it seems like he wants. Needless to say, you "assumed" that's what he wanted each time and got annoyed yourself, yet instead of having standards gave in as well. That's both drama and low self esteem-ish. And as was said above (gretchen i think?), a lot of guys avoid drama girls, doesn't matter what you throw on the table or that you will allow him a date now (where he might think he will get sex), he has lost interest. Maybe not completely but i think he will do it on his terms, which could have been what he was trying to do all along...see=pushy.

 

Stop trying to figure him out. Wasted effort. I think you guys are at a place where nothing good will come of this. Move on.

[Lagoon1212]

He just texted me “hope you are enjoying your day off (kissy emoji). This week should be my last hectic week.

[Versacehottie]

And??? what do you want us to say that everything is going to be perfect because of one text? If you trust his intentions stop being so paranoid and doubtful and flip-flopping on him. Cut him some slack then. So far you have shown that you get upset and annoyed with him and don't trust his intentions--which is either valid or you are making a big deal of nothing because maybe you are dramatic and so unsure of yourself that you don't know how to manage your emotions.

 

Idk, it's one small text. Maybe he wants to keep you hanging in there. You have more power than you think IF you trust yourself and your instincts. Time will tell what "this" is going to be.

[Lagoon1212]

And??? what do you want us to say that everything is going to be perfect because of one text? If you trust his intentions stop being so paranoid and doubtful and flip-flopping on him. Cut him some slack then. So far you have shown that you get upset and annoyed with him and don't trust his intentions--which is either valid or you are making a big deal of nothing because maybe you are dramatic and so unsure of yourself that you don't know how to manage your emotions.

 

Idk, it's one small text. Maybe he wants to keep you hanging in there. You have more power than you think IF you trust yourself and your instincts. Time will tell what "this" is going to be.

 

I jus wanted to give you an update. I understand prefectly well thatone text doesnt make it right. But at this point I may go with the flow and see what happens. It does help that I am not as obsessed about him or his texts as I was at the beginning.

[Versacehottie]

Great that's the right attitude. You have to take it with a grain of salt. In the big picture, it has yet to mean something compared with the rest of what's been going on. Like i said (think i said), i thought he would contact you but it is on his terms. He might come back in gingerly like he did being nice. He's checking to see what you are up for or if you will get annoyed with him again or not answer. He's trying to temper your expectations with that text by telling you about his absence. That could be a good thing or it could just be blah blah blah, lip service. Roll with it in a a detached sort of way and see what he does next.

[Amalyn]

He just texted me “hope you are enjoying your day off (kissy emoji).

 

I think at this point you need to relax and just enjoy the moment you are in. He's obviously interested in some way. You have to decide if you what you want though. Stop flip flopping back and forth.